Scared to lose weight even though I know I should to be healthy
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kshama2001 wrote: »TeethOfTheHydra wrote: »I read your story, its not pleasant. I am still not clear, what is the imperative for your weight loss? It seems not only are you putting too much pressure on yourself at a time when your schooling, job, and finances are stretched thin, but you're expressing a lot of anxiety, to say the least, and have a track record of placing your health at risk while trying to lose weight.
I'd suggest re-thinking your goals and questioning whether now is the optimal time to be taking on weight loss, particularly without the professional help that some are suggesting you seek. If you need something to do to feel productive, then I'd suggest learning to cut off soda and go to water. Not only a health benefit (and probably sparing your teeth too) but also you'll save good $$$ by just drinking free water.
Good luck, really! You've had it tough, it would be great to see you come back.
It's not super imperative I lose weight immediately however it is taking a toll on my self esteem because I know being over 200 pounds is not healthy for me and it makes me feel like a sausage roll. I've been working with a therapist for anxiety since 2nd senior year and I graduated in May I have been feeling a lot better overall since leaving school, I don't know if it's the therapy working or because I've left the toxic environment behind. My job doesn't have a fantastic pay but it's only 40 hours a week of solid modeling and analysis which is relaxing and soothing to me. But in trying to find the root of some of my deeper anxieties I was told to attempt dieting at a slow rate to see if it will break my food insecurities. Basically showing myself that I can slowly lose weight without anything bad happening. My therapist isn't a nutritionist or dietician so no help there really. I got referrals to places charging $30/hour, my therapist only charges $20/hour but $10 of it is paid by insurance. My insurance won't pay for me to see a nutritionist/dietician or do anything to help me lose weight unless I'm clinically obese. Right now I'm just obese but I don't want to be.
Realistically if I could even get my waist down to 1/2 my height I would be happy with that. Supposedly that ratio is equivalent to a BMI of 25. I would need to lose 7 inches off my waist. I would be 170lbs if my weight trends like it did last time. I tend to lose quite a lot on the waist when I diet since I don't have much lower body fat. Even now I can see individual muscle groups on my legs, but my torso looks like a doughnut, and I know it's not healthy to have too much fat on your waist.
Does your therapist offer Cognitive Behavioral Therapy? This can be very effective for weight loss. I would consider it far more valuable than a dietitian, but don't know if that is universally true, and have started a separate thread on this. http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10594237/cognitive-behavioral-therapy-v-dietitian-and-why/p1
Do lose it slowly.
Re BMI - what’s your frame size? http://www.myfooddiary.com/Resources/frame_size_calculator.asp
I have a large frame and the only time I've had a BMI as low as 24 was after 6 weeks of undereating and overexercising during boot camp. (When I first arrived there, I had to get boots and hats from the men's side of the uniforms room because there weren't any big enough in women's. At 5'6", I'm not especially tall. I've always had a hard time buying bracelets. I wear men's shoes as often as I can get away with it.)
My goal is to get back into my skinny jeans from when I was a full time yoga teacher, which will have me at a Low Overweight BMI, and I'm ok with that.
According to that calculator I have a medium frame, though I have no idea how that effects what weight I should aim for.0 -
kshama2001 wrote: »TeethOfTheHydra wrote: »I read your story, its not pleasant. I am still not clear, what is the imperative for your weight loss? It seems not only are you putting too much pressure on yourself at a time when your schooling, job, and finances are stretched thin, but you're expressing a lot of anxiety, to say the least, and have a track record of placing your health at risk while trying to lose weight.
I'd suggest re-thinking your goals and questioning whether now is the optimal time to be taking on weight loss, particularly without the professional help that some are suggesting you seek. If you need something to do to feel productive, then I'd suggest learning to cut off soda and go to water. Not only a health benefit (and probably sparing your teeth too) but also you'll save good $$$ by just drinking free water.
Good luck, really! You've had it tough, it would be great to see you come back.
It's not super imperative I lose weight immediately however it is taking a toll on my self esteem because I know being over 200 pounds is not healthy for me and it makes me feel like a sausage roll. I've been working with a therapist for anxiety since 2nd senior year and I graduated in May I have been feeling a lot better overall since leaving school, I don't know if it's the therapy working or because I've left the toxic environment behind. My job doesn't have a fantastic pay but it's only 40 hours a week of solid modeling and analysis which is relaxing and soothing to me. But in trying to find the root of some of my deeper anxieties I was told to attempt dieting at a slow rate to see if it will break my food insecurities. Basically showing myself that I can slowly lose weight without anything bad happening. My therapist isn't a nutritionist or dietician so no help there really. I got referrals to places charging $30/hour, my therapist only charges $20/hour but $10 of it is paid by insurance. My insurance won't pay for me to see a nutritionist/dietician or do anything to help me lose weight unless I'm clinically obese. Right now I'm just obese but I don't want to be.
Realistically if I could even get my waist down to 1/2 my height I would be happy with that. Supposedly that ratio is equivalent to a BMI of 25. I would need to lose 7 inches off my waist. I would be 170lbs if my weight trends like it did last time. I tend to lose quite a lot on the waist when I diet since I don't have much lower body fat. Even now I can see individual muscle groups on my legs, but my torso looks like a doughnut, and I know it's not healthy to have too much fat on your waist.
Does your therapist offer Cognitive Behavioral Therapy? This can be very effective for weight loss. I would consider it far more valuable than a dietitian, but don't know if that is universally true, and have started a separate thread on this. http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10594237/cognitive-behavioral-therapy-v-dietitian-and-why/p1
Do lose it slowly.
Re BMI - what’s your frame size? http://www.myfooddiary.com/Resources/frame_size_calculator.asp
I have a large frame and the only time I've had a BMI as low as 24 was after 6 weeks of undereating and overexercising during boot camp. (When I first arrived there, I had to get boots and hats from the men's side of the uniforms room because there weren't any big enough in women's. At 5'6", I'm not especially tall. I've always had a hard time buying bracelets. I wear men's shoes as often as I can get away with it.)
My goal is to get back into my skinny jeans from when I was a full time yoga teacher, which will have me at a Low Overweight BMI, and I'm ok with that.
According to that calculator I have a medium frame, though I have no idea how that effects what weight I should aim for.
Theoretically it means the middle of the BMI range, but since you said you don't feel good under 145, aim for 145 and reevaluate once you get there.2 -
I have fears about losing weight, too, that stem from childhood sexual abuse. I was curvy at 12 and blamed myself for the abuse. Hiding behind extra weight has made me think that I can prevent abuse again. I can recognize this as illogical, but that doesn't always help.
One thing I have had such fun with is manipulating my own weight loss. When I eat more (and slow or stall my weight loss), I am in control. When I eat less and speed up my weight loss, I am in control. My MIL is a severe critic and I choose my response to her sometimes with my diet and exercise. She is convinced you can't eat broccoli cheese soup and lose weight? Watch me. She is convinced that you can't lose weight and eat birthday cake? Watch me. If I am not happy (or feeling healthy and strong), I eat more. Why? To tell myself and the world that I can CHOOSE to be fat or I can CHOOSE to be thin.
When you lost weight before and then were abused at work, control was taken from you. The only way I could cope with that would be to take it back. Take control and never let go. If you don't like losing 5 pounds in a week, eat more. I agree that it's faster than you should lose. If it tapers off after a week or two, then great. But if you continue down that path, take the reins and eat more. Knowing that I've been in control has been so good for me.
At 200 pounds, you have a way to go before you have to decide if 145 is a good number for you. You should feel good almost every day. Everyone has off-days sometimes, but for the most part you should feel well-fed and energetic. When you lose enough weight that you start to feel bad, then it's time to reevaluate your goals. My starting weight was 267 and my starting goal was 140. I have never weighed 140 lbs (as an adult), so my goal may have to change as I get closer. But it is more important to feel good than to see the "perfect" number on the scale, on the measuring tape, or anywhere else.
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candjmunoz wrote: »I have fears about losing weight, too, that stem from childhood sexual abuse. I was curvy at 12 and blamed myself for the abuse. Hiding behind extra weight has made me think that I can prevent abuse again. I can recognize this as illogical, but that doesn't always help.
One thing I have had such fun with is manipulating my own weight loss. When I eat more (and slow or stall my weight loss), I am in control. When I eat less and speed up my weight loss, I am in control. My MIL is a severe critic and I choose my response to her sometimes with my diet and exercise. She is convinced you can't eat broccoli cheese soup and lose weight? Watch me. She is convinced that you can't lose weight and eat birthday cake? Watch me. If I am not happy (or feeling healthy and strong), I eat more. ]Why? To tell myself and the world that I can CHOOSE to be fat or I can CHOOSE to be thin.
When you lost weight before and then were abused at work, control was taken from you. The only way I could cope with that would be to take it back. Take control and never let go. If you don't like losing 5 pounds in a week, eat more. I agree that it's faster than you should lose. If it tapers off after a week or two, then great. But if you continue down that path, take the reins and eat more. Knowing that I've been in control has been so good for me.
At 200 pounds, you have a way to go before you have to decide if 145 is a good number for you. You should feel good almost every day. Everyone has off-days sometimes, but for the most part you should feel well-fed and energetic. When you lose enough weight that you start to feel bad, then it's time to reevaluate your goals. My starting weight was 267 and my starting goal was 140. I have never weighed 140 lbs (as an adult), so my goal may have to change as I get closer. But it is more important to feel good than to see the "perfect" number on the scale, on the measuring tape, or anywhere else.
My most wonderful MFP friend. The reasoning your describe sounds very very close to the line of thought sometimes used by people who end up with eating disorders. Please consider the possibility of talking some of this over with a professional so that you can further free yourself from the past. Wishing you success in reaching all your current and future healthy goals!3 -
candjmunoz wrote: »I have fears about losing weight, too, that stem from childhood sexual abuse. I was curvy at 12 and blamed myself for the abuse. Hiding behind extra weight has made me think that I can prevent abuse again. I can recognize this as illogical, but that doesn't always help.
One thing I have had such fun with is manipulating my own weight loss. When I eat more (and slow or stall my weight loss), I am in control. When I eat less and speed up my weight loss, I am in control. My MIL is a severe critic and I choose my response to her sometimes with my diet and exercise. She is convinced you can't eat broccoli cheese soup and lose weight? Watch me. She is convinced that you can't lose weight and eat birthday cake? Watch me. If I am not happy (or feeling healthy and strong), I eat more. ]Why? To tell myself and the world that I can CHOOSE to be fat or I can CHOOSE to be thin.
When you lost weight before and then were abused at work, control was taken from you. The only way I could cope with that would be to take it back. Take control and never let go. If you don't like losing 5 pounds in a week, eat more. I agree that it's faster than you should lose. If it tapers off after a week or two, then great. But if you continue down that path, take the reins and eat more. Knowing that I've been in control has been so good for me.
At 200 pounds, you have a way to go before you have to decide if 145 is a good number for you. You should feel good almost every day. Everyone has off-days sometimes, but for the most part you should feel well-fed and energetic. When you lose enough weight that you start to feel bad, then it's time to reevaluate your goals. My starting weight was 267 and my starting goal was 140. I have never weighed 140 lbs (as an adult), so my goal may have to change as I get closer. But it is more important to feel good than to see the "perfect" number on the scale, on the measuring tape, or anywhere else.
I am so, so very sorry for what happened to you. And it was NOT your fault, or your body's fault. The responsibility lies solely with the person who hurt you. Their actions, their choice, THEIR fault. Not you, there is nothing about you that caused this to happen.
Controlling your food intake and manipulating your weight loss may be fun for you right now, but it's not going to change what happened, nor is it going to give you back the control you lost when you were abused. It may feel that way right now, but it's like putting a band aid on a bullet wound.
@PAV8888 has the right idea, please consider seeing a licensed counselor so you can really put the past behind you and treat your body healthfully. There are better ways to take control of your life than manipulating food intake. It sounds a bit like you are still punishing yourself for what happened--and you deserve so much better than that! Please take care of yourself!
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kshama2001 wrote: »kshama2001 wrote: »TeethOfTheHydra wrote: »I read your story, its not pleasant. I am still not clear, what is the imperative for your weight loss? It seems not only are you putting too much pressure on yourself at a time when your schooling, job, and finances are stretched thin, but you're expressing a lot of anxiety, to say the least, and have a track record of placing your health at risk while trying to lose weight.
I'd suggest re-thinking your goals and questioning whether now is the optimal time to be taking on weight loss, particularly without the professional help that some are suggesting you seek. If you need something to do to feel productive, then I'd suggest learning to cut off soda and go to water. Not only a health benefit (and probably sparing your teeth too) but also you'll save good $$$ by just drinking free water.
Good luck, really! You've had it tough, it would be great to see you come back.
It's not super imperative I lose weight immediately however it is taking a toll on my self esteem because I know being over 200 pounds is not healthy for me and it makes me feel like a sausage roll. I've been working with a therapist for anxiety since 2nd senior year and I graduated in May I have been feeling a lot better overall since leaving school, I don't know if it's the therapy working or because I've left the toxic environment behind. My job doesn't have a fantastic pay but it's only 40 hours a week of solid modeling and analysis which is relaxing and soothing to me. But in trying to find the root of some of my deeper anxieties I was told to attempt dieting at a slow rate to see if it will break my food insecurities. Basically showing myself that I can slowly lose weight without anything bad happening. My therapist isn't a nutritionist or dietician so no help there really. I got referrals to places charging $30/hour, my therapist only charges $20/hour but $10 of it is paid by insurance. My insurance won't pay for me to see a nutritionist/dietician or do anything to help me lose weight unless I'm clinically obese. Right now I'm just obese but I don't want to be.
Realistically if I could even get my waist down to 1/2 my height I would be happy with that. Supposedly that ratio is equivalent to a BMI of 25. I would need to lose 7 inches off my waist. I would be 170lbs if my weight trends like it did last time. I tend to lose quite a lot on the waist when I diet since I don't have much lower body fat. Even now I can see individual muscle groups on my legs, but my torso looks like a doughnut, and I know it's not healthy to have too much fat on your waist.
Does your therapist offer Cognitive Behavioral Therapy? This can be very effective for weight loss. I would consider it far more valuable than a dietitian, but don't know if that is universally true, and have started a separate thread on this. http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10594237/cognitive-behavioral-therapy-v-dietitian-and-why/p1
Do lose it slowly.
Re BMI - what’s your frame size? http://www.myfooddiary.com/Resources/frame_size_calculator.asp
I have a large frame and the only time I've had a BMI as low as 24 was after 6 weeks of undereating and overexercising during boot camp. (When I first arrived there, I had to get boots and hats from the men's side of the uniforms room because there weren't any big enough in women's. At 5'6", I'm not especially tall. I've always had a hard time buying bracelets. I wear men's shoes as often as I can get away with it.)
My goal is to get back into my skinny jeans from when I was a full time yoga teacher, which will have me at a Low Overweight BMI, and I'm ok with that.
According to that calculator I have a medium frame, though I have no idea how that effects what weight I should aim for.
Theoretically it means the middle of the BMI range, but since you said you don't feel good under 145, aim for 145 and reevaluate once you get there.
Does frame size really account for muscle mass though? I can't imagine my wrist getting larger just from gaining muscle mass which would be more likely to determine what weight I could realistically get down to. I seem to never really lose much muscle mass when dieting, on the contrary I tend to work out doing weight lifting more and gain muscle mass. 135 punds at 15% body fat is arround the middle of BMI but rock bottom of the body fat range for women. So I'm going to aim for when I was 25% body fat last time (~150lbs) and edge slowly and cautiously down to maybe 20% body fat. We'll see when we get there in a year or two, so pleanty of time to change my mind. I just don't want to change my mind to unrealistic and unhealthy goals.
At 150 I'm a solid size 6 at most department stores, size 4 in some clothes at old Navy. I certainly look much lighter than I am. The doctor that originally urged me to lose weight the first time was in disbelief I was 160 pounds when I saw him for a check-up 6 months after I started the first time, he thought I had surely reached normal weight by that weight, but he still was urging me to get my BMI to 20 (124 lbs). And once I got to that weight wasn't concerned about my 90/60 blood pressure I came in with. The nurse was concerned, the doctor wasn't. I'm not entirely trusting of doctors or dietician anymore (which is why I said I would see a nutritionist instead) because of that, they seem to go off only certain numbers and have little to no common sense. I don't think I ever had annorexia when I was losing weight the first time, I was always following the diet my doctor proscribed to the letter because I blindly thought it was in my best interests to listen to my doctor. Maybe following a doctor's diet too strictly is an eating disorder
Who knows maybe my doctor had an eating disorder and was deflecting it onto his overweight patients.
I think this time I'm going to listen to my body 1st and the doctors/dieticians 2nd.
I started doing yoga at home (yoga with Adrian) a few days ago and I already feel awesome. Even if I decide to stop losing weight I think I'll keep doing yoga, especially the back stretching poses
feels so good after sitting at a desk all day.
Happy labor day weekend btw1 -
No real advice on the weight loss situation, just wanted to ask if there were food kitchens or nutritional assistance in your area. Your money situation doesn't leave you a lot of options. In my area, there's at least one food kitchen which will allow anyone to get a bag of groceries once a month, no questions asked. A little more variety would be a blessing for you.
I wonder if your fainting situation is reactive hypoglycemia. When I was young and very thin I used to faint from reactive hypoglycemia sometimes, and what made me think of it was your description of going blind - it was like someone switched the lights off, then my ears, then the rest of me. It can be a tricky thing for doctors to diagnose because it only happens sometimes.2 -
I don't think I ever had annorexia when I was losing weight the first time, I was always following the diet my doctor proscribed to the letter because I blindly thought it was in my best interests to listen to my doctor. Maybe following a doctor's diet too strictly is an eating disorder Who knows maybe my doctor had an eating disorder and was deflecting it onto his overweight patients.
I'm a bit disturbed by the fact that your username is "ana"...
Have you done anything about getting professional help yet?1
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