Your friends aren't going to do this for you.

the_prez3
the_prez3 Posts: 58 Member
in Getting Started
I hope no one is too offended by this post, because it's actually meant to encourage and motivate. That's my disclaimer.

I've noticed there's a lot of people looking for friends for accountability and motivation on here. I'd like to take a moment and bluntly say if you need people on the internet to keep you accountable to your eating plan, then you're already in trouble and you're not going to make it. We change our lives when we get fed up enough and we simply say "that's it, I've had it! I'm not living like this anymore!" I'm sorry but you can have ten thousand friends on here watching your food log but you can fool all of them with the stroke of a keyboard. This whole thing is like many other things in life that people struggle with, it's 80% behavior and 20% knowledge of what to do. Stop spending your time trying to network yourself into behaving with other people who are probably going to fake their food log too and get to work on your life. You don't need me to watch your food log, watch it yourself! Take the time to learn the proper way to do this and then get with it. This is a marathon, not a sprint. If you absolutely need someone to hold you accountable then pick someone in your life that will be honest enough to hurt your feelings if you need them to, a person behind a screen name isn't going to do that for you. The needle will move when you take responsibility for yourself and begin making good decisions every day. Get after it, you can do this!
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Replies

  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,381 Member
    Perhaps you've heard there is a difference between introverts and extroverts? If not, there is a lot of info right here on the internet.

    I don't add people to the friends thingy. I don't look at my profile page or my feed, even though I do have some "friends" on here. I just don't make use of that feature any more.

    I never had my diary open, either. I tend to get stuff done better if I don't have input from outside myself.
  • ccruz985
    ccruz985 Posts: 646 Member
    Absolutely.
  • 12774
    12774 Posts: 1,416 Member
    You could not have said this any better. I believe that when you are a group member and others see that you are doing well, they believe that by befriending you they too will do well.It just does not work like that. Motivation and accountability come from within. If I cannot motivate myself, then no one can do this for me.
  • C_McMillan2015
    C_McMillan2015 Posts: 8 Member
    Having an accountability partner is never a bad idea. Someone to message you and say "Hey...You have not worked out in a few days, what is up?" I mean, I agree that it ultimately comes down to whether you actually do it or not, and no friend on here is going to physically make you do what you need to. To each their own, if you choose to use an accountability partner that certainly does not make you any less of a person than someone who does not.
  • MarvinsAMartian
    MarvinsAMartian Posts: 236 Member
    the_prez3 wrote: »
    I will also add to the discussion that motivation in the sense often discussed is emotional. Emotions will not carry you very far as we all know that they change by the minute. The moment you're not "feeling it", is the moment you slam half of a pizza (done that). The journey of recomposing your body is a long and sometimes daunting one chalked full of the thrills of victories and the agonies of setbacks. Emotions will not carry you through, they will leave you when you need them the most. So don't depend on them and don't depend on some stranger on the internet to bring you to the promised land. Find a reason to do this that is so strong, nothing will stop you. That is the only way you will make it. This can only be done if you are willing to pay a price. It is hard, but it's worth it.

    So how much we talking here like $300? Ok 4, final offer. When does the motivation happen?
  • MostlyWater
    MostlyWater Posts: 4,294 Member
    Right. It's a mindset. Discipline versus motivation. the whole Grit thing. Not everyone has it.
  • the_prez3
    the_prez3 Posts: 58 Member
    MostlyWater wrote: »
    Right. It's a mindset. Discipline versus motivation. the whole Grit thing. Not everyone has it.

    You're right, but it is what's required. Everyone is looking to make this easy. If it was easy, everyone would be fit. So folks just need to find a way to adapt and rise to the occasion instead of trying to dumb this down.
  • dinadyna21
    dinadyna21 Posts: 403 Member
    I have friends on here but it's mostly just to connect with other people who are on the journey with me. Honestly what keeps me going everyday is my logging streak 95 days and counting baby!
  • the_prez3
    the_prez3 Posts: 58 Member
    edited January 2018
    Of course my theory is most of the people who are posting that they are looking for friends and accountability partners are the ones who prefer to stand on the sidelines and talk about it. You'll stop talking about it when you jump into the trenches and get beat up a little bit but still press on. The time for being coddled is over. It’s time to get serious and punch this thing in the face!
  • tinkerbellang83
    tinkerbellang83 Posts: 9,120 Member
    Whilst you're right in saying that frinds can't do it for you, they can make a fairly significant positive impact on what can be a difficult process.

    I have used MFP for 7 years but only lost/maintained weight succesfully in the last 13 months, which consequently is when I started making use of the forums and adding friends.

    Wanting accountability with other users doesn't necessarily mean you are setting yourself up for failure - after all, a problem shared is a problem halved.
  • SteamPug
    SteamPug Posts: 262 Member
    I get the need for social support but I dunno how people have time to actually check other peoples logging/diaries. I personally find it a chore to keep track of my own calories, so there’s no way I’d be interested in checking up on someone else’s as well. I don’t know why people expect internet strangers to provide a service to them for free. Or idk maybe it just feels like a service to me because I don’t find it particularly fun?
  • HoneyBadger302
    HoneyBadger302 Posts: 2,063 Member
    I think a *smallish* group of relatively like minded people can help someone - IF that person is already of the mindset that, ultimately, it's up to them and it's a way of life. That being said, on another group I'm part of a quarterly challenge group (generally the same people on our team) and the accountability helps keep things on track when we might otherwise (momentarily) stray.

    Shoot, having a gym buddy meant I got one workout in this week I probably would have skipped.

    The issue comes when someone expects that "accountability" groups will change their mindset, or make up their mind for them. Doesn't mean it doesn't help to surround yourself with people with similar goals and outlooks.
  • lynn_glenmont
    lynn_glenmont Posts: 10,085 Member
    Qbaimee wrote: »
    I look for new friends all the time on here. So I can see their food diary to get some new fresh ideas. lol

    I dont necessarily need " accountability" or "motivation" but I do like the support I get from my "friends" on here. Some people may have ZERO support in the outside world and the internet may be the only place they can receive that.

    The reason why people look for new friends is for no one to judge and make assumptions.

    What kind of accountability do you get from people who don't judge? If one's "friends" say it's all good, how are they providing accountability?
  • zingzapper
    zingzapper Posts: 1 Member
    I would not be on the streak I'm on if I didn't have a friend that was 100+ days and I was like WHAT?!? If she can do that, I can do it. And, I do enjoy reading diaries too to get ideas. Although, I have my own nutritionist who sets my macros. But, I've been on my fitness pal for nearly 5 years now and it wasn't until I got on the streak and got super honest with recording my true intake and not subtracting for workouts did I make progress.
  • try2again
    try2again Posts: 3,562 Member
    I've been on MFP for 3 years and have a small group of friends that I really value and appreciate as people. But I recently had sort of an epiphany that they really can't help me with my weight loss. I turned off all of my news feed notifications and now just communicate when I want to share something or comment on what others are doing. There isn't going to be anyone following me around the rest of my life to make sure I'm logging accurately or meeting my calorie goals- that's all on me. :)
  • whosshe
    whosshe Posts: 597 Member
    I understand the want to add people who have been in your situation. Seeing someone who was where you are now and who was successful is some good motivation. But I don't understand the people who post on the very first day on MFP.

    It took me at least 3 months to post on the forums and I never wrote an "introduce yourself" post. MFP does prompt you to write a post to introduce yourself tho. So these people might not know what else to say other than "I need motivational friends".
  • try2again
    try2again Posts: 3,562 Member
    whosshe wrote: »
    It took me at least 3 months to post on the forums and I never wrote an "introduce yourself" post. MFP does prompt you to write a post to introduce yourself tho. So these people might not know what else to say other than "I need motivational friends".

    I don't understand why people do that anyway... we don't go around in real life asking random people to be our friends. We hang out, get to know people, and sort of hone in on those we enjoy and have things in common with.

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