need advise
mjtaylor87
Posts: 242 Member
I am very happily married to my best friend. we will celebrate our 2 year wedding anniversary at the end of this month and have been together for 6 years. I have no doubt in my mind about him.
A couple of months ago i reconnected with an old friend. we were not actually a couple as much as just friends who would help scratch an itch, if you know what I mean. We were very good friends and felt very strongly for each other but never really worked out together. We recontacted on facebook because him and his wife were having some very big issues and they are the type of couple that air all their dirty laundry on facebook. SO i reached out so see if he needed some one to talk to.
I did this because when we first met and became friends i was married to my ex husband. No i did not cheat on my ex husband. My ex was verbally and mentally abusive and i feared things were about to take a turn to physically abusive. This friend noticed all of the signs of an abusive relationship and helped me to see that i deserved so much more and should be treated better. He was there for me through the whole thing. So when i saw they were having issues i stepped up to be the friend he was to me.
Over the last few months we have had off and on contact. Mostly when either his wife does something to make him mad or my husband does something to make me mad. We lean on each other a little because in both of our lives almost all of our friends are family and we find it is easier and safer to get these things off our chest and talk about things to some one that does not know our significant other.
The last two weeks have been hard on them and it seems that they are going to officially split up. Now we have both admitted that we will always have feelings for each other and he has said on countless occasions that if me and my husband ever split that he would leave his wife for me. I have no intention of ever being with him and i tell him that every time. My husband knows all about him and i always make sure to let him know when i have talked to him so he never feels like i am hiding anything.
He wants to meet with me. We have not been in the same room for about 6 years. I almost feel weird about it. he said it will just be eating and catching up. I fully intend to talk to my husband about it first to make sure he feels ok about it. I guess im just wanting some ones opinion on the situation. Im still uneasy about it and cant really pin point why.
A couple of months ago i reconnected with an old friend. we were not actually a couple as much as just friends who would help scratch an itch, if you know what I mean. We were very good friends and felt very strongly for each other but never really worked out together. We recontacted on facebook because him and his wife were having some very big issues and they are the type of couple that air all their dirty laundry on facebook. SO i reached out so see if he needed some one to talk to.
I did this because when we first met and became friends i was married to my ex husband. No i did not cheat on my ex husband. My ex was verbally and mentally abusive and i feared things were about to take a turn to physically abusive. This friend noticed all of the signs of an abusive relationship and helped me to see that i deserved so much more and should be treated better. He was there for me through the whole thing. So when i saw they were having issues i stepped up to be the friend he was to me.
Over the last few months we have had off and on contact. Mostly when either his wife does something to make him mad or my husband does something to make me mad. We lean on each other a little because in both of our lives almost all of our friends are family and we find it is easier and safer to get these things off our chest and talk about things to some one that does not know our significant other.
The last two weeks have been hard on them and it seems that they are going to officially split up. Now we have both admitted that we will always have feelings for each other and he has said on countless occasions that if me and my husband ever split that he would leave his wife for me. I have no intention of ever being with him and i tell him that every time. My husband knows all about him and i always make sure to let him know when i have talked to him so he never feels like i am hiding anything.
He wants to meet with me. We have not been in the same room for about 6 years. I almost feel weird about it. he said it will just be eating and catching up. I fully intend to talk to my husband about it first to make sure he feels ok about it. I guess im just wanting some ones opinion on the situation. Im still uneasy about it and cant really pin point why.
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Replies
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It's as simple as it can be.... he wants you to cheat on your husband and he's made his intentions clear. You're already in an emotional grey area with him and if you're as happily married as you say you are, this wouldn't be a question to ask anyone. You like the attention.10
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_Deadman_Walking_ wrote: »It's as simple as it can be.... he wants you to cheat on your husband and he's made his intentions clear. You're already in an emotional grey area with him and if you're as happily married as you say you are, this wouldn't be a question to ask anyone. You like the attention.
Definitely this!2 -
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Ask yourself, would you be okay with your husband going and seeing his old flame Tiffany?5
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Caporegiem wrote: »Ask yourself, would you be okay with your husband going and seeing his old flame Tiffany?
Who is TIffany? and actually yes. because i know he wouldnt do any thing.0 -
senior_citizen wrote: »You have a solemn duty to fulfil your marriage vows. Do not sin against God and your husband. Cut all ties with this man and focus on your life.
Your sky wizard has nothing to do with it.
Talk to your husband. But I agree with others that you're treading a slippery slope.
very well put and i am leaning toward not going at this point0 -
mjtaylor87 wrote: »Caporegiem wrote: »Ask yourself, would you be okay with your husband going and seeing his old flame Tiffany?
Who is TIffany? and actually yes. because i know he wouldnt do any thing.
Everyone has an old flamed named Tiffany, and if they dont there's always a Tiffany out there looking for a new flame.1 -
Caporegiem wrote: »mjtaylor87 wrote: »Caporegiem wrote: »Ask yourself, would you be okay with your husband going and seeing his old flame Tiffany?
Who is TIffany? and actually yes. because i know he wouldnt do any thing.
Everyone has an old flamed named Tiffany, and if they dont there's always a Tiffany out there looking for a new flame.
lol thats good. Ill have to remember that one. but i dont think he did .0 -
Your husband will be okay with this until he isn't. You and your old friend have feelings and will only be friends until you are something else. I think you are on a path that could get very complicated and rough. Not going to tell you what to do but it is time for you to decide what is important and has meaning in your life.0
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I had a not similar thing come up with a woman with whom I had attended high school 39 years ago. We had never had a relationship of any kind. Her life has turned out well and she lives on a productive ranch out in the big country of Texas. On facebook, she friended me a couple of years ago, caught me up on her family and farm animals, and invited my wife and I to vacation with her family at their ranch.
I tossed the question to my wife and let her decide. I've received neither a "yes" nor a "no", and it's been about two years and I don't really care one way or the other.
My advice is that you let your husband decide.0 -
You say yourself you feel weird about going... that's your answer...2
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Ask your husband what his opinion on it is.3
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OutOfUserName wrote: »why even ask here when you feel its wrong? i know why! youre bored with your marriage and want some excitement with no intentions of going through with it,
actually no im not bored with my marriage at all. and there is no reason to judge. if you dont like it dont comment
I love my husband and have no intention of ever "being" with this guy even if something ever happened between me and my husband.
Not looking for arguments just looking for constructive criticism.1 -
TheRoadDog wrote: »Ask your husband what his opinion on it is.
I agree and fully plan to do when he gets home. if he is not comfortable with it i will for sure not go.
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mjtaylor87 wrote: »I am very happily married to my best friend. we will celebrate our 2 year wedding anniversary at the end of this month and have been together for 6 years. I have no doubt in my mind about him.
A couple of months ago i reconnected with an old friend. we were not actually a couple as much as just friends who would help scratch an itch, if you know what I mean. We were very good friends and felt very strongly for each other but never really worked out together. We recontacted on facebook because him and his wife were having some very big issues and they are the type of couple that air all their dirty laundry on facebook. SO i reached out so see if he needed some one to talk to.
I did this because when we first met and became friends i was married to my ex husband. No i did not cheat on my ex husband. My ex was verbally and mentally abusive and i feared things were about to take a turn to physically abusive. This friend noticed all of the signs of an abusive relationship and helped me to see that i deserved so much more and should be treated better. He was there for me through the whole thing. So when i saw they were having issues i stepped up to be the friend he was to me.
Over the last few months we have had off and on contact. Mostly when either his wife does something to make him mad or my husband does something to make me mad. We lean on each other a little because in both of our lives almost all of our friends are family and we find it is easier and safer to get these things off our chest and talk about things to some one that does not know our significant other.
The last two weeks have been hard on them and it seems that they are going to officially split up. Now we have both admitted that we will always have feelings for each other and he has said on countless occasions that if me and my husband ever split that he would leave his wife for me. I have no intention of ever being with him and i tell him that every time. My husband knows all about him and i always make sure to let him know when i have talked to him so he never feels like i am hiding anything.
He wants to meet with me. We have not been in the same room for about 6 years. I almost feel weird about it. he said it will just be eating and catching up. I fully intend to talk to my husband about it first to make sure he feels ok about it. I guess im just wanting some ones opinion on the situation. Im still uneasy about it and cant really pin point why.
I'll be blunt, you're on the path to self destruction here. You can make up as many excuses as you please but deep down you already know this is bad business and to even entertain the thought of meeting him is walking right into the fire. You think just because your husband is aware, it's ok you're being honest and doing nothing wrong BUT what your hubby doesn't know, b/c you are in denial is that you have feelings for this guy and they are growing stronger and that's why you have a sick feeling. My biggest, biggest advice to you is not to disrespect your marriage by talking to someone who you're attracted to about your martial issues, that's what therapy is for. You will eventually form or strengthen the bond with this friend and distance yourself from your husband, there's also a term for this, emotional affair/cheating. If you are truely friends, there is no debt to pay, you don't owe him anything. Talk ok but when the conversation started to cross the line, you should have immediately cut it off. You're sacrificing your hubby, marriage for this guy, is it worth it? Sorry if I'm being blunt but it's the truth and if you can't see it, you are going to sabatoge your marriage and live with regret for many years to come. Also, the grass is not greener on the other side because you're already there.6 -
JeromeBarry1 wrote: »I had a not similar thing come up with a woman with whom I had attended high school 39 years ago. We had never had a relationship of any kind. Her life has turned out well and she lives on a productive ranch out in the big country of Texas. On facebook, she friended me a couple of years ago, caught me up on her family and farm animals, and invited my wife and I to vacation with her family at their ranch.
I tossed the question to my wife and let her decide. I've received neither a "yes" nor a "no", and it's been about two years and I don't really care one way or the other.
My advice is that you let your husband decide.
Thank you I agree with that. Where as i do miss my friend i do not need to see him. We can still be friends from a far. but if my husband is comfortable with me going i would like to see him again. i would love for my husband to come with me but as we are on very odd shifts that is not a likely thing to happen
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tomorrowistoday0000 wrote: »mjtaylor87 wrote: »I am very happily married to my best friend. we will celebrate our 2 year wedding anniversary at the end of this month and have been together for 6 years. I have no doubt in my mind about him.
A couple of months ago i reconnected with an old friend. we were not actually a couple as much as just friends who would help scratch an itch, if you know what I mean. We were very good friends and felt very strongly for each other but never really worked out together. We recontacted on facebook because him and his wife were having some very big issues and they are the type of couple that air all their dirty laundry on facebook. SO i reached out so see if he needed some one to talk to.
I did this because when we first met and became friends i was married to my ex husband. No i did not cheat on my ex husband. My ex was verbally and mentally abusive and i feared things were about to take a turn to physically abusive. This friend noticed all of the signs of an abusive relationship and helped me to see that i deserved so much more and should be treated better. He was there for me through the whole thing. So when i saw they were having issues i stepped up to be the friend he was to me.
Over the last few months we have had off and on contact. Mostly when either his wife does something to make him mad or my husband does something to make me mad. We lean on each other a little because in both of our lives almost all of our friends are family and we find it is easier and safer to get these things off our chest and talk about things to some one that does not know our significant other.
The last two weeks have been hard on them and it seems that they are going to officially split up. Now we have both admitted that we will always have feelings for each other and he has said on countless occasions that if me and my husband ever split that he would leave his wife for me. I have no intention of ever being with him and i tell him that every time. My husband knows all about him and i always make sure to let him know when i have talked to him so he never feels like i am hiding anything.
He wants to meet with me. We have not been in the same room for about 6 years. I almost feel weird about it. he said it will just be eating and catching up. I fully intend to talk to my husband about it first to make sure he feels ok about it. I guess im just wanting some ones opinion on the situation. Im still uneasy about it and cant really pin point why.
I'll be blunt, you're on the path to self destruction here. You can make up as many excuses as you please but deep down you already know this is bad business and to even entertain the thought of meeting him is walking right into the fire. You think just because your husband is aware, it's ok you're being honest and doing nothing wrong BUT what your hubby doesn't know, b/c you are in denial is that you have feelings for this guy and they are growing stronger and that's why you have a sick feeling. My biggest, biggest advice to you is not to disrespect your marriage by talking to someone who you're attracted to about your martial issues, that's what therapy is for. You will eventually form or strengthen the bond with this friend and distance yourself from your husband, there's also a term for this, emotional affair/cheating. If you are truely friends, there is no debt to pay, you don't owe him anything. Talk ok but when the conversation started to cross the line, you should have immediately cut it off. You're sacrificing your hubby, marriage for this guy, is it worth it? Sorry if I'm being blunt but it's the truth and if you can't see it, you are going to sabatoge your marriage and live with regret for many years to come. Also, the grass is not greener on the other side because you're already there.
Thank you for your honesty. 0 -
mjtaylor87 wrote: »I am very happily married to my best friend. we will celebrate our 2 year wedding anniversary at the end of this month and have been together for 6 years. I have no doubt in my mind about him.
Then don't make him have doubts in his mind about you.4 -
_dracarys_ wrote: »mjtaylor87 wrote: »I am very happily married to my best friend. we will celebrate our 2 year wedding anniversary at the end of this month and have been together for 6 years. I have no doubt in my mind about him.
Then don't make him have doubts in his mind about you.
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_dracarys_ wrote: »mjtaylor87 wrote: »I am very happily married to my best friend. we will celebrate our 2 year wedding anniversary at the end of this month and have been together for 6 years. I have no doubt in my mind about him.
Then don't make him have doubts in his mind about you.
An absolute good point here! You have no idea what's going through your hubby's head, he's going to start having doubts and you'll never even know. You can strengthen your marriage by putting it first and cutting the ties or create chaos by continuing on this path. Which ever you chose, own it completely. Best of luck to you hun, you're going to need it.0 -
Nope, nah, abort mission. It would be one thing if you guys no longer had that tension between each other but one of you is probably willing to cross a line and that'll make life a lot harder than it need to be5
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Sure, meet him. But take your husband with you. Otherwise, h-e-l-l no!4
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..... just getting together for a quick bite to eat?
did he suggest this cozy diner ?
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senior_citizen wrote: »You have a solemn duty to fulfil your marriage vows. Do not sin against God and your husband. Cut all ties with this man and focus on your life.
Someday i'll figure you out @senior_citizen , ive narrowed it down to actually the old guy in the picture or a young guy pretending to be the old guy in the picture0 -
Honestly you are going to do what you want, but if you actually have no interest in adultry then talk to your husband about the situation, see where his line of cofortability is with this ex and then invite him to dinner with the two of you. If you have any alteriour motives outside of best buds, then bail on your hubby and shack up with the ex. Nobody deserves to be cheated on1
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Caporegiem wrote: »Ask yourself, would you be okay with your husband going and seeing his old flame Tiffany?
Tiffany is trouble. I went to middle school with her and she was skanky even THEN!3 -
no_no_notorious wrote: »Caporegiem wrote: »Ask yourself, would you be okay with your husband going and seeing his old flame Tiffany?
Tiffany is trouble. I went to middle school with her and she was skanky even THEN!
See OP, everyone knows Tiffany.3 -
no_no_notorious wrote: »Caporegiem wrote: »Ask yourself, would you be okay with your husband going and seeing his old flame Tiffany?
Tiffany is trouble. I went to middle school with her and she was skanky even THEN!
Tiffany?
I dunno.... I liked her
.... for about 20 minutes0 -
This is a problem that you are even entertaining this. You need to reevaluate your marriage and what exactly this man is potentially fulfilling for you, then focus on getting that from your marriage. It may seem cold to cut him off, but it is for the health of your marriage. He needs to go to counseling and leave you alone. These are the sticky, grey situations that many people find themselves in that lead to complete madness, sadness, and pain.
I recommend reading "The Five Love Languages". It is an older book, but relevant to anyone married. I think everyone needs to spend time thinking about what is written in this book and find out what they want from their spouse. It is an easy read.
Delete him from your FB friends.7
This discussion has been closed.
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