Gym stalkers?

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buffalogal42
buffalogal42 Posts: 374 Member
in Fitness and Exercise
Lol, ok that is too strong a term. But I have an older lady at the gym who seems to have latched on to me. I have seen her there over the past couple years but a couple months ago she introduced herself to me when the gym was quiet and said she had been "too scared to talk to me." I am very friendly at the gym so I chatted a bit and started making sure I said "hi" or "have a nice workout" when I saw her. A few times she cornered me and rattled off every single thing about her life, family drama, medical problems, etc. I always try to gently exit by saying I had to get to class or I was done and had somewhere to be.

Fast forward a couple months and she changed her schedule to work out when I am there (she told me as much) so she could chat with me. She seems to be watching my husband and me and corners me to comment on our workouts, outfits, progress, etc. (She picks the cardio machine right outside the locker area so there is no avoiding passing her if heading back that way). And today she told me the best part of her day was when she got to the gym and saw I was there working out.

She is nice (and clearly a little lonely) and I am trying to be polite but some days I am a little creeped out. I am totally not a conflict person ... and I hate hurting people's feelings. Should I just suck it up and devote 10 minutes to talking to her each day (she works out like a beast and has made a huge transformation - she told me she was "trying to keep up with me")? Or does anyone have any graceful suggestions for me to extricate myself? ;-)
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Replies

  • JustRobby1
    JustRobby1 Posts: 674 Member
    edited July 2017
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    I think all of us who frequent the gym have ran into a similar archetype before. I know I sure as hell have. Bear in mind that many people who are gym rats are that way because they have literally nothing else going for them in their lives so they latch on to the one thing that they aspire towards or are successful at. Some of the most socially awkward cats I have ran across in my entire life have been fellow gym rats.

    While most of the people are fairly harmless, just with the personality traits of 13 year old ADD patient, the situation you describe does seem to rise to the category of "certified creeper" or perhaps even sociopath. Depending on where you work out, you might think about bringing this up to one of the staff members or trainers. I can guarantee you they have dealt with people like this before. If it is that alarming they might inform law enforcement. Another option would be just to throw being subtle out the window and just express to this freak show that you find the behavior unwelcome. You can also just say screw it and go to a different gym I suppose. In any event, I hope you get this issue resolved. Being at the gym is my "happy time" and it would p*ss me off to no end to have it infringed upon.
  • buffalogal42
    buffalogal42 Posts: 374 Member
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    Changing gyms isn't an option ... this is the nicest one in a town with few choices. And I really think she doesn't know how creepy she comes off sometimes. She is very religious (as she has told me several times). She also does some part-time maintenance work at the gym so I am not sure going to management would help. Ugh ... guess I just have to put on my big girl pants and tell her that my gym time is limited and I need to focus. Or maybe I just buy giant headphones and smile and wave and pretend I can't hear her!
  • canadianlbs
    canadianlbs Posts: 5,199 Member
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    buffalogal42 wrote: »
    guess I just have to put on my big girl pants and tell her that my gym time is limited and I need to focus.

    i would do this. but then i'm the kind of person where that kind of thing gets to me so much that sooner or later i'm guaranteed to snap. it's a really bad idea for me to say things like 'it's only x minutes out of my day' to myself, because i grow less grownup and graceful the longer i try to make myself swallow that.

    you're totally allowed to wear big girl panties, c'mon. i mean, if you're old enough to have a husband you're old enough to be entitled and able to speak up for your space. and old enough for the onus to be on her to suck it up and just deal if she doesn't like it.

  • buffalogal42
    buffalogal42 Posts: 374 Member
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    tg16nullity wrote: »
    buffalogal42 wrote: »
    She is very religious (as she has told me several times)... maybe I just buy giant headphones and smile and wave and pretend I can't hear her!

    Headphones are one thing you could buy, but there might be another way to go about it. Perhaps buy some new workout attire?

    6733-heathered_black-z1-t-lunges-for-lucifer.png

    (meant to be funny... no offense to anyone I hope.)

    Edit: @SonyaCele offers much better advice!

    OMG this is awesome! Lol - actually, last week I was wearing my Nike "Equality" shirt and I actually had a thought about how she might react (knowing she is very religious).
  • canadianlbs
    canadianlbs Posts: 5,199 Member
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    SonyaCele wrote: »
    We don't know everyone's back stories, and sometimes a few minutes of our time make a difference in someones life.

    i would agree with this IF the person in question seemed capable of understanding boundaries and observing them on their own. but this woman sure doesn't. she sounds more like the type who needs exactly the opposite kind of treatment, to me.
  • SonyaCele
    SonyaCele Posts: 2,841 Member
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    canadianlbs wrote: »
    SonyaCele wrote: »
    We don't know everyone's back stories, and sometimes a few minutes of our time make a difference in someones life.

    i would agree with this IF the person in question seemed capable of understanding boundaries and observing them on their own. but this woman sure doesn't. she sounds more like the type who needs exactly the opposite kind of treatment, to me.

    it sounds to me like the OP has been friendly with her and probably given her the impression that she's a kind approachable person, and i get the feeling the OP is kind because she's having this dilemma, and she'd probably be upset with herself if she crushed this woman by pushing away after being friendly with her.
  • buffalogal42
    buffalogal42 Posts: 374 Member
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    SonyaCele wrote: »
    canadianlbs wrote: »
    SonyaCele wrote: »
    We don't know everyone's back stories, and sometimes a few minutes of our time make a difference in someones life.

    i would agree with this IF the person in question seemed capable of understanding boundaries and observing them on their own. but this woman sure doesn't. she sounds more like the type who needs exactly the opposite kind of treatment, to me.

    it sounds to me like the OP has been friendly with her and probably given her the impression that she's a kind approachable person, and i get the feeling the OP is kind because she's having this dilemma, and she'd probably be upset with herself if she crushed this woman by pushing away after being friendly with her.

    I want to be liked so I always try to be friendly if approached but I hate social interaction so I never initiate it. I don't ever want to hurt someone's feelings ... my hubby says I let myself be taken advantage of which is probably true!
  • bbell1985
    bbell1985 Posts: 4,572 Member
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    That's a bit much. I would let her know you have limited time in the gym and cut the conversation short.
  • Okiludy
    Okiludy Posts: 558 Member
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    put-your-damn-weights-back-bodybuilding-gym-t-shirt-black.jpg

    Whole bunch of "Lift Angry" shirts out there. I just use headphones. People don't socialise at the gym I go to. It's kind of known as the meathead gym on island. I love it because I kind of am that typical focused/slightly angry lifter.

  • deputy_randolph
    deputy_randolph Posts: 940 Member
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    There's a lady that I'm friendly with at the gym who will talk your ear off.

    If I have the time to talk, I will. If I have to get a few things done first, I say, "I've got to squat today...let me get this done first...then I want hear all of the gossip."

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