Feeling defeated

Briargrey · August 2013

I was similar -- gained weight post-hs and yo-yo'd a lot, knocked out 4 kids in 2 years (1 set of twins in there), life went to hell, etc. I come from really healthy parents, so it made it all the more stressful for me at the time because I knew what I needed to do and just kept failing. One of my big mistakes was getting motivated and doing TOO MUCH at first and having it be totally unsustainable.

So my advice to you -- take it slow. Don't rocket down to 1200 calories and work out 7 days a week for an hour. Don't cut out all foods of one kind (low carb, low fat, low whatever, etc and so on). Don't try to find a fast track.

Different motivators work for different people, and at its heart, you need to FEEL this and WANT this, but you also need extra help to stay feeling it and wanting it. I totally get that! So definitely listen to the advice about figuring out your motivations and make sure some of those are ones like better health and living longer, since in my opinion, they are the keys there -- if you do it for others, then you will more than likely fall of the wagon and set yourself up for failure.

Figure out a healthy calorie reduction to start. You can use MFP's calculator or use the TDEE method. Just don't go down so far you're feeling starving. MFP loves the 1200 and while you aren't starving that feeling can derail you sometimes! I personally started at 291 pounds, and I'm 5'1" and 43 years old. Just to give you comparison stats. I set my calories at 1360 on MFP and I eat back exercise calories, and I figured out my TDEE just to see, and that is at 1750 or thereabouts, so I kind of look at 1360+exercise - 1750 is my "allowable range" and if I go over on the 1360 but I'm below 1750, I just figure it's all still good. That flexibility has helped me mentally A LOT! It may not work for you, obviously

Slowly start changing - if you drink 3 sodas a day, make a goal for 1 a day and maintain that for a bit, then get rid of them or go to 1 a week or whatever. Add in your water. Start tracking every. single. calorie. that goes into your mouth -- weigh and measure so you know. Don't eyeball it - you will be shocked how much you underestimate when you do that unless you're an old pro at it. I tend to overestimate on ones I'm not sure of. Don't overestimate your exercise calories (mfp does that so be wary of using their calculations for this). Do this for a week and you can get a good idea of where you're at and where you can start making changes.

I joined a gym and set my goal at 3x/week, 30 minutes a day. I knew I could always hit that. I hit mostly 6 days/week, but knowing I have an attainable goal gives me flexibility in saying 'hey, I need today off' or "hey, light day today." So I started with major, major baby steps on the exercise - treadmill, no incline, 2 mph. You may need it less time or slower. Find what is doable for you. You may not be able to do the gym, so just go walk outside. 3x/week, 15 minutes, slow pace -- 3 weeks in, change it up and increase, etc.

Again - don't change everything all at once and dramatically otherwise you may set yourself up for a great initial success and a huge tumble.

You CAN DO THIS!

MandyJokl · August 2013

Make a commitment to log everything you eat. Go for losing half a pound a week to start with. Add lots of friends and support them and they will support you. I couldn't have done this without my MFP pals encouraging me. Try going for a half hour walk everyday.

Once you start logging make a note of small ways you can lower your calorie intake. Grill instead of fry. Baked chips instead of fried. Carrots instead of sweet corn. Take it slowly. Don't try to crash diet or lose it quickly. You will give up if you do. Slow changes stick. I used to eat lots of sugary things. Now most of them are too sweet for me. It didn't happen over night. I cut things out very slowly. Have treats. If you really fancy something work it into your calories.

Cullinanmarti · August 2013

It helps if you just get to the point where you can set a daily goal. Oh, and DON'T TURN YOUR TV. My first goal sounds silly now but I could not turn on the computer (or smart phone) until I was dressed and walked to the corner of my street. Usually when I got to the corner, I had a good plan for the rest of my day. Also, you have to schedule exercise, as if it were a Doctor 's appointment or medical care. And food has to be planned including water. When I got anxious about something, I drank flavored water or ate vegetables (I am lucky I have a big garden). Coping skills, other than eating, can be developed. At my lower points, yes, I had to duck tape the refrigerator closed with a " HELL NO" sign on it;-). My husband really laughed at the sign but agreed it worked!

mebepiglet123 · August 2013

What everyone said..

Make this the stat do a new life today...

A few tips

1. Log everything that goes into your mouth
2. Stay on Mfp everyday, encourage your friends and they will encourage you back, find friends that eat well and log daily.
3. Chek out other people's diaries for inspiration of what to eat
4. Drink plenty of water
5. If you have a setback, don't dwell on it, just pick itself up and start tracking immediately
6. Make sure you eat enough calories...starving yourself will hinder your weightloss. Don't put in sedentary it's too low. Put in mildly active.
7. Buy if you don't have, or use if you do scales, measuring spoons, measuring cups.
8. Exercise...this will make you feel better...honest...just do what you can, don't make excuses why you can't.
9.Have fun

Brige2269 · August 2013

The best tip I can give you is to not treat this as a temporary diet to reach an end. The "secret" to successful weight and health management is to make it a lifestyle choice and be proactive.

That being said, do not bother with most fad diets. Educate yourself a bit by reading some of the stickies here and learn what BMR and TDEE are, what the three macros are and their role in your body.

Once that is done, calculate your TDEE and eat a reasonable deficit that you can live with, not something extreme that will perpetuate a binge/starve cycle.

There are no inherintly "healthy" and "unhealthy" foods. There is just food. Some are more calorie dense and some are more nutrient dense. A good rule of thumb is to eat 80% "clean" and 20% whatever the heck you want, so long as you meet your calorie and macro targets.

Exercise is important for long term health, motivation, and also mental health. Start out by incorporating walks several times per week. As you grow more confident in yourself, start a resistance training program. Weight lifting, bodyweight calisthenics, pilates, whatever. If you like cardio, try one of the popular DVDs like 30 Day Shred or take a Zumba class if you enjoy dancing.

Be deliberate in your fitness goals, this doesn't happen by accident.

This is amazing and spot on! Very well said!! Thank you!

pnece · August 2013

Hello - please don't continue to beat yourself up over your past. That, of course, is easier said than done, but I'm asking you to please try not to look back. There is only TODAY and the choices you make TODAY.

I tried to get on this whole fitness/weight loss thing for about a decade and it never stuck. I would start, feel defeated, like I failed, stop, eat lots of food, feel terrible ... and a few months later, try again ... same result. I don't really know what made it all stick 4 years ago but here's what worked for me:

- decide on one thing you can remove from your diet from now on, just one thing ... for me it was pop. I replaced it with water and bought myself nice reusable water containers. And every time I drank water from them I felt good about myself ... I was making a good choice ... when you have to drink 4L of water a day or so, you can pat yourself on the back 10 times a day for that great choice!

- embrace the struggle ... it IS hard to start and keep going ... it isn't easy for anyone else either ... so the struggle you are having is the same one we are all having ... soothe oneself with something unhealthy while sabotaging ourselves ... we all do it to one degree or another ... When you are struggling, it is because YOU'RE DOING IT .... you are failing because you struggle! It's like when women in labour reach tough spots in their labour and say "I can't do it!" and I can confidently answer ... you are doing it right now!

- although I hear others using the term "diet" ... Don't think of it as a temporary thing ... you aren't ON A DIET, you are eating healthy and being active, that's all ... a diet is just what you eat ... right now you have an unhealthy diet ... tomorrow you can have a health diet ... you are not ON or OFF a diet .... that kind of thinking contributed to my feelings of failure if I stepped OFF a diet ... bah ... i just ate something that wasn't really a good choice ... that's all. It's all about the little choices to pick something up or turn your back on it ...

- buy smaller portions and shop more often. I loved choosing good foods at the store and experimenting with yummy healthy recipes I found in healthy cookbooks.

- I had to stay away from anything that promoted ONE way of being ... that included any trademarked type of "diet" like Paleo or Clean Eating ... I borrowed from everything instead of trying to sign on for ONE type of "diet" ... again, as soon as I made a bad choice, I felt I'd failed by stepping OFF that diet.... pfft.

Best of luck, stick around here and add friends here who will keep you accountable or check in with you regularly ... and do your part to keep THEM accountable, too! Just because you aren't at your goal weight doesn't mean that you can't keep someone else accountable to hit theirs ...

Heather

This! There is no "wagon" you step on and off. It's just life -- and you making choices to have a healthy one!

Lemmynade · August 2013

What keeps me on track is spending my calories like I spend my money. If it's worth it, I get it. If it's not, sorry, but those calories are far to hard earned to waste. If I want to splurge one day, those calories are on credit, and I have to earn every one of them back (with interest!) through exersize.

You wouldn't want to overdraw on your bank account, so don't overdraw on your calorie account. And yes, sometimes I just want the shoes (cookies!)! So I check my account, if I have the money (calories), with enough to get the bills taken care of (protien, carbs, good fats), then I can have the shoes (cookies!!!!)!!!!!

Don't ever forget that you are doing this long term. This is what helps me. I keep MFP up on my computer all day at work, drink a lot of water to stave off cravings (there is always cake at work... so much cake...), and tell myself it's not worth the overdraft charges to eat worthless food.

guessrs · August 2013

You are in the best place. Most people on here tried every diet imaginable. This works. I have no will power and lost 60 pounds in 1 year. You need patience. You need to choose foods you enjoy eating. Also for exercise choose one you enjoy, walking is great. This has to do with your lifestyle something you can keep on doing forever kind of a thing. Sounds like you are motivated!!

LeanVeen · August 2013

My advice would be to remind yourself that there is no "just start tomorrow" about this. Your life is happening right now. The food you are eating now is contributing to wether or not you are healthy. See this as a change to the way you are going to live the rest of your life rather than a way to drop some weight. Use the internet and whatever other resources you have to educate yourself about nutrition and exercise and put each new thing you learn to good use for you to help reach your goal. If it helps, start small. If you drink a lot of fizzy drinks then try just changing your drinks to water for a month and see what happens on the scales. I think you will be pleasantly surprised! Remember, when you 'sneak' a snack or skip your exercise you arent being 'sneaky' at all, you are just cheating yourself out of your own success. When you are fed up enough with feeling unhealthy you will find the will. You CAN do this!

Qskim · August 2013

OP, I began by asking myself what if?

For one year what if I? -

- stopped drinking soft drink?
- stopped having takeaway? (or modified what I ordered)
- walked 1/2hr everyday?
- made smaller portions of processed carb and lent more on veggies and protein?
- ate just 3 square meals per day and 2 snacks?
- made it a priority to be organized to facilitate all the above?

For the first few months, I stuck to that and no calorie counting. I accepted it would take time too. I treated it as a priority for health first and weightloss 2nd. I read as much as I could get my hands on.

If I had a bad day (putting it very loosely), I pulled myself up and started again the next meal. I didn't dwell on it, just moved on knowing in the grand scheme of a year that it would not permanently affect progress.

I lost over 30lbs just by making that behavioral shift alone. I estimate, looking back now, that those changes reduced my calorie intake from around 3500/day to eating between 1800 - 2000cals. The calorie counting began for me for a myriad of reasons that are too long to go into. My point is, that subtle changes add up over a year. As you go along, you become more aware of how your body responds to these changes and you can become adept at manipulating the variety of knowledge to your advantage and to keep you interested in the processes.

I know it seems daunting what you have to lose but also remember that a 20lb loss is still an achievement, a 50lb loss is noticeable, a 70lb loss means a greater ability or desire to be more active and so on. The changes along the way, not just your GW are worthy of celebration and self respect.

Good luck.

ETA - 30lbs was actually in 6mths not a year.

katbirdinpa · August 2013

maybe you should start small. like walking everyday and one drink water, then may remove sugar, then cut back on carbs. This is a lifetime habit, and you need time to change. You are expecting to much. Start small. Order chicken or fish make small changes and track everything you eat. be honest. Good luck and start right now.

9rrr · August 2013

I feel your pain, I fell off the wagon and bounced down the road for the last couple of months. What I had lost/maintained has come back and then some. It wasn't that I never exercised, it just wasn't consistent, and then the "Oh well, I walked, I might as well eat this garbage." scenario. Today is my first day back on the program, I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone in starting over.

Candi8185 · August 2013

Thank you soooo much for all the great responses. Everyone has really great advice and my spirits are lifted. I know I can do this! It helps to have such a helpful community behind you. Thank you for all the friend requests as well

dsromp · November 2017

I don’t have much in words of wisdom like some other members. I totally understand how you feel though and it is not going to be easy, but you can do it. I am an anxious eater. And I need anything loaded with crappy carbs to get my graze on when I feel that way. And if I start out with salty, I then need sweet to balance it out. My weight reflects my level of anxiety. I started seeing a therapist because of familial issues and found out so much about myself and why I do what I do. Now when I find myself reaching for something, I ask myself why. Why are you making a beeline for the pantry and eyeballing your son’s Cheetos like the bag is Ryan Reynolds. Obviously, Cheetos are not on a normal list of foods one would eat to lose weight, so why? Once I pause and ask the question, then I can do some introspection as to the why. And if I still need to satiate that anxiousness with food...celery, celery is my new best friend, not because it is delicious and wonderful, but because it satisfies that “need” and bonus, you burn more calories eating it than the actual stalk of celery is worth. Also, I have an app on my phone called “Calm”
It is a meditation app, I don’t really use it that way for me, I just lay down and listen. Try 7 days of calming anxiety and the “breathe” thing. It is amazing. I wish you health and perseverance. You got this!❤️

singingflutelady · November 2017

Necro thread

ttreit · November 2017

You 100% can do it. But it will 100% take effort and sacrifice.

Make a good change in November and stick to it for the whole month. Then add a new change in December. Etc.

Get plenty of sleep and exercise every day. Exercise doesn't have to be a crazy work out. It could start with walking 1/2 a mile around your neighborhood. Even if it's just a small amount do it every day. The consistency will eventually pay off and you'll find yourself wanting to go further. Just do whatever you can do, but do something every day. I say every day because, at least for myself, if I skip even one day then it's a lot harder to start back up. But if I do a little something every day then I can stick with it.

Find what works for you and then go for it! Start right now with a quick walk around the block!

Morgaen73 · November 2017

You've pretty much described my entire adult life except I was fat as a child as well. Some really awesome advice has been given already so I'm not going to add to that. The only advice I can give you is that the we all feel defeated at some point(s). The difference between feeling defeated and being defeated is the choice you make tomorrow morning. Do you carry on or do you give up? You can do this.