So lost, So alone...

ellelit · February 2009

So, it's getting to that time of year again, the dreaded Valentine's Day... yuck. i dont know why, but every year, as soon as Feb 1. hits i go on a massive eating frenzy and dont stop until after the big day. unfortunately, this year is no different.

i was doing so great. i had gone a month eating well, not eating fast food and journalling... not worrying about what people thought of me, trying to be content with the fact that i was single, realizing that it's ok not to be loved by a man, yada yada...

but i snapped on the first and have been a downward spiral for the last 10 days. i see smiling, happy people, kissing, hugging, loving and it makes me sad. i've been in relationships before, and actually almost got married, but its amazing how much you miss companinship and the touch of someone else.

so, my weight has creeped back up about 5 pounds, and even though i know i shouldn't eat to make myself feel better, i find it really hard. sometimes i forget how totally lonely i am, and then one day it allof a sudden hits me.

i just wanted tom post this to be accountable, and put it out there that i am once again struggling. maybe one day i will have a normal relationship with food, but unfortunately today is not the day. i felt sad, went and had fast food and now i feel even worse. ugggh. :grumble:

ellelit · February 2009

So, it's getting to that time of year again, the dreaded Valentine's Day... yuck. i dont know why, but every year, as soon as Feb 1. hits i go on a massive eating frenzy and dont stop until after the big day. unfortunately, this year is no different.

i was doing so great. i had gone a month eating well, not eating fast food and journalling... not worrying about what people thought of me, trying to be content with the fact that i was single, realizing that it's ok not to be loved by a man, yada yada...

but i snapped on the first and have been a downward spiral for the last 10 days. i see smiling, happy people, kissing, hugging, loving and it makes me sad. i've been in relationships before, and actually almost got married, but its amazing how much you miss companinship and the touch of someone else.

so, my weight has creeped back up about 5 pounds, and even though i know i shouldn't eat to make myself feel better, i find it really hard. sometimes i forget how totally lonely i am, and then one day it allof a sudden hits me.

i just wanted tom post this to be accountable, and put it out there that i am once again struggling. maybe one day i will have a normal relationship with food, but unfortunately today is not the day. i felt sad, went and had fast food and now i feel even worse. ugggh. :grumble:

ChubbyBunny · February 2009

HEY! I was thinkin about you the other day!
I hadn't seen you online and was wondering how you were doing!

I think lots of people struggle with Valentines Day (Month, week, etc).
It's a tough time....
All that pink.... red....chocolates....flowers.... :sick:

I personally wear black and traumatize the lovesick high school students I teach. :devil:

ellelit · February 2009

ha ha chubby bunny, you always know how to make me smile

Mattysmomma · February 2009

oh hunny...you can borrow mine whenever you want. Especially when we fight about dumb stuff like dishes, and who's going to pick up all of the scattered toys.

V-day is such an overrated "holiday" for the diamond industry to make more money...like they didnt make enough on Christmas? If it makes you feel any better, I wont be near mine this weekend. I have to go do my Army Reserve stuff this weekend! So I really wont have a V-day anyways.

We'll be lonely together. Actually I will be with my mother-in-law (can you tell how excited I am....:mad: )

It will be fine, you dont need a boyfriend.

ChubbyBunny · February 2009

Good, then I haven't lost my touch... I was getting nervous there for a bit.

I am sorry it's a tough time.
I will traumatize a student just for you.
:flowerforyou:

OliveBranch · February 2009

My heart goes out to you. I completely understand where you're coming from. I'm of a healthy weight, and I still struggle and have struggled with an unhealthy relationship with food. Eating has become a comfort and a mask for uncomfortable feelings. Sounds like it's the same to you.
I think what you need now is to really take a good look at why you do what you do to yourself, and while being forgiving, be assertive. Turning sadness into action is the best thing you can do for yourself.
I recommend Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
Don't let the name scare you.
It's a great class that helps you learn how to cope with stress and bad feelings in a healthy way, so you don't have to dread all these dates that come once a year.
Best of luck, much love.
-Olive Branch

Opera_Bound · February 2009

Thanks for sharing your struggle...I think we all have gone through this unhealthy relationship with food at some point. I, myself, had a rough day with food today too.:grumble: But guess what...tomorrow is a new day! You get another chance. :drinker:

I had a crappy day at work yesterday and was really pissed off when I got home. Instead of relying on food to make me feel better...I went and spent 2 hours at the gym. I was exhausted and probably worked out too hard as I was hurting a bit afterward, but I worked out my frustrations to some kick butt music and feel good endorphins! :bigsmile: Maybe try a walk, yoga, reading a book, or calling a friend when you start feeling like you need the 'comfort' of food. I use my 'gym time' as a time to reflect and think on me and what's gonna make me HAPPY! Just a few ideas to maybe help you out. :blushing:

Best of luck to you in the next 4 days until the dreaded Valentines! Why celebrate your love for someone (anyone) on just ONE day, is what I always say. We're here for support and to show you how great you can be! One step at a time and it will get easier.

heather0mc · February 2009

i'll be your valentine!
:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

listen hun, your time will come. please dont let yourslef go because of a silly holiday! my friends and i used to have anti-valentines day. we wore black and painted our nails black and would hang with each other and make pukey faces at all the couples. :devil: of course, i was about 21 at the time.

life happens fast girl. before you know it, some prince is going to sweep you off your feet!

take the last few days and put them BEHIND you! start fresh tomorrow. you can do it! :drinker:

OliveBranch · February 2009

My heart goes out to you. I completely understand where you're coming from. I'm of a healthy weight, and I still struggle and have struggled with an unhealthy relationship with food. Eating has become a comfort and a mask for uncomfortable feelings. Sounds like it's the same to you.
I think what you need now is to really take a good look at why you do what you do to yourself, and while being forgiving, be assertive. Turning sadness into action is the best thing you can do for yourself.
I recommend Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
Don't let the name scare you.
It's a great class that helps you learn how to cope with stress and bad feelings in a healthy way, so you don't have to dread all these dates that come once a year.
Best of luck, much love.
-Olive Branch

MyaPapaya75 · February 2009

Im so with you on this...33yrs old single blah blah ...I seem to always come up single at the best times of the year!!!! NOT next year!! Maybe we need to come up with a good VDay Cardio Routine to keep us occupied ..and then treat ourselves to a nice bubbly bath with a few dark chocolates and red wine......Afterall V day is about love!! We can love ourselves!!

:drinker: Its never to late to get back on track with your healthy lifestyle...You can do it!!

pdxmomof2 · February 2009

Maybe you should try to comfort yourself with something non-food! Take yourself for a mani/pedi? Invite a girlfriend out for a night at the movies and some window shopping? Go buy yourself that inexpensive bracelet or earings you saw at Target. I think you get my point!

Also I do believe that when someone begins to love themselves for who they are then others see that! You have come a long way! As your confidence builds up you will attract that special someone who will love you for it!

Do you belong to a gym? Can you go exercise when you feel this urge coming on?

heather0mc · February 2009

Maybe you should try to comfort yourself with something non-food! Take yourself for a mani/pedi? Invite a girlfriend out for a night at the movies and some window shopping? Go buy yourself that inexpensive bracelet or earings you saw at Target. I think you get my point!

Also I do believe that when someone begins to love themselves for who they are then others see that! You have come a long way! As your confidence builds up you will attract that special someone who will love you for it!

Do you belong to a gym? Can you go exercise when you feel this urge coming on?

nice idea!
if you dont feel like buying that stuff for yourself and you need someone to accept your gifts - im your girl! :bigsmile:

Phoenixflame · February 2009

Oh sweetie, I'm sorry you feel so sad.

When I feel bad and those scuttling little thoughts turn to the donut table in my cafeteria, this is what saves me every time: If I marched over there, gobbled it down, savored each gush of jelly and squish of freshly-fried dough...would it really make me feel better? Won't I just feel like a weak little goose 5 minutes after?

Sometimes, like the sensation of smoking calms down a smoker, sometimes I just want to chew something. If I realize it's THAT, not just a blind emotional rampage, I'll get some carrot sticks or gum.

Exercise is a GREAT way to relieve feelings of sadness. You release endorphins AND you make yourself healthier. And just the act of exercise gets things flowing and cranked up.

And if I'm feeling lost and lonely (which, entirely not food related, sometimes happens because I'm genetically inclined to mopiness) I do one of the following:

- Write an essay or short story, channeling everything into my word processor
- Find someone, even a total stranger, and strike up a conversation
- Read a book that features a horribly tragic romance ("well it didn't work for THEM either!")

And these all involve a hot cup of tea!

I hope you feel better.

jreese · February 2009

Hey, I just wanted to encourage you. Comit to only what you won't fail at. Baby steps. I am about your size/wieght- and I only stay under my calories. It doesn't seem hard most days, especially since I get over 1800 each day. BUT- then I allow myself 1 binge day every 2 weeks (pre-planned). What the binge day allows for me is to be strong today.. knowing there is a day when I can have that ice cream, french fries, or doughnut- but today is not that day. I know me... I would fail if I had to give up sweets for the rest of my life! But, 2 weeks- that I can handle!! Once you feel like you can mange your comitment- maybe its time to step it up. For me... this week I started walking. Only to the end of the street and back- but hey, its a start. It only takes me 10 minutes, but I've found that of the 3 days so far- there was one day I felt like going around the block which was a 30 minute walk.

As for love... it will come your way. I once lost hope- gained masses of weight, but I found my soul mate even at 330lbs. I married my first boyfriend... I met him when I was 30. There is hope... don't lose sight of that- and don't settle for second best in the arms of mashed potatoes and pizza! Hang in there!! :bigsmile: WE CAN DO THIS!!

vhuber · February 2009

Hang in there sweetie! I feel sooo bad for you!! I can not say I know how you feel to be alone but I can say I DO know what it's like to eat to make myself feel better but in the end we feel worse. Been there-done that numerous times!!! AS for feeling sad my suggestion is: go for a walk!! I do know that when I do go for my walk I always feel better later. Via web I wrap my arns around you and give you a nice warm hug!! Remember if you can't love yourself it makes it really hard for others to get close , so make an honest effort to realize you are worth being loved first by you then by others!! Keep posting, it will help you too!! Take care and please take that walk maybe it will end up being on your wild side!!

ellelit · February 2009

thanks for all of the support eveyone... i'm just having one of those weeks... ugh...plus, just when we thoguh winter was on the way out, it started to freezing rain and snow today, which is murder on the pacific nothwest coast.

i'm going to try to just make it through tonight. lucky for me my tummy hurts, and the biggest loser is on... i will not eat any more tongiht, and tomorrow IS a new day. ahhh thank god for that.

Fitness_Chick · February 2009

V-day is such an overrated "holiday" for the diamond industry to make more money...like they didnt make enough on Christmas?

OMG this is soooo true!!:drinker: It's yet another HallMark holiday !

I've always felt sorry for the guys most of all, feeling pressured to buy million dollar Valentine roses and having them sent to the girls office so everyone around her could see SHE GOT THEM TOO!!

Valentines Day has never meant much to me, single or with someone, it's such a pressure time. I think at times the ones that feel they miss out are the girls that think they should be doing something and have a man.

Lindsay

.... don't sweat it Hon, you're doing soo great on your eating and all and I'm so very proud of you, it's one of those Society Holidays, 'we're all supposed to be getting diamonds' type Holidays....ya know? Everyday should be a special day with friends or hubbys, kids etc.:flowerforyou:

:flowerforyou: :bigsmile:

But that's just me and how I view like with friends etc.:smooched:

FC

amycakes812 · February 2009

You are not alone! Please know there is an entire community here that cares about you! Take some time for you. Go spoil yourself with a spa treatment. It can just be a spa night at your house on VDay...bubble bath, mani/pedi and a facial. Treat yourself with all the love you deserve. :flowerforyou:

retrobaby · February 2009

Valentine’s Day is so sensationalized by the media. My spouse and I refuse to do anything because expectations are so great that we are often disappointed on that day. Try to do something for yourself that doesn’t involve food...like a pedicure, manicure, or massage and revel in the fact that you don’t have to answer to anyone… LOL ! Have a great week and enjoy life!

Fitness_Chick · February 2009

Valentine’s Day is so sensationalized by the media. My spouse and I refuse to do anything because expectations are so great that we are often disappointed on that day. Try to do something for yourself that doesn’t involve food...like a pedicure, manicure, or massage and revel in the fact that you don’t have to answer to anyone… LOL ! Have a great week and enjoy life!

What great ideas Janice!:flowerforyou: :happy: Self-love the most important one of all

So lost, So alone...

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