Sharing grocery cost
Veronyk_13
Posts: 16 Member
in Chit-Chat
Hey, so, this might not be the best place to ask this but I need strangers' opinions. My bf and I are moving in together and I was wondering what are people's opinions on sharing the cost of living. Here's the situation: I make almost twice the annual salary my bf makes. I obviously have more expenses as well (example: I have a car and he doesn't, but I drive him everywhere). My question is this: When it comes to sharing the cost of rent, utilities etc do most people split 50/50 OR do some people split according to a ratio/percentage? Like for example, since I make 90% more than him, would it be more fair that I paid 90% more than him on rent? Am I being mean by asking to split 50/50? Also, for groceries do most people also split 50/50 regardless of what groceries they buy? I'm asking because him and I eat differently (i.e. I eat healthier stuff and he likes fried snacks) Is it fair to ask him to split 50/50 even though my healthy food probably costs us a little more?
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Replies
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Yikes. Yeah, I say cut the baby exactly in half.
Well, you know what I mean...2 -
50/50 if you have to ask this question. I may be old fashioned but if I love someone enough to move in with them I no longer see a separation between mine and his, I find making an issue out of money a bit tacky... because, love. I may be in the minority with this opinion… but I’ve never lost a dime or a minute of sleep living this way.7
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Split all costs 50/50. It is not your job to support or subsidize a grown man. (been there, done that...one divorce and 2 kids later...). He can figure out how to increase his salary. I do not think it is fair for you to support him, but that is just my opinion.2
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Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings wrote: »50/50 if you have to ask this question. I may be old fashioned but if I love someone enough to move in with them I no longer see a separation between mine and his, I find making an issue out of money a bit tacky... because, love. I may be in the minority with this opinion… but I’ve never lost a dime or a minute of sleep living this way.
This. 100% this.1 -
Will he be living in a better place that he would on his own? If so, it really isn't fair to ask him to split rent 50/50. On the other hand, if you down graded to make it affordable to him, 50/50 seems more reasonable.
Every couple needs to work it out for themselves. Some couples can't imagine anything other than 50/50, some do percentages based on the salary differential, some just pool everything. When discussing what the two of you consider fair, remember to include household tasks.
For the record, my now husband moved in with me because I couldn't stand his roommate and didn't want to clean his huge house. To avoid any rent/ownership concerns in event of a breakup, he never paid housing costs of any kind. He bought groceries (we had to discuss finances as soon as he started staying regularly because he was eating me out of house and home!) and funded my IRA (yes, the man wasn't convinced he knew how to be in a long term relationship, but he considered a retirement account an appropriate way to balance finances). Our joint car insurance was less than his young male insurance, so he covered that, as well.
On that last note, if he drives your car at all, you may want to look at adding him to your insurance. There could be an issue if there is an incident while he is driving and he isn't named, but shares your household.5 -
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What if he doesn't even earn enough, to split the bills 50/50? I believe that the bills should be an even ratio to income, for the both of you! So if you're spending 30% of your income upon the household, then it's fair to expect the same percentage via him also!0
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I suggest you get a credit report on each of you to inform each of you of the inherent risk of living with each of you.0
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Depends. I moved in with my now wife when I was still in college and about a year before we got married. She was already five or so years into her career and she had just bought a home with a mortgage of around 1300 per month. I was coming from an apartment in the "student ghetto" that I paid about $350 per month and was making just over minimum wage and working part time at a liquor store. Coughing up half the mortgage at that point would have been a tremendous financial burden for me as I was barely treading water as it was.
I graduated 6ish months later and started working for an public accounting firm making at least decent money, so we split things 50/50 at that point, even though I was still making less than she was. Relative to where I was before, I felt like a rich man. We're married now, and I make quite a bit more than she does...though her portfolio is doing better than mine...we just have one joint account, so it's difficult to determine how things are actually split.2 -
My husband makes way more than I do even when we were living together prior to our marriage. He ends up pouring more into bills than I do. I do what I can, but we've pretty much split it up by salary percentage. I put in what my salary allows and he helps out with the rest. We work as a team for all house/living costs. We each have our own bills (school loans, CCs, etc) that we handle separately. It all depends on what your bills are monthly and what both of you can do. It's worth sitting down and going over the budget, salary, etc.
I don't necessarily agree that it should be 50/50, but I'm not sure what position both of you are in to say.
*Edited to add:
Regarding groceries, I'd make a budget for your grocery bill per month and treat it as another bill.1 -
I think 50/50 seems fine in your situation but I'd really take an inventory of the whole situation before you take it further (i.e., marriage if that's on your mind).
When my husband and I first started dating, I made quite a lot more than him because he works freelance but was also taking care of his critically ill mother full-time. When he first moved in with me, we split things 50/50 but I picked up the tab for trips since my income was higher. After the first year, his income surpassed mine and now we're pretty equal so 50/50 is easy and we're also married now so it feels like a natural progression to this.
If we ate very differently (even now) I would suggest buying separate groceries and/or snacks.2 -
My son the engineer had roommates and would calculate the square footage of each bedroom. After that if it had a common bath vs a private bath a deduction. He is cheap and would take the bedroom that shared the common bath so he would have less rent. Back to OP 50/50 but if your are moving more expensive place than he can afford I see trouble ahead. You two need to settle this in writing before any action is taken. You can always do smaller things like picking up the bill when eating out if you feel the need.
The pay based on ability sounds a lot like Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand.0 -
If the financial earnings were reversed, how would you like it split?1
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Thank you so much everyone for your helpful insight. To answer some of your questions:
1. We did decide together where we were going to move and we had a budget beforehand based on what HE could afford.
2. He doesn't drive my car so I pay insurance and parking entirely by myself
3. He doesn't have credit cards but I have 2 so I pay these myself as well.
4. We did talk about sharing household costs 50/50 and he said he agrees with it and can afford it. I'm just a little concerned that he might not realize how much money he ACTUALLY spends sometimes. (I have a very detailed budget that I follow but, he doesn't follow a budget at all.)
I guess I'm just concerned that even though he agrees on paying 50/50, I don't want him to eventually resent me. I also wanted some insight from people who've been there and could tell me how they felt about it.
Again thank you so much for your comments people!2 -
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Everyone is biased by their own experiences. I was married to a woman who only wanted my paycheck. Regardless of anything we agreed on when dating, once married she refused to have a job or live on any budget. She blew my money and kept me broke and struggling to pay bills. As such, I will never support another adult again. If I am ever married again, it will be to a woman that is already financially independent. And we will split all shared expenses equally.
That being said, I define equally as by a percentage of the income. Because that whole love thing, I expect to pay more. The odds of meeting anyone that makes more than me are not very high. But it is important to me to know that she is equally contributing according to her ability, and not just with me to be financially supported.6 -
Veronyk_13 wrote: »Thank you so much everyone for your helpful insight. To answer some of your questions:
1. We did decide together where we were going to move and we had a budget beforehand based on what HE could afford.
2. He doesn't drive my car so I pay insurance and parking entirely by myself
3. He doesn't have credit cards but I have 2 so I pay these myself as well.
4. We did talk about sharing household costs 50/50 and he said he agrees with it and can afford it. I'm just a little concerned that he might not realize how much money he ACTUALLY spends sometimes. (I have a very detailed budget that I follow but, he doesn't follow a budget at all.)
I guess I'm just concerned that even though he agrees on paying 50/50, I don't want him to eventually resent me. I also wanted some insight from people who've been there and could tell me how they felt about it.
Again thank you so much for your comments people!
If he's paying his bills regardless of not budgeting prior, then why'd you expect that to ever be an issue? I pay all of my bills 1st/set aside, so that I don't have to budget whatever remains!0 -
DaylightDuchess wrote: »Veronyk_13 wrote: »Thank you so much everyone for your helpful insight. To answer some of your questions:
1. We did decide together where we were going to move and we had a budget beforehand based on what HE could afford.
2. He doesn't drive my car so I pay insurance and parking entirely by myself
3. He doesn't have credit cards but I have 2 so I pay these myself as well.
4. We did talk about sharing household costs 50/50 and he said he agrees with it and can afford it. I'm just a little concerned that he might not realize how much money he ACTUALLY spends sometimes. (I have a very detailed budget that I follow but, he doesn't follow a budget at all.)
I guess I'm just concerned that even though he agrees on paying 50/50, I don't want him to eventually resent me. I also wanted some insight from people who've been there and could tell me how they felt about it.
Again thank you so much for your comments people!
If he's paying his bills regardless of not budgeting prior, then why'd you expect that to ever be an issue? I pay all of my bills 1st, so that I don't have to budget whatever remains!
Word. I budgeted for a few months once, but I have never really gotten into trouble without it (like tracking food, it helped me kick by coffee habit to see the numbers laid out). You said he doesn't have any credit cards, so I am not sure how he would get into trouble, unless he is taking pay day loans.0 -
If it were me I would try to think about how I would feel if the situation were reversed. If he made 90% more would you want to split the bills 50/50 or based on earnings? My huband and I have always split everything evenly and there have been times where I was making more and times when he was but it has always worked for us. Whatever you agree on now make sure you both feel comfortable re-evaluating if either of you has a change in income or starts to feel resentful of the current situation.0
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djeffreys10 wrote: »Everyone is biased by their own experiences. I was married to a woman who only wanted my paycheck. Regardless of anything we agreed on when dating, once married she refused to have a job or live on any budget. She blew my money and kept me broke and struggling to pay bills. As such, I will never support another adult again. If I am ever married again, it will be to a woman that is already financially independent. And we will split all shared expenses equally.
That being said, I define equally as by a percentage of the income. Because that whole love thing, I expect to pay more. The odds of meeting anyone that makes more than me are not very high. But it is important to me to know that she is equally contributing according to her ability, and not just with me to be financially supported.
Also if you ever marry again, get everything within writing prior {prenuptial agreement}! You plausibly would've been able, to've the marriage annulled!1 -
concordancia wrote: »DaylightDuchess wrote: »Veronyk_13 wrote: »Thank you so much everyone for your helpful insight. To answer some of your questions:
1. We did decide together where we were going to move and we had a budget beforehand based on what HE could afford.
2. He doesn't drive my car so I pay insurance and parking entirely by myself
3. He doesn't have credit cards but I have 2 so I pay these myself as well.
4. We did talk about sharing household costs 50/50 and he said he agrees with it and can afford it. I'm just a little concerned that he might not realize how much money he ACTUALLY spends sometimes. (I have a very detailed budget that I follow but, he doesn't follow a budget at all.)
I guess I'm just concerned that even though he agrees on paying 50/50, I don't want him to eventually resent me. I also wanted some insight from people who've been there and could tell me how they felt about it.
Again thank you so much for your comments people!
If he's paying his bills regardless of not budgeting prior, then why'd you expect that to ever be an issue? I pay all of my bills 1st, so that I don't have to budget whatever remains!
Word. I budgeted for a few months once, but I have never really gotten into trouble without it (like tracking food, it helped me kick by coffee habit to see the numbers laid out). You said he doesn't have any credit cards, so I am not sure how he would get into trouble, unless he is taking pay day loans.
Over the course of a few months, my grocery/necessity expenses became uncomfortably high! I came to the realization that Stevia, was increasing my hunger & headaches astronomically because when I began using that artificial sweetener, my food & Advil purchases skyrocketed!0 -
Hook that brother up with a discount!0
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Veronyk_13 wrote: »Thank you so much everyone for your helpful insight. To answer some of your questions:
1. We did decide together where we were going to move and we had a budget beforehand based on what HE could afford.
2. He doesn't drive my car so I pay insurance and parking entirely by myself
3. He doesn't have credit cards but I have 2 so I pay these myself as well.
4. We did talk about sharing household costs 50/50 and he said he agrees with it and can afford it. I'm just a little concerned that he might not realize how much money he ACTUALLY spends sometimes. (I have a very detailed budget that I follow but, he doesn't follow a budget at all.)
I guess I'm just concerned that even though he agrees on paying 50/50, I don't want him to eventually resent me. I also wanted some insight from people who've been there and could tell me how they felt about it.
Again thank you so much for your comments people!
I would make sure he understands that whatever he's left with at the end of a paycheck after bills is it. Have him calculate the expenses he has and come up with an end amount of how much he has left over. Ask him if that's reasonable. If he makes plenty enough to cover that and have a little play money, 50/50 should work just fine!
We tried doing 50/50 for 2-3 months and I realized I slowly started to resent the fact that my then-boyfriend had plenty of money to spend on himself, and I was struggling to come up with gas money. We then switched to more of a percentage based system, which worked out a lot better for both of us. This is only my experience, so I can't say whether or not it will happen to you guys. You both seem to really want to work together on this and that makes me feel like no matter which way you do it, you'll figure it out
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Veronyk_13 wrote: »Thank you so much everyone for your helpful insight. To answer some of your questions:
1. We did decide together where we were going to move and we had a budget beforehand based on what HE could afford.
2. He doesn't drive my car so I pay insurance and parking entirely by myself
3. He doesn't have credit cards but I have 2 so I pay these myself as well.
4. We did talk about sharing household costs 50/50 and he said he agrees with it and can afford it. I'm just a little concerned that he might not realize how much money he ACTUALLY spends sometimes. (I have a very detailed budget that I follow but, he doesn't follow a budget at all.)
I guess I'm just concerned that even though he agrees on paying 50/50, I don't want him to eventually resent me. I also wanted some insight from people who've been there and could tell me how they felt about it.
Again thank you so much for your comments people!
Based off of this, my suggestions are as such:
1) Housing budget is good, and if he can afford it 50/50 of rent, utilities, etc.
2) Your car, you pay for insurance, payments if any and parking. However, since you drive him around, I'd say he should offer to pay for gas, and a little extra for maintenance such as oil changes, repairs, etc. If you didn't drive him around, you wouldn't be putting on as many miles. Does he take the bus to work?
3) If he doesn't have credit cards, how is be building credit? If the purchases are solely yours, then you pay CC bills. if you have to pay for something of his, then he reimburses you.
4. If you are concerned about his financial stability now, this may be a long-standing issue in the future. Discuss all aspects of it now, in order to prevent complications further down the road.
I'm basing this off of a similar situation such as yours. Only, we were married, and she worked PT and made 10% of what I did. Without getting into details, there's a lot of things that went wrong on both sides which led to resentment. Work out any issues now, before you have a deeper commitment to one another.
I'd recommend three accounts:
Yours: Only you, he has no idea of balance
His: Only him, you have no idea of balance
Joint account: Both of you put money in to cover bills, and a little extra for things like trips, fun stuff, future. All bills are paid by check, and requires both signatures to be valid.
This way, you both know what expenses are being paid. More importantly, both of you have to be there to withdraw money in case things go south. At this point, you aren't legally married so there's no need to know each other's net worth. But, as mentioned above, if there's a financial disparity, there may well be some level of resentment. Or, him thinking he has a free ride if there's no desire for him to succeed financially.
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Veronyk_13 wrote: »Hey, so, this might not be the best place to ask this but I need strangers' opinions. My bf and I are moving in together and I was wondering what are people's opinions on sharing the cost of living. Here's the situation: I make almost twice the annual salary my bf makes. I obviously have more expenses as well (example: I have a car and he doesn't, but I drive him everywhere). My question is this: When it comes to sharing the cost of rent, utilities etc do most people split 50/50 OR do some people split according to a ratio/percentage? Like for example, since I make 90% more than him, would it be more fair that I paid 90% more than him on rent? Am I being mean by asking to split 50/50? Also, for groceries do most people also split 50/50 regardless of what groceries they buy? I'm asking because him and I eat differently (i.e. I eat healthier stuff and he likes fried snacks) Is it fair to ask him to split 50/50 even though my healthy food probably costs us a little more?
I don't know. My dh and I got married before having those expenses and had a joint bank account that we used to pay all bills and buy food with. All money earned by our household is shared. I would not do that with someone I wasn't married to.
I think it is reasonable and fair to split the cost of rent and utilities 50/50 with your boyfriend or set up a household account that you both contribute a certain percentage of your income to that will cover household costs.
Are you going to share all the food or continue to eat differently? It doesn't make sense for you to split the cost for food that you will never eat. I would say buy your own food that isn't going to be shared.
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If someone could tell me how to reply to one specific comment, that'd be great lol! In the meantime, to answer someone's question:
The reason why I'm concerned about the budgeting thing is because I'm the type of person that will start saving VERY early for a foreseen bigger expense (example: I start putting a small amount of $ in my savings in March for a trip I'm going to take in February the next year) but HE doesn't use a savings account. Also, I have an emergency fund so I'm prepared if something happens. He lives more paycheck to paycheck with no "cushion" if something would happen. Not that it's a terrible thing, most people live that way. Maybe I'm just overthinking the whole thing and having anxiety for nothing LOL but I just wanna make sure that things go smoothly and I don't end up having to cover for him all the time (I don't mind doing it once in a while) because although I do make more money, I have more bills therefore, the "fun money" I have left is about the same as him.
I guess were just 2 different people financially, and I could talk him into getting an emergency fund going but I don't want him to feel like I'm "babying" him if that makes sense? Like, he's a grown adult and should take this responsibility without me having to do it for him. (Can you guys tell I used to be a financial advisor? Lol.)
Anyways thanks everyone for your great insight, I GREATLY appreciate it! I think we're gonna go with splitting the cost 50/50 since that's what we agreed on and he can afford it. If times get a lil tough I'll push him towards having a savings account for unforeseen expenses, cuz you know, life happens and you gotta be ready!0 -
Every relationship is different. 50/50 works for some. Proportionality works for others. Just playing it by ear works for even others. You've gotta find what works for you. I find that talking usually helps with that.1
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