I'm now "Socially" unbearable to be around and stopped dating and going out
KingsGirl4
Posts: 152 Member
Since my journey of eating clean and getting healthy for the last 3 years, I have made some great lifestyle changes and milestones. Though now I find myself pretty unbearable and "weird" to be around.
I don't like going out to eat that much and if I do, I'm pretty "picky" with my order (according to my friends). I might order my hot chocolate with less chocolate or I would like to substitute a veggie patty on my salad instead of chicken (trying to be vegetarian). Whatever it is, I'm just too difficult to be around.
I also gotten into the habit of drinking a lot of water and so now I literally just don't like coffee and tea at the moment. So there goes trips to a coffee shop as well (I end up getting some greek yogurt which is "weird" right?).
Also, if I want dessert, I literally only want a bite or 2 and again, that's "weird."
So these new lifestyle changes and habits of mine have affected my social life a lot. I'm thankful for the friends that respect me and to those that like to make fun of me and call me "weird" I honestly don't care for their opinions. I just wanted to know if anyone else has gone through something similar and how do you deal with it?
I don't like going out to eat that much and if I do, I'm pretty "picky" with my order (according to my friends). I might order my hot chocolate with less chocolate or I would like to substitute a veggie patty on my salad instead of chicken (trying to be vegetarian). Whatever it is, I'm just too difficult to be around.
I also gotten into the habit of drinking a lot of water and so now I literally just don't like coffee and tea at the moment. So there goes trips to a coffee shop as well (I end up getting some greek yogurt which is "weird" right?).
Also, if I want dessert, I literally only want a bite or 2 and again, that's "weird."
So these new lifestyle changes and habits of mine have affected my social life a lot. I'm thankful for the friends that respect me and to those that like to make fun of me and call me "weird" I honestly don't care for their opinions. I just wanted to know if anyone else has gone through something similar and how do you deal with it?
7
Replies
-
I find balance in life to be very beneficial...22
-
How are you unbearable if your friends respect you?
How has it impacted your social life if your friends are cool with it as you claim?
Maybe you are projecting. You're seeing issues that nobody else is seeing.
I don't have strict rules in place for my eating, so I haven't really had to deal with it. Even during competition prep when my friends or family want to go out I plan in advance and make it work. The food you order has zero impact on the people you eat with. Stop thinking you are being weird, it's likely causing you mental harm.13 -
I get "picked on" a bit but it's all in friendly fun so it doesn't bother me. If any of my friends found me "difficult" just because I have yogurt at Starbucks or a vegetarian meal, I'd ask them how on earth it could possibly affect/bother them. We're still hanging out and having fun, right? Who cares what I'm eating/drinking compared to someone else? Unless of course they feel uncomfortable because of their own habits...in which case, even though it bothers me, I remind myself that it truly does not matter because I feel good when I do good things for myself, and true friends will support that.
As far as not feeling like eating out or going to the coffee shop, maybe ask yourself if it's because YOU truly don't enjoy those things anymore, or if it's because your friends' comments are taking the fun out of it. If it's because of your friends, personally, I would just act normal and confident when I order what I want and how I want. Sometimes my husband gives me a hard time and I just laugh and say (with a smile) "Am I hurting you by ordering this? I don't think so, so shush!" That way it kind of sends the message of "uhh, I am TOTALLY cool with this, you're the one being weird about it." I've found that helps because, really, what can they say to that?
If it's because you truly don't enjoy those things anymore, maybe suggest other things to do together. If they want to get coffee, maybe suggest that you guys stop by the coffee on the way to the movies or shopping or whatever, so they still get their coffee but your entire time together isn't centered around that. If you're planning on going out with a larger group, maybe have a get-together at your place instead so that you can control the food that's there, and have healthy things along with a couple "standards." For example, we have BBQs a lot so I'll make healthy things like grilled chicken, veggie kabobs, and fruit salad. But I'll also have the typical tray of cookies on the table.
9 -
It's okay to be weird. I'm still trying to come to terms with being 'weird' and being okay with myself and my quirks, but I know logically that it's okay and if I can accept other people's quirks or perceived fussiness then so can people accept mine. Or not, in which case they can sod off!2
-
Either your friends are jerks, or you're a broken record about fitness and nutrition. Figure out which one it is, and act accordingly.30
-
Yes. Even if they've avoided it somehow most "normal" people are on their way to being overweight. Want to see some picky eaters? Go out with a group with some type2 diabetics.
Do what you have to do to take care of you. Nobody else is going to do it.
For a while I made a point of super picky ordering. I would purposely keep asking food prep questions until I could tell people were shifting around in their chairs and rolling their eyes. A couple of times I got audible sighs. I thought of it as a non scale victory.8 -
I have a friend is overbearing about their diet and nutrition and thinks he knows it all who told me I was going to be fat after ordering one slice if pizza.. that's too much if your doing that just stop.
Or it could be that your friends are jealous of how well you are doing7 -
No, but my momma raised me not to be a picky eater. Plus, I've worked many years in food service and think people who can't just order off the menu are *kittens*. No problem with you eating half your plate or ordering something unusual off the menu though. Yogurt at a coffee place? As long as they sell the yogurt not weird at all. Bringing your own yogurt from home, kinda weird. I'm used to sharing deserts with people. That's pretty normal. Once again not unusual to eat some of your food and throw the rest out. You bought it. Do what you want with it.5
-
For a while I made a point of super picky ordering. I would purposely keep asking food prep questions until I could tell people were shifting around in their chairs and rolling their eyes. A couple of times I got audible sighs. I thought of it as a non scale victory.
But why? Why purposefully try to annoy the people you are with? I've asked waiters some food prep questions before, so it's not that I don't understand why that can be necessary. Doing something just to annoy others is horrifying and I feel terrible for the people you were with. That's not a NSV.29 -
There is more to a healthy life than what you order or eat or your exercise. This sounds pretty much like orthorexia really...11
-
Yes. Even if they've avoided it somehow most "normal" people are on their way to being overweight. Want to see some picky eaters? Go out with a group with some type2 diabetics.
Do what you have to do to take care of you. Nobody else is going to do it.
For a while I made a point of super picky ordering. I would purposely keep asking food prep questions until I could tell people were shifting around in their chairs and rolling their eyes. A couple of times I got audible sighs. I thought of it as a non scale victory.
No. 'Nornal' people are not on their way to being overweight. 'Normal' surely is what we are mostly aiming for - being able to eat some of the foods we like the taste of, not in excess, and enjoy the process.
OP. There's a fine line between being a social eater and a bore. It's similar to a teetotaler out with a bunch of people having a few beers. No one wants to hear that they might be doing something ' wrong' because they probably aren't, and they are in charge of their own life. And people often equate someone next to them eating salad as a pointed criticism of their own food choices.
I'm lucky in that I mostly hang around with foodies who love vegetables and salads. We eat more than enough burgers, but love some fresh fish or well-prepared meats. But for the most part my group of friends recognise that there will always be a small battle to reconcile good tasting food with healthy food. The two aren't mutually exclusive, so it's probably down to personal preference at the time.
4 -
-
I don't think any of this is weird or unbearable.
I haven't really bought fancy coffee drinks regularly in years. I can't justify the cost and I don't like coffee black or tea. I still go to coffee shops, but I will have a bottled water and a light snack if I'm hungry. I've never had yogurt at a coffee shop simply because the ones I frequent don't sell yogurt, but if they did and I wanted one I would buy one no big deal. I've even been to coffee shops with friends were I wasn't eating or drinking anything. Just because they wanted to meet and catch up there doesn't mean I have to buy or drink/eat something.
I go out to eat less frequently now too and when I do I will make substitutions as necessary to fit my diet. I don't find that weird or unbearable. People have allergies, personal preferences, dietary restrictions, etc. No one has ever said anything or made a big deal about it. & As for dessert, I can't even tell you the last time I ordered a dessert.
I'm telling you all this as to say there is nothing odd or unusual about you.2 -
Find new friends who share your current attitude towards food, or find a better compromise with your current friends. I personally believe that a healthy social life is crucial to a healthy lifestyle. If my lifestyle affected my social life negatively I would consider it a warning sign that what I'm doing isn't as healthy as I perceive it to be. I have been very careful not to allow my weight loss affect the way I behave around others. Sometimes even if you don't talk about it some people develop this mannerism that reeks of judgement, where just the way they look while ordering or eating their food screams "my choices are good and yours are crap". Not many people find that socially desirable. Mentioning dating is a red flag. Friends can sometimes find change uncomfortable so it's understandable if they can't accept it right away sometimes, but someone who doesn't really know you that well picking up on these obsessions is a sign that it's not the eating that's the problem, but maybe the way you act around food.3
-
girlinahat wrote: »Yes. Even if they've avoided it somehow most "normal" people are on their way to being overweight. Want to see some picky eaters? Go out with a group with some type2 diabetics.
Do what you have to do to take care of you. Nobody else is going to do it.
For a while I made a point of super picky ordering. I would purposely keep asking food prep questions until I could tell people were shifting around in their chairs and rolling their eyes. A couple of times I got audible sighs. I thought of it as a non scale victory.
No. 'Nornal' people are not on their way to being overweight. 'Normal' surely is what we are mostly aiming for - being able to eat some of the foods we like the taste of, not in excess, and enjoy the process.
OP. There's a fine line between being a social eater and a bore. It's similar to a teetotaler out with a bunch of people having a few beers. No one wants to hear that they might be doing something ' wrong' because they probably aren't, and they are in charge of their own life. And people often equate someone next to them eating salad as a pointed criticism of their own food choices.
I'm lucky in that I mostly hang around with foodies who love vegetables and salads. We eat more than enough burgers, but love some fresh fish or well-prepared meats. But for the most part my group of friends recognise that there will always be a small battle to reconcile good tasting food with healthy food. The two aren't mutually exclusive, so it's probably down to personal preference at the time.
So true. I'm lucky enough to eat out with people who just imitate everything I do since I started noticeably losing. Kinda disappointing because I would like to sample their delicious high calorie meals. But, I can totally see people feeling ashamed of themselves for their food choices and blaming you for their misguided feelings. Those kinds of people suck and you don't want to hang out with them.0 -
For a while I made a point of super picky ordering. I would purposely keep asking food prep questions until I could tell people were shifting around in their chairs and rolling their eyes. A couple of times I got audible sighs. I thought of it as a non scale victory.
That is a sure fire way to get your food spit in or worse. Why would you treat your poor friends and family that way as well as the people who are attempting to serve you? SMH.
11 -
Eating out is a problem. People know I'm pretty broke so I tell them honestly that I can't afford it. I hang out with friends at my house or their house instead.2
-
-
@girlinahat
In the USA about 2/3 of adults are overweight, about 1/3 obese. Just my way of saying "normal" doesn't count for much. Also, healthy weight today is no guarantee of healthy weight tomorrow. And the statistics get less favorable as we age.
As to ordering in restaurants, as we get older folks have more and more restrictions. The servers don't mind and I'm a very good tipper. As to the reactions of my coworker lunchmates, I've taken plenty of carp from them while losing. You know what they say about payback.
2 -
How are you unbearable if your friends respect you?
How has it impacted your social life if your friends are cool with it as you claim?
Maybe you are projecting. You're seeing issues that nobody else is seeing.
I don't have strict rules in place for my eating, so I haven't really had to deal with it. Even during competition prep when my friends or family want to go out I plan in advance and make it work. The food you order has zero impact on the people you eat with. Stop thinking you are being weird, it's likely causing you mental harm.
I feel my friends respect me as they put up with it but they still have to go out of their way to make a comment to me: "you don't want to drink alcohol?! You're only ordering milk instead of a coffee?!"0 -
cwolfman13 wrote: »I find balance in life to be very beneficial...
I agree and I'm at a point in my life where I feel personally balanced. I like my daily diet and I eat and drink what I want. Just because my version of balanced is different than someone else's doesn't mean they have to judge me.0 -
You need weirder friends. Yours sound awfully boring.
5 -
Friend: "You don't want to drink alcohol/drink coffee/eat French fries/etc. etc.
You: "Yep, that's all I want. So, what's new in your life?"10 -
This content has been removed.
-
KingsGirl4 wrote: »cwolfman13 wrote: »I find balance in life to be very beneficial...
I agree and I'm at a point in my life where I feel personally balanced. I like my daily diet and I eat and drink what I want. Just because my version of balanced is different than someone else's doesn't mean they have to judge me.KingsGirl4 wrote: »How are you unbearable if your friends respect you?
How has it impacted your social life if your friends are cool with it as you claim?
Maybe you are projecting. You're seeing issues that nobody else is seeing.
I don't have strict rules in place for my eating, so I haven't really had to deal with it. Even during competition prep when my friends or family want to go out I plan in advance and make it work. The food you order has zero impact on the people you eat with. Stop thinking you are being weird, it's likely causing you mental harm.
I feel my friends respect me as they put up with it but they still have to go out of their way to make a comment to me: "you don't want to drink alcohol?! You're only ordering milk instead of a coffee?!"
That just sounds like normal mealtime banter in my world. I don't drink alcohol and there are occasional comments. I eat different foods from what others order, and there are comments. So? It's just mealtime chatter. Go with the flow. This weirdness is in your head. We are all unique in our food preferences. It's not a reason to feel like there's something wrong with that.3 -
I cannot fathom any of my friends ever actually caring what I order other than if they were getting a major case of food envy. And they went through the years where all I could bring myself to eat was a plate of chips no matter where we were. We do discuss our meals though and what we've ordered, ask each other about our choices - that's standard dinner conversation.
OP, either your friends are terrible and you need new ones or you're being oversensitive to normal food based chit chat.1 -
I was slender and fit for most of my life ... and actively involved in cycling and a few other sports activities.
For many years, I set the socialisation rules ... in the summer, if you wanted to socialise with me, you got on your bicycle and rode with me. We'd have many hours to socialise on a ride.
In the winter, I was open to going out for coffee or to the movies or whatever.
I don't recall anyone making fun of me.
After a short time gaining weight and cycling less, I'm back to being slender and fit and actively involved in cycling and a few other sports activities.
Again, no one makes fun of me ... at least not to my face. There could be a few who think I'm nuts, but I don't care. It's my life and I'm enjoying it.
2 -
Your friends sound socially unbearable if they think it's weird to order water, a veggie patty or Greek yogurt. Why would you want to be around people who are staring at what you eat and drink?
I eat veggie patties and drink water in restaurants and have the same friends I've always had -- they sit across from me and eat their sausages with waffles and coffee and we leave each other alone. We're there to talk to each other, not stare and criticize.
1 -
Perhaps you should pick social activities that are less food centered
Invite friends to walk around the local art festival or go to a museum, take a hike or kayak or even an inner tube float down a local river. Do something social but also not food centered6 -
Sad when friends do not get you or understand the changes. :-(1
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.6K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.3K Health and Weight Loss
- 176K Food and Nutrition
- 47.5K Recipes
- 232.6K Fitness and Exercise
- 431 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.6K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8.1K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.4K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.8K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.2K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions