New Relationship & Issues With It...

dec056
dec056 Posts: 87 Member
edited November 20 in Chit-Chat
Hello everyone. I've been an on and off member of MFP for awhile and I'm back at it now. I like the community here and enjoy coming here for advice.

I've known this man for about 5 months, and we started officially dating a month ago. I care about him a lot and have invested a lot of time and energy in our developing relationship across the past 5 months.

I have also uncovered some things he has been lying to me about. I found out through a friend of his that he got a DUI - and he had never mentioned it to me. When I asked him about it, he told me the truth. He said that he was planning on telling me, then later backtracked and said he was only going to tell me if I brought it up - so there's another lie.

Yesterday, we were at the gym and he had his phone out. I saw a notification that said "Brad, you have two new..." His name is NOT Brad. I asked him about it, he lied and said it had something to do with a guy from work. I knew he was lying, so I asked him to let me see it and he got defensive and said, "oh come on, you're really doing this right now?" and showed me...and he had another Facebook profile under a fake name. Then he tried to say that I should've known he was joking about it being a guy from work and that he wasn't lying to me. He also said he was going to tell me about the fake profile and that he created it over a year ago to see what his ex was up to.

At this point, I don't know what to do. I hate being lied to. I wanted to get an outside point of view because I'm so angry that I'm not sure if I'm being rational or not.

Thanks guys!!
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Replies

  • patrick_star_trek
    patrick_star_trek Posts: 1,386 Member
    Sounds pretty "fishy".
  • dec056
    dec056 Posts: 87 Member
    patrick_star_trek wrote: »
    Sounds pretty "fishy".

    Thanks Patrick! ;)
  • ashbabe25
    ashbabe25 Posts: 173 Member
    Nope nope, nope. This guy is totally not worth the aggravation he has already caused and will undoubtably cause you in the future.
  • Panda8ach
    Panda8ach Posts: 518 Member
    Eeek it does sound super dodgy to me :( If there is doubt and lies already maybe it's best to walk (or run for calorie burning :)) away now before it gets worse or you get too deep into this. Trust is one of the biggest most important things in a relationship imo and you've already kind of lost that :/ I'm no expert but it sounds unhealthy <3
  • emdeesea
    emdeesea Posts: 1,823 Member
    Don't waste your time with someone you can't even trust. Trust is the bedrock of a relationship.
  • JeepHair77
    JeepHair77 Posts: 1,291 Member
    holy_like_harambe wrote: »
    I mean the DUI things isn't really that big of a deal in my opinion. I mean you asked, he told you the truth. But the fake name/account or whatever is a huge red flag. You should probably just cut your losses and distance yourself. There is no legit reason to have something like that going on. And I know cause I'm a pretty shady guy.

    This is where I am. The fake facebook account is really weird, and I can't think of a non-sketchy reason for it.
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  • cee134
    cee134 Posts: 33,711 Member
    I wouldn't worry until he started posting selfies here on MFP.
  • Ben_there_done_that
    Ben_there_done_that Posts: 732 Member
    holy_like_harambe wrote: »
    Ben_there_done_that wrote: »
    holy_like_harambe wrote: »
    I mean the DUI things isn't really that big of a deal in my opinion. I mean you asked, he told you the truth. But the fake name/account or whatever is a huge red flag. You should probably just cut your losses and distance yourself. There is no legit reason to have something like that going on. And I know cause I'm a pretty shady guy.

    As a fellow shady guy, I agree. But I think it's also worth mentioning that OP seems to be digging up dirt and just looking for reasons to think he's untrustworthy. Probably rightly so, but it seems like the relationship is hurting on trust from both ends now.

    I have always been a firm believer that you should always trust your intuition. I know from previous experience when someone thought I was doing something shady I usually was. Even if the OP is ridiculously insecure and looking for reasons she is obviously finding them.

    At this point the relationship isn't even worth trying to save considering it's only 5 months into it and there is no trust.

    It's really only been one month, officially. That might just not be enough time for him to be convinced that he wants to be exclusive.
  • dbanks80
    dbanks80 Posts: 3,685 Member
    I would end it right away!! If he lies about basic simple stuff like that then no telling what he will lie about. Lying is unacceptable to me and the underlying root to a lot of possible major issues.
  • dec056
    dec056 Posts: 87 Member
    holy_like_harambe wrote: »
    Ben_there_done_that wrote: »
    holy_like_harambe wrote: »
    I mean the DUI things isn't really that big of a deal in my opinion. I mean you asked, he told you the truth. But the fake name/account or whatever is a huge red flag. You should probably just cut your losses and distance yourself. There is no legit reason to have something like that going on. And I know cause I'm a pretty shady guy.

    As a fellow shady guy, I agree. But I think it's also worth mentioning that OP seems to be digging up dirt and just looking for reasons to think he's untrustworthy. Probably rightly so, but it seems like the relationship is hurting on trust from both ends now.

    I have always been a firm believer that you should always trust your intuition. I know from previous experience when someone thought I was doing something shady I usually was. Even if the OP is ridiculously insecure and looking for reasons she is obviously finding them.

    At this point the relationship isn't even worth trying to save considering it's only 5 months into it and there is no trust.

    I had my suspicions based on how he was acting that "something" was up, and I guess I found out what it was finally. I can see, though, how it comes across as me just trying to find reasons not to trust him. I am not the most trusting person and I told him that it would take some time for me to truly trust him and it seems like he has done nothing but given me reasons not to trust him.
  • cee134
    cee134 Posts: 33,711 Member
    Are you getting mad at some guy for somethings he did before he met you?
  • Poisonedpawn78
    Poisonedpawn78 Posts: 1,145 Member
    Sounds like a pathological liar and overall shady guy who makes terrible decisions. If you are interested in that, to each their own. However I would imagine most people would not be friends or more with people like that. Its a future disaster waiting to happen. He obviously doesn't respect you.
  • dec056
    dec056 Posts: 87 Member
    cee134 wrote: »
    Are you getting mad at some guy for somethings he did before he met you?

    I'm mad at him for lying to me.
  • km8907
    km8907 Posts: 3,861 Member
    End it. A month old relationship shouldn't already be having trust issues.
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  • dec056
    dec056 Posts: 87 Member
    I would've figured he would have gotten rid of this fake Facebook page long before we started dating. Like 4 months ago. That's one of the reasons I'm upset too - he still has the page. He didn't delete it until I saw the notification pop up on his phone. He maintains that he isn't using the page but gets reminders about notifications sent to his phone instead of e-mail.
  • laurenebargar
    laurenebargar Posts: 3,081 Member
    Okay the DUI thing isnt that weird, but, does he not drive? The profile thing is super sketchy and hes most likely up to something. I had an old boyfriend do that, turns out he had two profiles, and two girlfriends.
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  • km8907
    km8907 Posts: 3,861 Member
    holy_like_harambe wrote: »
    dec056 wrote: »
    I would've figured he would have gotten rid of this fake Facebook page long before we started dating. Like 4 months ago. That's one of the reasons I'm upset too - he still has the page. He didn't delete it until I saw the notification pop up on his phone. He maintains that he isn't using the page but gets reminders about notifications sent to his phone instead of e-mail.

    I would first try to understand why he had one in the first place. Forget when or if he deleted it. To me the only reason to have a fake fb account would be to be used for deceit, regardless whether it was before you or not.

    But seriously I'm open to anyone who could tell me a legit reason to have a fake facebook account.

    Send yourself more supplies in Farmville.
  • mitch16
    mitch16 Posts: 2,113 Member
    Run away! Run fast and run far!
  • dec056
    dec056 Posts: 87 Member
    holy_like_harambe wrote: »
    dec056 wrote: »
    I would've figured he would have gotten rid of this fake Facebook page long before we started dating. Like 4 months ago. That's one of the reasons I'm upset too - he still has the page. He didn't delete it until I saw the notification pop up on his phone. He maintains that he isn't using the page but gets reminders about notifications sent to his phone instead of e-mail.

    I would first try to understand why he had one in the first place. Forget when or if he deleted it. To me the only reason to have a fake fb account would be to be used for deceit, regardless whether it was before you or not.

    But seriously I'm open to anyone who could tell me a legit reason to have a fake facebook account.

    Oh, I asked. He said that he had created it over a year ago so that he could see what his ex-girlfriend was up to because he had blocked her on his main Facebook page. Weeeeeird.
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  • Katiebear_81
    Katiebear_81 Posts: 719 Member
    I'd be out on account of the Facebook thing. The DUI, while stupid decisions were clearly made... that can be forgiven. Maybe he didn't want to tell you, maybe he did. But yeah. I wouldn't stick around to find out how he is really using that second Facebook page.
  • cee134
    cee134 Posts: 33,711 Member
    Ok.... you've only been together one month. Why would he want to tell you embarrassing things about himself? He's not cheating on you, he's human and not perfect. He shouldn't of lied but you shouldn't have been all up in his business. Are you planing on marrying him? If not, I would just move on and enjoy the relationship. Unless you are looking for reasons to end it.
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