What's with the diet shaming?
stlbluefansarah
Posts: 18 Member
I recently restarted my quest to lose weight, and after almost 2 months, I am down about 16 pounds. In the past, I've tried traditional diets and less popular diets, and I finally found one that's working for me (i.e. I'm losing weight and pretty easily able to stick to it.) I am proud of myself. Some have commented on my jeans fitting more loosely, and it feels good. With that loss, a few have asked how I'm doing it, so I tell them. Diet and exercise, of course. But then when I tell them the diet, 90% of people tell me I should be doing this, instead of that, and I'm not doing it right, etc., etc.
It feels like if I were to tell 147 people about my diet, I would get 147 different opinions on what I should be doing instead. And each of those 147 people is somehow an all-knowing nutrition expert who knows THE ONLY healthy way to lose weight, be it low-carb, low-cal, IF, vegan, gluten-free, etc.
Why can't people just say, "Keep up the good work!" and keep their opinions to themselves anymore? I'm not looking for an answer to this question. I guess I'm just looking to vent and commiserate with anyone else who is experiencing the same.
It feels like if I were to tell 147 people about my diet, I would get 147 different opinions on what I should be doing instead. And each of those 147 people is somehow an all-knowing nutrition expert who knows THE ONLY healthy way to lose weight, be it low-carb, low-cal, IF, vegan, gluten-free, etc.
Why can't people just say, "Keep up the good work!" and keep their opinions to themselves anymore? I'm not looking for an answer to this question. I guess I'm just looking to vent and commiserate with anyone else who is experiencing the same.
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Replies
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Weight loss is one of those subjects, like parenting, where so many people think they're experts even if they've never done it. It can be so frustrating!
My approach is to just smile, nod, and thank them for their input.
Congratulations on your weight loss!28 -
So true.
I find that after you lose the weight, and had kept it off for a while, people forget you were heavy, or the ones who cared and remember now realize your way is fine since you haven't dropped dead of malnutrition (or whatever) yet.
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janejellyroll wrote: »Weight loss is one of those subjects, like parenting, where so many people think they're experts even if they've never done it. It can be so frustrating!
My approach is to just smile, nod, and thank them for their input.
Congratulations on your weight loss!
Thank you!!0 -
Vent away...and I agree, totally frustrating...
I really like it when overweight or obese friends are telling me how I should be eating... like if they really knew how to be healthy, why aren't they???22 -
Lost 65+ pounds, now 3+ months into maintenance and still have people telling me that what I did won't work.33
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"It feels like if I were to tell 147 people about my diet, I would get 147 different opinions on what I should be doing instead." - Yep, you're right. Now you know what to expect. Ignore their responses and just keep doing what you're doing. Congratulations!10
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If you tell 0 people about your diet, you will get 0 opinions. If people ask me how I lost weight, I am purposely vague and will sometimes just refer them to MFP.33
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I tell people I ate an egg salad sandwich out of a vending machine in a bathroom in an interstellar truck stop. Usually short circuits the conversation.40
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SuzySunshine99 wrote: »If you tell 0 people about your diet, you will get 0 opinions. If people ask me how I lost weight, I am purposely vague and will sometimes just refer them to MFP.
Don't start none. Won't be none. I don't ask anyone for their opinions about what I'm doing. I field the ballyhoo or potshots with I appreciate that or thank you.6 -
"You look great! How are you doing it?"
"I've just been work work work work workin on my fitness!"8 -
Thank you for this. I feel the same way. Also, when I have struggled and reached out for help, felt more attacked than helped. Been accused of lying and the whole 9 yards. Obviously, we wouldn’t be doing what we’re doing if we aren’t trying to better ourselves. This bigoted type comments are the ones that break a lesser person into just giving up all together. So, good for you for keeping up the hard work!7
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I've lost 50 pounds over the past year. Yesterday, my next door neighbor asks me "Have you been losing weight?" Over this whole time, only a couple of people have noticed, or if they did, they didn't feel comfortable asking about it. I'm 100% fine with that. When co-workers or friends at a party state for everyone that they can't "eat this" because they are on "the Keto diet" or low carb, etc., I just smile, nod and then cut a slice of the chocolate cake that I brought and ask them about their vacation plans. No need to debate on the merits of their plan vs. my plan....just enjoy the cake and log it (of course).26
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stlbluefansarah wrote: ».
Why can't people just say, "Keep up the good work!" and keep their opinions to themselves anymore? I'm not looking for an answer to this question. I guess I'm just looking to vent and commiserate with anyone else who is experiencing the same.
Because humans love to share opinions, especially if you tell them something they think you are dieing to hear feedback. And then there are the humans who are going to give your their opinion whether you brought up the subject or not.
If you don't like the person, acerbic sarcasm or staring at the person until they stop talking works usually or just walking away.3 -
It depends on who asks as the whether I get into the specifics of logging everything. A lot of times I just say "With just about every diet plan some people succeed but more people fail. I used MyFitnessPal to lose the weight and keep it off; you could use that or your favorite diet plan and succeed. It just comes down to whether you are willing to stick to it and you don't cheat." I say it in a kind way so that I am not being mean in pointing out that they need to lose weight and assuming they must be asking me for advice.3
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I feel that way too - and because of that, unless someone asks the specifics of how I have lost weight, I don't tell them.
In the last 30 years I have followed so many different diets and eating plans - some have been great, some not. Even the great ones that worked for me in my 20s and 30s do NOT work for me now.
All of our bodies are different from each others' and different from our own at various stages of life. Because of that I often find myself adding the phrase "this is what works for me at this point in my journey" to my input because my own advice may not even work for me in a few years! As someone else said, weight loss and fitness, like parenting, has so many people becoming opinionated 'experts'!3 -
tcunbeliever wrote: »I really like it when overweight or obese friends are telling me how I should be eating... like if they really knew how to be healthy, why aren't they???
While I can understand the knee-jerk reaction here, is it really fair? Just because a person is overweight doesn't necessarily mean they lack sound knowledge of what is required of them to lose weight/be healthy (though that may often be the case). It just means that, for whatever reason, they aren't doing it. I would venture to guess that there are many of us in the MFP forums offering good (solicited) advice who aren't at a healthy BMI... should we not be doing that?
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I dont know why some people do that. Lately, I have had several different people suggest I go either keto or vegan. No thanks!!!9
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I once had a friend that complimented me on my weight loss (about 60 lbs at the time), and I thanked them and mentioned I still had a ways to go. Right away, they popped up with, "Oh, you should take ACV every morning!" Because clearly what I was doing wasn't working? I think people either just don't think or like to feel like they're being helpful, probably a combination of both. 11
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Get 100 nutritionists in a room together and you will find 100 different opinions on what one should and should not be doing.
We may all be a part of the same species, but we each have subtle differences in chemical make-up that determine how we process foods.
High five to you for sticking to what works for you and continuing to work toward your goals!!
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@nooshi713 omg! I feel ya! I was raw vegan for a few years a while back- I needed it at the time, but don't feel it's a good fit for me any more. Didn't feel sustainable with a husband and sons who are hard core steak and macaroni and cheese lovers 😂
Now my aunts and cousins are pushing the keto thing because that is their current kick. It may work for some, but that's not for me either.
The older I get, the less inclined I am to do any specific eating styles. For me, looking for balance in the calories in and out is easiest and most effective long term.10 -
When asked, I always say “I gave up alcohol and got used to being hungry”. That’s usually enough to stop any follow-up questions.14
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stlbluefansarah wrote: »Why can't people just say, "Keep up the good work!" and keep their opinions to themselves anymore? I'm not looking for an answer to this question. I guess I'm just looking to vent and commiserate with anyone else who is experiencing the same.
Keep up the good work!
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One of my favorite phrases is repeated thousands of times a day. "Should the use of oxygen be necessary, first affix your own mask, over your mouth & nose, before helping others". This is also "expert" advice. If we were all genetically created equal, MFP would not be necessary. Where in the world would they find a platform to show off the expertise? My genetic code may be missing the ability to effectively use carbs but FILTERS....that is what is missing in many of the "experts" genetic code...please affix the mask (filter), OVER YOUR MOUTH, before helping others.9
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I agree with what someone else said... diet shaming is similar to mom shaming. Everyone has an opinion and thinks their way is the right way. Why can’t we all just have our opinions and stfu.11
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@nooshi713 omg! I feel ya! I was raw vegan for a few years a while back- I needed it at the time, but don't feel it's a good fit for me any more. Didn't feel sustainable with a husband and sons who are hard core steak and macaroni and cheese lovers 😂
Now my aunts and cousins are pushing the keto thing because that is their current kick. It may work for some, but that's not for me either.
The older I get, the less inclined I am to do any specific eating styles. For me, looking for balance in the calories in and out is easiest and most effective long term.
Same here. I need something flexible, this whole mom & responsibilities thing doesn't work well with a lot of restrictions. I also don't subscribe to the whole "eating clean" thing either. Just mainly healthy with a moderate about of not-as-healthy.5 -
I just keep at the most basic level when asked.... "I eat less and move more".
If someone wants to get into detail I'll mention logging my food and calories - CICO 101. If they are really interested I might mention macros..... lol.... but that's usually when the eyes start to glaze over.8 -
I think not going into specifics is key. I’m very lucky, because I’m at home every day, and because it’s winter, I hardly see anyone. I’ll probably run into people in spring, which means I can just put my head down and get on with it in the meantime. I don’t mention anything I’m doing with weight loss or fitness on any social media. I only plan to address what I’m doing if asked, and it’s because of the types of opinions op has mentioned.
When I am asked, I’m just going to say, ‘good old fashioned hard work!’ If pressed further, I will add, ‘exercise and eating well.’4 -
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Oh, yes, and I forgot to mention, most importantly: if someone then proceeds to lecture me about paleo or keto, or similar, I intend to simply say, ‘nah, I don’t believe in fad diets, but thanks anyway.’6
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