Setting myself up for failure.

I've lost 5 lbs in 5 weeks. Pretty cool to see it happen. But I just realized that I am setting myself up for failure.

TL;DR: I need to learn to control my weight through my diet, first and foremost, and keep exercise as the pleasure it has usually been.

I was actually thinking about all these young folks I see who are doing 2 workouts/day. "That's not sustainable," I thought, "because life happens." When I was young, I was really fit. I ran 5 times a week, no problem. I had no one but myself and my dog to look after.

Then things started to change. First, having a job with more responsibility--more pay, but more hours. Then having a baby. Good; still managed an hour most days to run. Then baby #2 and a new job . . . more responsibilities at work, better pay, more hours/week. And --wow, that is when it all fell apart. I had two kids and a more demanding job. Exercise became less of a priority simply because I had accepted other responsibilities--and my weight control was, in fact, exercise-dependent. I never learned how to eat at maintenance. I learned to eat at maintenance + exercise, always. I didn't know that at the time, of course. Who does when they have been fit, are still fit, and not thinking about what they eat b/c they've been able to stay fit just in the way they live their life?

So, like many others, I got stuck--"couldn't" lose the weight gained with baby #2 (and it was a lot--I had a high risk pg, again, with something the doctor called "a metabolic disorder of pregnancy.) I was eating like I always had eaten--but no exercise. Started eating more, mindlessly, b/c again, it wasn't something I had had to think about for many years. Hello, pg weight + 40 lbs. Hello, MFP. Here I am, 20 years later, 100 lbs heavier than I want to be, weight loss strategies having failed multiple times in the past. And it all comes down to 1 thing.

I've never learned to eat at maintenance.

I'm doing it again--starting to use exercise/jogging (which I've done about 3 times a week, most of my life, despite the weight gain) as a way to manage my weight. I hate eating at maintenance (I think; I haven't done it enough to know). I hate trying to lose 2 lbs/week--I'm just too hungry. I'm tempted--b/c my calendar, at 1 lb a week, is known in my mind as "the two-year plan." Yes, that is ok--but I'm not really ok with it.

This time, I'm stopping to think about it. One reason my strategy fails is that I cannot do walking and running every single day. So far, it is the only exercise I love (other than playing sports, especially soccer). But I am already feeling some stress in my body--too much too soon, adding the daily long walks on top of my every-other day jogging routine. I am thinking about trying rowing. Maybe, eventually, joining a gym to do weights.

But I haven't done those things. Nope, I'm jogging and walking, and my feet are sore (walking doesn't stretch my plantar sufficiently and actually causes pain, whereas running doesn't). I'm already thinking about my run today that will let me eat more, and I'm a little hungry this morning.

I have to learn to eat less. It's that simple. Most days, I will exercise--but when something happens that makes it difficult/impossible (injury, esp.), I'm too dependent on the exercise for weight maintenance. And I don't want to make exercise anything more than the sheer pleasure it has been for most of my life.

ETA: Not sure what retirement will bring, but I don't plan to retire anytime soon, so no point in thinking too much about that. Does seem like a lot of "free" time, though, with few responsibilities!