Worried about impact of my calorie counting on 8 year old daughter
CaliMomTeach
Posts: 745 Member
Yesterday at Costco, my kids got hotdogs and a soda in the middle of a busy day. My 8 year-old daughter got her own soda. When I asked her what she got, she said she got diet coke. I asked her why she got that, and she said, "I want to be on a diet like you Mommy." My child is not at all overweight, not by an ounce. Of course I told her that was silly, kids don't go on diets, and that I was just trying to be healthy watching what I eat because the doctor said I had to. She also has asked me how many calories different foods have on occasion. She sees me weighing and logging my food every day. I am a little worried that she is taking all of this in as a young female in a society that is already obsessed with women being thin, and now she sees her mother "obsessed" with logging her calories. How do I make sure this is not going to have a negative influence on her? (By the way, eating Costco hotdogs and soda is not a regular thing for my kids. Usually I prepare and feed them healthy foods and I don't buy soda at home. I'm just anticipating someone on here telling me that I'm feeding my children crap food, lol. Yes, I am fully aware that this particular lunch is complete junk for my kids 
and they can have complete junk on occasion.)
and they can have complete junk on occasion.) 22
Replies
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First off, and this is just me, I wouldn't tell my kids that anything they were doing was "silly" nor would I tell them "kids don't do such and such". I suspect that hurt her feelings. I know it would hurt mine. I'm certain that's not what you intended, but it's something to think about when were discussing things like this with our kids.
When my 7 year old talks to me about my weight loss (she's watched me lose around 30 lbs over the last year or so) I explain to her that I need to do this to be healthy because I've spent a lot of time eating more than my body needs to be at a healthy weight. I spend time teaching her how I use the scale and why I use it. Sometimes we weigh out her portions so she can see the numbers, but I don't translate it into calories because I don't think it's what she's curious about at her age.
I have never done a named "fad" diet so my kids only see that I'm cutting back on how much I eat and making overall healthier food choices. We had ice cream last night and I let the kids portion out mine and I enjoyed every bite.
I agree that it's ok for our kids and us for that matter to have the occasional hot dog if we choose and it fits our plan.
The fact that you're concerned about the message you're sending your kids then asking questions to help you decide how to handle it shows great wisdom on your part. I think you'll do fine whatever particular things you decide to do.
In general I have found that just having any open and honest conversation about what I'm doing and why goes a long way.
All the best. Sounds like you're a terrific momma.24 -
I would not shut down her curiosity about dieting and calories and let her pick it up from other sources. I think that sends a message that something is wrong.
I would probably tell her that all people have different calorie and nutritional needs based on their age, size, gender and activity level to be healthy. I would tell her that she is a healthy weight for her height and show her on a growth chart that as she grows weight gain is normal development for her. Her eating the same as a baby or an adult would not be right when she is 8 years old. To be healthy she needs to eat the right amount for her. You could figure out what that should be and show her that it is different to the amount you need and her other family members.
Maybe she would find it fun to keep a paper food diary for a week and you could talk about it without judgement. There are nutrition books and health sites aimed at kids that may help you talk about the topic or her doctor. http://kidshealth.org/en/kids/calorie.html
Maybe she'd like to play with weighing different foods on the scale for you.
I wouldn't make it a big deal. Emphasize health and fun activity. Don't eat an extremely restrictive diet or make negative comments about food. As long as you are not doing unhealthy things or having a negative attitude I don't think she will pick up anything bad from you counting calories as a tool to manage your weight.
If she wants to have a diet cola or a salad or exercise like you sometimes that's fine as long as her needs are being met.15 -
I have an almost 8 year old daughter, I’ve told her I just need to get back into shape so I can keep up with her, and I need to get back to a healthier diet in the proper amount for me. I need to stop eating as much as daddy does because my body can’t use all the energy and stores it instead. We talked about how a diet was simply the food you ate and we all have one, that it’s not a thing you start and stop, and an unhealthy one vs a healthy one. We played with the scale, sometimes we’ll use it on her cereal or frozen fruit of yogurt out of the bag. Sometimes I use it too but not always.
Last nights supper was kraft dinner and sugar cookies we’d decorated for Easter16 -
Thank you for all of your responses and good advice!
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I think it would be helpful to teach her how to watch what she eats and to balance her activity and intake. That’s the only way she will learn how to live at a healthy weight.9
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I agree that it might be best to point out that this is something you have to do because you overate in the past. Since she doesn't overeat, she doesn't have to limit her calories.
At the same time, go ahead and teach her about nutrition. Perhaps let her keep track of a particular nutrient, like protein or calcium, reminding her that her targets are minimums. Even just counting her veggies. Diet just means your regular eating pattern. They should be positive, not negative.4 -
She's just curious. There is nothing wrong with wanting to understand calories at a younger age. I learned about calories when I was 9 and I was completely obsessed and fascinated with the concept. I remember the day I learned about calories I went home and took every packaged food out of the pantry and started playing jigsaw with them on my calculator trying to see what and how much would fit into the standard 2000 calories I learned about at school. It did not make me obsessed with dieting or insecure about my body. It was just healthy curiosity and a topic that fascinated me for a short while until I found my next big fascination. For reference, I went on my first and only real diet when I was 31 and fell right into calorie counting because it felt like something I already knew about and trusted (my science teacher was amazing and I still remember the day we learned about calories in surprising detail).
I don't know your daughter, but she could be just displaying curiosity and trying to imitate you - she obviously loves you, and if mommy is doing this then it's a good thing to do. Instead of dismissing that curiosity, maybe you could explain to her in simple terms what a calorie is to demystify the subject, and how she is very good at getting the energy she needs from food so she doesn't need to do what mommy needs to do...etc.10 -
I think it’s more about body attitude than calorie counting per se, when it comes to negative effects on kids and their self image. So, negative talk about bodies, terrible representations of fatness in the media and discriminatory attitudes are much worse than the kind of pragmatic approach the OP and others have talked about in this thread.
We also frame eating well in terms of fueling activity and health in my family, and it seems like the kids are picking up pieces of that in positive ways—but I think compassion and respect towards ourselves and others, and analysis about how discrimination works (towards people who are fat, women, GLBTQ, different races, differently abled, different religions) is always necessary to reinforce.
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Another great thing that you can do is tell her to always be active and choose healthy foods and snacks and she won't have to worry about gaining a lot of weight. Healthy living, and portion control is the key. It will be up to you of course, but it is also ok to have an occasional eat out (fast food) day.
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concordancia wrote: »I agree that it might be best to point out that this is something you have to do because you overate in the past. Since she doesn't overeat, she doesn't have to limit her calories.
At the same time, go ahead and teach her about nutrition. Perhaps let her keep track of a particular nutrient, like protein or calcium, reminding her that her targets are minimums. Even just counting her veggies. Diet just means your regular eating pattern. They should be positive, not negative.
Good idea! Thanks.0 -
I have an 11 year old daughter who is also curious about why Mum will no longer eat some of the foods she used to.
I’ve told her that it’s because I need to make better choices about the food I put into my body, in order to be healthier. She sees me weighing my food, too, and I tell her that I do that so I can make sure I’m eating the amount of food my body needs, in order to help the process of being healthier. I stay completely away from the words “weight” (ie losing weight) or “diet” and instead talk about it in terms of health.
This also makes it easier when she serves herself bigger portions that she needs- we can talk about how she’s younger, and so doesn’t need as much food to fuel her body as an adult needs. When she says “but I’m hungry!” I tell her to eat what she’s got and drink some water, then talk to me if she’s still hungry. She never is, though!
I’m hoping that all this is helping to model healthy food habits.4 -
I wouldn't be worried at all. Actually I'd look at it as a good teaching opportunity. Explained in the complete context it might help them better understand food, nutrition, exercise, and overall health goals. It also teaches them that Mom isn't perfect, is human, and sometimes gets off track BUT Mom chose to get back on track so hopefully will be around to teach them life lessons for many years to come.
I never weighed food myself, but during the periods of logging food and/or exercise, my daughter was curious as well. Now, at 18 years old, she is trying to eat more protein than she used to. She also fuels herself better on long days and tends to snack on easy "junk" a little less. She has actually used our elliptical a number of times, and the other day mentioned that she has a further exercise plan she is going to start. She is also less intimidated by picking up heavier things after I reminded her that often stronger people got that way by picking up heavy things and then putting them back down.
Make it a positive thing, and it will be.1 -
I think showing children healthy eating habits is wonderful. Your children seeing you logging food and being proactive is probably very healthy for them. Most children are served huge portions and made to finish everything on their plates. This is not healthy. If you think you are acting "obsessed" then maybe dial is back a bit or talk through it with your kids. Tell them why you are doing it and that it isn't a "diet" but a lifestyle of healthy eating. Kids see and hear everything!0
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My mom was obese. She went on numerous diets over the years and nothing really changed. My dad left her because of her weight. I went on my first diet (Stillman's if anyone remembers) when I was 11, though i was only a bit heavy, not fat. I learned to hate cottage cheese;-) That pretty much set me up for a lifetime of yoyo dieting. Because of my mom's example I made sure I never became truly obese, but I spent a lot of years dieting then gaining then dieting again. It was only when I was very active that I was able to avoid dieting, because I never really learned how to eat normally.0
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Leannep2201 wrote: »I have an 11 year old daughter who is also curious about why Mum will no longer eat some of the foods she used to.
I’ve told her that it’s because I need to make better choices about the food I put into my body, in order to be healthier. She sees me weighing my food, too, and I tell her that I do that so I can make sure I’m eating the amount of food my body needs, in order to help the process of being healthier. I stay completely away from the words “weight” (ie losing weight) or “diet” and instead talk about it in terms of health.
This also makes it easier when she serves herself bigger portions that she needs- we can talk about how she’s younger, and so doesn’t need as much food to fuel her body as an adult needs. When she says “but I’m hungry!” I tell her to eat what she’s got and drink some water, then talk to me if she’s still hungry. She never is, though!
I’m hoping that all this is helping to model healthy food habits.
Your 11yo may well need more than most adults if she is approaching puberty and active.6 -
I wish my parents had been more anti soda growing up. They eat tons of fast food, candy, and had soda back then...
I think being open with your child and talking about how constantly consuming lots of calorie dense foods can be detrimental to ones health. The key is to not demonize anything and to say everything is ok in moderation. A normal soda once a week is fine... a 2 liter a day is bad.0 -
In my early teens my mother had to go through an elimination diet and was found to have several food allergies, MSG being the big one that really set off her symptoms. Learning about that, learning to read food labels to be sure the foods didn't have anything my mom couldn't eat, and helping prepare healthy meals pretty much gave me a mindset of choosing healthier foods and developed a wide pallet - all of us enjoy a very wide range of foods.
All of that being said, my mother was overweight most of my life, going into obese from time to time. It was never an issue for any of us kids as we were pretty active doing most of the outdoor chores on our rather large hobby farm.
The biggest issue for me is while I knew about calories and burn vs activity, since my mother never worried about that in particular, and it was never an issue for me, I didn't realize just how badly a desk job affected me. Never had to give a thought to my weight until then (other than a few vanity pounds), and it took me way to long to recognize the reasons why I was getting fat.
I think you've been given some great advice, and I'd encourage you to include your kids in what you're doing and why.0 -
Use it as a moment to talk about healthy choices. I have three middle school aged girls and have worried a lot about what they are thinking about my weight loss. I try to stress that it's for my health, not my looks. Two of my girls are blossoming and getting pretty curvy. They have always been a bit on the thicker side of things. It never bothered them until I started to get thin. Now they ask how they can lose like me ect...we talk (constantly it seems, haha) about loving ourselves at every size. But, on the other hand, I don't want them to use it as a license to eat whatever they want. They eat healthy at home but I know they make poor choices when away from me. It's a delicate balance. When they expressed how they wanted to lose a little weight I told them that they didn't need to, but we could go on runs together ect...I told them that I am not on a diet, but I chose to eat mostly things that are nutritious. I try to stress balance.
I never thought that this would be an issue when I started out, but man, it is sure becoming one. It's hard talking to young girls about weight. I'm always afraid to give them a complex!2 -
Fitnessmom82 wrote: »Use it as a moment to talk about healthy choices. I have three middle school aged girls and have worried a lot about what they are thinking about my weight loss. I try to stress that it's for my health, not my looks. Two of my girls are blossoming and getting pretty curvy. They have always been a bit on the thicker side of things. It never bothered them until I started to get thin. Now they ask how they can lose like me ect...we talk (constantly it seems, haha) about loving ourselves at every size. But, on the other hand, I don't want them to use it as a license to eat whatever they want. They eat healthy at home but I know they make poor choices when away from me. It's a delicate balance. When they expressed how they wanted to lose a little weight I told them that they didn't need to, but we could go on runs together ect...I told them that I am not on a diet, but I chose to eat mostly things that are nutritious. I try to stress balance.
I never thought that this would be an issue when I started out, but man, it is sure becoming one. It's hard talking to young girls about weight. I'm always afraid to give them a complex!
This is actually a great opportunity to connect with them. Why don't you all train to do a 5k together? Put the focus on the activity and let food play a supporting role. Teach them to fuel their bodies well so that they can run and so they feel strong and healthy.
Present the idea to them and plan 3 days a week where you will all run together. On the other days, encourage them to get out and play - ride bikes, walk around the park, swim, play a sport. They'll see that they feel better when they eat right and are active. It takes the focus off of appearance and puts it on feeling good and overall wellness.
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concordancia wrote: »Leannep2201 wrote: »I have an 11 year old daughter who is also curious about why Mum will no longer eat some of the foods she used to.
I’ve told her that it’s because I need to make better choices about the food I put into my body, in order to be healthier. She sees me weighing my food, too, and I tell her that I do that so I can make sure I’m eating the amount of food my body needs, in order to help the process of being healthier. I stay completely away from the words “weight” (ie losing weight) or “diet” and instead talk about it in terms of health.
This also makes it easier when she serves herself bigger portions that she needs- we can talk about how she’s younger, and so doesn’t need as much food to fuel her body as an adult needs. When she says “but I’m hungry!” I tell her to eat what she’s got and drink some water, then talk to me if she’s still hungry. She never is, though!
I’m hoping that all this is helping to model healthy food habits.
Your 11yo may well need more than most adults if she is approaching puberty and active.
Yes, I considered this too. She’s not terribly active though- no more than any other kid her age- and she’s only “hungry” like that when we’re dishing up food she loves.... if it’s something she doesn’t like as much, all of a sudden she’s not so hungry.... so that speaks volumes to me! Often her lunch box comes home with food still in it too, so I’m definitely not under-feeding her!
She swims once a week and so I always make sure she has extra food on that day, to allow for the extra calories burned0 -
My kids asked WHY I measured/weighed food - I didn't focus on the calories so much as to explain Portion Size. That even the cereal box says 1 oz is a portion - but when you fill the cereal bowl up it's closer to 3 servings or more - and that sometimes I have to measure to keep in mind what a REAL portion is. They aren't so focused on calories (and by no means need to be as they are definitely on the thin side) and my daughter (15) really does eat pretty healthy...Todays lunch was a PBJ sandwich, carrot sticks and clemintines. But Everyone else in the house has a different metabolism than I do - they can see that because they see me eat -but obviously my body type is not the long and lean (think short and curvy!) Mostly I just have told them over the years that I can't eat like they do because my body is different. Seemed to work.
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I personally don't think calories are scary, people just tend to attach too much baggage to them. Normalizing the concept of a calorie from a young age is good because it becomes just like inches, miles, cups, 7 almonds, or half a chicken breast. A quantitative measure, not a measure of a person's moral qualities.2
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Fitnessmom82 wrote: »Use it as a moment to talk about healthy choices. I have three middle school aged girls and have worried a lot about what they are thinking about my weight loss. I try to stress that it's for my health, not my looks. Two of my girls are blossoming and getting pretty curvy. They have always been a bit on the thicker side of things. It never bothered them until I started to get thin. Now they ask how they can lose like me ect...we talk (constantly it seems, haha) about loving ourselves at every size. But, on the other hand, I don't want them to use it as a license to eat whatever they want. They eat healthy at home but I know they make poor choices when away from me. It's a delicate balance. When they expressed how they wanted to lose a little weight I told them that they didn't need to, but we could go on runs together ect...I told them that I am not on a diet, but I chose to eat mostly things that are nutritious. I try to stress balance.
I never thought that this would be an issue when I started out, but man, it is sure becoming one. It's hard talking to young girls about weight. I'm always afraid to give them a complex!
This is actually a great opportunity to connect with them. Why don't you all train to do a 5k together? Put the focus on the activity and let food play a supporting role. Teach them to fuel their bodies well so that they can run and so they feel strong and healthy.
Present the idea to them and plan 3 days a week where you will all run together. On the other days, encourage them to get out and play - ride bikes, walk around the park, swim, play a sport. They'll see that they feel better when they eat right and are active. It takes the focus off of appearance and puts it on feeling good and overall wellness.
I love the idea of training for a race!! Now that the weather is nice we are planning on doing weekly hikes as a family as well. Luckily for me, they love playing outside, so they usually spend a chunk of every day just running around the neighborhood with friends!0
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