I got the dreaded talk last night

Grimmerick
Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
edited September 30 in Health and Weight Loss
I am sure quite a few of you know the one. The is this fitness thing gonna take over your whole life talk. He says you're on the phone logging everytime you eat and you exercise almost everyday (by the way I usually execise 20-40 minutes 5-6 days a week). This is very discouraging to me because I have to log my food everytime I eat and aren't you normally supposed to try to get some form of exercise almost everyday as part of a healthy lifestyle. He doesn't diet and he doesn't exercise at all and he's really gonna start ticking me off if this becomes an issue for him. I don't nix plans with him to log food or exercise, in fact other than that I am not sitting on the couch watching tv with him every minute of the evening this doesn't effect him at all. I don't try to make him eat healthy or try to make him exercise. I need some advice on how to deal with this?!
«13

Replies

  • frubjious
    frubjious Posts: 355
    Did you try telling him what you just told us?
  • cheeksv
    cheeksv Posts: 521 Member
    If you log at the table on your phone that may be a problem. I try to save all my logging for when I am home or alone. I feel like using my phone in general at the table with company or as a guest is rude. Other than that....you have to be obsessed and dedicated to make this work, your diet and exercise routine I mean. It is the way is has to be. You said he does neither so it is just new to him that's all, a ting he has never had to experience full force and right in front of him. Give him more time and maybe do some stuff together?
  • Maggie_Pie1
    Maggie_Pie1 Posts: 322 Member
    Is he overweight? If so, I'm wondering if he might be a little jealous at your success and is subconsciously sabotaging you?
  • Texas501
    Texas501 Posts: 274
    He may have some personal issues that he needs to recognize and address himself. He may be scared that you will improve your looks and have other men stare at you, admire you more. Also, if he sees that you're improving, and he himself is not, he may feel threatened that you'd leave him for a slimmer sexier model. You guys really need to talk and you really need to reassure him that he is a great guy and that you love him.
  • MarchelleLynne
    MarchelleLynne Posts: 229 Member
    Sorry your not getting any support, please dont get discouraged!! :wink: keep up the hard work....maybe wait to log your food until later after your meal.
  • catwrangler
    catwrangler Posts: 918 Member
    You are making him feel guilty. Are you married to him?
  • missxlaur
    missxlaur Posts: 286
    you keep doing what you're doing! he should be supportive that you're maintaining such a healthy lifestyle! it's not like you're not eating and over-exercising! it's not like you have a problem. you're just keeping track of what you're eating so that you can be conscious of what you're putting into your body. there is NOTHING wrong with that. in fact, EVERYTHING is RIGHT with that! obesity is so rampant because people are not conscious of what they eat and how it impacts their body, and they don't exercise. this website encourages people to seek the healthy lifestyle choices of being active and eating well. he should be supporting you in this! not tearing you down. this is so upsetting to me! i'm sorry you had to go through this :(
  • tuneses
    tuneses Posts: 467 Member
    I'm sorry he's not more supportive. The only advice I have is to sit down with him and explain to him why it's important to you. Tell him exactly how the extra weight affects you and how you feel about loosing it. Personally constant unhappyness about my weight made me less available emotionally. Loosing the weight makes me happy and give me more energy which reflects directly on my whole family.
  • bluegirl10
    bluegirl10 Posts: 695 Member
    you keep doing what you're doing! he should be supportive that you're maintaining such a healthy lifestyle! it's not like you're not eating and over-exercising! it's not like you have a problem. you're just keeping track of what you're eating so that you can be conscious of what you're putting into your body. there is NOTHING wrong with that. in fact, EVERYTHING is RIGHT with that! obesity is so rampant because people are not conscious of what they eat and how it impacts their body, and they don't exercise. this website encourages people to seek the healthy lifestyle choices of being active and eating well. he should be supporting you in this! not tearing you down. this is so upsetting to me! i'm sorry you had to go through this :(

    Yes, this!
  • rainyday99
    rainyday99 Posts: 27
    He needs to get int he game with you... you have to position it that you need his support to be successful - you give up logging when your eating and give him the attention he needs - and he gives up nagging you and starts supporting you. My hubby signed up for MFP when I did because we need to be on the same page to be succesful - we are both over weight however it shouldnt matter - everyone - skinny or not - needs to be healthy... I would have a heart to heart with your boo :)
  • jamesysmom
    jamesysmom Posts: 38
    Well lets see, doesnt he realize that a healthier you means you will have more energy for other "activities' sometimes if you approach it that way they seem to be much more understanding, at least in my case that is. Im lucky however mine hasent started whining about my walking he actually goes with me but im sure in time it will probably happen . Good luck hope this helps
  • slybaby
    slybaby Posts: 125
    Tell him this is for you: a healthy and happy you!

    You're worth this! We all are!

    Unfortunatly, sometimes, people want to loose weight to be accepted and loved by others...we must love ourselves first!

    Chin up!
    Best of luck to you:flowerforyou:
  • JeffGDDG
    JeffGDDG Posts: 252 Member
    :-( I am no expert for sure but I have told my wife that I am totally committed to this and that I have to make it a priority so I can succeed. I've also told her that she and the rest of the family are very important to me and a huge part of the reasons I want to improve myself. I want to be around and active a long time, but its them I want to be around and active with. Keep it real and speak with love. Invite him to walk with you sometimes but be ok if he doesn't. I hope this works out for you. I think if you keep at it long enough and get good results you may just inspire him to get up off the couch too.
  • RagtimeLady
    RagtimeLady Posts: 172 Member
    Tell him this isn't about HIM, it's about YOU trying to get healthy! Losing weight usually involves major lifestyle changes and paying attention to what you're doing and what you're eating. Funny how some men get jealous of women paying attention to themselves rather than them! I think some men, while they fantasize about having a trophy on their arm, would rather their women would not be attractive to others or confident in themselves. Yikes.
  • sc1572
    sc1572 Posts: 2,309 Member
    Is he overweight? If so, I'm wondering if he might be a little jealous at your success and is subconsciously sabotaging you?

    ^yes, this could be the case! it happened to me with a good friend before. however, it may just be that he truly is worried about you and wants to make sure you're okay. try telling him what you told us. :)
  • perne11
    perne11 Posts: 46 Member
    I usually eat dinner at my parents house and my mom is the same way. She is always saying something about either my eating habits, the fact that I'm logging, or simply implying that I'm obsessed. It can be very annoying, but I’m on a mission!
  • quichebradford
    quichebradford Posts: 327 Member
    I think you should explain to him how important this is to you and that's why you're so dedicated to it. The benefits far outweigh the sacrifice you're making right now. And nothing is changing about the time you spend together so it shouldn't be a big deal. Maybe if he knows he you feel about it, he'll be ok.
  • jgrice
    jgrice Posts: 22 Member
    He may feel threatened by your new outlook on life and dedication to change. Look for ways to offer reassurance that your love for him is solid. Talk to him about your motivation for the changes and try to find a common ground.

    Sometimes in a relationship if one partner begins to make changes to the status quo either good or bad, it can drive the other away. Very open communication is the key to happiness in relationships.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,985 Member
    My wife drives me crazy sometimes. But that's part of being in a relationship. Your routine is different now, so when your routine changed, it may have screwed up what he was used to. Don't stop logging by all means if it keeps you consistent, but you need to let him know that this is something you're serious about and are going to continue.
  • giaciccone
    giaciccone Posts: 257
    If you log at the table on your phone that may be a problem. I try to save all my logging for when I am home or alone. I feel like using my phone in general at the table with company or as a guest is rude. Other than that....you have to be obsessed and dedicated to make this work, your diet and exercise routine I mean. It is the way is has to be. You said he does neither so it is just new to him that's all, a ting he has never had to experience full force and right in front of him. Give him more time and maybe do some stuff together?

    See, I think it's rude, too, but only if you're doing something like texting a friend, answering emails or making a phone call. However, I recently went out to dinner with my whole family & was logging right in front of them. Most of them asked, "Why are you on your phone right now? Put it away!" But then I explained that I was just tracking my food as I was eating it. My mom looked at me, nodded & told me to go ahead. She was actually really proud of me because I'm sticking with counting my calories & intake. My Dad even said something - which, sometimes it's hard to get that kind of "I'm proud of you" statement out of my dad.

    Honestly, I know it SEEMS rude at first, but if you explain yourself - to most people anyway, because I'm sure you've explained to him with no budging on his attitude - they don't hate you. In fact, a lot of people admire it. It shows dedication - plus, it's not like you're on it the entire night! I'm on there logging my food for 3-4 minutes TOPS!
  • Gary6030
    Gary6030 Posts: 593 Member
    You keep doing what you are doing. My wife and I have had this talk as well. She is now onboard with me and on here logging away. Its hard but you might reach out to her posey267 she might understand his viewpoint. I know she is proud of me but losing 182lbs has been great but I know its been hard for her to deal with the new me!

    I'd like to invite you all to join our TEAM August Challenge. Great daily exercise challenge, weekly eating challenges and team challenges. Lots of fun, support and motivation. Here is our forum post.

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/299772-team-challenge-beginning-august-1st-open-to-all

    Message me if you'd like to be on a team!
  • u2fergus
    u2fergus Posts: 422 Member
    Oh, that has to be so frustrating. :( I agree with what someone posted earlier... if you're using your phone to log calories right at the table, that can be perceived as rude. (Sometimes I can get away with doing this, sometimes I get the look from my husband and then I just put my phone away and do it later.) Other than that, though, it does NOT sound like you are going overboard here. 20-40 minutes of exercise a day 5-6 days a week is entirely reasonable, and he is not right to complain about that. People regularly DIE of obesity-related health issues, and it can bring your quality of life down very low even if it doesn't kill you. Does he really think that you are going overboard by taking steps to avoid that fate? Yes, you're probably making him feel ashamed of himself for not taking better care of himself, but that doesn't mean that you should have to be unhappy and overweight in your own skin just to make him feel not so bad. Maybe just explain to him that you are trying to take better care of yourself so you can be around longer and enjoy your life together. And you hope that he will do the same for himself (because you care about his well being), but you are not going to force your ways on him, so he should not force his ways on you. Hope it goes well. :-/
  • heatherlee33
    heatherlee33 Posts: 113 Member
    I totally know what you are going through. My hubby is perfect....no exercise, awesome body......no watching what he eats, still an awesome body. Then there's me, looking like Jack Sprats wife. I think that when I start a new diet he's just waiting for me to give up so that things can go back to normal again. Which sadly is a pretty accurate assessment of what generally happens. So what do you do? Well this is what I do, forget what he thinks or his comments. He clearly has NEVER gone through what you are going through and therefore has no compassion or prior experience to develop any. So, do what you need to do for you, and he will fall in line eventually....who else will fold his undies and hold him at night....no one!
  • giaciccone
    giaciccone Posts: 257
    He may feel threatened by your new outlook on life and dedication to change. Look for ways to offer reassurance that your love for him is solid. Talk to him about your motivation for the changes and try to find a common ground.

    Sometimes in a relationship if one partner begins to make changes to the status quo either good or bad, it can drive the other away. Very open communication is the key to happiness in relationships.
    I also think this plays a large roll with his Negative Nancy attitude.
  • Monkeylost
    Monkeylost Posts: 121 Member
    I'd tell him you need support to do this and if he wants you to be happy this is what you really need to do. I had the talk with my Hubby when I started this, we have used it as a project together and are cooking different things in the evenings. We are doing different countries each weekend, weve done Mexican, Indian and Thai so far. He has said he hasn't really noticed that we are eating healthy.

    I dont log my food every time I ea, instead I try to plan the days meals in the morning and then stick to them. I have to do that or I think id cheat! Hope all works out Xxxx
  • HoLynne
    HoLynne Posts: 18 Member
    Hmm, sounds like he is a bit fearful of losing "the way things were". He also may feel judged or guilty for not trying to be healthier. Just assure him that this is good for you and that the smaller you get the sexier you will feel. Best friends should support each other so I hope he comes around. Good luck and stick with it!
  • johncowart
    johncowart Posts: 40 Member
    It's because he is not doing it. Like what jgrice was saying. Add that it's so you can be with him longer and have a healthier life when your older and not confined by your bodies.
    But the most important thing is to keep doing what you are doing. Start with YOU.

    My wife doesn't exercise with me, and smokes. I am lucky though I have her support in others ways so it's not the same but I am doing it for ME which in turn is for HER and my children.

    I did tell her one day that I was not going to wait around for her when we are 60 and 70 lugging her oxygen tank around. I was going to go on trips and enjoy life. :) I said it jokingly because I am very well trained. lol.

    John
  • Angela_MA
    Angela_MA Posts: 260
    Tell him what you are telling us. Let him know how you feel. I am sorry you are not getting the support you need to help you make those necessary changes you want to make in your life. This is always the hardest part about changing, sometimes the people around you do not want you to change or may feel left behind; they do not understand fully why. Number one thing for you to do is to talk to him and understand where he is coming from and make it clear where you are coming from. There has to be a reason why he feels this way (i.e., feeling left behind, maybe he feels you will leave him, insecure with himself...etc). YOu both have to be in full understand of each other.
    I would also suggest logging things in by either planning it and do it in the morning or wait until the end of the day; that way you are not constantly logging in while together. Lifestyle changes do not only effect the person making the changes they effect everyone you know.
  • CaptainMFP
    CaptainMFP Posts: 440 Member
    Did you try telling him what you just told us?

    I can't think of a valid reason for a man (or woman) to take issue with their significant other improving their health. My wife was on here a couple months before I joined, and I never complained or questioned her time logging food or exercising because I knew #1 how important it was to her and #2 because I knew how much success she was having. A serious talk with him (not nasty but serious) about why you are doing this and why it is important for you to make this lifestyle change sounds in order.

    If it were me (and I'm a bit blunt, so take this with a grain of salt), I would tell him that yes, it is taking over my life. I want to improve my health and appearance and regular exercise and healthy eating are the only way to do this for the long run. Since these improvements are very important to me and since what I'm doing is working, yes, it is taking over my life because I'm trying to change my life. Just a thought.

    Good luck!
  • springtrio
    springtrio Posts: 429 Member
    When I first started losing weight the summer of 09 my husband and I almost divorced because I was exercising constantly, and he also got upset when I lost weight (he told me he prefers me fat, actually). I make time for him and that seems to please him but he's not on board with me losing and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. The only advice that I can give is give him enough of your time as often as you can, but don't change for him. This if for you, not him. It's been almost 3 years and I've given up trying to get him to come to the "dark side". I give him my time, and keep doing what I love doing.
This discussion has been closed.

Categories