Feeling frustrated with my family

imanibelle
imanibelle Posts: 130 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I live with my dad and am in training for a job. I won't get my first check till the first of next month. I'm trying to eat healthier while counting calories, though I still eat stuff like sugar and rice or bread or junk in moderation. I currently depend on my parents for food and appreciate their help, but the healthiest things available to me to eat in this house are four things - fruit, oatmeal, eggs and fish, and even the last two aren't always available. There's been no fish for days. But I'm ok with that and just make do with what is in the house. What is starting to frustrate me is that we're a fat family, with my parents being morbidly obese and me being in the 180s now (was 240), and my parents eat nothing but takeout, fried foods, and sugar, butter and cheese laden simple carbs, but my dad has a problem with the way I eat. He says he plans to change his diet and cut out the "bad" foods and buy a bunch of nutritious stuff, but hasn't chosen to start yet. But meanwhile, I'm hearing from him that the way I eat isn't healthy. He sometimes feels the need to remind me that the one serving of plain rice with no butter or oil that I put with my fish or eggs isn't healthy (I'm aware of that, but I don't have that many food options) and also insists that oatmeal and eggs are unhealthy, too. He even told me yesterday that NOTHING I eat is healthy, but when I asked him to explain, he just kept insisting nothing I eat is healthy and then asked me what I ate today when I asked him to explain again. I told him i eat the healthy stuff that's available here, and he's like, "Oh. Well, eggs and oatmeal aren't healthy. Neither is rice." I don't get that. If he's worried about health and wants to make a change, why is everything in the house, besides the eggs and oatmeal and fish and fruit, fried stuff and sugar, buttery stuff? Would he rather I eat what he eats than eat what Im eating now? And if hes worried, why does he offer me sugar and butter laden hot cereal, French toast, fried chicken or fish, pizza and tea thats syrupy with sugar all the time, even though I almost always say no? It's just frustrating. Am I wrong to feel frustrated?
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Replies

  • Joanna2012B
    Joanna2012B Posts: 1,448 Member
    I say just do your time while you are there. Continue to be thankful of his assistance. Maintain eating what you believe is right with what you have available. When dad is telling you his opinion just nod and say thank you. Once you are out on your own you can decide what foods you buy and put in your body. Unfortunately you will have people telling you that some of what you have listed like Eggs, Oatmeal and Rice are healthy options. I am thinking that maybe you need to some research on healthy options and portions. Maybe if you happen to print it and leave it somewhere that dad can read he may lay off a little.
  • imanibelle
    imanibelle Posts: 130 Member
    Joanna2012B wrote: »
    I say just do your time while you are there. Continue to be thankful of his assistance. Maintain eating what you believe is right with what you have available. When dad is telling you his opinion just nod and say thank you. Once you are out on your own you can decide what foods you buy and put in your body. Unfortunately you will have people telling you that some of what you have listed like Eggs, Oatmeal and Rice are healthy options. I am thinking that maybe you need to some research on healthy options and portions. Maybe if you happen to print it and leave it somewhere that dad can read he may lay off a little.

    I have done research. Now please explain why eggs and oatmeal are bad for you.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    imanibelle wrote: »
    I hope this does not turn into a thread about whether or not it's ok to eat pizza. No offense, but this is not what I asked about. I know it's ok to eat pizza in moderation, but I'm frustrated with being offered pizza and fried,chicken, but being told it's unhealthy to eat eggs or oatmeal. I guess it's just a vent.

    I understand your frustration. I imagine it would be extremely difficult if not impossible to get your father to change his mind and I personally wouldn't even bother.

    Does your mom do the shopping? Can you go with her? If you request items, will she get them?
  • Joanna2012B
    Joanna2012B Posts: 1,448 Member
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    imanibelle wrote: »
    Joanna2012B wrote: »
    I say just do your time while you are there. Continue to be thankful of his assistance. Maintain eating what you believe is right with what you have available. When dad is telling you his opinion just nod and say thank you. Once you are out on your own you can decide what foods you buy and put in your body. Unfortunately you will have people telling you that some of what you have listed like Eggs, Oatmeal and Rice are healthy options. I am thinking that maybe you need to some research on healthy options and portions. Maybe if you happen to print it and leave it somewhere that dad can read he may lay off a little.

    I have done research. Now please explain why eggs and oatmeal are bad for you.

    I think she made a typo and meant to agree with you that your food choices are healthy and you could print out something to this effect for your father to read.

    Thank you @kshama2001, yes typo!
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    Joanna2012B wrote: »
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    imanibelle wrote: »
    Joanna2012B wrote: »
    I say just do your time while you are there. Continue to be thankful of his assistance. Maintain eating what you believe is right with what you have available. When dad is telling you his opinion just nod and say thank you. Once you are out on your own you can decide what foods you buy and put in your body. Unfortunately you will have people telling you that some of what you have listed like Eggs, Oatmeal and Rice are healthy options. I am thinking that maybe you need to some research on healthy options and portions. Maybe if you happen to print it and leave it somewhere that dad can read he may lay off a little.

    I have done research. Now please explain why eggs and oatmeal are bad for you.

    I think she made a typo and meant to agree with you that your food choices are healthy and you could print out something to this effect for your father to read.

    Thank you @kshama2001, yes typo!

    @Joanna2012B I think you still have time to edit it :)
  • Joanna2012B
    Joanna2012B Posts: 1,448 Member
    Actually to be exact, I mis-read what she had said. I thought she was agreeing that those choices were unhealthy.
  • laurabadams
    laurabadams Posts: 201 Member
    imanibelle wrote: »
    I hope this does not turn into a thread about whether or not it's ok to eat pizza. No offense, but this is not what I asked about. I know it's ok to eat pizza in moderation, but I'm frustrated with being offered pizza and fried,chicken, but being told it's unhealthy to eat eggs or oatmeal. I guess it's just a vent.

    The only non-rhetorical question I saw in your thread was whether it's okay to feel frustrated. And yes, that's okay.
  • imanibelle
    imanibelle Posts: 130 Member
    Muscleflex79 wrote: »
    imanibelle wrote: »
    I give up. I don't think anyone understands what's frustrating me. It's just a dumb rant. Thanks to those who replied, but I'm out.

    what kind of responses were you hoping for?? people told you to work with what you have while you are there...what else were you hoping to hear??

    I didn't make this post to complain or ask what to do about the types of food that are available here. I know I need to make do with the food I have and I'm doing it gladly. I made this post as a vent because I'm frustrated that when I make efforts I'm told what I'm eating is unhealthy, but there are no healthier alternatives. I guess it makes me annoyed and doesnt make any sense to me. But whatever. Probably shouldn't have even posted.
  • imanibelle
    imanibelle Posts: 130 Member
    edited August 2017
    I don't think he's trying to make me fail or be miserable. I think he wants to be healthier, but just isn't doing it right now. It just frustrates me that my efforts get criticized as not healthy and that mixed messages are being sent. I shouldn't get mad about it, but I try not to be rude to him because hes my dad and just felt the need to vent here.
    Seems like it's all or nothing - either we all eat nothing but fried chicken and au gratin potatoes or we ban a bunch of foods and go on some expensive food regime. Why can't we be more moderate and just eat better with less portions and not fry everything or put butter on everything? Oh, right, thats unhealthy because it might involve eggs or oatmeal.
    I know I come off as horrible person on here, but it just makes no sense. I never tell my dad what he should or shouldn't eat.
  • jennsavage3
    jennsavage3 Posts: 9 Member
    I'd say your dad maybe feels defensive of his own food choices. There's not much you can do about that, but eat what you can and just let him know you appreciate his supporting you and helping you during this time. And vent on MFP if needed :)
  • cblairnh
    cblairnh Posts: 25 Member
    240 to 180s is a gigantic weight loss -- especially with a limited variety of food to choose from! Your dad probably sees that you've done what he hasn't even though he has the ability to make the same food choices, and he's (maybe subconsciously) sabotaging your efforts to show that the weight loss is not sustainable in the long run.

    Once you are able to buy your own food, consider eating a very healthy lunch while you're out of the house (grocery stores often have reasonably priced to-go meals, like salads with chicken) and eat what your dad offers while at home. Maybe buy some vegetables you think your dad will eat and share them at dinnertime. My thinking is not to alienate your dad by seeming like you are "better than him" but to gradually help him add more varied and vitamin-rich foods to his diet. You could even buy and cook dinner one or two nights a week.
  • imanibelle
    imanibelle Posts: 130 Member
    edited August 2017
    Thx to everyone who replied, even those who said i sound unappreciative. Venting makes stuff better and I feel a little calmer now. I'll take your advice into consideration. Also, could be true that I don't appreciate it. However, that doesn't get rid of the frustration and I probably should just move out when I get the resources.
  • Kathryn247
    Kathryn247 Posts: 570 Member
    Sometimes parents respond with anger when their child makes choices beyond the parent's experience. Parents who don't have much formal education sometimes criticize their children for wanting to finish high school or go to college. I don't know what causes this, maybe it's fear of being left behind or feeling inadequate. I understand the frustration - you're doing a great thing to live a better life, and they aren't supporting you in that. They are supporting you in some things, though, so hopefully you can ride it out and keep working towards the life you want. I wish you the best of luck!

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