Self Esteem is forever gone

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  • blambo61
    blambo61 Posts: 4,372 Member
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    Being overweight can lower self esteem, but what we are inside as a person is even more important than our physical body. Work on both (as everyone needs to do) and you will feel good about yourself. Don't let others define you!
  • gabriellejayde
    gabriellejayde Posts: 607 Member
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    I'm sorry that happened to you. My grandmother used to talk about my weight to my mom and her siblings all the time. How worried she was about me. She took my husband aside one time and asked of there was anything he could do. I was 250lbs.
    I lost 100 lbs and saw her again. She didn't say a word about how I looked so I asked her. She patted my thighs and said I'd look good when I lost THAT.

    You can love your family and hate how they talk or act. They don't understand, obviously. Tale care of yourself, lose the weight and then tell them how bad they made you feel.
  • bernadettenz
    bernadettenz Posts: 252 Member
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    I think you look beautiful :)
  • sbrown6
    sbrown6 Posts: 334 Member
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    I think my mother in law may be your gramma!!
  • blambo61
    blambo61 Posts: 4,372 Member
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    suzannesimmons3 wrote: »
    Family can suck. Take the coat back and next time (if grandma will) ask her for a gift certificate for YOUR favourite store.

    Just refuse her buying you a coat if that goes and tell her you will handle it yourself.
  • Agent_Freckles
    Agent_Freckles Posts: 79 Member
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    Do we have the same grandma? My grandma is a narcissist and just generally a mean person. She constantly puts my mom down because of her weight and once said I looked fat in my drivers license picture when I was about 130 lbs (I was like 19 at the time). I told my mom to keep going over there at a minimum and advise you to do the same. I'm so sorry, I know how you feel.
  • JRSINAZ
    JRSINAZ Posts: 158 Member
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    That's horrible I am sorry to hear that. I am at my worst when I live for other people including eating and drinking but I can change that.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    I remember when I was about 17, my grandma offered to take me shopping for summer clothes. Having just moved back from the tropics, I said "thanks, but that's ok, I've got tons. Come winter, I'll need a whole new wardrobe though". Her response? "Well, with any luck you'll have lost some weight by then, so you can buy something nice for once".

    I was 170lbs at 5'4 and a size 10/12.

  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    TanyaHooton wrote: »
    AngelxAnnih wrote: »
    She's 91 so she's rather set in her ways unfortunately, she's great until it comes to clothing and someone being overweight... She's a war bride from ww2 so she comes from rations and not over eating and still eats that way so I can't really be mad at her, it's just hurtful.

    My mother is also not all there in the head and is finally being treated by a psychiatrist but I still just try to avoid her as much as possible. Long story short she's just rude lol.

    Thanks Maggibailey, that's really sweet of you

    Actually you can be mad at her. She was cruel and she embarrassed you. I agree with others who say she's toxic and probably a narcissist. It doesn't matter whether she intended to be cruel-she's 91 so she's old enough to have learned manners and to control her mouth. I give you permission to be mad at her. If that were my grandmother, I'd never be alone with her again. Ever.

    I was sad about my weight today too. Tomorrow is a new day; you do you and screw what others say.

    Haahaa yup - Remember that 99% of the time these old people who we are excusing for being rude because they're old are the same people who criticise young people these days for not having any manners.
  • LynnJ9
    LynnJ9 Posts: 414 Member
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    lucerorojo wrote: »
    You are so beautiful! Do you have the receipt for the coat? If it were me, I'd take it back and exchange it for one that I like and fits well! Granny doesn't have to know!

    I agree, then just tell her it is the one she purchased. She will just think her old age is catching up with her. :)
  • LynnJ9
    LynnJ9 Posts: 414 Member
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    I am a mother of two beautiful girls. I hope I never make them feel bad about their weight. This thread is a reminder to be kind and encouraging. My eldest came to me about 4 years ago asking how to lose 30 pounds. She counted calories and has maintained her 32 pound loss since then. I know you can do it, you are in the right track. Hugs!
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    LynnJ9 wrote: »
    lucerorojo wrote: »
    You are so beautiful! Do you have the receipt for the coat? If it were me, I'd take it back and exchange it for one that I like and fits well! Granny doesn't have to know!

    I agree, then just tell her it is the one she purchased. She will just think her old age is catching up with her. :)

    Haahaa gaslighting granny.
  • sugarstrawberries
    sugarstrawberries Posts: 140 Member
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    corinasue1143 wrote: »
    I divorced my crazy mother-in-law, but you can't just divorce your mom.

    You can totally divorce your family if it comes down to it. No contact. However, it sounds like you put a lot of love and respect toward them that you didn't get back in this instance. I hope other situations are happier for you. And like others said, return the coat and get yourself one you DO like. The one you got will just remind you of these rude people and these behaviors and won't be fun to wear. :(
  • rheddmobile
    rheddmobile Posts: 6,840 Member
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    I'm sorry you had to deal with that. It's tough when elderly relatives act out and you don't feel it would be appropriate to respond. When my dad was suffering vascular dementia following his stroke he once said I looked like an old fat Russian grandmother, in a particular shirt which I had previously thought looked good on me.

    At least that didn't happen to me in public, what a nightmare you had to go through! But trust me, the people at that store don't care what size you wear and if they remember anything it's how loud grandma was, not anything about you. It's just a shame how hard it is to buy plus sized clothing - this time last year I was a 4x and it was terrible having to pick from whatever scraps the designers felt fit to let me have. That's been the nicest thing about losing weight, not having to pick from the plus sized section. Considering how many people in the world are plus sized, it should not be that hard to shop! It can get you down and make you feel like a second class citizen even when no relatives are present!

    Do tell your mom you don't really wear a 4x. She doesn't have the excuse of being old.

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