The (Ex)Husband Who Just Can't Do It.

My husband and I were married November 22, 2008.

We have been having major problems recently. I'm talking BIG problems. Problems with his domestic violence. Problems with his drinking. Problems with his anger.

On the phone, he threatened to kill me in front of the police. A restraining order was placed. He hired a lawyer to keep him out of jail. He cut off my phone, cut off my finances (I have a little boy, he's almost 2), cut off my internet, cut my gym membership, everything. He was angry and I knew it.

I wasn't going to stand for that mess. I'm not going to let someone belittle me, push me around, threaten me, insult me, whatever. So I moved back to where my family is (Mobile, AL) until my husband's grandpa died. I was very close to him so I came back for the funeral, where my husband was. We reconnected on another level, but I realize now that it was because we were blinded with grief.

He was so sweet and kind to me that weekend. So I dropped the domestic violence charges. I moved back. I figured we could maybe try to work it out. After all, there was a bit of love for him left in me. Why not try to rekindle it? So we talked. We set some boundaries. He promised (in tears and all) that he would get help. He would cut back with his drinking and he'd seek anger management and when he got home from his training, together we'd go see a marriage counselor.

I was diagnosed with depression and bi-polar disorder. It took a while to get diagnosed but once I did and I got on medicine, I seemed to be more normal. I went to counseling, too. I will never say I never did anything in my marriage, but I can say most of my behavior is a reaction to HIS behavior. I always feel like I have to be in defense mode, and I shouldn't have to feel like that.

What was I thinking to ask him to cut back his drinking?? That's who he is and if I have learned anything, it's that you cannot change someone. They are going to have to make that decision on their own. I guess I can just hope. He has been so sweet with his words lately, both on the phone and with text messages. I thought he really meant it.

But tonight he calls me, drunk. Very drunk. Very angry. For no reason at all. He's being manipulative and just plain MEAN. He's calling me names, insulting me, blaming me for anything and everything. I have just realized that this man isn't going to change. No matter what he's said that was so nice, I know now it's part of his game. I think I'm a good person. A fun, lovable, sweet, and caring person and I do not deserve this. I apologize for all those who won't agree with me, but I'm not looking for anyone to agree with me.

I just want people to know the second that I realized that he isn't my happily ever after; he's my happily NEVER after.

I don't mind personal messages if you want to know more details. This post is very general. Thanks all.