I'm frustrated, tired, and hangry. [rant]

@Geocitiesuser You have posted a lot about wanting to get your body to the point where someone will be attracted to you. The problem with your goal isn't that it's vain (we're all at least a little vain), it's that you are tying an un-shallow goal to a shallow benchmark.

Go sit on a bench at the mall or a park and look at couples holding hands - are they all in great shape? Are they all thin or fit? Have they all achieved the best body they could and NOW they finally attracted someone? Of course not.

You seem to have decided that there is some goal body you need to achieve, before you can lay off your diet and exercise restrictions, before you can attempt to find an SO. But real world examples show plenty of people who have found someone while still working on themselves physically or while not even bothering to work on themselves. It is NOT your physicality that is holding you back, it is your feelings about your physicality. And the unfortunate fact is that changing your body probably won't change your feelings about your body. Just like anorexics who keep telling themselves "If I just lost 10 more lbs, I would be happy" over and over and over again until they are 70 lbs and their body gives out.

I think unfortunately being 100 lbs overweight can keep someone who would otherwise like you from giving a relationship a shot. But being 15 lbs overweight will not in most cases. I think all anyone here is trying to tell you is that you are not going to feel better about yourself in 15 lbs. There will be some other negative voice in your head telling you you still need to lose 5 lbs more, or now you need more muscles, or now you aren't tall enough, or now blah blah blah. Take a break from beating yourself into a particular shape and use the time to deal with that voice instead.

I speak as someone who could probably use some professional help with my confidence and feelings of self worth myself, so I both know of whence I speak and am kind of being a hypocrite at the same time Hang in there and please take care of yourself.

Geocitiesuser wrote: »

What happens when you actually reach your goal weight and goal body fat percentage but the "being treated like a human being worthy of a bit of affection from time to time by someone I'm attracted to" doesn't come with it?

Then I continue grinding in the gym until I find the right person.

What if that doesn't happen?

Then I continue living my life.

A lot of people seem to get bent out of shape if men admit wanting to find a mate as a motivating factor. I don't know why. There are countless threads on the success stories (and on other websites) about how guys suddenly have so much attention they're sick of it after losing weight. Well, I just want a little bit of attention. I really wish it didn't offend a certain segment so much that men want attention, but it does.

Any sort of implication saying it's not my body is unfortunately a jab at me as a person. Unfortunately I disagree with that. My personality and character are great. Certainly no better or worse than anyone else's. So to say that I somehow am not good enough for the opposite sex because of some sort of personality flaw is a bit offensive.

"Hey, this guy made a thread about being hangry and frustrated, he must be a horrible person that no one can get along with!" is really how it comes across to me, whether that is the attention or not.

Actually, I didn't make any sort of assumption about your personality or character. I'm sure they're great. And no, I don't think men wanting to find a mate is so horrible. How is that any different from a woman wanting to be more attractive by getting slimmer? In fact, I don't even know who you're talking about when you say that the idea that men want attention would "offend a certain segment." I certainly don't find that offensive, and don't know anyone who would be offended by that.

I was expressing caution with putting external validation so high on your list of reasons to get to your goal weight. If what you heard is "Hey, this guy made a thread about being hangry and frustrated, he must be a horrible person that no one can get along with!" from my well-meaning post, then I think that might be part of what you're putting out there... but it didn't come from me.

When I said "that might not be the real issue", I certainly didn't mean that the real issue is you must be a horrible person. I meant that oftentimes looking for external validation as a measure of personal worth does not bring about satisfactory results. Even when the external validation comes, it might not bring happiness or satisfaction.

At the risk of sounding cheesy, focus on appreciating yourself and your accomplishments first and then finding someone who reflects that back to you might sort of... fall into place.

But if that also comes across to you like I'm saying "you're not good enough, you must suck as a person," then... all I can say is again, I hope you succeed, and I hope you find what you're looking for when you get there.