Does anyone have spouse or S/O that doesn't help?

Better call Saul...

I had a boss who used to say “if it’s to be, it’s up to me”

Yep! It's hard to make the same food for both of us most of the time. My husband loves to poke fun at me for loving simple, wholesome foods like chicken and potatoes with a veggie on the side. He says I am so "boring" with my food choices / cooking. Thankfully I'm the cook and I usually get to pick what we eat. If not, we'd probably be eating bologna and cheese sandwiches or totino's frozen pizzas on the reg. . .

You gotta be the strong one and hopefully influence your partner or at least don't give in to what they tempt you with. This is hard, my husband does this all the time. . . "what do you think about ordering pizza tonight?" "how about we go out to eat tonight?" lol. . . I rarely give in.

I feel your pain. I recently divorced and my ex was very unsupportive. When I met him I was the healthiest I had ever been, but he did not like that it impacted his lifestyle. He told me he loved me regardless of how much I weighed and I let that give me permission to spiral out of control.

My best advice to you is to stay true to what you want. Health and fitness is a very personal journey. She may not eat what you eat or exercise when you want to but hopefully she can be supportive of your goals.

CarlydogsMom wrote: »

Will throw in my two cents. I bet the OP understands it's up to him. And I get it, it's up to you, but it's an additional challenge to have a spouse that isn't in the same space, both mentally and physically. Just piping to say I get it, and I'm sorry you're going through your journey with this additional frustration. My hub was totally supportive, helped me count calories for each serving, was great both when I was heavy and when I was losing. But also did not join in other than offer verbal support. And that was fine with me, despite sometimes wishing he would. It was what it was, and is what it is. I just eat less and sometimes don't have the side dishes he does. I think it's actually a rare case where both spouses are on the same page and doing the same thing. Good luck to you!

I totally agree with this. My husband says he's on board and wants to do it too and will watch the boys so I can go to the gym but everytime I ask he hem and haws about it so I never get to go unless I'm up at 4am and with a baby and an energetic 4 year old I don't want to lose that sleep. The deal was on my days off he would take the boys on his 1hr lunch break so I could work out. (The gym is across the street from where he works and the gym doesn't have a kid center and no we can't afford the gym that offers that service)

To the OP, how long have you been working on yourself?

When I started tracking calories and working out in a gym last year, I think my wife simply thought it was a fad that would run its course, and that I wasn’t seriously trying to change and be healthier. Now that the “newness” has worn off, she better accepts that I am going to watch what I eat and continue with training.

That’s not to say that she’s effusive in her support, although she does appreciate some of the muscle definition that has developed.

All that said, I will echo what a lot if others have written: You have to do it for yourself, not for somone else. She may be in a different place and mindset and not ready to change with you yet, if that’s what you are looking for. Show her some support and she might jump on the bandwagon, too.

mtbusse73 wrote: »

I guess what I'm trying to say is (I'm so glad she's not going to see this) that seems like my S/O doesn't seem interested in trying to eat better or get any excercise which in turn makes it easier for me to slack off. And I'm not trying to pass the buck or sound selfish.

Thoughts?

My thought is that you are doing a fine job of passing the buck and sounding selfish.
My figuring is that you don't do your cooking. Learn to do so and cook for yourself. If she wants your cooking, share. You might can trick her into a calorie deficit.

My Mrs. also isn't interested in trying to eat better. It's been a couple of years since I've changed and she's already experienced the loss-gain yo-yo and knows how to do it. If she cares to do it again, she knows what to do. Meanwhile, I know what to do and do it.

Sometimes you just have to do your own thing and resist temptation and if they want to change they will.

Take last night in my house:
My husband and I went to the store to get stuff for dinner. He decided while he was there he wanted to make chicken finger subs, he bought enough stuff for both of us to have one and I bought stuff to make soup. After talking it through and realizing how he was planning on cooking it (deepfrying) I realized I didnt have the calories last night. So I made my soup, and had just a small chicken finger with no bread/cheese/mayo. Although I wanted what he was having I resisted. He still got to have what he wanted by cooking it himself and I got to have what I wanted by cooking myself. Some nights our meals just dont pair up, but we are both adults and can cook ourselves. Another thing we both tend to do is make enough of whatever we are making for both of us to have it. Either we will both eat it, or we have meals for lunch the next day.

My husband doesnt need to lose weight but hes always been pretty active and was trying to get me out and doing stuff with him for the past few years. It wasnt until I decided I wanted to change that I started going out and doing things with him. Now we go hiking almost every weekend and take the dog on walks for several hours every night, its been a total game changer in regards to our relationship, however had he guilted me into doing this before or tried to force me into it I wouldnt have enjoyed it and it simply would have created tension in my marriage.

Ehh, my husband belongs to the same gym as me and sometimes he joins me and other times he doesn't. He will often buy junk food to bring home, sometimes he will surprise me with cookies or candy that he knows I like but I know it's not because he's trying to derail me...he's just trying to be nice and not realizing how much it could throw me off. It can be very difficult to resist that temptation, or to get off my butt and exercise on days he's comfortable watching TV on the couch all day, so I understand where you're coming from. I do all of the cooking, and 99% of the grocery shopping which means that I have a lot of control over what food comes into the house and what we have for dinner. He's always welcome to anything and everything I prepare, and if he doesn't care for it he can find himself something else. It is a HUGE help to be the one in charge of meals, because even if I don't go to the gym I know I can still make healthy choices for my day. He does want to eat healthier and work out more, which is a little easier than if he refused to do anything and complained about the amount of vegetables on his plate.
It is hard when you both have different goals (IE: Yours is to become healthier, and hers is to remain the same), and sometimes there is a level of jealousy, paranoia about other men/women, or even resentment that comes from one person making a lifestyle change while the other doesn't. It shouldn't be the case, but it happens and can cause a rift when there needn't be one. If you've explained why you want to be healthy, and have invited her to join in your journey, that's all that you can do. If you invite her to the gym, or for a walk, and she declines then you know you've done what you can for her and now you need to focus on you. If you're looking for motivation, come to these boards for advice, and leave her out of it until she decides to change her own lifestyle.

My spouse has helped immensely. She lets me spend the money I feel is important to me on the gear I want and doesn't question my eating habits. Not sure what else I can ask for. Whether or not she decides to engage in any of it is completely up to her - not me.

I would venture to guess that more people have spouses that don't share their goals when it comes to health & fitness than do. Just seems normal to me- another temptation that has to be handled just like fast food on every street corner.

And as another poster mentioned, shared goals don't make things equal. My husband's calorie allowance is twice what mine is. He pretty much eats from the time he gets home until he goes to bed, and he is much more fit than me. It's a bummer I'm never going to be able to eat like that with him, but that's life.