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need some comforting words please, my parents hurt me and are not sorry... (long)

NerdTurdNerdTurd Member Posts: 15 Member Member Posts: 15 Member
i have been staying with my parents for 2 weeks because i have been moving into a new place. i am constantly made feel like a child and my dad always complains that i am lazy but i know for a fact i am not, i just don't respond to stupid snotty passive-aggressive hints. (which usually they do all the time)
Today i offered to help my mum clean up and she said "no it's ok i got it"... i said to her "no it's ok i can help you give me a second".. and she started yelling at me saying "no you never move your @ss or do anything around the house, always lazy.. bla bla bla"
i was super upset because i had JUST offered to help but it's like anything nice i do is completely overlooked...  i can never do anything right with my parents ... ever. they always make me feel so dumb and useless and they throw ANYTHING they do for me in my face like it's ok that they don't treat me with respect because they do things for me. which i know is emotional blackmail or something along the lines.
i said to her "i offered to help now you are saying i am lazy and never do anything i can't win" then out of NOWHERE she says "i can't wait to fking get rid of you, that's why me and dad are getting this place sorted for you so we can get you in i have had enough of you"
after 30 mins had passed she came into the room and acted like NOTHING had happened. ofc i was still upset and angry so i told her where she can go. 
she and my dad went out for a couple of hours shopping and i stayed at home and cried my eyes out.

a few hours later when they came home i asked her if she was even sorry and she said .. "i have NOTHING to be fking sorry for, god no wonder you don't have any fking mates you scare them all away"
I shouted at her and told her she was a b*tch, that how could she be so fking nasty when ALL i did was offer to help. it just completely spiralled out of control because my mum decided she wanted to be as evil as she could be today for some reason. she also got my dad shouting at me i ended up storming out the house and finding somewhere i could be alone for an hour or so.

things had calmed down and my mum still wasn't apologising, so i apologised JUST to keep the peace because they are helping me move into my new place so it would be very awkward if the argument went on.. she still didn't think she did anything wrong. it was still all my fault.
anyway...SOMEHOW we are ok now.... but i am still hurting so fking much and i just want to cry all the time but i know i can't so i hide the pain. my mum still hasn't said sorry to me.....  i feel so insignificant and unwanted i just don't know what to do or how to feel anymore. i already hate myself enough and they just add the perfect parts to make me feel even worse about myself. 
they seem happy that we are all fine again... i pretend to be fine but really i am hurting so much my heart hurts and i keep crying when they are not around and quickly dry my face before they see me.
my mum and dad never say sorry when they hurt me...and i am thinking that i might not see them or talk to them as often when i move in my new home..  
i feel bad because my mum and dad seem so happy we are all ok.. but i am not ok. they don't understand how much they hurt me... and if i say anything no matter how nice i always get shouted at, or told to shut up. 

i don't have anyone who i can talk to so any words of wisdom would be appreciated, and if you have read the whole thing thank you.
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Replies

  • BeachHot23BeachHot23 Member Posts: 117 Member Member Posts: 117 Member
  • allaboutthecakeallaboutthecake Member Posts: 1,439 Member Member Posts: 1,439 Member
    "Boundaries" by Dr Henry Cloud. Get it on paperback or electronic. Its super cheap to purchase. Or go find it in your library...which will get you out of the house. it really helps.
  • NerdTurdNerdTurd Member Posts: 15 Member Member Posts: 15 Member
    TLDR

    ... i didn't realise i would attract such stupidity. i said it was long... so bye.


    thank you to everyone who actually tried to raise my spirits. bless you xxx
  • Elott7840Elott7840 Member, Premium Posts: 6 Member Member, Premium Posts: 6 Member
    I would suggest looking online for self help or self empowerment videos and courses. Marisa Peer is amazing and so is Mel Robbins. They both have free videos that you can watch on YouTube, and also offer books and courses you can purchase from their respective websites. There are also wonderful books about Verbal Abuse available from Amazon or your local library and since your family is in a very obvious cycle of being verbally abusive to one another, these books will help you to identify the problem and teach you strategies to deal with it. You want break that vicious circle now, before you choose a life partner who is also verbally abusive. Best of luck to you, remember even tho you feel unloved and unwanted, The Universe wanted you here or you wouldn't be here. Reaching out to this community is a good first start!
  • rheddmobilerheddmobile Member Posts: 6,539 Member Member Posts: 6,539 Member
    I'm sorry you're going through this. You'll have your own place soon.

    In the meantime, shouting back isn't helping, and expecting impossible people to apologize isn't going to get the results you want. Keep the peace, for your own sanity, and also because it's bad manners to call someone names in her own house. You don't have to buy into her narrative. Just because she behaves badly doesn't mean you have to become part of the crazy. Think about it - which would upset her more, you shouting and calling her a name, or you smiling and quietly doing the cleaning without another comment? She clearly isn't bothered by the first. If you do the second, she will have failed to get a rise out of you. You win. Plus you get the satisfying feeling of being a grown up person. No one can make you feel like a child without your permission.
  • Avocado_AngelAvocado_Angel Member Posts: 2,362 Member Member Posts: 2,362 Member
    Maybe your parents don't actually know how to treat you like a grown up? I had similar issues with my parents, turns out it's you who has to teach them how to treat you. Walking away and refusing to put up with bad treatment is a way to show your parents that you won't be treated this way. It doesn't change things over night but eventually they will catch on. Hopefully
  • al71038al71038 Member Posts: 1 Member Member Posts: 1 Member
    screw your parents they don't appreciate how cool you are <3 hang in there you'll be out soon. Try to not pay attention to them if they're just being illogically rude. Try to spend time away from them, and make sure you have someone to talk to, anyone at all. I hope you get through it <3
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