Does anyone have spouse or S/O that doesn't help?

mtbusse73 wrote: »

I guess what I'm trying to say is (I'm so glad she's not going to see this) that seems like my S/O doesn't seem interested in trying to eat better or get any excercise which in turn makes it easier for me to slack off. And I'm not trying to pass the buck or sound selfish.

Thoughts?

My thought is that you are doing a fine job of passing the buck and sounding selfish.
My figuring is that you don't do your cooking. Learn to do so and cook for yourself. If she wants your cooking, share. You might can trick her into a calorie deficit.

My Mrs. also isn't interested in trying to eat better. It's been a couple of years since I've changed and she's already experienced the loss-gain yo-yo and knows how to do it. If she cares to do it again, she knows what to do. Meanwhile, I know what to do and do it.

Sometimes you just have to do your own thing and resist temptation and if they want to change they will.

Take last night in my house:
My husband and I went to the store to get stuff for dinner. He decided while he was there he wanted to make chicken finger subs, he bought enough stuff for both of us to have one and I bought stuff to make soup. After talking it through and realizing how he was planning on cooking it (deepfrying) I realized I didnt have the calories last night. So I made my soup, and had just a small chicken finger with no bread/cheese/mayo. Although I wanted what he was having I resisted. He still got to have what he wanted by cooking it himself and I got to have what I wanted by cooking myself. Some nights our meals just dont pair up, but we are both adults and can cook ourselves. Another thing we both tend to do is make enough of whatever we are making for both of us to have it. Either we will both eat it, or we have meals for lunch the next day.

My husband doesnt need to lose weight but hes always been pretty active and was trying to get me out and doing stuff with him for the past few years. It wasnt until I decided I wanted to change that I started going out and doing things with him. Now we go hiking almost every weekend and take the dog on walks for several hours every night, its been a total game changer in regards to our relationship, however had he guilted me into doing this before or tried to force me into it I wouldnt have enjoyed it and it simply would have created tension in my marriage.

Ehh, my husband belongs to the same gym as me and sometimes he joins me and other times he doesn't. He will often buy junk food to bring home, sometimes he will surprise me with cookies or candy that he knows I like but I know it's not because he's trying to derail me...he's just trying to be nice and not realizing how much it could throw me off. It can be very difficult to resist that temptation, or to get off my butt and exercise on days he's comfortable watching TV on the couch all day, so I understand where you're coming from. I do all of the cooking, and 99% of the grocery shopping which means that I have a lot of control over what food comes into the house and what we have for dinner. He's always welcome to anything and everything I prepare, and if he doesn't care for it he can find himself something else. It is a HUGE help to be the one in charge of meals, because even if I don't go to the gym I know I can still make healthy choices for my day. He does want to eat healthier and work out more, which is a little easier than if he refused to do anything and complained about the amount of vegetables on his plate.
It is hard when you both have different goals (IE: Yours is to become healthier, and hers is to remain the same), and sometimes there is a level of jealousy, paranoia about other men/women, or even resentment that comes from one person making a lifestyle change while the other doesn't. It shouldn't be the case, but it happens and can cause a rift when there needn't be one. If you've explained why you want to be healthy, and have invited her to join in your journey, that's all that you can do. If you invite her to the gym, or for a walk, and she declines then you know you've done what you can for her and now you need to focus on you. If you're looking for motivation, come to these boards for advice, and leave her out of it until she decides to change her own lifestyle.

My spouse has helped immensely. She lets me spend the money I feel is important to me on the gear I want and doesn't question my eating habits. Not sure what else I can ask for. Whether or not she decides to engage in any of it is completely up to her - not me.

I would venture to guess that more people have spouses that don't share their goals when it comes to health & fitness than do. Just seems normal to me- another temptation that has to be handled just like fast food on every street corner.

And as another poster mentioned, shared goals don't make things equal. My husband's calorie allowance is twice what mine is. He pretty much eats from the time he gets home until he goes to bed, and he is much more fit than me. It's a bummer I'm never going to be able to eat like that with him, but that's life.

I won't say my wife isn't supportive per se....however there are times when she's knows I'm trying to eat a certain way and she'll still try to eat the exact opposite way.

My husband and family got irritated with me when I was thinner and more active. I hate to break it to you, but healthier and active people seem annoying to everyone else when they want to sit back, relax, and eat most of the time. You may find you have to change your milieu. Weight loss changes things, which is why a lot of spouses/SOs tend to be resistant. Most of the women I know have had husbands who sabotaged their effort.

lacyphacelia wrote: »

My husband and family got irritated with me when I was thinner and more active. I hate to break it to you, but healthier and active people seem annoying to everyone else when they want to sit back, relax, and eat most of the time. You may find you have to change your milieu. Weight loss changes things, which is why a lot of spouses/SOs tend to be resistant. Most of the women I know have had husbands who sabotaged their effort.

Oh, that's sad. While my husband doesn't share my goals, he would never try to sabotage what I'm doing.

Would agree with a lot of the insightful comments here already but here's my 2p for what it's worth.

My hubs is very supportive & has embraced the healthier lifestyle with me. However....he quickly lost the extra stone & a half (21lbs) he needed to lose...I've still got about 65lbs before I hit goal!

As a result, he needs to eat an awful lot more than me to maintain his weight while trying to build muscle. I tend to get round this by being the main cook. We eat the same things, he just has a lot more of it than I do! It can be difficult when he eats a lovely pudding or has evening nibbles & I can't join in. But the simple fact is, he needs it & I do not - I have to remind myself of this. It would be very very unfair of me to ask him not to enjoy whatever food he wanted on his own sofa, in his own home after a hard day at work.

I tend to exercise alone too & on the days where I'm really not feeling it, it's difficult to go & do it while he's eating a lovely breakfast....I have to remember I want to reach my goals more than I want a quick yum fix!

Like a lot of folk in this thread, I can only champion the thought that it's down to you (all of us) to meet your goals. There will be many people & social situations where you will be faced with temptation. All I can say is that it gets easier with the passing of time. If you can balance your own diet & get to the point where you feel comfortably satiated, what other folk are eating doesn't feature nearly as much - promise!

It's a difficult road, but very much worth it. You're worth it, so I hope you find your solution. Best luck!

I don't expect my husband to change. If he wants to change, we have all the tools available for him to do so. He respects my changes. At one point (around 2013/14 ish) he ended up following my example, but fell off track around the holidays and just hasn't bothered to get back on track. I'm not going to pressure him. If and when he wants to, he will and it will be his choice to do so.