How do you stop yourself from doing the wrong thing you want to do?
Replies
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As others have said logging is key - and log BEFORE you eat them. That is often enough for me to put something back and select something else. Just because you don't log doesn't mean it hasn't happened, so make sure you do weigh and log everything - even if someone just passes round a box of chocolates, one choc can be 50 calories easily (or more), so you need to be aware of all those little naughty extras.1
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The cookies are taking care of an unmet need. The cookies aren't working very well because you keep going back for a repeat. The struggle is not on the cookie shelf, it's between your rational and your inarticulate self.
I had a sit-down talk with my inarticulate self and I promised her I would take care of her and never let her starve. Instead of fighting your vulnerable self, make peace with him and get him on side with your life reforming goals.
I'm going to make a couple book recommendations and give a few ideas.
The Power of Habit by Duhigg
http://charlesduhigg.com/the-power-of-habit/
The Happiness Hypothesis by Haidt.
In chapter 2 he introduces the metaphor of the elephant and the rider. The struggle you so eloquently describe is between your rational side (the rider) and your emotional, F-the world inarticulate side. If the elephant want the banana the elephant take the banana. Chapter 2 is free online somewhere.
To turn the elephant around, convince it that another path is in his best interest....kindly. No more beating up your elephant! All it does is annoy the beast and wear out your whipping arm.
- When you buy the cookies, own the decision. Rationally, without the attendant emotion. They are JUST a box of cookies.
- Distraction and redirect. The elephant is listening right now so make your own secret plans how you will distract your inner beast.
- Take a hike to an isolated inspirational spot and let loose a nice stream of F/U invective. Give a voice to your wild beast away from the cookies.
- Write a book, man. You are putting voice to a struggle that is very real.5 -
Just don't buy the cookies. Why are you even in that section of the store to begin with? Lol
If I have a craving for sweets, I just buy fruit, dark chocolate, or milk. I know milk sounds weird, but I also feel full after drinking it. If you REALLY want the cookie, find a brand that only sells 2 or 3 in a pack...and only buy ONE PACK. That way, you still have cookie and don't feel guilty like you would after eating a whole box. Stop buying boxes and let your wife buy her own cookie if she wants one. Lol
Salty food craving? The smallest bag of chips/pretzels I can find. But honestly, If I'm craving salt I drink Gatorade or some other type of electrolyte if I can.2 -
Thanks, everyone, for the encouragement and advice. I have tried so, so many of these things. I KNOW what I should not do. But I feel old and the world feels dark, and it's something that I can choose, I think. That I can choose for myself.
Some days, weeks, months are easier. But then the cycle drops again.
I understand, believe me. There are many good strategies listed in these responses, but they don't amount to a hill of beans when the compulsion hits. It seems to be more powerful than anything, ANYTHING else. I'll tell you honestly that only two things have helped me stop the madness:
1) there is in most cases an underlying depression and hopelessness that is at the root of this kind of compulsive eating. The antidepressant Wellbutrin is helping me tremendously as it targets not only the depression, but it actually operates to reduce the compulsion to eat - there are other medications available now that are effective against this compulsion as well. Please don't be afraid to talk to a good doctor and explain what you are experiencing; and
2) overcoming this has to mean everything to you. It can't be just something you casually want. And if eating excessively is ruining your health and impeding other areas of your life, but you still can't stop, go back to #1, because you are experiencing compulsive/addictive behavior that is likely related to underlying depression and hopelessness.
For me, #2 fell into place when the neurosurgeon told me I had to lose weight so that my cancerous vertebrae could be removed and replaced with plates and pins. That cut through all my excuses and all my delays and self-indulgence...but it took a live or die situation to get me there. Then #1 fell into place when I started taking Wellbutrin. The medication holds that cloud of dark hopelessness at bay just enough so that I can do what I have to do...not eat the package of cookies...each day. Or most days. Anyway, OP, I hope I've given you food for thought. Wishing you much success and freedom...don't give up.4 -
I totally understand these feelings and my heart goes out to you. I used to buy a box of fruit roll ups or granola bars and eat the entire box on the 10 min drive home. I thought the feelings to binge would never leave. About a year ago I began strength training and eating differently. I fought the urges to binge at first (they were strong!) but when I began to eat a lower carb higher fat diet, my cravings pretty much disappeared. I thought it was a miracle to say the least. I didn't have to fight a cookie craving because there was no craving. I've only had a couple binges since, and those have been because I ate too little during the day. I also tried to think a lot about how much I hated where I was with my fitness and weight, and wanted to do anything to get out of that rut. I'm still fat, but I'm making progress.1
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I literally stand in the isle, reading the nutritional info on the back, get angry that I can't afford to eat it and then walk away dejectedly haha. I do this every time I shop but I always feel really satisfied after I leave the store.
Don't give up what you want for what you want right now.
lol actually, I do this too. Sometimes I wander down the salty snacks aisle, looking at all the nutritional info and hoping that one day I'll see a magical bag of potato chips with no carbs, no fat, no sodium.... It hasn't happened so far, but still I keep checking.
But I never put those chips in my cart because I just don't want to blow my entire day's calorie count on snacks, no matter how badly I want them.
Oh that's a trick I use -- Whenever I do want to snack or indulge, I put the numbers in beforehand. There have been plenty of times I've entered "small fries" into MFP and then erased it when I just couldn't stand spending so much on them.1 -
I avoid the bakery section for that very reason. If I buy it I will eat it ALL.1
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Buy a single serving of cookies.1
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Plan a treat day. Stay on your healthy eating plan for 6 weeks with the thought of at the end of this 6 weeks I'll be able to have whatever I want on that treat day. Then on that treat day eat your maintenance calories of all the food that you've been craving. That way it's not a no no food, because you'll be able to have it eventually.2
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The cookies are taking care of an unmet need. The cookies aren't working very well because you keep going back for a repeat. The struggle is not on the cookie shelf, it's between your rational and your inarticulate self.
I had a sit-down talk with my inarticulate self and I promised her I would take care of her and never let her starve. Instead of fighting your vulnerable self, make peace with him and get him on side with your life reforming goals.
I'm going to make a couple book recommendations and give a few ideas.
The Power of Habit by Duhigg
http://charlesduhigg.com/the-power-of-habit/
The Happiness Hypothesis by Haidt.
In chapter 2 he introduces the metaphor of the elephant and the rider. The struggle you so eloquently describe is between your rational side (the rider) and your emotional, F-the world inarticulate side. If the elephant want the banana the elephant take the banana. Chapter 2 is free online somewhere.
To turn the elephant around, convince it that another path is in his best interest....kindly. No more beating up your elephant! All it does is annoy the beast and wear out your whipping arm.
- When you buy the cookies, own the decision. Rationally, without the attendant emotion. They are JUST a box of cookies.
- Distraction and redirect. The elephant is listening right now so make your own secret plans how you will distract your inner beast.
- Take a hike to an isolated inspirational spot and let loose a nice stream of F/U invective. Give a voice to your wild beast away from the cookies.
- Write a book, man. You are putting voice to a struggle that is very real.
Power of Habit is a life changing book!! Highly recommend. Just understanding where your impulses come from will help you come up with strategies to break them. There are lots of great ideas in this thread; some will speak to you, some won't be much help to your personal triggers.
I like the idea of having a cookie or two and then throwing away the box. The truth is that if it's a favorite food, it will be brutal to do for most people. I love sourdough bread and can make a pretty healthy sandwich with it. I tell myself I just eat maybe two sandwiches within a couple of days from the loaf and then throw away the rest or freeze it. It has never once happened; I can't do it. And I basically eat sourdough everything for the next 5 days. For whatever reason even if it's not too many calories, bread makes me gain weight so it's just something that i really shouldn't do if losing weight is my goal. So if I am really craving sourdough bread there is a restaurant I go to that sells a basket of sourdough toast which is 4 pieces and $20!! Such a joke vs $5 for the loaf. But the way I look at it, I am paying for it to "go away" and limit myself to 4 pieces. Maybe if you are having a cookie craving, you can find a nice bakery that has a favorite large or single cookie and go there on occasion. It's more expensive but it will link the behavior with a 'treat' behavior and entertaining special thing and it will have a limit vs a whole box. Probably taste better too! If you want to be turned off of cookies, get those 100 calorie packs. They don't taste good and may break the cookie habit.
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..... I get a little pleasure while eating, but it's the pleasure of throwing caution to the winds. It's a big "F you" to the world that says I shouldn't do it...but really it's a big "F you" to myself, the only one who really cares if I'm fatter or skinnier, fitter or less fit.
....How do you...not? How do you not buy the cookies?
I go work out, and while I'm doing that, I imagine punching a representative of the world I want to say "*kitten* you" to in the throat. Whoever I'm irritated at that day usually works.
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As far as how to avoid temptations - you just have to not do it. You'll get the reward of feeling like you made the right decision, and then after a few times, it gets easier. If going to the grocery store regularly leads to impulse buys, don't go to the store! I find that I spend less money and buy less junk food when I order my groceries online and pick them up. Maybe you have something like that in your area? You could also ask your wife to do the shopping if that's an option. 1
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Only go into the grocery store with a list and only go down the aisles of things on that list. I avoid the cookies and chips aisle like the plague. I do not look in the frozen desserts freezers. I don't hang out among the breads and baked goods. I do, however, spend a good deal of time in the produce section and often with a list that just says "veggies." I browse the mushrooms, the parsleys, the squashes, the greens. I contemplate stuffing poblanos. I look to see if the portobellos are especially large this week. I look to see if the eggplants are little and shiny. I buy the beets when they are huge. I half fill the cart with veggies and I don't feel deprived when I go through the checkout -- though sometimes I have to help the clerk find the listing for strange veggies.1
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The cookies are taking care of an unmet need. The cookies aren't working very well because you keep going back for a repeat. The struggle is not on the cookie shelf, it's between your rational and your inarticulate self.
I had a sit-down talk with my inarticulate self and I promised her I would take care of her and never let her starve. Instead of fighting your vulnerable self, make peace with him and get him on side with your life reforming goals.
I'm going to make a couple book recommendations and give a few ideas.
The Power of Habit by Duhigg
http://charlesduhigg.com/the-power-of-habit/
The Happiness Hypothesis by Haidt.
In chapter 2 he introduces the metaphor of the elephant and the rider. The struggle you so eloquently describe is between your rational side (the rider) and your emotional, F-the world inarticulate side. If the elephant want the banana the elephant take the banana. Chapter 2 is free online somewhere.
To turn the elephant around, convince it that another path is in his best interest....kindly. No more beating up your elephant! All it does is annoy the beast and wear out your whipping arm.
- When you buy the cookies, own the decision. Rationally, without the attendant emotion. They are JUST a box of cookies.
- Distraction and redirect. The elephant is listening right now so make your own secret plans how you will distract your inner beast.
- Take a hike to an isolated inspirational spot and let loose a nice stream of F/U invective. Give a voice to your wild beast away from the cookies.
- Write a book, man. You are putting voice to a struggle that is very real.
Thank you for the book recommendations and this metaphor, jgnatca. I can visualize that, and that's kind of what it feels like. Except some days it feels like the elephant is the rider.0 -
whoffmann, you've described addiction to a t. You know it's bad, you know you'll regret it, you know a hundred reasons not to do it, you know you know you know..... But you do it anyway and you hate yourself for it.
This blog helped me immensely. I hope it can help you too, but if you see yourself in these symptoms and these steps don't work for you, please get professional help. Just because it's food and not crack doesn't mean you don't deserve to be free from it. Lots of love and hope to you.
http://blog.myfitnesspal.com/how-to-break-free-from-binge-eating/1 -
I just want to say a quick "thank you" to everyone who responded to this post. I have a lot to digest (ha ha) as there are many ideas in here, but it is so very inspiring that you all cared enough to write a response and to offer up a number of ideas. I think I will write a larger response to the many different ideas and strategies here, but as you can imagine, when I wrote the original post, I was in a pretty dark place, and just to have this level of support is just overwhelming. So, thank you all again.
This support helped me to NOT buy the cookies last night. And I ate the last one from the last box. So the house is now cookie free...if I can stick it out a couple days I know the sugar part of the craving will subside...but of course my brain will still be whispering self sabotage in my ear, so I am going to do some more reading of this thread and thinking about these strategies and trying to be better.
I wish everyone a very healthy day.
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ActionAnnieJXN wrote: »Thanks, everyone, for the encouragement and advice. I have tried so, so many of these things. I KNOW what I should not do. But I feel old and the world feels dark, and it's something that I can choose, I think. That I can choose for myself.
Some days, weeks, months are easier. But then the cycle drops again.
I understand, believe me. There are many good strategies listed in these responses, but they don't amount to a hill of beans when the compulsion hits. It seems to be more powerful than anything, ANYTHING else. I'll tell you honestly that only two things have helped me stop the madness:
1) there is in most cases an underlying depression and hopelessness that is at the root of this kind of compulsive eating. The antidepressant Wellbutrin is helping me tremendously as it targets not only the depression, but it actually operates to reduce the compulsion to eat - there are other medications available now that are effective against this compulsion as well. Please don't be afraid to talk to a good doctor and explain what you are experiencing; and
2) overcoming this has to mean everything to you. It can't be just something you casually want. And if eating excessively is ruining your health and impeding other areas of your life, but you still can't stop, go back to #1, because you are experiencing compulsive/addictive behavior that is likely related to underlying depression and hopelessness.
For me, #2 fell into place when the neurosurgeon told me I had to lose weight so that my cancerous vertebrae could be removed and replaced with plates and pins. That cut through all my excuses and all my delays and self-indulgence...but it took a live or die situation to get me there. Then #1 fell into place when I started taking Wellbutrin. The medication holds that cloud of dark hopelessness at bay just enough so that I can do what I have to do...not eat the package of cookies...each day. Or most days. Anyway, OP, I hope I've given you food for thought. Wishing you much success and freedom...don't give up.
@ActionAnnieJXN - thank you, that is an interesting idea that it could be something that medication could help. To be honest, I've thought of seeing a therapist many times over the years but I've always been able to pull my way out of the moment of depression, so I never have. It's scary to think of opening the Pandora's box of my motivations. But I've always fallen back into the eating, and gotten heavier overall through the ups and downs.
My issue at #2 is that I am often not that bad...I have a bad day and then I feel better soon, but maybe I ate way too much for that day (or week, month, months). Last year, I was so big and so fed up that I really was very disciplined for several months, lost 39 pounds, got about halfway to my goal weight, felt a lot better. Haven't been able to summon that level of commitment again, and have put about 15 pounds back on. It is depressing to see the chart go back up, but has not been quite enough to overcome the dark voice in the cookie aisle.
Anyway, thanks for the idea. Maybe I should see someone.0 -
For me, it's mind over matter. I'd like to eat an entire large pizza but I want to be at a healthy weight more. I did a lot of boredom and comfort eating in the past but I had to retrain my mind.1
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Three suggestions here really struck me as brilliant:
1) Online shopping. You'd probably save enough in impulse purchases to cover the fee. I don't do this because I like to select my own produce, but it occurs to me that I could go to only the produce department, and have everything else delivered.
2) If you know you're going to eat the whole box, log it while you're standing there in the aisle. Be fully informed about what you're going to do. Maybe you'll opt for a small pack instead. Stranger things have happened.
3) Talk to a mental health professional. You deserve to feel good, and to treat yourself well, and some therapy or medication might help you get there.
Best of luck!!2 -
@whoffmann nice to hear the metaphor fit. Making it through the first night is fantastic!
About the elephant taking over; look at it this way. Sometimes the elephant will go where it wants to and your rational side has no choice but to go along for the ride. Wait until the big E calms down before reasserting yourself.2 -
I try to shop during my IF window or when I am not feeling hungry (which I generally don't until I am getting very close to eating) and remind myself of how badly those foods make me feel. I want to feel lighter and healthier. I know how much better my back and joints feel when I am lighter. I pull up pictures of my last round of weight loss and how proud they made me feel. I want to be there again.
If I am shopping and want to cave, I tell myself I will finish my shopping before I reconsider. By the time I have finished my trip my mind is on getting home and relaxing. I don't want to mosey back to that aisle just to mess up my progress, because I know that's what will happen. I try to avoid even going in to the snacks/cookies aisle because I know it will only wear on my willpower.
I don't keep food that I have difficulty controlling myself with in the house. If I want cookies or pretzels, I get single servings so there is no more to tempt me after finishing my portion. I keep portion controlled 85% cocoa bars from Aldi in the house so if I want a sweet treat, I can do so without the temptation to finish off a big bar.
I joined TOPS club for weekly weigh ins and ongoing accountability and support. I remember that I have my TOPS club meeting each week and goals I am working toward. I want to be a division winner in TOPS club and want every weigh in to count. I think back to how badly I felt when I regained most of what I lost last time by falling back in to those behaviors.1
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