Depression
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I've read these posts a few times and each time type something out, just to delete it later. Gere goes!
I can totally relate to your problems. I am bi-polar and have been in what I call the 'depressive end' of it for a good few years now (maybe 3-4) having tried a couple different medications in between and not finding much relief for the agonizing lows that I feel. I started losing weight in January, but started re-logging on MFP about February sometime I think it was. I'm down overall 30-33ish lbs since January 2017 which feels great. I really hoped my mood would have 'picked up' and plus exercising too (long walks, bike rides, some lifting) but the BLAHS and crappy feelings are STILL there and just feel worse each day. I keep waiting for my newest med (since Jan.) to 'do something' to 'kick in' but I still feel like chit. Worse, it's bringing out anxiety I didn't necessarily have before so that makes everything feel more intense I suppose. I see my Dr. next week btw, will address the med issues.
Sometimes depression, mental illness, etc. it just feels very lonely. I often find myself feeling like I am walking a long dark hallway reaching out for light switches and I can't find any. I also find it very frustrating. I just say "Be happy! Why can't you be happy?!" I wake up trying to be positive but everything always feels crappy and it's exhausting to feel like chit 24/7. Between my diet (not on a diet, but my 'journey' I guess) and bi-polar/depression I feel like each day, all day, everyday, I am white-knuckling it through. Telling myself "Just get through the day". That is a crappy way to live and I get angry then, especially when I see happy people with great lives and minimal problems and my life/emotions feel so crazy at times. I just want to, for once, feel normal and happy. No stress, no crazy mood swings, no sadness, no lows, no feelings of being gutted by something or someone, just be happy. Like "hey, today was not great but you are so that's good" but no I always go "Today sucks and so do you!". I'm very bad at negative self talk. It's almost easier to just be miserable, at least you know what to expect.
I was in Therapy this time last year but quit going right before January. I've thought about going back. I know it would be helpful, it just takes lots of emotions and work and sometimes that's hard but I realize I don't think I can do all this alone. I will (likely) always need some form of meds, trying to find the right ones that's the kicker!
So I'm totally rambling now, my apologies. Just wanted to say I understand and hope things look up for you here soon. Take care.
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This is a great thread you've started.
The beating up on the internet as a cesspool of trolls is a popular thing. People taking their time, reaching out, willing to share their own often painful experiences, trying to lift a total stranger who's in trouble, that never gets a mention.
To OP. I think you need a new screen name.
Thank you. There are so many threads on here devoted to physical fitness, but I rarely see any regarding mental and emotional wellbeing.
A global multi-billion £/$ 'diet' industry didn't build up and wouldn't survive if they offered a genine solution.... they work on hope...
For me the one big change 'this time' around the fun world of weight yo-yo was that first and foremost i took my mental being / state / challenge as the primary battleground.
Things like Slimming World/Weight Watchers offer a method for CICO or whatever - and yes ... maybe you'll make some friends and feel part of it in the groups .... but you're not addressing the 'why' bit of how you became the way you are... and nor would they ...
Weight, despite being a growing problem (pun not intended), has very little true professional medical support.
Last 2 times i went to my doctor to discuss weight i was offered:
1. To come in to see the nurse weekly to 'just get weighed' ... thanks can do that at home and don't need a disinterested person doing it for me
2. Googled and Printed off sheet of a 'diet' that 'might' help me - disregarding the fundamental issue i had around WHAT i can / can't eat
3. Saying the only medical help they'd offer if i wanted was a presciption of xenecal - no thanks - i have enough struggles with food and the resulting issues around digestion without making it more complex.
4. Didn't want to understand/entertain any idea around helping me until i'd tried their solutions (2&3 above)
The counselling offer came when i directly asked for a referral ... then i completed the pre-referal questionaire (about feelings/symptoms) - i got a call almost immediately as they were genuinely concerned i was 'at risk of harm' - that was a wake up
But i feel the therapy is just dancing around issues and isn't really reavling / resolving anything - i don't feel today any more under control or less lost than i did 6 months ago.
It's hard to know what to do when you just feel like you're in a big black maze and you have no idea which path to take and can't see signs of light in any direction.0 -
highlightshadow wrote: »I have a number of mental health 'issues' and I know this will sound like total hippy crap BUT mindfulness and meditation helps me so much Headspace is a cool app to get started with
My therapist has encouraged me to do the same but i struggle with consistency and end up feeling bad for not doing it
I totally get that...I did the same
I set an alarm on my phone and make time every day...3 weeks to make a habit
An alarm! Thank you, I have the same problem with finding time to meditate.
We all have the time, even if it's 5 minutes I just need to remind myself that I do have the time lol
I find mindfulness so difficult as my head is swimming with all kinds of thoughts all the time.
Mine is like white noise... So busy. If you can get into though it helps. 5 minutes of peace which is a rare thing
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I've been taking fluoxetine since it was a new drug in the early 1990s. Also Welbutrin for over a decade. I also do light therapy in the winter and have done lots of talk therapy over the years. Clinical depression runs through my family like breast cancer runs through some others. The traditional family way of dealing with it has been a combination of denial and self-medicating with booze. Tried that in my younger years. It doesn't work.
I have a good friend who refers to me as the happiest depressed person she ever met. She's right in some ways because I work at controlling it and treat the sucker -- and have for 30+ years. It's a chronic disease for some of us. If you have it, you have two choices: work at treating it so you can have the best outcome possible or denial, self-abusive behaviors, and more severe depression.
Choosing treatment is not easy. I fought it for years. Some people are so debilitated by depression they can't get it in hand. It takes going through lots of counselors and a variety of drugs over the years but I would never go back.2 -
I take Celexa and Wellbutrin, which help. have pretty bad self esteem, adhd, and social anxiety. The exercising is helping me feel a lite better about myself. Stay strong and keep working at it.1
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Are there any fellow MPFers who suffer from depression on here? I've just been put back on fluoxetine and struggle with low self-esteem. My lifting and fitness routine help greatly in terms of endorphin release etc. but I still have trouble transferring the benefits of a better body to the mind, so to speak.
Just want to say I hope one day you can see yourself as the awesome, amazing, kind, caring friend I know you as.
You all are so brave and awesome. 2 -
My family states I have been more even keel since I got off of high carbs in 2014. I just started taking 5mg of a supplement called lithium orotate from Amazon for better cellular longevity but some say it helps with depression, etc without the side effects of the Rx medicine called Lithium. When I cut out sugar and all forms of grains in 2014 in about 30 days my joint and muscle pain dropped like a rock so naturally going from years of pain levels of 7-8 then dropping to 2-3 in the first 30 days helped my state of mind.
Best of success in whatever approach you take to gaining better health. Different things works for different people.0 -
David Burns, MD, "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" (about $5 on amazon)0
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I'm so grateful for this thread, to see we're not alone. I'm what I think is called "high-functioning depressive" -- I'm on medication to keep me from feeling like I want to cry all the time, and in work/social situations I'm high energy and positive so no-one knows... but every other moment I shut off, completely retreat into myself and use food as my other "medication".
I've had some serious life challenges over the past few years that, combined with my anxiety/depression, have had me turning to food more and more. 3 years ago I left a successful career for what I thought was my dream job... A few days in, I realized my new boss was a malignant narcissist (I don't use that term lightly) who tears down everyone around him in order to build himself up. I've never seen anything like it, it was exhausting... and I gained 30 pounds in those 3 years because because I was constantly depressed, there's only so much the meds can do in a situation like that, and decadent food was my way of treating myself after every awful workday. The moment I switched jobs again, and was with a boss and co-workers who I LOVE now, the weight started to drop... until I discovered that the old company is trying not to pay me the past due wages I'm owed (we're talking tens of thousands of dollars, and I may need to sell my house if they don't pay me). The scale started to go off the charts again.
So here i am on MFP. I need to see if I need to switch up my medication... but in the meantime I need to be eating cleaner foods, and exercising, while the world around me tries to stomp me down.3 -
Just over a week into taking Fluoxetine, I've noticed that I'm waking up in the night a lot more all of a sudden. Has anybody else experienced this?1
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"It's hard to know what to do when you just feel like you're in a big black maze and you have no idea which path to take and can't see signs of light in any direction."
Yes. So much this. Plus a complete lack of motivation or hope.
I know I should do something, anything, but the only thing I want to do is go back to bed.
Then I can't sleep, or I sleep 14 hours a day.
Not hungry, nothing tastes good so why eat? So why can't I lose weight?2 -
This IS a great thread! After my 21-year marriage ended in 2013, I went through 2 other romantic relationships, and both ended. Much of that was due to my anxiety and depression, I believe - the way that I act (clingy, needing external validation, etc.) when I'm anxious has GOT to be a burden for whomever I'm with. At any rate, I've gone on Lexapro again and I'm seeing a therapist (count me among the group that goes off meds when I'm doing well). I think both are helping a good bit. I'm out of bed every day, and I don't cry daily, as I did before. I'd really like to be able to have healthy self-esteem, but I don't. I'm hoping the therapist will be able to help me with that some.
Thank you, KatyDougherty, for sharing your progress - that you've realized you're perfectly fine without a man. :-) I'm working on getting to that place.
Dana1 -
Just over a week into taking Fluoxetine, I've noticed that I'm waking up in the night a lot more all of a sudden. Has anybody else experienced this?
I've never been on Fluoxetine but these Meds we take can have some shady side effects They can affect your sleep pattern for sure.... They take a few weeks to get to work on upping your happy hormones so please try and stick with them... Remember, you will be able to make it yourself one day 0 -
Grr...MFP just ate my whole story!
WARNING: long story with potentially divisive content ahead
I fought situational depression, triggered by a bad medical report, for just under five years. After a couple of years of crying it out, trying to brighten my life with sunlight and journaling, I had an epiphany with the help of my best friend. She taught me that my faith would be what pulled me out of the darkness as we prayed and studied Scripture and inspirational stories together. Later, she would invite me to a prayer and mentoring group whose leader understands depression. That person would prophesy over my life that one of my deepest prayers would be answered in a new way. The next day, I was in the bathroom, of all places, and saw the below notice/sign in my spirit (It's sloppily drawn because I was so excited at the time.). The "new way" happened in that the gray clouds that hung over my life for so long parted before my eyes instead of requiring traditional medicine and therapy.
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I have been on a bunch of different meds but I am finally on one I really like that also doesn't make me feel like it makes me gain weight. I am on Trintellix. My thing is that if I can force myself to get up and get to the gym, then I am good. The initial push is always the hardest. I forced myself to go to the gym practically every day for 21 days to build a habit. When I go to the gym I find that I will naturally want to eat better, and when I eat better my mood improves. Also, I HAVE to get sleep in. If I don't sleep that hardcore bogs me down. So I have become slightly less fun with my friends in the evenings because I leave early to sleep but ehhh oh well.2
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I suffer with depression / anxiety/ panic disorder. I take Celexa and Xanax. It does help if I can just force myself to work out. The first 10 or 15 mins of working out is difficult but after that it is like my anxiety just goes away for a while.0
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It is wonderful what a moving body can do to get my mind into a better state. That first effort to start moving can be real. This is why people with animals that have to be let out daily seem to live longer I guess.1
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I've struggled with depression the majority of my life (as well as with my weight), I'm currently on a cocktail of meds (wellbutrin, abilify, and topamax) and just this week started fluoxetine for "intrusive thoughts."1
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I also deal with mental health issues of major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder with a generous side of panic attacks, and post-traumatic stress disorder. I am on Lexapro, Wellbutrin, and take anti-anxiety medications as needed. I am also involved in cognitive-behavioral talk therapy.
One thing that helps me quite a bit is not only keeping the food log, but a diary entry as well. It is important to look at the whole person and not just the physical side of things. I have learned a lot about myself on here and encourage everyone to take their whole selves into account.1 -
Are there any fellow MPFers who suffer from depression on here? I've just been put back on fluoxetine and struggle with low self-esteem. My lifting and fitness routine help greatly in terms of endorphin release etc. but I still have trouble transferring the benefits of a better body to the mind, so to speak.
How is Prozac? Any bad side effects?0 -
I have struggled with severe depression and anxiety most of my life. I'm also Borderline and have had a serious suicide attempt. Meds obviously help me but right now I only take Xanax but am back in therapy. EMDR has helped me process through a lot of my childhood abuse and trauma in other forms. Also, CBT helps me a lot. If you can find a couple of close supporting friends that you can talk with, that may help also. It's not easy for us and we've got to be here for another. If you ever want to talk send me a pm.1
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I have suffered mental health issues for over 13 years now and have been diagnosed with dysthymia and OCPD. In addition to this, I am being tested for aspergers (still a better diagnosis than the original one I had for 10 years - bipolar disorder). I am not currently on any medication as my psychiatrist won't prescribe anything while I undergo testing but have previously tried 10 different medications and still struggle daily to some degree.
Trying to take care of yourself whilst you're not mentally 100% is the hardest thing. You're doing well to even be exercising!1 -
Are there any fellow MPFers who suffer from depression on here? I've just been put back on fluoxetine and struggle with low self-esteem. My lifting and fitness routine help greatly in terms of endorphin release etc. but I still have trouble transferring the benefits of a better body to the mind, so to speak.
How is Prozac? Any bad side effects?
None so far except that I keep waking up several times during the night.1 -
Anyone take or has taken Bupropion XL 150mg? (Wellbutrin generic) I just started this last night. I didn't sleep very good, up at 4am, felt a slight period of being very awake a bit after taking it but then fell asleep, but still up and awake at 4am. Ugh! I guess the 150mg dose is fairly low to start she said and I go back to see her in about 3 weeks so hopefully I'll feel something good by then. I also take Lithium and Latuda but those two alone just weren't doing it entirely. I told her on my last visit that being medicated I 'feel' like I should feel better than this. That if this is the 'good enough' that I get then that's just not enough. I don't expect meds to be a quick fix or cure all but I just need something to take the edge off so to speak. To lift the mood a little, make the lows not so bad. I want to say for example only 2 days this week felt blah not all 7, week after week, month after month etc.
So how's everyone else doing? Well I hope!1 -
@81Katz you said you just started the Bupropion last night - does that mean you took it last night? From my understanding (as a Bupropion user) you're supposed to take it in the morning because of the sleep disruption. Maybe you could try it in the morning next time you take it and see if that helps you sleep. Good luck to you.1
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My PCP/NP said to try the Bupropion at night first but that I could go to days or early afternoons if my sleep was getting interrupted. Honestly, I think the sleep problems stem from the Latuda. My random waking up started with the Latuda. It doesn't happen every night but more so than preferred. I just randomly wake up, feel wide awake, alert, ready to 'go go go' then I eventually crash mid morning or early afternoon and just feel tired and sluggish. It's annoying. I really don't think the Latuda is doing much honestly but I'm toughing it out until my next visit to see if this cocktail will help things improve so to speak.
I have 2-3 labs done a year with the Lithium. Can't recall all they test, but kidney function panel, lithium levels, etc.
Thanks for your replies, I appreciate it!
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Insomnia is finally beginning to subside!3
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Super happy to hear that. Side effects of anti-depressants are super *kitten* but they normally all disappear eventually. I have been on Venlafaxine for a few years now after trying every other one out there...They are good to me 1
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Fish oil tablets x4 a day1
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Bump!3
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