Anyone else receive disapproval from partner? Or have a S/O who believes false information?

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Replies

  • BobbieSparks2
    BobbieSparks2 Posts: 12 Member
    My Husband is very disapproving of me wanting to lose weight and doesn't like the thought of me lifting weights either. He does the same things to me on our date nights and gets very mad at me when I tell him that I can't have what he wants me to have when we eat. He tells me that I exercise to much and lift to often. He also recently told me that all my male friends (some I've known all my life) had to go and that he didn't want me talking to them anymore. Oh and just in case your wondering, no he's not over weight. He has a very muscular build. To be honest, we don't really look like we should be a couple.
  • MegaMooseEsq
    MegaMooseEsq Posts: 3,118 Member
    My husband has been very supportive of my weight loss, especially since the changes I've been making have been bleeding over to him and he's losing weight too! That said, navigating eating out was a BIG part of my getting into a deficit in the first place, and continues to be an area I work to balance. We are both foodies and barflies, and I did not want that to stop, just become less frequent. That's meant making compromises, in particular accepting a significantly slower rate of loss than I might otherwise have managed, but that's been worth it to me.

    I'm not sure the best way to resolve your situation, since you really seem to have at least two issues wrapped up in each other: finding that lifestyle balance and his lack of support for your efforts. I hope you can find a happy middle ground.
  • spiriteagle99
    spiriteagle99 Posts: 3,743 Member
    I'm lucky. My husband thinks I'm too thin, but he absolutely supports my right to choose how I eat and exercise. Because I run, I have a lot of leeway in my diet, so my choices don't impact him that much. We still get ice cream, just not every day. We still get pizza, but not every week. We still drink beer, but only occasionally. Since he is overweight, but maintaining at that weight, he is not feeling deprived. Limiting our restaurant meals means we have more money to travel, which we both enjoy. I try not to let my running get in the way of time together, though it does sometimes. But he understands the fact that I get pleasure from running long races and training for them, and he wants me to be happy, so he puts up with the Sundays I disappear all afternoon.
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,575 Member
    I am a widow and live alone and please myself now, my decisions, my wish, my opinion........ Me thanking my lucky stars!!!

    You are happy to be a widow? :o
  • davidylin
    davidylin Posts: 228 Member
    When people use a term like CICO, they are usually talking about their understanding of what it means, rather than what CICO actually is. There's a danger in that. The calories in is pretty simple, the gateway is your mouth and the amount is measured in whatever you ingest.

    The Calories Out is where things can get a little complicated. There is more than one way out - expended as energy in one of the body's many metabolic processes, or out the chute on the other end of the tube wrapped around your digestive tract that is your body.

    How many calories end up in your poop is dependent upon a large range of factors, but it'll be whatever you didn't actually digest or absorb. Your gut microbiome plays a role in this, in addition the types of food you eat.

    Most people, when they talk about CICO are usually referring to whatever the max possible calories are for food ingested, then whatever metabolic estimate they can come up with for calories out in terms of a resting rate and approximations for any exercise done.

    It's a pretty good system and it'll guaranteed results when applied properly.

    However, there are other ways to go about managing intake, weight, and etc. Long story short: CICO the way it's commonly understood works, but CICO means more than most people think it means and there are other ways to think about weight management.

    As for your relationship, whenever two people disagree with their methods that are affecting each other, it's a pretty common type of friction/conflict. You may be looking for a resolution to that conflict, but perhaps what you should be looking for are coping mechanisms to continue having a relationship even when there is friction. Learn to order lower calorie meals in restaurants, for example, or switch to lower alcohol drinks and nurse them a little longer. That is, if you want to smooth over the difficulties. Communication can really help you navigate the disagreement, possibly where you can both settle on a compromise.

    I've been the 'other' partner before that disagreed with the way my partner wanted to diet (too restrictive, short term results oriented). Part of the difficulty between us was that she didn't just want me to tolerate her method but she wanted me to agree with and support her ideas, which I did not and would not pretend to. I told her that was the fundamental issue - I didn't need her to agree with me, but that she needed me to agree with her. This led to an uneasy peace in which we side stepped the issue whenever possible, but that peace fell apart when her ideas started to backfire.

    I think it's more important to build a stronger relationship than anything else (in the case of non-husband, maybe build a stronger relationship with somebody else). If that's not possible then you know where your relationship is stuck and it only goes downhill from there.
  • kshengst
    kshengst Posts: 10 Member
    Relationship dynamics aside, the fact that your husband is an MD does not add any weight to his "opinion". While this study is from 2008, there has not actually been too much change in the industry regarding the education MD's receive regarding diet and nutrition. However, because he is an MD, he might deal better with facts and science. Make an appointment with a Registered Dietitian. After reviewing your actual goals and making a plan, include your husband in the discussion. This is not your husbands area of speciality, I'm guessing, so just as he would consult with a specialist depending on a patient's medical needs, let him consult with an specialist in this industry. Note, I said Registered Dietitian, not a nutritionist.
  • davidylin
    davidylin Posts: 228 Member
    Copied over from another thread because it might help you out:

    There are ways to eat out healthily. The phrases that will _really_ help you out:

    "No Butter"
    "On the side."
    "Substitute for sauteed spinach."
    "Hold the cheese."
    "What are my calorie friendly options?"

    A nice six ounce sirloin with two vegetable options minus the butter will only clock in around 500 calories or so.

    AVOID THE BREAD. Or at least stop yourself :)
  • MelanieCN77
    MelanieCN77 Posts: 4,047 Member
    My husband believes "food combining" is a factor in a healthy diet. And that you shouldn't drink water during meals. And a lot of weird 1960s stuff he got from his dad.
  • himenaya
    himenaya Posts: 42 Member
    My simple input would be to sit down with him and tell him what you are feeling. If he cares, he will listen. Doesn't mean he will like it! BUT! if he cares, he will let you say your peace.

    Easy Compromise: Date night one night a week to wherever you guys want and eat what you want! Rest of the week, focus on you goals.

    As a married woman I can tell you this: A spouse who shows some support will be one of the biggest motivations in your life.

    Also an idea: Involve him! "Hey babe, I wanna try what you had mentioned. Can you help me meal plan this week?"
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  • MegaMooseEsq
    MegaMooseEsq Posts: 3,118 Member
    edited October 2017
    davidylin wrote: »
    Copied over from another thread because it might help you out:

    There are ways to eat out healthily. The phrases that will _really_ help you out:

    "No Butter"
    "On the side."
    "Substitute for sauteed spinach."
    "Hold the cheese."
    "What are my calorie friendly options?"

    A nice six ounce sirloin with two vegetable options minus the butter will only clock in around 500 calories or so.

    AVOID THE BREAD. Or at least stop yourself :)

    Another addition to this list, which others have mentioned but I find worth repeating, is "could I get a bag for the rest?" Also, "we'll split it." My husband was really resistant to splitting meals until I reminded him that we can always order more food if we're still hungry. Maybe even dessert! It turns out that we've both gotten really used to the idea that you don't have to eat a giant plate of whatever to be satisfied, and we actually don't end up with room for desert much either. And if I'm not splitting, I try to see if there's something on the menu I'd enjoy as leftovers. That 1000 calorie steak mentioned above would make at least two great meals!
  • alondrakayy
    alondrakayy Posts: 304 Member
    My husband is the 'bro' type and comments here and there about my eating habits. I do CICO, and only focus on protein as far as macros go. If I EVER complain about my weight loss he'll be happy to remind me that the Hot Cheetos I ate the night before (ya know, the little bit that I weighed and counted for like a crazy person) probably are the reason. It used to be worse until I told him he was getting on my very last nerve. However, I never made it to where it was difficult for us to have an occasional night out. I can have my (whatever fits) meal and he can still eat whatever bro stuff he wants.

    Is he doing it out of love for you, or simply because he's a douche?
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,575 Member
    This thread makes me so sad. I'm going to go hug my husband now and thank him for not being one of these people. My heart goes out to you all including the men with unsupportive wives. I'm sure they're here too.

    I know, right? I don't know that I'd even say my husband was supportive of my weight loss. But he was certainly not unsupportive. It was my thing and he tolerated it like he does all my things he doesn't care about, and as I do his.

    He did encourage me to stop weighing my food. Not because it bothered him but because he could see how much it bothered me. :heart:
  • MissyCHF
    MissyCHF Posts: 337 Member
    My Husband is very disapproving of me wanting to lose weight and doesn't like the thought of me lifting weights either. He does the same things to me on our date nights and gets very mad at me when I tell him that I can't have what he wants me to have when we eat. He tells me that I exercise to much and lift to often. He also recently told me that all my male friends (some I've known all my life) had to go and that he didn't want me talking to them anymore. Oh and just in case your wondering, no he's not over weight. He has a very muscular build. To be honest, we don't really look like we should be a couple.
    Get rid! You have only one life. Chose how you want to live it.

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