How did you know.....

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fromaquasar
fromaquasar Posts: 811 Member
in Chit-Chat
You wanted to marry your spouse?


I am a bit confused right now, my boyfriend of 3 years is talking about marriage. And I'm not sure. I love him and he is wonderful but I can't help thinking - is this it? Is this what it is supposed to be like?

So I would love to hear what you felt like and how you knew!
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Replies

  • lilRicki
    lilRicki Posts: 4,555 Member
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    we both put a lot of damn effort in...i wasn't about to think i was wasting my time. Plus he loves the hell out of me. He also told me that if I said no (way before he proposed) than the relationship was over so I had better be prepared to love him for life. He has a son that we have full custody of, and OUR son has brain damage, so yeah, I do put a lot of effort in...but so does he. we've been together for 4 years, engaged for 1. we're getting married in 2014.
  • boopiejones
    boopiejones Posts: 73
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    if it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. just my $0.02
  • erisfreenici
    erisfreenici Posts: 277 Member
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    I woke up next to him one day and I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. It's not peaches and cream, but we have a lot of fun together and we both love each other very much.
  • WWhitaker
    WWhitaker Posts: 309
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    When I saw the diamonds. :-P As serious as that (partially) is, my fiance and I have always had a spark between us and we've been through hell and back. We've worked very hard at our relationship and we have similar goals, wants, needs and knew we both wanted the same direction in life. When you have all those things, you just know.
  • PeytonSwan
    PeytonSwan Posts: 56 Member
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    Well you don't get right away married if he proposes to you. It's a promise. A promise which you can also break in the engagement-time. *oh so unromantic I know * :D
  • zml_mom
    zml_mom Posts: 270 Member
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    we are not married and have no intentions of getting married but we are in love, happy, and have 2 wonderful little boys



    I was married once before and the only reason I don't regret it is because I met my "husband" because he worked with my ex
  • snkeller24
    snkeller24 Posts: 459
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    I'm not married ... nor engaged .... however I've always felt if I question the idea of being with that one person for the rest of my life and I couldn't see it or tell myself yes I can then it was time to re-evaluate the situation. I did come close to taking the first step and I couldn't see myself with him. Forever. Loved him but it wasn't right.

    Marriage isn't for everyone ... and take the time to talk it through. Doesn't mean you love each other less, just means you're not ready to take that step.

    Easier said then done, but talk about your feelings .... if you don't think talking would be successful with just you two, invite a third-mutual party (ie counselor/minister) and help address the thoughts and get sight of your goals.
  • fab50G
    fab50G Posts: 384 Member
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    if it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. just my $0.02


    I second that!
  • Phanessa917
    Phanessa917 Posts: 100 Member
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    usually it's the women talking about marriage the man saying "whoa, slow down" LOL
    but I knew I wanted to marry my husband after the first year of dating... even though he waited 6 years to ask me.

    You have to be able to see yourself with him in the LONG future... when you're both retired and old sitting in the kitchen haivng your morning coffee or whatever and still feel like you can look accross the table and think "I still love this man" ♥

    It's not a perfect relationship (that's unheard of!) but we love each other & support each other. We love to spend time together.
  • dragonflydi
    dragonflydi Posts: 665 Member
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    if it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. just my $0.02


    I second that!

    I third that!
  • yaddayaddayadda
    yaddayaddayadda Posts: 430 Member
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    You just know... don't know how to describe it, but we knew after three or four dates. We've been married for 22 years this month:-)
  • heather_elise85
    heather_elise85 Posts: 69 Member
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    My story probably isn't the usual. I was with my DH when I was 15 and at 17 I asked him to marry me. He said no, that wasn't how it was supposed to be. I cried and whined and thought he didn't love me. But.. I loved him so much and grew up and went through some tough **** with him but Christmas Day in 2005 ( when I was 20 ) he proposed. And we got married in 2008. Now its been 10 years together and 3 married. Marriage isn't for everyone and the right time isn't the same time for everyone. BUT if you just don't feel right marrying him ... I would think there is something else that is wrong with the situation. Is it HIM or is it just MARRIAGE... HIM / MARRIAGE??? would you marry someone else? or do you want to be with him forever.. just not married? or do you want to get married to him.. just not at this moment?

    weigh the pros and cons
  • TS65
    TS65 Posts: 1,024 Member
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    I didn't get married until I was 37. So, basically, I had 20 years of dating *kitten* under my belt. When I met my husband, I KNEW. I couldn't imagine life without him.

    My advice to my step-daughters has always been this (I have 3 ranging in age from 30 - 37):

    1. If you have to ask, it's not him.

    2. You can't meet Mr. Right if you are with Mr. Right Now.
  • keb80
    keb80 Posts: 394
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    If you even have to ask yourself "is this what its supposed to feel like", I'd say don't do it. At least not yet.
  • JessG11
    JessG11 Posts: 345 Member
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    I think it's normal in a long term relationship for some people to have that "is this all there is" moment.....but you have to figure out why you're having that in the first place. Relationships are hard and they take lots of work. The trick, in my opinion, is finding that person you're willing to work hard with, and more importantly, work hard for. I was happily, independently single when my fiance' came around. I had known him for many many years before as just a friend. But after about two weeks of one on one dating, I, the girl who thought I'd be happier single, realized that he was a man I didn't want to live without.

    That's not to say it's easy. As I'm sure you know. You have to figure out what makes you happy, and know that only you can make yourself happy.

    A lot of people think the grass is greener on the other side.....I think that it's all grass and it all has to be mowed...I just know I want to mow my grass with my fiance'... :laugh: because plainly: life would pretty much suck without him...
  • Italianant
    Italianant Posts: 18 Member
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    I've had this discussion over and over again with married and non married friends. Romantic comedies have ruined it for us all because we expect to see the person and "just know" he/she is the one. Relationships take effort and work and sometimes it gets tough where you don't know if you should be with that person. I think people make the choice to be with that person, it's not always fate.

    Actually my little theory on the topic is there are people you are compatible with from a scale 1-10 (10 being most). There are people and relationships that are 8 & 9's, but not 10. Can you marry a 8 or 9 and be happy? Yes, I think so. You may find your 10, or there may not be a 10 in existence.

    Overall I believe that its a big myth that everyone person married is 100% sure he/she is the right one. If it was true, then why is the rate of divorce 50%?
  • _GlaDOS_
    _GlaDOS_ Posts: 1,520 Member
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    Agreed. Marriage isn't for everyone, even when you think the person you're with is for you. And there is absolutely no need to rush into it. I think a lot of people base those decisions on "timing". Like "we've been together for X years. It's TIME, isn't it?" You are 23. Trust me, there is plenty of time.

    I have been with my boyfriend for 6 1/2 years. We are not married. I love him, and it's likely we'll spend the rest of our lives together, but I'm still not thinking about marriage. I haven't decided if it's for me yet. :smile:
  • jvujevich78
    jvujevich78 Posts: 10
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    My hubby and I have been married almost 10 years. 2 children of our own and his teenage boy later, it is difficult. Marriage isn't easy. Marriage is constant compromise. My husband is my best friend. I can tell him anything w/out feeling judged or being told what to do. I can have conversation with him and ask for advice if needed. Just think of the little things. If my hubby knows I've had a bad day, I come home and he has a beer waiting. Or dinner made. For example, the other day I told him I love the sound of someone speaking french. This morning I went to get onto this site and saw in the history of the computer, he was looking up how to speak french. I love that about him. ;)

    Good luck honey. (By the way I had the coldest feet, the omg, what am I thinking on my wedding day. Totally normal!)
  • liftingbro
    liftingbro Posts: 2,029 Member
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    For me I asked myself a few questions:

    #1- How would her leaving or dying affect my life? I wouldn't know how to live it without her.
    #2- Would she be there for me if I were on my death bed and take care of me if I can't do it myself? Check.
    #3- Are our goals in life similar (kids, things in common...ect)? Check.
    #4- is there passion and love there? Check.
    #5- Does she seem like she'd make a good wife/mom? Check.
    #6- Am I ready to put aside ME and become US. In marriage two become one, am I ready for that? Yes.
  • laureneva15
    laureneva15 Posts: 280
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    if it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. just my $0.02


    I second that!

    I third that!

    fourth!!

    sit down and talk things out then go away for a bit think by yourself and then come back again and talk
    it is surprising how often that can be overlooked at how much it can really help and clarify a situation

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