Why does everyone tell you what to do?
daisyfields79
Posts: 69 Member
It's really starting to driving me crazy, I've lost 15 pounds in just shy 3 weeks and people are starting to notice. They ask what I'm doing and I say I'm using this app and staying within the calories and stuff that it tells me to. Then they always have to put their 2 cents in, like oh you need to join a gym to do it properly, you not do that, it's bad for you, go on Atkins, way more protein, blah blah blah. Or oh 1 piece of cake will not hurt you, just have an ice cream cone. A few of these people telling me how to diet are not small themselves. Like 400 pounds so why am I going to listen to them or the ones telling me to eat junk are like a size 3. Seriously this is my life style change and I'm doing it the way that works for me, I mean 15 pounds in just under 3 weeks and I'm not feeling deprived. I eat 3 meals a day and snacks so I'm not starving myself, I'm walking everyday which I have not done on 20+ years. I can't eat ice cream because I'm not ready to yet, I'm a junk food addict and my life style change to kick my addiction to the curb has only just begun. They don't tell a crack head who's trying to quit, hey just do 1 line, it will not hurt, or the alcoholic trying to quit drinking, come on 1 beer will not hurt you because they know it will. Sorry rant over. I just need to vent.
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Replies
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Been there!4
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Cue the endless stream of people who will tell you exactly how to deal with busybodies.14
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I know your pain. Some people think their experts after going on a so called "diet" for about two weeks. I've been told to go on Atkins, I've been told to go on slimfast - which I did for a month and it *kitten* up my digestion. I had another girl, all because I had put on a bit of weight, tell me about this diet that would help the weight drop off - which was essentially eating cereal and toast for breaking, which was fine, eating just a sandwich for lunch and then yet again eating cereal and toast for dinner.
Everyone assumes that just because you're losing weight that you're starving yourself or depriving yourself.6 -
15 lbs in 3 weeks? That's an awful lot. I do hope you're getting good nutrition. As far as the self-styled experts: Smile and say "For now this is working for me. I'm going to stick with it." Then change the topic!14
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People still tell me what to do, I just smile and say okay.4
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I try to avoid conversations about what I'm eating/not eating for this reason.5
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ISweat4This wrote: »People still tell me what to do, I just smile and say okay.
That's exactly what I do. It's important to understand why they do this. They're trying to be helpful/have a conversation/relate/share "knowledge"...etc. Basically just people trying to communicate. Every time I'm tempted to get annoyed I just think of their behavior as "human". In most cases they're not being malicious or trying to deliberately annoy me, so I talk myself out of irrationally feeling a negative emotion. Not sure how that would work for others, but it works for me because I was socially weird as a kid and had to learn how to rationalize interactions, and it paid off in more than one way when I grew up.20 -
Yeah, I shut down the topic unless I think they are seeing advice sincerely (and that was WELL into my loss).
During the beginning phases of my weight loss if someone said "you've lost weight," I'd just say "thanks" or maybe "you think? cool." If someone asks if I am doing anything, I might have said "oh, the usual, eating less, moving more" or maybe "working out a lot" or "watching what I eat, nothing special." Then I'd change the subject.
I have a few people I talk to about more stuff, but I know they are more on the same wavelength and won't try to tell me what to do.6 -
Wow, you're doing great!! It's tempting to try to psychoanalyze why they do it, but it's really a waste of effort. As someone said, just smile and say ok.2
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I have never experienced anyone attempting to give me health/fitness/diet advice. I understand it happens a lot from reading the forums, but evidently not to me.4
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My mom about lost her mind when I brought a pack of ramen noodles over for lunch. "It's all carbs! You need protein with every meal! And you need AT LEAST 45g of protein a day!"
No, mom. YOU need protein at every meal because you had your guts rearranged and don't absorb nutrients properly, and still have trouble keeping off most of the weight you lost from doing so. And you also don't know that I usually land between 80 and 100g of protein per day. But go ahead and tell me how to eat.
Ok, I don't say all that, though I'd like to. She's my mom. She loves me. She's worried about me regaining the weight and she wants to help. A LOT.13 -
Thanks for the replies, I lost 10 pounds the first week and 2.5ish the last 2 weeks. It's just so annoying, obviously what I'm doing is working so I just don't understand why people tell you what to do or that what you're doing is wrong. Lol6
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It's like so many other things in life. Everyone has their own opinion and what they think you should do, how and when, etc. I had a lot of people telling me not to throw out or give away my "fat clothes" because as they said, "you know you'll gain most of it back and then what will you do for clothes? Have to buy them all again!"
What a way to help someone lose weight, right? Well, I say you read, watch and learn whatever you can on weight loss, dieting and workouts. You apply what you think will work for you and if it doesn't, try a small change to something until you find what works. Simple. Screw the people who think they know more than you do. You do for you.5 -
This is where you learn to just smile, nod your head and say "okay, thanks", then move on. It's NEVER ENDING.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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This is where you learn to just smile, nod your head and say "okay, thanks", then move on. It's NEVER ENDING.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
This! ^0 -
This is where you learn to just smile, nod your head and say "okay, thanks", then move on. It's NEVER ENDING.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
It's true.
3 to 4 years later I still get people asking what I did to lose weight. Then they don't like the answer, and tell me they're watching carbs/sugar/drinking shakes, etc. Good for them. I don't discuss it otherwise and I never give advice unless specifically asked for. It never ends well. Just smile, you do you, and they can do whatever their "expert" opinion is.3 -
NareenaTheGypsy wrote: »It's like so many other things in life. Everyone has their own opinion and what they think you should do, how and when, etc. I had a lot of people telling me not to throw out or give away my "fat clothes" because as they said, "you know you'll gain most of it back and then what will you do for clothes? Have to buy them all again!"
What a way to help someone lose weight, right? Well, I say you read, watch and learn whatever you can on weight loss, dieting and workouts. You apply what you think will work for you and if it doesn't, try a small change to something until you find what works. Simple. Screw the people who think they know more than you do. You do for you.
Ha! This really spoke to me as I actually spent the weekend culling my closet and pulling out everything I've shrunk down out of. I was telling my husband that part of my ability to ignore my weight re-gain was the fact that I never had to buy new clothes. There was always something larger in my closet that fit me. This time around I'm going to slash and burn everything I get too big for so that I CANT ignore the gain. Jeans getting too tight? Better lose the weight or admit that you gained weight and are now up a size, so again, better lose the weight!
He thought it was a great idea. If he gave me the "you know you'll gain most of it back" line I'd have probably tried to scratch his eyes out.
*On the plus size I have lots of clothes that are too small so it's saving me tons of money as I slim down.
I don't really talk to people about my eating habits. I find it really hard to not roll my eyes so hard I go blind when ppl start talking about fad diets or "good fats vs bad fats" etc etc.
I know they mean well but...
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MsHarryWinston wrote: »I know they mean well but...
That's exactly what I keep in mind. It's okay. They mean well.
And then I remind myself of the good examples like my friend and colleague who - despite avidly stating she hates the gym, she prefers running in summer and skiing in winter - wishes me a friendly 'Have a nice and successful workout!' when I leave work with my gym back. I am tankful for all people of her kind.
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That's why I don't go around telling everyone my business. If they ask if I lost weight I say "some" and when they ask how I just say "just trying to eat a little better" - when you get into the details it gives them room for input. Shorter, non-descriptive answers and then change the subject works for me.4
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I think people are trying to be helpful. Like if you say you have stomach issues, they may say they've heard you should drink some tea, even if they never got to try it themselves.
But it can be rough when people who haven't succeeded at weight loss tell you you're wrong when you've been maintaining forever. All you can do then is smile, nod, and swap the subject.3 -
dragon_girl26 wrote: »This is where you learn to just smile, nod your head and say "okay, thanks", then move on. It's NEVER ENDING.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
It's true.
3 to 4 years later I still get people asking what I did to lose weight. Then they don't like the answer, and tell me they're watching carbs/sugar/drinking shakes, etc. Good for them. I don't discuss it otherwise and I never give advice unless specifically asked for. It never ends well. Just smile, you do you, and they can do whatever their "expert" opinion is.
Totally! I have a colleague who's doing keto. She can't eat that way forever and has gained 7 of the 36 pounds lost, since she started eating more carbs. She's going back on "the diet." She's been cycling on and off fad diets for years. (Not that I'm implying keto is a fad diet, but the way she's using it--as a diet and not a lifestyle change, makes it one.) HCG, paleo, Atkins, Weight Watchers, combos of different diets ... I just smile and nod. She asked me once and I told her. She had no interest. Her choice. Now she's got another colleague on "the plan." I just encourage them and keep doing my thing.3 -
"This isn't something I would like to discuss"
I would just shut them down from the get go. There are some people in my life I will discuss diet/fitness with. But with most people it just derails into useless woo discussions that last foreverrrrr. Its up there with religion and politics on the list of things I prefer not to talk to aquantances about.3 -
Ugh. Humans.5
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It mostly only bothers me when they're trying to sell me something. They don't always take no for an answer (I'm looking at you MLMs), and then I have to get blunt. I hate it when I have to get blunt.
I know this works, I know I can sustain it for the long term. I have non desire to sell my firstborn off in order to afford expensive shakes and overpriced workout DVDs.2 -
Right there with ya. I'm down 21lbs in 8 weeks and feeling good about my progress, and I have people questioning why I chose calorie counting. What the heck does it matter?! It's working for me. I frequently tell folks that when they decide to lose weight, they can go vegan or jump on the Keto train if they want, but I'm doing what works for me and I'm making sure to eat enough to support my body's needs.1
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I have a friend who has had success with the Paleo diet, and he encouraged me to try that. Another friend is doing low carb eating, and she encouraged me to do that. My sister-in-law tried to explain the point system that Weight Watchers uses. I just smile and say I'm glad they've found something that works for them. (And without saying anything to them, I'm sticking with MFP because it's working for me!)3
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drcathyc81 wrote: »15 lbs in 3 weeks? That's an awful lot. I do hope you're getting good nutrition. As far as the self-styled experts: Smile and say "For now this is working for me. I'm going to stick with it." Then change the topic!
It is a lot, but it's not a crazy amount depending on how much the poster has to lose. A lot of people drop a significant amount in the first week of dieting (just as sometimes people lose nothing the first week). I've gone on 1200 calorie a day diets and lost 6lbs the first week, 4 the next, and 3 the next (and then it usually drops down to 2 per week).
Daisyfields79... everyone, everywhere (even here) is going to tell you what you should be doing, even if whatever you're doing is working for you. and it is working for you! you're doing great.
So... when someone gives you unwanted advice, just smile and say thanks and then keep on doing your thang.
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Human nature. Everyone thinks they're an expert.
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daisyfields79 wrote: »It's really starting to driving me crazy, I've lost 15 pounds in just shy 3 weeks and people are starting to notice. They ask what I'm doing and I say I'm using this app and staying within the calories and stuff that it tells me to. Then they always have to put their 2 cents in, like oh you need to join a gym to do it properly, you not do that, it's bad for you, go on Atkins, way more protein, blah blah blah. Or oh 1 piece of cake will not hurt you, just have an ice cream cone. A few of these people telling me how to diet are not small themselves. Like 400 pounds so why am I going to listen to them or the ones telling me to eat junk are like a size 3. Seriously this is my life style change and I'm doing it the way that works for me, I mean 15 pounds in just under 3 weeks and I'm not feeling deprived. I eat 3 meals a day and snacks so I'm not starving myself, I'm walking everyday which I have not done on 20+ years. I can't eat ice cream because I'm not ready to yet, I'm a junk food addict and my life style change to kick my addiction to the curb has only just begun. They don't tell a crack head who's trying to quit, hey just do 1 line, it will not hurt, or the alcoholic trying to quit drinking, come on 1 beer will not hurt you because they know it will. Sorry rant over. I just need to vent.
We tell you what to do because we care
oh, BTW, carbs will make you fat, and be careful about the protein you eat because if it's not organic, it will give you cancer! Oh, and you shouldn't eat fats, unless they come from chicken thighs and fish, because all other fats are bad for you. I would give more advice, but I need to check that book on weight loss I borrowed from the library. It's really great!!! I can't wait to start following the rules in this book. . . next Monday, that is. 11
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