You do you I'll do me? Is that ok or disrespectful?
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You can't change anyone other than yourself. Trying to do so is an especially pointless and useless endeavor.
Change yourself and lead by example. Your husband will either follow you or go his own way in his own time. You can either choose to accept this or not.10 -
You can't change anyone other than yourself. Trying to do so is an especially pointless and useless endeavor.
Change yourself and lead by example. Your husband will either follow you or go his own way in his own time. You can either choose to accept this or not.
^^this is pretty much it.1 -
I'm reading some resentment that may go both ways. It might be beneficial to have a serious conversation being upfront about the emotions and subcontext.
He may be feeling left behind and you're feeling sabotaged and that's a recipe for disaster.13 -
Hmmm. For me it was easy because although my husband didn’t actively make a choice to pursue a healthy lifestyle with me, I happen to be the family chef and prepare all of his meals so he was forced to eat better by default LOL. But he thought it was nice and he was always supportive of me no matter what we were eating. We try to work it out together. For instance, he will ask me to make green bean casserole (a delicious, fattening, calorific nightmare for my allowance) and sometimes I will say “yeah that’s fine” and sometimes I will say “no, I don’t have enough calories for that today, let’s plan for it tomorrow” and normally he is satisfied with that. As others have said, I think talking about it and trying to make a plan together where you will both be happy and enjoy food together is the best approach. The only time it happens to bother me a lot is when his not so great habits trickle down onto our son. Again, no unreasonable expectations, but since I started this I’ve realized how important it is to teach our children nutrition and good habits. It’s become a parenting moral for me and it’s important to me that he’s on the same page about how we present diet and food to our children. But that’s another matter, and for the most part, talking with him about my feelings on that has helped. There’s a reason people say communication is invaluable in a marriage. Talk it out. Make a solution that will leave you both happy, satisfied, and successful.
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I don't expect my husband to change what he eats just because I have specific weight or fitness goals.
They have to be my goals, I don't expect him to have the will power for me.4 -
Ultimately, it does boil down to personal accountability. You alone are responsible for your food choices, and it's not realistic to think you'll never run into temptation.
But, with that being said, my husband is currently trying to lose weight and improve his health. I want to be supportive of that and do what little I can to help him succeed. So even though I don't need to lose weight, I'm not going to bring foods that he has trouble moderating into the house. I'm not going to eat them in front of him. That just seems kind of mean. I can eat whatever I want at work or out with friends. If the situation were reversed, he would show me the same respect.2 -
My fiance and I are very open about my needs and he is respectful of them. I dont tell him he can't eat pizza, I just ask him not to bring it into our home and he is respectful of that. I do not think it is disrespectful at all to express what you need from him and he should be supportive of that. You are not telling him what he cant eat and you are not telling him he needs to follow your diet, you are just expressing your trigger foods and he should respect that.2
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janejellyroll wrote: »I don't expect my husband to change what he eats just because I have specific weight or fitness goals.
They have to be my goals, I don't expect him to have the will power for me.
This.0 -
My husband is a chip and chocolate fiend! He is kind enough to wait til i go to bed to bring out his stash... "most" times.
I do ask him not to buy my (our) trigger foods, and he agrees not to as he he is trying to lose a few kgs at the moment, so him not buying this stuff helps me, but also himself. He now only buys a block of chocolate and 2 family size bags of chips once a month or so.1 -
It would be awesome to see evidence that your spouse and young adult kids are on your team. But they aren't, for whatever reason. So, yeah, you do you.
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If I asked my husband to not bake something or not bring something home, he would do his best to support me.6
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When my kids were little snack monsters, in weak moments I would be tempted by their snack food. For this I employed the separate-cabinet and better-mom-snacks strategies. But still, there were weak moments and sometimes I ate theirs. Kid snacks are less of an issue because they all eat less "junk food" now and 2 are away in school, so we've kind of aged out of kid food temptation.
I like hubby's snack food, though, and sometimes that's tempting, too. I make granola they all like, and at one point, I was really struggling not to overeat it. I made it but asked DH to hide it from me. He did a terrible job hiding it. I accidentally found it the very next morning, so I can't say that really worked.
I don't have a solution, OP, but I do understand. 90% of the time I don't even think about others' food. And I usually can resist when temptation strikes, but it's not perfect and it is easier when there's less temptation at home. You look fantastic in your profile pic and you have a lot to be proud of. When in doubt, reach back for the strengths that got you to this point.
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It's all about self control and individual ownership. I have siblings who eat ice cream, make cake, and they have huge layered nachos that look like they're calorie bombs, or they will make delicious looking deserts. If I want something I'll take the smallest portion, and if I want I won't take any, and I'll resist the options available. I know at office parties tons of food is available, but I'm
Not going to ask people not to bring dishes that are calorific because I won't eat it. Self control is the key word.2 -
Honestly, I have the opposite problem which isn't really a problem but it annoys me. Boyfriend is 148 pounds and eats whatever he wants but also goes on really long walks and bike rides and rollerblading in the summer that I can't. My goal weight is 160. I'm 215 now and he says I don't have to lose any weight.
What does he snack on when he's alone? veggies
What does he have when he's with me? cookies, cinnamon rolls (all the sweet stuff) and he loves it, lol.2 -
Maybe also look at how you’re restricting/demonizing food by doing things like cauliflower “rice”. If you can incorporate more normal food, it may help.2
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You won't convince him to join in on your diet by suggesting it to him, it has to be his idea. Meanwhile asking him not to eat any of his favorite things it sounds like is a no-go. If you have any specific trigger foods you could ask him to either not purchase them, or not keep them in the kitchen. Baking bread obviously won't work but other things would.
My spouse can not resist M&Ms. I used to keep them in a bowl in a kitchen cabinet, all the time. A pound bag of M&Ms would last me months because they weren't a trigger, just a nice sweet here and there. She can't resist them and asked me to stop. So i get a different treat that's a little less appealing to her most of the time, and i also make sure the treat is in the pantry and not in the dishes cabinet. When i do occasionally decide i want m&ms, i put them in my desk drawer and don't mention to her that I have them. My own junk-food weakness is Cheetos. If they are in the house they are what I want. Now we almost never buy them for the kitchen. I find bags in her car from time to time, but they're always empty by then.
If you name a specific treat or two that you'd like him not to buy, or at least not to wave at you, I hope you get better results!2 -
Why not just make your own food, get full and satisfied, and have no room left over for your husband's food? Make what you make tasty and yummy smelling. Honestly, it used to be there wasn't a homemade cinnamon roll I could walk by. But with practice, I learned that I could, indeed, not eat that *kitten*. I used to imagine that people spit or coughed on food so I wouldn't eat it myself. Anyway, when I'm not drinking wine I don't ask my husband to join me in my self-denial. He has his martini and I have some ice water with lemon. And if he makes bread, by golly I eat a slice with butter running down my wrist, and just make sure it fits into the MFP calorie allowance for the day. I am not disrespecting him by asking him to change what he does in his own home. But if he said anything rude about my choice to eat different food by making fun of my cauliflower rice, I would just laugh it off. "Yeah, honey, it smells like farts but so do you, and I still love you." Ha! We can make "disrespectful" into "fun time"!2
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As long as they don't rub it in your face, you should let them eat what they want.0
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When I was diagnosed with diabetes I told my husband flat out that needing to eat properly was a matter of life and death to me, and anyone who wanted me to die was clearly my enemy, so he could do everything possible to support me or he could leave. Since then he has done everything I could ask as far as respecting my need not to have food I can't eat in front of me all the time. He has several snacks and desserts he enjoys which are not my favorites, and when he does have things I would love to be able to eat, he does it when I'm not around.
It may be less obvious, but being obese is a matter of life and death to you and to your family too. Hopefully you and yours can turn it around before you have an incurable lifelong disease like diabetes. Whatever you need to do about the food situation, make it clear that being alive is not optional, it's your first priority.4
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