Starting again after an emotional journey-PCOS

I had originally started losing weight in July 2016 at 230lbs. Here's my story as short as possible.

When I started losing weight it was for reasons relating to the depression that came with being overweight and for PCOS. I had not had a period in 5 years (25 y/o right now). I didn't think having a child was possible for me.

At 190lbs I had my first period. Then, like clockwork, for 5 months straight I had my period. It was unbelievable. At 156lbs and at 74lbs lost, I found out I was pregnant (after only 5 cycles). I placed my weightloss journey on hold to focus on my growing son.

At 18 weeks pregnant, we lost our baby due to complications (unrelated to PCOS). I gave birth to my son on Father's Day. It was a 3 day labor and the most emotionally and physically exhausting experience I've ever gone through.

Going through losing a child changes you. It is heart wrenching. It's something I don't think you ever recover from but learn to live with. Steadily I've been gaining from emotional eating and honestly not caring about my weight or health.

I've decided to put a stop to it. I never want to be where I was before- where I no longer have a period, where I hate myself for being overweight, where I constantly worry about how people view me. So, I'm writing here to hold myself accountable to become the healthiest version of myself I can be so that one day, I can have a baby.

At the beginning of this week I weighed 189lbs. My end goal will be around 130lbs, maybe less if I decide that is best (5'0 ft tall). But for now, I will take this one day at a time.