Why bother when I just get slated?

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chuckidoodlez
chuckidoodlez Posts: 3
in Health and Weight Loss
Ok,so Im at a family member's this week,so all my healthy living is kinda out the window. But what doesnt help is that the family member makes jibes about my weight. A few examples were today,when they asked was it a maternity top I was wearing,and when I went to get something for them from a friend of theirs they asked did their friend say I was nice and fat?!?!? Dont get me wrong,people DO say Im losing weight and getting my shape back,but this particular family member who I love dearly is just bringing my confidence right down,not only with slagging my weight but also my appearance as a whole. Has anyone else been through this and how do I tackle the family member?
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Replies

  • PalmettoparkGuy
    PalmettoparkGuy Posts: 212 Member
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    F**** them.
  • MMFP68
    MMFP68 Posts: 39 Member
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    First thing: just because you are there doesn't mean your healthy living habits are out the window. No one has a right to impose their unhealthy lifestyle on you, or to pressure you to eat something you would rather avoid. There are subtle ways to protest that sort of bullying, which often does come from people we love very much and who also love us, ironically.

    I think people resist changes in us, even if they are positive ones. If people are used to you being "the fat one" then it conflicts with a mental schema they have about you, and that they have invested energy in whether they meant to or not. You don't have to be what anyone else wants you to be.

    It's so hard to do, but just ignore those hurtful comments and let your revenge be controlling your eating as you see fit, not as someone wishes for you.
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    I am so confused. WHY, exactly, do you love this family member dearly?? Sounds like they are verbally abusive and need punched in the mouth.
  • mialsya
    mialsya Posts: 188 Member
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    I have many family members like that - the entirety of my dad's side of the family, including my dad, to be exact. People like that are toxic. As much as it pains me, I have nothing to do with them anymore. Now, I'm not saying to cut them off, but you need to make a stand for yourself and do what is best for you. Take them aside and tell them that you don't need them being such a d!ck. I had one aunt that would always ask me "did you gain weight?" EVERY time I would see her. I finally asked her to stop. She said she would when I stopped gaining weight. I finally told her that weight can be lost and I can improve myself but being a b!+ch is forever and as a result, she was eternally screwed. Self-advocate. You are so much better than you, or anyone else, think you are. Now show it.
  • christabeltoria
    christabeltoria Posts: 129 Member
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    Good heavens! Can't they see that you have lost 55 lbs. Can't believe they're not giving you a standing ovation. Don't let them get inside your bubble. You always have a cheering section here at MFP. We're here to applaud your efforts, so when people say thoughtless things, just think of our smiling faces. :happy:
  • danibee79
    danibee79 Posts: 144 Member
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    Sounds a bit like they're threatened by your weight loss efforts. They think if they keep putting you down you'll give up and put the weight on again. Please do not let them get the better of you. I'd avoid them for a while and see them again when you've lost another noticeable amount! What can they say then,huh?!

    My Mums a bit like that. When I'm eating healthy or turn extra portions down she says 'why arent you eating? You'll waste away' but if I do give myself a treat she's like 'you're always stuffing your face'. We'll never win with these people.you just have to accept how they are, but just get on with your own thing.

    Good luck :)
  • drog2323
    drog2323 Posts: 1,386 Member
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    i would tell them what you wrote here...that their hurtful comments are impacting your confidence and not really helping you achieve your goals. So it sounds like you are doing a great job and making strides and I would remind them that support would be appreciated.
  • lbgano
    lbgano Posts: 234
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    First thing: just because you are there doesn't mean your healthy living habits are out the window. No one has a right to impose their unhealthy lifestyle on you, or to pressure you to eat something you would rather avoid. There are subtle ways to protest that sort of bullying, which often does come from people we love very much and who also love us, ironically.

    I think people resist changes in us, even if they are positive ones. If people are used to you being "the fat one" then it conflicts with a mental schema they have about you, and that they have invested energy in whether they meant to or not. You don't have to be what anyone else wants you to be.

    It's so hard to do, but just ignore those hurtful comments and let your revenge be controlling your eating as you see fit, not as someone wishes for you.

    This!!!!
  • jesienia
    jesienia Posts: 294
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    I have a family member that no matter how I look, they have to say something negative. It bothered me for a long time and it still upsets me occasionally. Basically the only advice I have is to tell them to piss off and ignore them. It isn't easy, but if they know they can't get to you...normally they stop.
  • _Sally_
    _Sally_ Posts: 514 Member
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    F**** them.

    Yes, definitely this.

    You should not put up with verbal abuse. Family is not exempt from this rule.

    No need to get angry or say anything mean back, just every time they say something like this, say "Ouch" loudly. They will get the point.

    These types of comments should spur you on even more with your health regime. Success is always the best revenge. Don't let anyone or anything get in your way.

    You can do it! You deserve it!
  • MissMandy1010
    MissMandy1010 Posts: 52 Member
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    oh you poor thing. thats rough!!! Family members can be the worst when it comes to this... They don't realize how much their comments hurt, plus they probly struggle with their own personal issues/weight problems and don't handle change very well. But you don't have to stand there and take it. You don't have to let your goals go out the window because you are with them. Stand tall and stick with whatever it is that you are doing to change your lifestyle. At the end of the day, all that matters is how you feel and what makes you happy.
    Have you tried talking with this family member and expressing how their comments make you feel? You are trying to make positive changes in your life and well being, why would anyone frown upon that?? UNfortunately, people do, because they are afraid of changing their lives for the better. Its much easier to stay the same. ANything worth having requires hard work, and not everyone is willing to work hard for the things they want.
    good luck sister, you can do it!! don't let the haters bring you down!!! :-)
  • chuckidoodlez
    chuckidoodlez Posts: 3
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    Thanks everyone. It's my Nan,and I do love her dearly,but her words can cut like a knife. But then my family is pretty reknowned for having sharp tongues lol. xx
  • Genem30
    Genem30 Posts: 431 Member
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    This is why I stopped hanging out with my family.

    Well, not really, I stopped because they're all insane.

    But this would be a good reason too.

    I did visit my grandfather in Georgia about 2 months before he died, and, as he was laid up on a recliner barely able to move, he managed to pipe up with, "Well, ain't you got fat?"

    Well, ain't you got dead?
    I know, I'm going to Hell, probably not for that tho.
  • Ssocrrbabe
    Ssocrrbabe Posts: 51
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    It sounds like this paarticular family member has their OWN self-esteem issues and take it out on you by putting you down to make themselves feel better. Its not written anywhere that just because some one is related to you that you HAVE to love them. Love is earned through mutual respect and support which this person obviously is not doing by verbally putting you down. If you say nothing and do not stand up for yourself it will continue. If you tell them that if they do not stop with the comments then you will not be coming over anymore AND STICK TO YOUR GUNS! They will probably get defensive, but really life is just oo short to have toxic people in your life!!!
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,704 Member
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    Ok,so Im at a family member's this week,so all my healthy living is kinda out the window. But what doesnt help is that the family member makes jibes about my weight. A few examples were today,when they asked was it a maternity top I was wearing,and when I went to get something for them from a friend of theirs they asked did their friend say I was nice and fat?!?!? Dont get me wrong,people DO say Im losing weight and getting my shape back,but this particular family member who I love dearly is just bringing my confidence right down,not only with slagging my weight but also my appearance as a whole. Has anyone else been through this and how do I tackle the family member?
    Okay tough love here. You flat out have to tell them that what they are saying is hurtful and mean. If they joke about it or try to schluff it off, then tell them that it won't be in your best interest to come around anymore till the attitude changes. Most people who think that what they say is just a joke, think that the person taking it is fine with it because there's no retaliation. So give it back to them straight.
  • ritaadkins2002
    ritaadkins2002 Posts: 371 Member
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    this happens alot to me and others. there are people who don't mean relize that what they say is hurting others. U could stay away from this person; but u will have all sorts of different people who acts this way torge u.......and u can't run so i would suggest when they make bad comments just say well.....im doing good with my healthy diet and i have lost weight......then u could say well.....everyone has a opinion and im proud of my self thats all that matters to me. with a smile. or u could talk to this person in private and say hey i have to be honest yur comments are really bothering me , i care about u and the comments are really upseting me. if she or he is a friend they will understand what u are going through.....but if not . u might have to stay as far away as much as possible. hope i didnt step on any toes.
  • angieEyez
    angieEyez Posts: 2 Member
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    Just keep in mind that when people are verbally abusive to you, it’s because they are feeling insecure about themselves. I hate when people make comments and hide behind sarcasm. The best thing for you to do in this situation is to speak out and let them know how their words make you feel. Corny I know, but it works for me.
  • ivansmomma
    ivansmomma Posts: 500
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    And I quote, "I may be overweight, but I am losing weight. There's no fixing ugly!!" Just a thought!
  • zeeeb
    zeeeb Posts: 805 Member
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    yep, if a family member said those things to me i'd tell them to F off, and dont' bother speaking to me unless they are going to say something nice, or normal... simple, that's no way to talk to any human, especially one who it trying to improve their health. he should be supporting you, not having a go.

    then if he ever tries to say that again, sledge him, pick out his biggest fault and tell him, and say something nasty about his fault...

    i done that to my MIL's partner early on in the piece, he had a go at my big *kitten* in front of the tv blockin his view, and i said "well i might be fat, but at least i'm not old and blind"... he didn't like it, but it got my point across, that if he wants to insult me, i can lower my standards and dig nastily at his faults, which he can't even attempt to change at 70 years old. sorry, but if you can give it out, you deserve to get a bit back... Never again did he ever have a go at me about my weight again.
  • sissyda
    sissyda Posts: 3
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    Hey, they are just saying that because they think it will motivate you....when you and I both know it makes us want to give up. You are doing awesome. If you mess up one day, get right back on it the next...if you mess up two days...get right back on it the 3rd day.
    I am overweight too. I was so embarrassed to go to my high school reunion 30 years later, because I was so thin back in the "day"...now I'm an overweight almost 50 year old woman.
    I worried that people would ask me when my baby was due when I went there...but you know what...no one said it. They may have thought it, but didn't say it.
    I've had people ask me that, because unfortunately, that is where I carry a lot of my weight...around the lower belly...and I am not gifted in the chest either! (always wondered why my chest remained the size that I was in high school!) Oh well, you know what....I am overweight, yes, but I am beautiful and so are you. So just remember no matter what anyone says...you are beautiful, and you can choose to not let their rude comments upset you! Take care.

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