Anyone else receive disapproval from partner? Or have a S/O who believes false information?

Hi MFP!

I’m a little discouraged and want advice, especially from those who have partners who don’t (or didn’t initially) understand the desire for weight loss or CICO.

I was on MFP before and lost 10 pounds 2 years ago. I stopped counting and I’m back up 10 pounds, so here I am again! I essentially have been losing and regaining that weight for 3 years now.

I’m 5’6 and 150 pounds, my goal weight is 135 but I’m comfortable at 140. My S/O (who is very fit and lifts regularly) just doesn’t “approve” and voices his discontent frequently. He says my body isn’t “built” to be that weight (my curves empty out) and he says that he hates my calorie counting limits our date nights and dinners together. Usually he just grunts about it but lately he’s been guilting me into going over my calorie count. Has anyone else experienced this? I understand that we control ourselves, what goes into our body’s, but he genuinely has so much misinformation he thinks I’m unreasonable. He essentially believes protein doesn’t cause weight gain, and the wild thing is that he is a DOCTOR.

So when I’m at home eating a wrap that I accounted for he says, “that’s why you’re not losing weight because you’re eating bread. If you just followed what I do and ate meat, fish and veggies we could eat normally, go to restaurants and lose weight”. And even in a world where that is true, I like eating what I eat. It’s not worth it to me to eat steak that’s infused with butter unnecessarily or potatoes that are roasted in oil when I can make the same thing at home. I cook for us (and I cook well) but he genuinely enjoys dinners out and “foodie” activities regularly. I understand I can work around it in my calorie count, but it’s not fair to me to be hungry all day to have an unnecessarily calorie laden meal with him.

Essentially he doesn’t believe in CICO and thinks I’m changing our lifestyle (eating out, going to bars, wine tastings etc frequently) for no reason. To him, he’s frustrated because it’s like I’m saying gibberish to him. I showed him MFP, I showed him things online about CICO and he just denies it.

I hate his strain on our relationship and really want to go back to my comfortable weight without starving all day to accompany him for dinner. How did you get your partner to come around?
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Replies

  • anewell28
    anewell28 Posts: 79 Member
    I also have this struggle with my family. Would definitely like to hear the advice other users have!
    You aren't alone in this battle!
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,262 Member
    Are you married to this guy?
  • mygrl4meee
    mygrl4meee Posts: 943 Member
    My boyfriend has said i can eat fast food cause i am working out.. cant out run a bad diet. good luck. my situation seems under control at the moment.. i get upset cause he is being lazy and wanting me to get food after i worked all day.
  • klowieislyfe1
    klowieislyfe1 Posts: 46 Member
    None of my boyfriends have supported my efforts to slim down in the past few years. All of them are like "shhhhh, you're fine" and keep urging us to do the same calorie-packed activities like always (restaurants, drinking, etc). My long-term ex who I lived with was obsessed with going out to eat even when we had tons of healthy food at home. I can diet left to my own devices, but it's really f-ing hard to sit across from somebody else in a restaurant and watch them eat a cheeseburger while you're hungry.
  • Vune
    Vune Posts: 673 Member
    My boyfriend told me I have it easy because of my metabolism. He's never been overweight, but I've been overweight twice in my adult life. He watched me weighing my food and tracking here while I lost weight (and was quite supportive!), but he can't make the connection that it was easy because I was honest and accurate about what I was eating. Like, dude, I have a kidney transplant, parathyroid disease, chronic anemia, and I take a pharmacy of medications. Give me some credit, please! He's all meat and veggies when he wants to lose, too. I derail him often with naan and sweets, though, so it must be tough living with that mindset.
  • kayeroze
    kayeroze Posts: 146 Member
    I don’t really know the relationship dynamics between you and your boyfriend, but I think maybe you should talk to him about compromising with you. Take the focus away from losing weight and instead on an even give and take between each other. Like Friday-Sunday you’ll eat out what he wants and Monday-Thursday you’ll eat in. It’s unfair that it has to be one or the other on where and what you eat. And then maybe discuss that him constantly berating your efforts hurt your feelings because you don’t do the same to him (I assume). Mention that bodies are different or that you’re shorter/smaller and need to eat less than he does. Plus a doctor is not as knowledgeable about nutrition as a registered dietician.
  • hesn92
    hesn92 Posts: 5,967 Member
    When you lose weight he will realize he’s wrong. Also 1. I think he just prefers you at the weight you are now. In my experience, my husband always fears change and then once I change he realizes that I’m still the same person and he’s ok with it. Maybe your husband is the same way. And 2. You restricting calories shouldn’t be a burden on him. I’m still able to eat dinner with my husband and go out to eat. I don’t understand what he’s crying about honestly. Unless you all normally eat out like every single day?

    My husband is similar, he’s finally gotten to the point where he just keeps his mouth shut about it. But he has also seen that calorie counting works for me. So maybe that’s why. He also has these strong opinions about working out and how lifting weights is so “stupid” and the guys who are the most ripped in this world don’t lift weights, they do push ups, and pull ups, and run, and etc. I hate it when he goes on this tangent. Im like, you don’t work out, so why the *kitten* do you have this strong of an opinion?
  • FattieBabs
    FattieBabs Posts: 542 Member
    My husband loves pouring good wine down me which is very hard to resist! However, he is supportive when eating out. I usually don't have a starter and, if eating a curry as a main course, take half home. He hates low cal spray oil and, when he is cooking, I have to make sure he only puts one tbsp of olive oil in a dish for two people... He makes his own bread too so at least I know what goes into it.. so a bit of a mixed reaction here! Good luck - sometimes these men don't want you to lose weight as it is very true that you attract more interest from the opposite sex when you do lose weight and hubby doesn't like it much!
  • 81Katz
    81Katz Posts: 7,074 Member
    Mine says stuff like "but you worked out today." Ok, and? Doesn't mean I can go eat a whole pizza and bucket of ice cream now...
  • FattieBabs
    FattieBabs Posts: 542 Member
    All these comments seem so familiar!