How do you stop yourself from doing the wrong thing you want to do?

whoffmann · August 2017

I often find myself in the grocery store, staring at the box of cookies, knowing that if I buy the box of cookies, I will get it home, and then eat the whole thing basically by myself over the next day or two. My wife might eat one. Probably not, I'll probably eat them all before she gets to them. I know it's the wrong thing to do. I know that I won't feel good after eating it, I'll have to take an antacid just to get to sleep that night. I know that I'll be putting on weight that I didn't even really enjoy the process of adding the calories. I know I'm going to get home and start eating those cookies like a starving man.

I'm not starving, I'm fat. I'm not deluding myself, I know it's objectively and subjectively a mistake to buy the cookies, and to eat them. I get a little pleasure while eating, but it's the pleasure of throwing caution to the winds. It's a big "F you" to the world that says I shouldn't do it...but really it's a big "F you" to myself, the only one who really cares if I'm fatter or skinnier, fitter or less fit.

It's...perverse. I do it because it's perverse, but I'm only hurting myself. But I'm going to do it. I will carry the box of cookies to checkout, while my mind is saying, "This is a mistake." But I take it out of the basket, I put it on the conveyer, I carry it home, and I start eating.

How do you...not? How do you not buy the cookies?

jemhh · August 2017

I just don't do it. It gets easier after the first few times.

MommaGem2017 · August 2017

I just don't buy the cookies. For me, it's donuts or potato chips. If they are in the house, they are gone, so I just don't buy them.

ETA: A very clear shopping list is my key. If it's not on the list I don't buy it. It really keeps me from impulse buying.

CattOfTheGarage · August 2017

Distraction. Don't stand there staring at cookies. If that's what you're going to do, don't go into the grocery store in the first place. You need to stop the temptation train at an earlier stop.

quiksylver296 · August 2017

Avoid the cookie aisle. You only have to say no to them once at the grocery store. Once the cookies are home, you have to continually say no.

ETA: I also order my groceries for pick-up. This really cuts down on impulse buys.

SuzySunshine99 · August 2017

Always have a detailed list when you go to the grocery store and force yourself to stick to that list. If there's nothing on your list in the cookie aisle, then no reason to even look at them. I hear you, though, it's tough. You just have to power through it.

oolou · August 2017

Sometimes I buy them. Sometimes I tell myself to be an adult and leave the chocolate on the shelf. I then sulk my way through the rest of the shopping, mope at the checkout, then shake off the feeling on the walk back to the car.

michaelbriones · August 2017

Only one thing matters in my opinion! HOW BAD DO YOU WANT IT?!?!? (the goal you're trying to attain that is).
That should be enough to stop you every time, though difficult at some times just keep your eye on the prize and the cravings will go away.

Graelwyn75 · August 2017

Just avoid the aisles with this type of food in them. It is common for supermarkets to put all the less healthy products in the same aisles. Alternatively, only allow yourself to buy cookies every few weeks and once they are gone, they are gone. Another alternative is to just buy individually portioned cookies so you will be pause to think before gorging on the whole lot. Find a way in which you can still enjoy them occasionally, but in a way that is not going to sabotage your weight loss efforts. Or find healthier alternatives that give you the same satisfaction such as homemade popcorn.

Jruzer · August 2017

I can relate. For a very long time I was where you were and could have written your entry, OP. I felt trapped by my habits and desires. I still occasionally have calorie blowouts nowadays, but they are exceptions. After a "bad day" I pick right back up with my good habits.

Here are some things that worked for me:

- Set a healthy calorie budget (which includes daily indulgences) and committing to stick with it. By doing this I was able to train myself to resist foods that I couldn't fit in my budget. My wife introduced me to the phrase "not worth the calories", and it's a useful concept. "I could have that cookie, but then I couldn't have that bottle of Zombie Dust that's chilling in the fridge."
- Understand how many calories are in things. I used to buy and eat a whole can of cashews for my evening commute - that's something like 1500 calories! I can't go back to that knowing that that's the equivalent of a half-pound of fat.
- Daily exercise, including eating back all my exercise calories. It's harder to "blow it" when you're also blowing all the exercise you did too.
- Avoid temptations, if possible. Maybe you should skip the grocery store for a while.
- Practice man, practice.

pamfgil · August 2017

Don't shop when you're hungry or tired, and maybe visualise something disgusting poured over those cookies

XXcookiepussXX · August 2017

I've literally asked myself "do I want this more than I want my goal?".

Answer was mostly no.

whoffmann · August 2017

Thanks, everyone, for the encouragement and advice. I have tried so, so many of these things. I KNOW what I should not do. But I feel old and the world feels dark, and it's something that I can choose, I think. That I can choose for myself.

Some days, weeks, months are easier. But then the cycle drops again.

laurabadams · August 2017

One thing that really helped me when I was just starting out was online grocery shopping & store pickups. It kept me out of the store. I distinctly recall the first time I went back into a grocery store about a month later - I had anxiety walking through the bakery section, accompanied by vivid fantasies of buying a 12 pack of mini cupcakes & eating them all in the car. It was a tough wake up call.

Other than that, it's just been practice, practice, practice. The more you practice resisting, the better you'll get at it. Hang in there.

lemurcat12 · August 2017

Grocery shopping for me wasn't really an issue since I'm a super efficient shopper -- I'd have my purchases in mind, go get them, leave, no browsing.

The bigger issue, though, is how do you not find yourself adding a food you know you will overeat to the list (mental or otherwise)? What to do about that perverse impulse to go do something you know you will probably regret later?

I think it's about knowing WHY you are doing what you are doing, and one thing related to this that helps me is reframing it as a positive -- I have in mind something I'm excited to eat (now or in the future) that fits with how I've decided I want to eat, and go into the store and that's what I'm focused on. I don't even see the things that don't fit with that. BUT if I'm focused on NOT eating certain things, it's harder. Sure, I can -- will power -- but I'm more likely to fail the minute my will power is off (terrible exhausting day, no sleep, whatever).

So rather than fight with yourself (the "I can if I want to" voice), think of WHY you are making this choice, what you see as positive about it, what the short term benefits are -- feeling good, eating delicious things within your calories on plan that you prefer anyway, closing your diary within calories, being able to have a successful day, whatever it is. And connect that to the longer term goals and what you see as the real concrete benefit you are getting out of this. Future is too vague, so for me it was nice to think "if I keep this up when I do X at Christmas I could wear these pants" or in a year I can be down 70 lbs or something like that, even though I know some find specific longer term goals like that problematic. For me it was a way to make what I was doing not just "eh, one more day doesn't matter."

I find the struggle always exists (I find it harder at maintenance than once I got started with the weight loss), but once you get really started it often does get easier.

NerdyNesa · August 2017

I second online grocery shopping. It really helps you from feeling as much of a temptation to buy things like cookies. Even if you do start to feel tempted, you realize you can't get them right away and by the time you would get them the craving will have subsided.

gamerbabe14 · August 2017

Buy the cookies sometime. Why deprive yourself? When you're done losing weight you're going to have to learn to live with eating in maintenance. Learn now to make the cookies fit in your day. Rather than later, if you haven't learned that skill, you'll gain everything back and start staring at cookies again.

MichelleSilverleaf · August 2017

Always eat before you go. You may notice your shopping habits change quite significantly when you don't have that nagging at you too. The advice of only shopping around the outside of the store is usually good advice, most of the stuff you need (fruits, veggies, dairy, etc) will be along the outside. Self-discipline is hard, and saying no to something we so obviously want can sometimes seem worse than the berating you know you're going to give yourself later. Do it anyway. Start to practice and learn how to get around your own mental process. Perhaps giving yourself a challenge? Don't buy the cookies this week and you can buy them next week. Completely cutting out the sweets and things we like that aren't necessarily all that good for us isn't always necessary, some can do it and some can't, so try working on some kind of compromise.

mph323 · August 2017

I had to train myself to just walk past the Ben and Jerry's pints. I told myself If I got home and I was desperate I could always go back and get some, and in the beginning I did that more than once. But developing the habit of not buying the ice cream with the groceries, and having to go through the trouble of a second trip to the store eventually resulted in it just not being worth it.

Christine_72 · August 2017

I don't even go down the cookie/chip/chocolate isle. And when the store strategically places them on the outer isles near the checkout i put on my invisible set of blinders

Christine_72 · August 2017

I can BS to myself as much as i want and pretend that i will be able to eat them in moderation. But deep down, i know that's a big FAT lie! Most likely i will eat them as soon as possible just so "I can get them out of the house and remove the temptation" :huh:

KelseyRL · August 2017

I totally get what you're saying. I'm big on the "F you, I'll eat what I want". It takes a long time to get over that kind of thing. I second the people saying buy your groceries online. I went one step farther and my husband and I signed up for a meal planning service when we we're starting and I literally just copied the shopping list into the online shopping site and pushed buy. No thinking required. Then when the food came, we had to cook the meals we planned as that was all we had food for.

There's also a great book called the Willpower Instinct. It talks a lot about why we have or don't have willpower in situations like that. Having an understanding of the inner workings of my brain in situations like that really helped me feel like I could take control. Feeling like I have no control is a killer for me, so once I felt like I had an understanding of things, it helped a lot!

All in all though, keep at it. It's really just a collection of small decisions and if you make a bad one one day, the next decision is still a brand new one to make. The previous decision had no bearing on the new one. Don't get stuck in the "I made a bad decision so I'm ruined" thinking. They are not connected at all. Each one is fresh and at any point, you can choose to make a decision that's better for you, no matter what your last decision was. So if you do happen to buy the cookies, shake it off and make your next decision a different one.

JeromeBarry1 · August 2017

Hello sir. Not so very long ago I could have asked the same question. "How do you skinny people not eat the good stuff and get fat like me?" Or, something at least similar. At the grocery within the past week, I slowly walked among the cookies and couldn't find anything I had any curiosity about. I already know what Chips Ahoy! taste like. I already know what (name your cookie) tastes like. I already know that about 20 minutes of vigorous cardio work will either earn or pay for a single cookie, and that single cookie will require me to eat some protein to replace that consumed by the exercise so I have to exercise longer to pay for the protein and it just turns into mission creep. 2-3 weeks ago I saw, lusted, and bought a box of no-bake peanut butter cookies. For a few days I consumed one or two in moderation and it was well, but on a Saturday I consumed the final 8 of them, 2000 calories, for breakfast. Luckily, it was Saturday and after bolting down another 1500 calories of tasty stuff before noon I stopped, logged what I'd done, drank some water, and got on my bicycle. I rode several miles to the end of the road and came back after an hour sweaty and tired. I logged the exercise and rested. When I had cooled down, I got on my treadmill and started running for an hour. I got sweaty and tired again, logged the exercise again, and rested again. Again I got on another cardio machine and did another hour of work once again getting sweaty and tired. I logged that exercise. I rested. I counted the cost of those cookies. I haven't needed to experiment with cookies lately. That's how. The day after all that, I weighed 2 lb less. It isn't that cookies make me fat. It is that cookies make me work too hard.

whoffmann · August 2017

KelseyRL wrote: »

There's also a great book called the Willpower Instinct.

Thank you for the book recommendation KelseyRL.

Moxie42 · August 2017

I totally feel your pain. I have binging and self-sabotage issues and I do the same thing. BUT I don't do it as often as I used to. A few things have helped me resist that urge, and every time I win a battle, I get a little more confidence which helps me win the next one.

Things that have helped:
* Sticking to a grocery list. Instead of debating "Should I? Can I?" I just tell myself- no, these are the rules and I can't change them just because I feel like it, just like I can't flake on my job every time I feel like it. Not allowing myself the debate in the first place, and refusing to dwell on it, helps me in the moment.
* I do buy individually packaged versions of foods that would normally be a trigger food. I can't trust myself with a box of cookies or carton of ice cream, but I can trust myself to open just one 100-cal bag of cookies or a single Skinny Cow ice cream cone.
* Keep a list of your goals and motivations in your pocket. I struggle with this for some reason but it does help, when my mind starts going off the rails, to have something to look at and read, and bring me back to a better mentality. The note might say something like "You have the opportunity to make the right choice and be proud of yourself, and take a step towards your goal. Make the right choice." Or "What do you want more? A couple minutes of pleasure followed by guilt? Or a couple minutes of disappointment followed by pride and confidence?"
* I get what I call, "a case of the F-its" which is my version of the big "F you" that results in poor food choices. I'm trying to switch out those thoughts though. When my brain says "You shouldn't do this. Screw that, do it anyway!" I mentally reply with "I'm going to prove I can beat the odds and do what feels impossible!" Or if my brain says "You enjoy food, and things are tough right now so you deserve to have this," I mentally reply with "I also deserve to be happy and healthy. I can choose that."

ck2d · August 2017

Put it off. Don't think "I can't eat that" think "I'll get some later." Just put it off til tomorrow. You'd be amazed how effective that strategy is. Even if you only put it off 5 times out of 10, you'll still be healthier. And each time you do it you'll get better at putting it off.

MegaMooseEsq · August 2017

I've had luck with substitution instead of deprivation. For example, I love love love popcorn. First, I stopped buying the big microwave bags and switched to the lower calorie pre-popped style. Then I switched to single serving microwave bags, less healthy but (imho) better tasting, and harder to overindulge. It's still the delicious snack I love so very much, but I know that the smaller serving will do me. Can you switch to a brand of cookies you still like but are less likely to binge? Something else to crave the sweet tooth? Individually packaged treats? I promise you can do it! The last time I made a full bag of microwave popcorn I couldn't believe I used to eat these regularly (sometimes two bags in a row!). Gradual changes really can stick if you do it right.

kyubeans · August 2017

I have done exactly that and thought those thoughts. One difference is I never stopped. I kept walking. By the time I decided to buy the cookies or the chips or the ice cream, I was already halfway across the store and then it became "well am I really going to walk allll the way back for those?" Nope.

Or I'd decide I was going to McDonalds for dinner and I would even start fantasizing about my order. The whole time, I'd be on autopilot driving home. When it came time to turn right to go home or left to go to McD's, I'd stay on autopilot and turn right.

It seems weird now that I'm articulating it but basically I was divorcing my brain and my cravings from my body and autopilot. I let my thoughts run wild but my body kept walking past the cookies and kept driving past the McDonalds.

Maybe another way to think about it is... Remove your brain from the equation? I don't know. It works for me though. Good luck!

MegaMooseEsq · August 2017

Man do I want some popcorn now.

JeromeBarry1 · August 2017

I will add that I do keep some 86% cocoa "healthy" bitter chocolate in the refrigerator when I want those particular 60 calories, and I keep a bag of milk chocolate covered peanuts hidden under my bed for occasions when I want those particular 60 calories. Once every week or two I'll have one or the other.

Goober1142 · August 2017

I would eat the whole package too. I can't be trusted with portion size junk food. I can't just eat one. That said, eat something before you go to the store. My treat is a Starbucks skinny mocha for 140 cals which I take shopping with me. It helps.

How do you stop yourself from doing the wrong thing you want to do?

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