Brutal Honesty

I wish I could be someone who could be brutally honest....but I can't. I don't like to hurt people's feelings.

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I have been unintentionally brutal. Kid had a giant booger hanging off of his nose hair which got me off guard in mid sentence and apparently my reaction was unacceptable.

I don't know that I would qualify my honesty as brutal. I definitely try to word things tactfully, even to people I don't know or really care about.

Sadly, the last time I was truly honest with someone and told them exactly how things appeared from my point of view, he did not like my response and we ended a 10+ year friendship over it.

He came back about one year later and told me I was right, but has done nothing to correct the things I mentioned and has not accepted responsibility for his own choices, so.. we remain on non-speaking terms.

People already mostly dislike me for being as honest and factual as possible, so I guess this was just an inevitable outcome?

CanesGalactica wrote: »

I don't know that I would qualify my honesty as brutal. I definitely try to word things tactfully, even to people I don't know or really care about.

Sadly, the last time I was truly honest with someone and told them exactly how things appeared from my point of view, he did not like my response and we ended a 10+ year friendship over it.

He came back about one year later and told me I was right, but has done nothing to correct the things I mentioned and has not accepted responsibility for his own choices, so.. we remain on non-speaking terms.

People already mostly dislike me for being as honest and factual as possible, so I guess this was just an inevitable outcome?

I think some people just don't want to hear the truth, or take accountability for their actions. And, that is honestly on them. If there is something one of my friends is doing that I feel is impacting their quality of life, I'm not afraid to say something. For example, I had a friend who just couldn't seem to make a good decision to save her life. Always getting into drugs, getting in abusive relationships, and overall being reckless with her life. I couldn't sit by and idly watch her ruin her life. So I said something about it on multiple occasions, and she no longer talks to me. Her idea of support (lending her bail or drug money) and my idea of support (doing what I can to get her a job or out of an abusive relationship, being a friend to lean on when her other friends were high) were two different things. I can't feel like I'm being a good friend by enabling poor life decisions. This and my inability not say anything has ended some friendships.

On another note @evilpoptart63 Pole dancing is on my bucket list of "when I grow up" professions. The power and strength some of these women have to do what they can do astound me. It makes me want to invest in one of those at home poles. It's great exercise if nothing else, lol.

CanesGalactica wrote: »

Crafty_camper123 wrote: »

CanesGalactica wrote: »

I don't know that I would qualify my honesty as brutal. I definitely try to word things tactfully, even to people I don't know or really care about.

Sadly, the last time I was truly honest with someone and told them exactly how things appeared from my point of view, he did not like my response and we ended a 10+ year friendship over it.

He came back about one year later and told me I was right, but has done nothing to correct the things I mentioned and has not accepted responsibility for his own choices, so.. we remain on non-speaking terms.

People already mostly dislike me for being as honest and factual as possible, so I guess this was just an inevitable outcome?

I think some people just don't want to hear the truth, or take accountability for their actions. And, that is honestly on them. If there is something one of my friends is doing that I feel is impacting their quality of life, I'm not afraid to say something. For example, I had a friend who just couldn't seem to make a good decision to save her life. Always getting into drugs, getting in abusive relationships, and overall being reckless with her life. I couldn't sit by and idly watch her ruin her life. So I said something about it on multiple occasions, and she no longer talks to me. Her idea of support (lending her bail or drug money) and my idea of support (doing what I can to get her a job or out of an abusive relationship, being a friend to lean on when her other friends were high) were two different things. I can't feel like I'm being a good friend by enabling poor life decisions. This and my inability not say anything has ended some friendships.

On another note @evilpoptart63 Pole dancing is on my bucket list of "when I grow up" professions. The power and strength some of these women have to do what they can do astound me. It makes me want to invest in one of those at home poles. It's great exercise if nothing else, lol.

I agree with you 100%. However, this particular person had asked me for advice and apparently did not truly want to do the things I suggested. I got a long string of excuses for why they "couldn't" do something and excuses for the behavior. So yeah, the only thing left is to cut ties, I guess. I didn't need the stress and I got tired of being the whining board for this person.

I definitely agree with not enabling bad behaviors, though. That doesn't help anyone in the end.

I've been down that road before. I always hope the friend I mentioned will pull herself up by her bootstraps and get her life together, but I'm not holding my breath. People wont change unless they want to. It's sad to lose friends like that.

I am always honest (some say brutally) but not in a mean spirited way. If you want to know something (*disclosure warning) I tam upfront in my responses. I have never really been a good liar so I learned to just answer a question with “my” truth. When people realize this they wind up showing me things, ask me more personal questions, show me a picture (sometimes 1 they shouldn’t be) and even get into friends domestic arguements. Sometimes it’s fun and sometimes not so much.

CoffeeAndContour wrote: »

My best friend told me she loves me, but that I need to get my life together. She told me that I use my past as a crutch to excuse my behaviour. That I’m carrying on like a loser. That I am ungrateful and cruel. That the world owes me nothing and that if I don’t go to rehab she won’t see me again.

That’s just the part I’m okay with mentioning. It was a lot worse.

She was right. I was all those things. And now I’m 10 years sober and I know that I have someone who will always keep things real with me.

I see you.

I had a friend that would constantly complain about how he was the nicest guy and how he would be such a gentleman but no one wanted to date him and that girls don't want nice guys they just want *kitten*. I put up with it for YEARS. One day I just told him that he wasn't a nice guy if he expects girls to date him just for doing something a decent human being should be doing anyways. Yeah we're not friends anymore.

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Generally speaking, people that pride themselves on brutal honesty prefer the brutal part over the honest part.

I have 2 close friends & one of them kept canceling our getting together the day of. I cleared my calendar just for her & said 'no' to others who invited me somewhere. I would get ready, shower,dress etc & wouldn't hear from her till an hour before we were to meet. It would upset me so much after it was happening over & over. It was hard but I told her how I felt. At first she just brushed it off & told me to be more spontaneous, which was upsetting. I prayed a lot about this & after a short time things started happening to her in a similar way, like workers who made appointments for repair at their house wouldn't show up or call ahead etc, so she finally understood. Now a days we play it by ear on the day of. All this example to say that if you really care about your relationship with someone you'll tell them, if it's putting a rift between you. If I don't really care about a relationship with someone, I won't say anything

evilpoptart63 wrote: »

My husband told me my stomach looked like a stretched out marshmallow and not something that could ever belong on a human and he told me many times how it disgusted him. I lost a ton of weight but his words stuck with me and even after hit a 21 BMI, he reminded me several times that I'm a 6/10 now but I would be a lot higher if I had a nice stomach. I felt like *kitten* about myself for a long time then I started working as a stripper and love having guys drool over me every night. I like honesty but its possible to take it too far!

You said husband...not ex-husband?