Guys - how long would you wait to message a girl after the first date?

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Replies

  • jjpptt2
    jjpptt2 Posts: 5,650 Member
    OP - how old are you? How old is the guy?

    Society in general seems to be much more instantaneous than it used to be (heck, most of my dating life was before cell phones)... I don't think more regular/frequent communication is necessarily a bad thing if that's what you want/need. If nothing else, it'll help filter out the guys that aren't good fits for you... which is a good thing. I also think society is much less "traditional" than it used to be (i.e. girls have to wait for the guys to call, plan dates, etc).

    If you're interested, say so. His response should be pretty telling, then you know where you stand with him.
  • Deadman_Diggingup
    Deadman_Diggingup Posts: 3,082 Member
    I am certainly no expert as I’ve only really been on a couple dates in my life but I think, why wait? If I had enjoyed myself, I would want her to know before saying goodnight... “I have enjoyed spending time with you, and I would very much like to do it again soon. May I contact you this week to make plans?”... It doesn’t really seem that complicated.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    I am glad I met my wife before messaging was possible. I might have missed the proper protocol and lost out.

    I've still never messaged her. However, I massaged her before our first date. I was her Massage Therapist.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    Why are people afraid to say I like you and would like to see you again when they are not teenagers? Is it phones these days or dating total strangers?

    With my dh we worked together before seeing each other and were exchanging actual e-mails pretty regularly for about a month before getting involved so no hiding who we were really. By the time we actually had a "date" we were really comfortable already communicating but never called each other much. We are not really phone people.
  • Time2LoseTheWait
    Time2LoseTheWait Posts: 154 Member
    I’d message her once I’ve gotten home from the first date simply saying .. (name) I had a great time tonight and I’d love to do it again sometime.

    Telling her what I think while not asking for any kind of commitment or forced response. If she responds in kind then great. If not, that’s okay too. We gave it a shot .. it didn’t work out and now we’ll move on. No worries
  • joemac1988
    joemac1988 Posts: 1,021 Member
    Wait? If there's some sorta rules to this, I'm out.
  • cee134
    cee134 Posts: 33,711 Member
    According to every movie I've seen from the 90's it should 3 days. I don't know why.
  • caloriecountingdiary
    caloriecountingdiary Posts: 12 Member
    I’m 28 for the person who asked!

    It seems like eveyone is different then judging by the responses. I personally tend to just be upfront if I like someone but I have been guilty of struggling to be the same if I don’t like someone.

    I haven’t heard anything from him since this morning so I don’t have high hopes. We were messaging about 3x a day before the date so I guess this is a no go
  • princess7955
    princess7955 Posts: 1,277 Member
    caloriecountingdiary wrote: »
    I’m 28 for the person who asked!

    It seems like eveyone is different then judging by the responses. I personally tend to just be upfront if I like someone but I have been guilty of struggling to be the same if I don’t like someone.

    I haven’t heard anything from him since this morning so I don’t have high hopes. We were messaging about 3x a day before the date so I guess this is a no go

    Did you really like him? If so - girl, take out your phone and message him. Wouldn't you rather know if he had a good time too, than assume the worst?
    He might be sitting at home thinking the same thing you are. Maybe he's text his friends asking how long he should be waiting to message you!


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  • caloriecountingdiary
    caloriecountingdiary Posts: 12 Member
    princess7955 wrote: »
    caloriecountingdiary wrote: »
    I’m 28 for the person who asked!

    It seems like eveyone is different then judging by the responses. I personally tend to just be upfront if I like someone but I have been guilty of struggling to be the same if I don’t like someone.

    I haven’t heard anything from him since this morning so I don’t have high hopes. We were messaging about 3x a day before the date so I guess this is a no go

    Did you really like him? If so - girl, take out your phone and message him. Wouldn't you rather know if he had a good time too, than assume the worst?
    He might be sitting at home thinking the same thing you are. Maybe he's text his friends asking how long he should be waiting to message you!


    I did reply to his message... just saying something about the gym but he didn’t even read it
  • caloriecountingdiary
    caloriecountingdiary Posts: 12 Member
    SabotageinStilettos wrote: »
    I guess I’m just old fashioned in that I never want to talk to my date again. *kitten* him and leave him, that’s what I always say.

    Kitten him?
  • Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings
    Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings Posts: 5,545 Member
    caloriecountingdiary wrote: »
    I’m 28 for the person who asked!

    It seems like eveyone is different then judging by the responses. I personally tend to just be upfront if I like someone but I have been guilty of struggling to be the same if I don’t like someone.

    I haven’t heard anything from him since this morning so I don’t have high hopes. We were messaging about 3x a day before the date so I guess this is a no go

    Have you only been out with him once? Was that the first time you met in person?
  • activities1
    activities1 Posts: 3,475 Member
    I’m sooo confused by your messages. So he did text you but “it gave nothing away” so you didn’t reply??

    Then You said you used to text all day before the date so maybe it’s a no go.

    Was the last text from him? If so, REPLY BACK if you’re interested. Maybe he’s thinking the same thing and just was texting something with absolutely no substance because that was all he had in order to text you. Now he probably thinks you’re uninterested because no text back.

    This really doesn’t have to be so confusing and unsure of how the other feels. Just lay it out there and let him know hey, I like you, great time maybe eventually we can bump ugly’s exclusively OR hey had a nice time, I think we may want something different but if you want to be friends cool if not understood.
  • caloriecountingdiary
    caloriecountingdiary Posts: 12 Member
    Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings wrote: »
    caloriecountingdiary wrote: »
    I’m 28 for the person who asked!

    It seems like eveyone is different then judging by the responses. I personally tend to just be upfront if I like someone but I have been guilty of struggling to be the same if I don’t like someone.

    I haven’t heard anything from him since this morning so I don’t have high hopes. We were messaging about 3x a day before the date so I guess this is a no go

    Have you only been out with him once? Was that the first time you met in person?

    Yes this was the first date. So we met on PoF and we were messaging on that (about three times a day) and then he gave me his number the day of the date so we could meet up easier.

    And the date was on Saturday night but I didn’t hear anything on Sunday so I messaged him this morning to say have a good day. He replied saying thanks, you too. I didn’t really know what to reply so I messaged him after work and gym just saying something about just finishing the gym. That was at 7pm and now its half 11 and he hasn’t read it
  • Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings
    Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings Posts: 5,545 Member
    caloriecountingdiary wrote: »
    Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings wrote: »
    caloriecountingdiary wrote: »
    I’m 28 for the person who asked!

    It seems like eveyone is different then judging by the responses. I personally tend to just be upfront if I like someone but I have been guilty of struggling to be the same if I don’t like someone.

    I haven’t heard anything from him since this morning so I don’t have high hopes. We were messaging about 3x a day before the date so I guess this is a no go

    Have you only been out with him once? Was that the first time you met in person?

    Yes this was the first date. So we met on PoF and we were messaging on that (about three times a day) and then he gave me his number the day of the date so we could meet up easier.

    And the date was on Saturday night but I didn’t hear anything on Sunday so I messaged him this morning to say have a good day. He replied saying thanks, you too. I didn’t really know what to reply so I messaged him after work and gym just saying something about just finishing the gym. That was at 7pm and now its half 11 and he hasn’t read it

    This is my sincere advice

    Do not message him again until and unless he responds to you. You met him for the first time on Saturday... it sometimes takes time to process everything so give him space. I think it's ok that you messaged him today although the content of your message could have been tweaked a bit... maybe telling him you enjoyed his company and you'd like to see him again. Then leave it alone.... if it is going to eat away at you if you don't hear from him then send a message like that a week from now... see how he responds. This is not game playing, be sincere but with no expectations...and remember you don't need a reply from him. In fact you don't need him at all, do not over function... let it unfold organically, this way you will know exactly where you stand. I hope everything works out the way you want it to :) and I hope I articulated my point well...

    Also... I'm bad at love so I'm not certain this is the best advice :D
  • caloriecountingdiary
    caloriecountingdiary Posts: 12 Member

    This is my sincere advice

    Do not message him again until and unless he responds to you. You met him for the first time on Saturday... it sometimes takes time to process everything so give him space. I think it's ok that you messaged him today although the content of your message could have been tweaked a bit... maybe telling him you enjoyed his company and you'd like to see him again. Then leave it alone.... if it is going to eat away at you if you don't hear from him then send a message like that a week from now... see how he responds. This is not game playing, be sincere but with no expectations...and remember you don't need a reply from him. In fact you don't need him at all, do not over function... let it unfold organically, this way you will know exactly where you stand. I hope everything works out the way you want it to :) and I hope I articulated my point well...

    Also... I'm bad at love so I'm not certain this is the best advice :D

    I think that’s pretty sound advice, thank-you
  • johnnylakis
    johnnylakis Posts: 812 Member
    As a gentleman, I always offer to take a lady home. If we can't do that, I text once I get home to see if she made it home ok. If she answers, I text the next day to say I had a nice time (if I had a nice time). If you are waiting three days after a date to reach out to someone, then you really didn't have a good time
  • basic_bro
    basic_bro Posts: 41 Member
    I don’t know, two or three....years.

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