Family issues ongoing, with update
Hi everyone,
I've come here a few times before seeking advice about family issues that have been going on.
Things have been getting increasingly worse here over the past couple weeks.
A few weeks ago, my mom said she wanted to go to the inpatient psychiatric hospital, so we took her. They transferred her to a hospital 2.5 hours away without telling us. We did not know she was there until she called us, which we were blamed for not hunting her down, etc. Ever since she got home she has been saying that we abandoned her, that we don't care, and all this stuff.
The other day, she threatened to have me fired from my brand new job and said she wished she never would've had me. So, I left for a few days and did not communicate with her. I eventually came back home. After coming home, my dad asked me if I wanted to go fishing with them this weekend, and she interrupted me and said that I was going out with my boyfriend this weekend (which I am) and that I wanted to be a part of his family instead of ours. I walked away, and she provoked me again and I responded that I was not going to participate in her psychotic BS and that if she were to analyze her behavior she would realize why I don't like being at home and why I stay away as much as possible.
I have my own car, in my name, that I make payments on. I pay my own car insurance. I pay the electric bill. I pay the internet bill. I help pay for her medicine. I have bought $200 worth of groceries in the past 2.5 weeks. I wash the dishes, do the laundry, cook, take her to her doctor's appointments, and more.
I am so tired of this.
I am pretty much set on the apartment I want, just haven't finished the process of getting everything together.
Any thoughts? Advice on how to deal with my last few weeks-months here?
I've come here a few times before seeking advice about family issues that have been going on.
Things have been getting increasingly worse here over the past couple weeks.
A few weeks ago, my mom said she wanted to go to the inpatient psychiatric hospital, so we took her. They transferred her to a hospital 2.5 hours away without telling us. We did not know she was there until she called us, which we were blamed for not hunting her down, etc. Ever since she got home she has been saying that we abandoned her, that we don't care, and all this stuff.
The other day, she threatened to have me fired from my brand new job and said she wished she never would've had me. So, I left for a few days and did not communicate with her. I eventually came back home. After coming home, my dad asked me if I wanted to go fishing with them this weekend, and she interrupted me and said that I was going out with my boyfriend this weekend (which I am) and that I wanted to be a part of his family instead of ours. I walked away, and she provoked me again and I responded that I was not going to participate in her psychotic BS and that if she were to analyze her behavior she would realize why I don't like being at home and why I stay away as much as possible.
I have my own car, in my name, that I make payments on. I pay my own car insurance. I pay the electric bill. I pay the internet bill. I help pay for her medicine. I have bought $200 worth of groceries in the past 2.5 weeks. I wash the dishes, do the laundry, cook, take her to her doctor's appointments, and more.
I am so tired of this.
I am pretty much set on the apartment I want, just haven't finished the process of getting everything together.
Any thoughts? Advice on how to deal with my last few weeks-months here?
9
Replies
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I'm sorry you are still dealing with this. I hope you are able to get that apartment soon. You don't need to put up with this. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you, you don't need to be putting up with this insanity.3
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_barefoot_ wrote: »Is there a way you can stay at a friends house while you wait for the papers to be done ?
You really need to get out of the house ... now .
There is. I'm considering doing that within the next couple days.3 -
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Just try to avoid her energy if you can.
But on moving day be sure to break her off with one of these:
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Is she getting medication? There's not really a lot you can do. She's mentally ill and will be unstable until she finds the proper medication. Just keep your distance.1
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I think she needs to try something new.4 -
Oh, me too. She went to her psychiatrist yesterday and he didn't put her on anything different.0 -
I just wonder how much of this is truly mental illness and how much of it is just that's she's mean.5
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Oh, me too. She went to her psychiatrist yesterday and he didn't put her on anything different.
Oh pfft. Needs new psychiatrist.2 -
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Oh, me too. She went to her psychiatrist yesterday and he didn't put her on anything different.
Oh pfft. Needs new psychiatrist.
I'm sure she's making herself look totally fine for him and lying about what's really going on. She likes to make herself look like the victim in all cases and refuses to acknowledge when she's wrong.0 -
Oh, me too. She went to her psychiatrist yesterday and he didn't put her on anything different.
Oh pfft. Needs new psychiatrist.
I'm sure she's making herself look totally fine for him and lying about what's really going on. She likes to make herself look like the victim in all cases and refuses to acknowledge when she's wrong.
Yeah I had a client like that. Then he said if he had a knife he'd cut his housekeeper's throat. People paid attention after that.2 -
I hope you’re in a safe and healthy situation soon. It has to be extremely hard. To go through this with a parent can be emotionally traumatic, take care of yourself. A counselor of some sort to help you wade through the roller coaster she’s put you on may not be a horrible idea.
Really stressful situations like this can lead to ways of dealing with stress that aren’t helpful long term. No idea of your situation in that way, it does sound like you’re tough enough for three people. Don’t go it alone if you can avoid it.
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I just wonder how much of this is truly mental illness and how much of it is just that's she's mean.
Has your mom been diagnosed with anything? Is this something you've dealt with from her your entire life? Sorry, I didn't see any other times you've came here, so you might have answered these questions before. Hopefully it is mental illness and something she really can't control. It doesn't make the behavior any better, but more understandable than if she's just being mean. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this and wish you the best. Try and keep your distance from her and this toxic situation as much as you can. I know it's your mother, but you really do need to take care of yourself first and this cannot be good for you.1 -
Ok so what's your dad doing in all this? It's his job to take care of it too.4
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_barefoot_ wrote: »
Oh, me too. She went to her psychiatrist yesterday and he didn't put her on anything different.
Oh pfft. Needs new psychiatrist.
I'm sure she's making herself look totally fine for him and lying about what's really going on. She likes to make herself look like the victim in all cases and refuses to acknowledge when she's wrong.
That is why you or your dad needs to go with her to the doctors office and tell the doctor the medication she is on is not working .
If he is only hearing her side of the story he wont change the medication because he thinks it's working .
Doctors can only go by what they know .
I realize that - I am a nurse and work full time. My father and I can't be at all of her appointments because we both work full time.1 -
I am pretty much set on the apartment I want, just haven't finished the process of getting everything together.
Any thoughts? Advice on how to deal with my last few weeks-months here?
Start distancing yourself. Go stay with a friend or other family member for right now while you sort things out.
Can your parents cover their bills without you? Maybe sit down with your father and help him work out a budget so you stop paying for stuff that they use. Find contact info for a ride service or someone else who would be willing to do that.
Finish getting everything together to move out and do so.
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I am pretty much set on the apartment I want, just haven't finished the process of getting everything together.
Any thoughts? Advice on how to deal with my last few weeks-months here?
Start distancing yourself. Go stay with a friend or other family member for right now while you sort things out.
Can your parents cover their bills without you? Maybe sit down with your father and help him work out a budget so you stop paying for stuff that they use. Find contact info for a ride service or someone else who would be willing to do that.
Finish getting everything together to move out and do so.
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Yeah, that sounds good. Thanks.0 -
I really like lounmoun's suggestions. You're probably doing way more for your parents than you "should be" doing and while honestly I feel they're adults and should be able to handle their own finances and such...I think you sound like a genuinely NICE person and would feel bad not giving them a little heads up and assisting them with the transition. I just think it's super important that you stick to your guns and get out of there. The way your mom is behaving is not going to improve, from the sound of things. I am sorry you have to deal with this stuff though.1
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seltzermint555 wrote: »I really like lounmoun's suggestions. You're probably doing way more for your parents than you "should be" doing and while honestly I feel they're adults and should be able to handle their own finances and such...I think you sound like a genuinely NICE person and would feel bad not giving them a little heads up and assisting them with the transition. I just think it's super important that you stick to your guns and get out of there. The way your mom is behaving is not going to improve, from the sound of things. I am sorry you have to deal with this stuff though.
Thank you! Yeah, I don't think it's going to get any better. I've finally had enough.1 -
Good luck on getting out on your own. Once you do that, you need to decide if her negativity is worth the impact it has on your life. Good luck.1
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I'm honestly at the point where once I move out, I'm going to change my phone number and not have any contact with her. I left for the weekend and came home and she's trying to start an argument again, and I haven't said a word to her except for hi once I got home. I can't get a minute of peace and I can't get out fast enough.2
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I'm honestly at the point where once I move out, I'm going to change my phone number and not have any contact with her. I left for the weekend and came home and she's trying to start an argument again, and I haven't said a word to her except for hi once I got home. I can't get a minute of peace and I can't get out fast enough.
Check out Youtube Channels: begood4000 and Narcissism Survivor. Start with their earlier videos and progress from there. They've both been active for years and have helped a lot of people. You need the information in these videos.
Thanks!1 -
She just told me that I don't have a right to be tired after working only 12 hours as a nurse. I explained to her that sometimes I walk over 9 miles in a shift and I'm turning patients, cleaning them up, etc. I then told her that if her behavior doesn't change, I will move out and change my number and she will cease to have a daughter. It's her choice. I'm tired of her *kitten*.3
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You may or may not find some comfort in the advice column dear prudence on slate.com. She gets lots of letters about cutting out toxic family relations, and how/when to do it. It might provide some solace knowing you aren't alone having to deal with crazy family members and perhaps some tips on how to maintain distance.0
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My guess is bipolar?
Here’s a local cautionary tale. There’s no coming back from a tragedy like this.
http://edmontonjournal.com/news/crime/friends-of-nurse-killed-by-mother-call-for-accountability-within-health-care-system
Perhaps dad can take a day off work and attend the psychiatrists office. You can also write an account of some of the things your mom has said and done to send along to the psychiatrist.0
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