Does anyone have spouse or S/O that doesn't help?

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Replies

  • saragd012
    saragd012 Posts: 693 Member
    I do understand what you're saying. I have a harder time getting out of bed when my spouse is still cuddled up under the covers, and I am far more tempted to eat extra when she brings home cookies, it would be easier for me if she was as interested in fitness as I am. However, she could easily say the same. If I crawl back into bed she sure as hell wont be getting up to do her run, but if I suck it up and start getting ready for the gym 75% of the time she'll grumble about me being "too motivated" and then get up and put on her running clothes. I do all of the cooking, so that's a little easier for me, because she'll eat whatever I make. I know I have to either decline the weekend treats she inevitably buys, or I need to adjust my weekly calories to allow for some of the extra goodies occasionally and be responsible for what I put in my body. Maybe you'll inspire your spouse to join you eventually, but if not that has to be ok too.
  • RichNice
    RichNice Posts: 66 Member
    I won't say my wife isn't supportive per se....however there are times when she's knows I'm trying to eat a certain way and she'll still try to eat the exact opposite way.
  • wizzybeth
    wizzybeth Posts: 3,578 Member
    edited January 2018
    I understand the desire to have a spouse share a love of activities with you. My husband is very physically fit and not an ounce overweight. But he has a demanding job. He is often tired on the weekends when he has time off.

    He goes to the gym several times a week first thing in the morning. I cannot get up that early and be happy about it. Especially in the winter time ha! The few times I tried it so that we could have that togetherness at the gym... I realized what a ridiculous waste it was. Because when you are at the gym you are working out; you are exercising... you are not spending quality time with one another, you are spending quality time taking care of yourself.

    I don't know where you live, but if it is winter time there perhaps she does not want to go out or have any energy because of the cold weather. Many people are affected by seasonal affective disorder and it does take a lot of effort to even want to leave the house when the weather is cold and miserable. I would suggest you find things to do with her to spend quality time with her that she wants to do, even if it is watching TV or playing a board game.

    Maybe in the spring you can get her to go for walks with you or explore a trail in the state park or something like that. And I wouldn't spring it on her at the last minute but plan for it. I for one usually plan out my day and I do not like to have spontaneous things sprung at me at the last minute. Especially if I'm planning on relaxing with a glass of wine and a good book!

    As to the food... That's all on you. You need to be responsible for your food. And remember she does not have to change her lifestyle just because you are changing yours. But what you can do is take care of yourself, and try to find ways that the two of you can still interact together. It doesn't have to be about Fitness.
  • lacyphacelia
    lacyphacelia Posts: 58 Member
    My husband and family got irritated with me when I was thinner and more active. I hate to break it to you, but healthier and active people seem annoying to everyone else when they want to sit back, relax, and eat most of the time. You may find you have to change your milieu. Weight loss changes things, which is why a lot of spouses/SOs tend to be resistant. Most of the women I know have had husbands who sabotaged their effort.
  • ccruz985
    ccruz985 Posts: 646 Member
    My partner doesn't do what I do either, nor do I expect him to. That's not fair, to make a decision for myself, then try to impose it on someone else and when it doesn't work, blame them for my own shortcomings.
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,575 Member
    lacyphacelia wrote: »
    My husband and family got irritated with me when I was thinner and more active. I hate to break it to you, but healthier and active people seem annoying to everyone else when they want to sit back, relax, and eat most of the time. You may find you have to change your milieu. Weight loss changes things, which is why a lot of spouses/SOs tend to be resistant. Most of the women I know have had husbands who sabotaged their effort.

    Oh, that's sad. While my husband doesn't share my goals, he would never try to sabotage what I'm doing.
  • wizzybeth
    wizzybeth Posts: 3,578 Member
    Need2Exerc1se wrote: »
    lacyphacelia wrote: »
    My husband and family got irritated with me when I was thinner and more active. I hate to break it to you, but healthier and active people seem annoying to everyone else when they want to sit back, relax, and eat most of the time. You may find you have to change your milieu. Weight loss changes things, which is why a lot of spouses/SOs tend to be resistant. Most of the women I know have had husbands who sabotaged their effort.

    Oh, that's sad. While my husband doesn't share my goals, he would never try to sabotage what I'm doing.

    It is very sad and incomprehensible to me -
  • Vonny198334
    Vonny198334 Posts: 178 Member
    Would agree with a lot of the insightful comments here already but here's my 2p for what it's worth.

    My hubs is very supportive & has embraced the healthier lifestyle with me. However....he quickly lost the extra stone & a half (21lbs) he needed to lose...I've still got about 65lbs before I hit goal!

    As a result, he needs to eat an awful lot more than me to maintain his weight while trying to build muscle. I tend to get round this by being the main cook. We eat the same things, he just has a lot more of it than I do! It can be difficult when he eats a lovely pudding or has evening nibbles & I can't join in. But the simple fact is, he needs it & I do not - I have to remind myself of this. It would be very very unfair of me to ask him not to enjoy whatever food he wanted on his own sofa, in his own home after a hard day at work.

    I tend to exercise alone too & on the days where I'm really not feeling it, it's difficult to go & do it while he's eating a lovely breakfast....I have to remember I want to reach my goals more than I want a quick yum fix!

    Like a lot of folk in this thread, I can only champion the thought that it's down to you (all of us) to meet your goals. There will be many people & social situations where you will be faced with temptation. All I can say is that it gets easier with the passing of time. If you can balance your own diet & get to the point where you feel comfortably satiated, what other folk are eating doesn't feature nearly as much - promise!

    It's a difficult road, but very much worth it. You're worth it, so I hope you find your solution. Best luck!
  • AliceDark
    AliceDark Posts: 3,886 Member
    lacyphacelia wrote: »
    My husband and family got irritated with me when I was thinner and more active. I hate to break it to you, but healthier and active people seem annoying to everyone else when they want to sit back, relax, and eat most of the time. You may find you have to change your milieu. Weight loss changes things, which is why a lot of spouses/SOs tend to be resistant. Most of the women I know have had husbands who sabotaged their effort.

    When I'm getting annoying and have too much energy, my BF stands next to the dog and says, "maybe someone would like to go for a WALK??" And then, because someone's said the w-word, someone is contractually obligated to take the dog for a walk :wink:

    In all seriousness, I'm just saying that there are ways to work around most things.
  • shadow2soul
    shadow2soul Posts: 7,692 Member
    I don't expect my husband to change. If he wants to change, we have all the tools available for him to do so. He respects my changes. At one point (around 2013/14 ish) he ended up following my example, but fell off track around the holidays and just hasn't bothered to get back on track. I'm not going to pressure him. If and when he wants to, he will and it will be his choice to do so.
  • ojules9
    ojules9 Posts: 5 Member
    It would be easier if she was on board but this is clearly your thing, not hers.
    Maybe after some time she'll appreciate your efforts and join in.

    My husband doesn't join in either. When it comes to activities, he masters the art of cough potatoe.

    So I go to gym while he watches a game. He doesn't have to workout and I don't have to watch a game. It's a win/win.

    However, he eats what I shop for, cook, and serve. If he doesn't like it, then he can shop, cook and serve!!
  • lacyphacelia
    lacyphacelia Posts: 58 Member
    AliceDark wrote: »
    lacyphacelia wrote: »
    My husband and family got irritated with me when I was thinner and more active. I hate to break it to you, but healthier and active people seem annoying to everyone else when they want to sit back, relax, and eat most of the time. You may find you have to change your milieu. Weight loss changes things, which is why a lot of spouses/SOs tend to be resistant. Most of the women I know have had husbands who sabotaged their effort.

    When I'm getting annoying and have too much energy, my BF stands next to the dog and says, "maybe someone would like to go for a WALK??" And then, because someone's said the w-word, someone is contractually obligated to take the dog for a walk :wink:

    In all seriousness, I'm just saying that there are ways to work around most things.

    That's why I said there might need to be a change in milieu. Unfortunately, if you want to spend time with the people you love, like the spouse or the family, they don't always share the enthusiasm.
  • Courtscan2
    Courtscan2 Posts: 501 Member
    My husband isn't overly supportive, either....but in a different way. He is (annoyingly) extremely fit and active and healthy, and to him it is no effort. He loves surfing, and spends hours each week doing that. He also loves going to the gym, and has no interest in food. To him it is fuel, and he doesn't understand people who spend any time or thought or effort in planning what to eat, as he naturally just goes for whatever is healthy and will best fuel him. Truly, it's very annoying as I do struggle A LOT with food, I love and enjoy food, and I also struggle with wanting to sit on my bottom or sleep in when I know I should be working out. He rolls his eyes when I decide to try something new and calls me "kooky" as he doesn't understand how it can all be an effort for me at all.
  • sportychic87
    sportychic87 Posts: 214 Member
    Nearly every day I come home to find pizza, chipotle, Steak ‘n Shake, Chinese take out, etc on the kitchen counter. SO has started to get snippy about the veggies I eat, weight lost and how I cook all my meals separate. I just shrug it off and move on. I ain’t got time for that ;)
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