Do you feel neglected....

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imgone324
imgone324 Posts: 84
in Chit-Chat
For all those that have a "significant other"...do you feel like you don't get the "attention" from your spouse/boyfirend/girlfriend that you need?

Seriously....I feel like even though I'm losing weight (and looking much better) I'm not making any progress impressing my wife. I had hoped this weight-loss journey would gain me some "perks". I know that I can't be the only person that's getting discouraged.

How do you feel and what are you doing about it?
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Replies

  • NicoleLyn1818
    NicoleLyn1818 Posts: 110
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    Don't lose weight to impress someone else. Do it to make a healthier YOU!
  • Rompa_87
    Rompa_87 Posts: 291 Member
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    You need to change your mindset. If your only motivation to lose weight is to gain respect and admiration of others you are doomed to fail. Focus on how you are getting stronger and healthier. Those are the 'perks' of weight loss. Sorry to be blunt but you need to do this for yourself and not for others.
  • SarahNicole317
    SarahNicole317 Posts: 302 Member
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    It's possible that she is feeling left behind. Maybe you should work to do more activities together.

    I also find that my relationship suffers when I don't get the emotional aspect of the relationship.
  • quitmakingexcuses
    quitmakingexcuses Posts: 906 Member
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    My bf isn't discouraging whatsoever, but I feel a little discouraged because he says he hasn't seen a difference at all (even though I've only lost about 10 lbs, it still seems like a lot to me..). I just remind myself that it isn't affecting how I feel about myself, and that eventually he notice, and if not, I know he still loves me. I'm really doing this weight loss for myself, so I just think of how it is making me feel, not others. :)
  • xTattooedDollx
    xTattooedDollx Posts: 426 Member
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    Well that's just so sad!!! Have you talked to her about this?o would think she'd be acting differently.
  • gumonyershoe
    gumonyershoe Posts: 20
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    I'm sorry she's not paying you the attention you're desiring. Have you told her how you feel? Maybe she doesn't notice the change as much as you notice it in yourself. People tell me all the time they can tell I've lost weight and some people even say my husband looks like he has. However I don't see him looking like he has lost anything, but I do see the difference in myself and feel the difference. If I bring it up then he will say something like "Oh yeah. You're really looking good." but I have to bring it up first.

    I'll not even pretend that I do the best about voicing my thoughts or desires, because I'm notorious for not doing so. However, that's the first thing that my husband says whenever I complain about him not doing this or that. He says "just TELL me!"

    Best of luck!
  • megz4987
    megz4987 Posts: 1,008 Member
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    Occasionally but it only bothers me because that's my own insecurities talking. He didn't care if I lost a single pound after I had our daughter but I feel like he does, simply because I do.
    I'm also the youngest in my family and apparently that means I crave a ton of attention, anyway. I try not to be the needy, naggy, clingy fiance but... I have my moments :)
  • tam120
    tam120 Posts: 444 Member
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    I think if you want those "perks" weight loss isn't the most effective way to get them. Sex begins in the kitchen, so to speak.
  • dia77
    dia77 Posts: 410 Member
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    You need to change your mindset. If your only motivation to lose weight is to gain respect and admiration of others you are doomed to fail. Focus on how you are getting stronger and healthier. Those are the 'perks' of weight loss. Sorry to be blunt but you need to do this for yourself and not for others.
    like!
  • adjones_21
    adjones_21 Posts: 234 Member
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    My husband is happy for me but he told me that he is afraid that my personalily will change when I lose all my weight. I think that it is their own insecurities that makes them not want to be as supportive as they should be.
  • juliapurpletoes
    juliapurpletoes Posts: 951 Member
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    hmmmmmm....i just want to gently and politely suggest that the absence of 'perks' comes from a deeper issue......check things out with her......

    best of luck :)
  • JediMaster_intraining
    JediMaster_intraining Posts: 903 Member
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    Maybe she feels like you won't need her after you start looking better? I would definitely talk to her though! Communication is key! :)


    And I agree that you should do it for YOU. NOT for someone else


    :flowerforyou: good luck
  • WifeMomDVM
    WifeMomDVM Posts: 1,025 Member
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    If you're feeling neglected - have a heart to heart with your significant other. Don't bring up the weight loss aspect of it though. Sounds like there might be some larger underlying issues here.

    Perhaps a marital counseling could shed some light on how to improve your relationship before things go down hill more. :flowerforyou:

    On a different note - as others said - get healthy for you. Because you want to live a long, healthy life for yourself and take care of your one and only body. :)
  • juliecat1
    juliecat1 Posts: 3,455 Member
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    You cant change anyone elses actions or opinions. All you can do is worry about you. Do this for your happiness and satisfaction!
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,699 Member
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    While the support from others is desired, this "journey" is YOURS and yours alone. No one can diet for you, no one can do the exercise for you, and no one can claim the success when you arrive. It's about YOU and this is one thing that's okay to be selfish about.
  • heatheramara
    heatheramara Posts: 76
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    We're here for you! We understand what you are going through!

    My husband is very much the same. He's a great guy, he loves me and he wants me to be happy, but he just doesn't GET positive feedback, words of praise, verbal support, whatever you want to call it. He's an introvert--that's just how he's wired.

    How long have you been together? It took a number of years, and some marriage counseling, for us to find better ways to communicate. But it was totally worth it. Have you tried talking to her about it? With like, words and stuff?

    In the mean time, we are here to support you, and we understand.

    :)
  • JsGirl93
    JsGirl93 Posts: 1,156
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    I know exactly how you feel, maybe just in a different way (I know that doesn't make sense!) Example : My husband is already in good shape, & there's no problems in the perks dept.. Today I was showing him the muscles I am developing in my arms, he said " Yeah, that's good. When you lose some more fat, I'll really be able to see them and brushed past !". It's true, but it still made me want to cry! Instead, I got really P***ed off and did a fantastic arm workout! Let it be a motivator!
  • noelheart
    noelheart Posts: 60
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    Yes, I sometimes feel my boyfriend doesn't fix enough attention on me.
    Just be yourself, don't lost weight so as to gain more attention from him, just to make yourself happy.
  • rharris86dc
    rharris86dc Posts: 635 Member
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    Well I recently broke up with my SO. I think he liked me better when I was heavier, and had less self esteem, because I would tolerate more of his bs.

    So now I'm feeling neglected, yes, lol.
  • koosdel
    koosdel Posts: 3,317 Member
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    Have you tried giving her extra attention? They like that, you know.

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