I'm now "Socially" unbearable to be around and stopped dating and going out

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KingsGirl4
KingsGirl4 Posts: 152 Member
edited July 2017 in Motivation and Support
Since my journey of eating clean and getting healthy for the last 3 years, I have made some great lifestyle changes and milestones. Though now I find myself pretty unbearable and "weird" to be around.

I don't like going out to eat that much and if I do, I'm pretty "picky" with my order (according to my friends). I might order my hot chocolate with less chocolate or I would like to substitute a veggie patty on my salad instead of chicken (trying to be vegetarian). Whatever it is, I'm just too difficult to be around.

I also gotten into the habit of drinking a lot of water and so now I literally just don't like coffee and tea at the moment. So there goes trips to a coffee shop as well (I end up getting some greek yogurt which is "weird" right?).

Also, if I want dessert, I literally only want a bite or 2 and again, that's "weird."

So these new lifestyle changes and habits of mine have affected my social life a lot. I'm thankful for the friends that respect me and to those that like to make fun of me and call me "weird" I honestly don't care for their opinions. I just wanted to know if anyone else has gone through something similar and how do you deal with it?
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Replies

  • scarlett_k
    scarlett_k Posts: 812 Member
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    It's okay to be weird. I'm still trying to come to terms with being 'weird' and being okay with myself and my quirks, but I know logically that it's okay and if I can accept other people's quirks or perceived fussiness then so can people accept mine. Or not, in which case they can sod off!
  • girlinahat
    girlinahat Posts: 2,956 Member
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    88olds wrote: »
    Yes. Even if they've avoided it somehow most "normal" people are on their way to being overweight. Want to see some picky eaters? Go out with a group with some type2 diabetics.

    Do what you have to do to take care of you. Nobody else is going to do it.

    For a while I made a point of super picky ordering. I would purposely keep asking food prep questions until I could tell people were shifting around in their chairs and rolling their eyes. A couple of times I got audible sighs. I thought of it as a non scale victory.


    No. 'Nornal' people are not on their way to being overweight. 'Normal' surely is what we are mostly aiming for - being able to eat some of the foods we like the taste of, not in excess, and enjoy the process.

    OP. There's a fine line between being a social eater and a bore. It's similar to a teetotaler out with a bunch of people having a few beers. No one wants to hear that they might be doing something ' wrong' because they probably aren't, and they are in charge of their own life. And people often equate someone next to them eating salad as a pointed criticism of their own food choices.

    I'm lucky in that I mostly hang around with foodies who love vegetables and salads. We eat more than enough burgers, but love some fresh fish or well-prepared meats. But for the most part my group of friends recognise that there will always be a small battle to reconcile good tasting food with healthy food. The two aren't mutually exclusive, so it's probably down to personal preference at the time.
  • everher
    everher Posts: 909 Member
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    I don't think any of this is weird or unbearable.

    I haven't really bought fancy coffee drinks regularly in years. I can't justify the cost and I don't like coffee black or tea. I still go to coffee shops, but I will have a bottled water and a light snack if I'm hungry. I've never had yogurt at a coffee shop simply because the ones I frequent don't sell yogurt, but if they did and I wanted one I would buy one no big deal. I've even been to coffee shops with friends were I wasn't eating or drinking anything. Just because they wanted to meet and catch up there doesn't mean I have to buy or drink/eat something.

    I go out to eat less frequently now too and when I do I will make substitutions as necessary to fit my diet. I don't find that weird or unbearable. People have allergies, personal preferences, dietary restrictions, etc. No one has ever said anything or made a big deal about it. & As for dessert, I can't even tell you the last time I ordered a dessert.

    I'm telling you all this as to say there is nothing odd or unusual about you.
  • amusedmonkey
    amusedmonkey Posts: 10,330 Member
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    Find new friends who share your current attitude towards food, or find a better compromise with your current friends. I personally believe that a healthy social life is crucial to a healthy lifestyle. If my lifestyle affected my social life negatively I would consider it a warning sign that what I'm doing isn't as healthy as I perceive it to be. I have been very careful not to allow my weight loss affect the way I behave around others. Sometimes even if you don't talk about it some people develop this mannerism that reeks of judgement, where just the way they look while ordering or eating their food screams "my choices are good and yours are crap". Not many people find that socially desirable. Mentioning dating is a red flag. Friends can sometimes find change uncomfortable so it's understandable if they can't accept it right away sometimes, but someone who doesn't really know you that well picking up on these obsessions is a sign that it's not the eating that's the problem, but maybe the way you act around food.
  • jennybearlv
    jennybearlv Posts: 1,519 Member
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    girlinahat wrote: »
    88olds wrote: »
    Yes. Even if they've avoided it somehow most "normal" people are on their way to being overweight. Want to see some picky eaters? Go out with a group with some type2 diabetics.

    Do what you have to do to take care of you. Nobody else is going to do it.

    For a while I made a point of super picky ordering. I would purposely keep asking food prep questions until I could tell people were shifting around in their chairs and rolling their eyes. A couple of times I got audible sighs. I thought of it as a non scale victory.


    No. 'Nornal' people are not on their way to being overweight. 'Normal' surely is what we are mostly aiming for - being able to eat some of the foods we like the taste of, not in excess, and enjoy the process.

    OP. There's a fine line between being a social eater and a bore. It's similar to a teetotaler out with a bunch of people having a few beers. No one wants to hear that they might be doing something ' wrong' because they probably aren't, and they are in charge of their own life. And people often equate someone next to them eating salad as a pointed criticism of their own food choices.

    I'm lucky in that I mostly hang around with foodies who love vegetables and salads. We eat more than enough burgers, but love some fresh fish or well-prepared meats. But for the most part my group of friends recognise that there will always be a small battle to reconcile good tasting food with healthy food. The two aren't mutually exclusive, so it's probably down to personal preference at the time.

    So true. I'm lucky enough to eat out with people who just imitate everything I do since I started noticeably losing. Kinda disappointing because I would like to sample their delicious high calorie meals. But, I can totally see people feeling ashamed of themselves for their food choices and blaming you for their misguided feelings. Those kinds of people suck and you don't want to hang out with them.
  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,598 Member
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    Eating out is a problem. People know I'm pretty broke so I tell them honestly that I can't afford it. I hang out with friends at my house or their house instead.
  • KingsGirl4
    KingsGirl4 Posts: 152 Member
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    eyer0ll wrote: »
    Either your friends are jerks, or you're a broken record about fitness and nutrition. Figure out which one it is, and act accordingly.

    I never ever talk about fitness or nutrition because I don't want to ever impose or preach unless asked.
  • 88olds
    88olds Posts: 4,466 Member
    edited July 2017
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    @girlinahat

    In the USA about 2/3 of adults are overweight, about 1/3 obese. Just my way of saying "normal" doesn't count for much. Also, healthy weight today is no guarantee of healthy weight tomorrow. And the statistics get less favorable as we age.

    As to ordering in restaurants, as we get older folks have more and more restrictions. The servers don't mind and I'm a very good tipper. As to the reactions of my coworker lunchmates, I've taken plenty of carp from them while losing. You know what they say about payback.
  • KingsGirl4
    KingsGirl4 Posts: 152 Member
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    usmcmp wrote: »
    How are you unbearable if your friends respect you?
    How has it impacted your social life if your friends are cool with it as you claim?
    Maybe you are projecting. You're seeing issues that nobody else is seeing.


    I don't have strict rules in place for my eating, so I haven't really had to deal with it. Even during competition prep when my friends or family want to go out I plan in advance and make it work. The food you order has zero impact on the people you eat with. Stop thinking you are being weird, it's likely causing you mental harm.

    I feel my friends respect me as they put up with it but they still have to go out of their way to make a comment to me: "you don't want to drink alcohol?! You're only ordering milk instead of a coffee?!"

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