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    Brutal Honesty

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    • Posts: 10,179 Member
      edited February 2018
      The company is opening a design center in India. You're fired.


      Eventually, I also was sent away.
    • Posts: 1,817 Member
      _Deadman_Walking_ wrote: »
      When I was in grade 7 or 8, I asked out a girl for the first time. It was so terribly difficult to do. Her response was, “I would, if you weren’t so short and fat”. It quite literally ruined me. To this day, that honesty has affected every part of my confidence level (or lack there of).

      oh! that's tragic! Kids can be such dicks.
    • Posts: 7,074 Member
      A boy who acted like he liked me and was later distant and told me he used me to get closer to my friend, who I found out was dating her then.
    • Posts: 124 Member
      This was several years ago, when an acquaintance of mine just had a baby, and I mean JUST. We were visiting them in the hospital (Our hubbys are good friends, she's an acquaintance to me) She was chatting to me and randomly twirled around and asked if she looked like she lost weight? I said "No? but then you just had a baby, you may be rushing it a bit, give it time, it'll come off"

      Her response was something like ".....Well? you're just as fat, and you haven't had any kids" I just laughed and told her "True, on all accounts" :lol:
    • Posts: 573 Member
      I wouldn't say I'm brutally honest but I'm very factual. If you ask me a question I will answer but I try to leave opinion out of it (I'm an engineer and don't like opinions and have basically no empathy so I try to stay away from the realm of "feelings") and stick to facts. If asked about an article of clothing I will say yes or no and why giving specifics (not cause your fat because fat is subjective but because the cut along the shoulders is bad along with the waistline being too tight).
    • Posts: 1,440 Member
      If by brutal, you mean truthful and honest, yes. I always try to remain tactful, but on more then one occasion I've had people ask me for my opinion, only to be offended that it wasn't what they wanted to hear. I've always been a to the point type of person, and don't tend to sugar coat things or beat around the bush every time. I've noticed this tends to translate to me sounding short or mad via text. My husband is the same way. I fully expect him to be honest when I ask the "Does this outfit make me look bad?" question, and He expects the same honesty from me. You can however, be tactful AND brutally honest, IMO. Brutal honesty should not translate to just being mean. I feel that there is a difference.
    • Posts: 8,423 Member
      MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »
      So how are we defining "brutal"? Is it true but mean? Is it true but unsolicited?

      When I think of myself being brutally honest I think of times I could have worded it differently to say the same thing, or maybe not be so literal with the question.

      When I was a teenager my (ex)boyfriend asked why I wanted to dump him and I told him he was boring. It was true, but had I known better then I may have said we didn't have common interests or something. Still true, but not hurtful.

      The definition I am working from is the thing said was someon's honest opinion but likely to hurt to hear.
      It is not necessarily a fact just opinion. It may or may not be said from a place of meanness. It may or may not be solicited.


    • Posts: 257 Member
      I'm not very good at giving examples, but really, *kitten* brutal honesty and most people who enthusiastically practice it. Rarely do people need the 'brutal' portion of that statement. Being honest and clear with people is absolutely welcome, but I tend to find that the people who like to be "brutally honest" and who "don't sugar coat things" are just looking for an excuse to be cruel and unpleasant. Can we practice compassionate honesty, instead? I feel like that's destined to have better results for all, with less defensiveness and fewer hurt feelings. Bringing it back to something MFP-related, despite all the anecdata you see shared in threads here, I am reminded of that study showing that fat shaming doesn't help people to lose weight: (https://www.theguardian.com/society/2014/sep/11/fat-shaming-lose-weight-study). Be honest with people, don't be afraid to share your opinion, but have some damn respect for them as a person.
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    • Posts: 107 Member
      Since I express my thoughts with my mouth, body language and my written words is hard for me to keep an untrue situation.
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    • Posts: 257 Member
      edited February 2018
      jfhrgaybhawn.jpg


      basically how I feel after reading about some of the awful, rude, hurtful people mentioned in this thread!
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    • Posts: 397 Member
      yeah, it definitely *kitten* me up for a long time. I thought it was pretty cruel too
    • Posts: 1,440 Member
      evilpoptart63 wrote: »
      My husband told me my stomach looked like a stretched out marshmallow and not something that could ever belong on a human and he told me many times how it disgusted him. I lost a ton of weight but his words stuck with me and even after hit a 21 BMI, he reminded me several times that I'm a 6/10 now but I would be a lot higher if I had a nice stomach. I felt like *kitten* about myself for a long time then I started working as a stripper and love having guys drool over me every night. I like honesty but its possible to take it too far!

      Did you tell him his choice of words puts him firmly at a 0/10? Because that's not "brutal honesty". That's just brutal. I'm sorry he said that to you. :(
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    • Posts: 7,074 Member
      evilpoptart63 wrote: »
      My husband told me my stomach looked like a stretched out marshmallow and not something that could ever belong on a human and he told me many times how it disgusted him. I lost a ton of weight but his words stuck with me and even after hit a 21 BMI, he reminded me several times that I'm a 6/10 now but I would be a lot higher if I had a nice stomach. I felt like *kitten* about myself for a long time then I started working as a stripper and love having guys drool over me every night. I like honesty but its possible to take it too far!

      Wow, calling him a dick would almost be a compliment.
    • Posts: 3,322 Member
      edited February 2018
      so your husbands meanness and ignorance and abuse drove you to strip? and then enjoy it? that's sad.
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    • Posts: 397 Member
      I completely agree...the way he made me feel about myself changed the way I looked at him
    • Posts: 257 Member
      urloved33 wrote: »
      so your husbands meanness and ignorance and abuse drove you to strip? and then enjoy it? that's sad.

      you can commiserate with someone without shaming sex workers. come on, now.
    • Posts: 159 Member
      I mean, I understand. When a person is really low sometimes validation from outside can be beneficial in building confidence on the outside but clearly only finding confidence in that outside stimuli is problematic long term.

      I hope you find confidence in yourself without having to seek that outside validation, evilpoptart63.

      Personally I am very thankful to be with a partner who both encourages me in my weight loss but also never, ever, ever, ever speaks ill of me as I am. He is honest but he is kind.

      I do hope if you are still with that particular partner that he learns to be a bit gentler with you (although I'd question being with someone who is so 'honest' that he drives you to seek validation from other men).
    • Posts: 430 Member
      evilpoptart63 wrote: »
      show previous quotes

      Ummm yeah? I feel empowered and confident when I dance. I really don't see a problem with it

      Good for you. Don't let anybody shame you for your choice of career.
    • Posts: 211 Member
      When I first joined this site I had every excuse in the book for why I had gotten heavy, why I didn't have time to exercise, etc. even though I was here starting to log. A friend on here sent me a long winded message that included the words "I don't think you are ready to lose the weight." Not overly harsh, but had a strong impact. Boy did I want to prove her wrong. Lost my 50 pound goal in one year and haven't looked back :) I'd call it a success.
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