We broke up because...
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She didn't have a schlong..
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Schlong was of immense proportions.0
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He wouldn't take it like a man
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She kept yelling at me to stop crying and take it like a man....truth be told I just really didn't want my flu shoot this year!!1
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He was always crying. I didn't know what to do0
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When the chips were down, was totally clueless.0
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Dude would never believe me when I would tell him the Matrix didn't exist!!0
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It was silly really..it was over porridge, such a silly argument... please take me back0
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She was obsessed with the story Goldilocks and the 3 bears!0
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He just wanted to eat myporridge1
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She would never let me eat her......porridge0
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Was always hungry, wanted to eat 24/70
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She never understood my friend Timmy the tapeworm and his need for nutrients....1
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His friend Timmy was insatiable (Timmy was his nickname for) 0
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She had an unusual obsession with my "friend" Timmy!0
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Oi! Leave me out of this!0
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Bc he wouldn't listen lol0
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He was everywhere but here.... Or there0
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Lol ^^ ..
He called me the wrong name at the height of our passion
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She had a thing for role-playing Mary Poppins which was fine until she started pulling things from her magic bottomless bag....0
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Cried after sexy time
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Cried before sexy time after I took my pants off1
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I'm still in therapy and schedule for 2 more surgeries after our sexy time...she's rough!1
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You two are hilarious
Blamed me for him sticking his bits where he shouldn't 0 -
Tried to pretend there were areas she didn't like bits being stuck0
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He didn't like my pastie fetish.. Damn I could make those things spin.. 0
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When she said pastie fetish, she was talking cornish pastie fetish. She'd eat 6 or 7 before jumping in the sack. Pastry crumbs everywhere, and I mean EVERYWHERE!1
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He refused to shave0
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Left the sink and tub full of hair from shaving0
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said I was too hairy0
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