Coping With Being Seen

LindaCCherry · June 2018

I have begun to notice that, particularly men, are beginning to "see me" since I have lost a few pounds and dropped a couple of pants sizes. I find this to be very unnerving, and quite frankly, aggravating as I am used to always being ignored or tucked away in the friend zone. Yes it is flattering, but at the same time, it causes me to question what their true intentions are (severe trust issues here) and why they refused to "see me" before. My deduction is that size and appearance REALLY do matter and that most people are too shallow to get to know the real you without judging you for not being a single digit size.

My way of coping is to be polite, answer any non-intrusive questions as vaguely as possible, and then hightail it out there before things become any more awkward than they are.

What are some of the ways you all cope with being seen since dropping the weight and getting healthy?

urloved33 · June 2018

enjoy it. be upset when they stop "seeing you"

nutmegoreo · June 2018

For me, when I'm feeling confident I get more attention. I've noticed this at both big and small sizes. In my experience it has more to do with what I'm putting out there. Of course, there are always creepers, but they'll be there regardless as well.

bikecheryl · June 2018

I think it's a matter of being comfortable in your new body.

I know I'm not used to mine and I have a few more lbs to lose.

AmberGlitterSparkles · June 2018

As much as I like to believe that it’s true that size matters adversely to a lot of men, I have found it to not be as true as I once thought. I am. Very large woman 5ft 11 322lbs for reference. I get a lot of attention from men. It’s to the point where all of my employees joke around about all of my “boyfriends”. Just a thought, maybe you’re really shining now because you feel better about yourself. That confidence is really really sexy to men. The smile, the personality. I know from experience that not all men prefer average/smaller size women. My husband for example, is fighting me tooth and nail about loosing weight because he likes my body the way it is and doesn’t want me to. I think you maybe just bloomed a little bit, and the world is noticing! Good for you!

seltzermint555 · June 2018

With time, you get used to being noticed and spoken to in different ways. I am sure you have probably gotten attention and compliments even in the past, but now it's a little different and/or more frequent, and maybe even coming from different men who have a different approach. So it takes some adjustment.

This has been true for me with regard to both weight and hairstyle. I know that probably sounds weird! I've typically had short hair (like my profile pic and shorter) for years and always got attention from kind of nerdy/smart types and it was more low key and friendly. When I have grown my hair long (past shoulders) whether very heavy or thinner, I felt like I suddenly got a different type of male attention that was a lot more direct and assertive and the men themselves were more of a traditional or macho type of man. It is strange and a little shocking to me how this happens. But the same with weight. When much heavier I found younger guys were the ones to talk to me more, and after losing over 100 lb I have been hit on or complimented by men closer to my age or older. I also notice that their compliments are offered in a different way. This sounds awful but when I was at 250 lb I often got the feeling that guys thought I owed them a big smile and thank you if they said something favorable about my looks. Now that I am "average" in size I usually get this impression that they think I'll shrug it off or just acknowledge it. Honestly though, being over 40 and still getting attention in this way doesn't hurt my ego any. I've never been some beauty so it's kind of fun as long as it's respectful/decent.

bunnyluv19 · June 2018

We’re all visual when it comes to attraction it’s natural ,especially for men because they have to perform,just a fact,not shallow or judgy in a negative way, try to be more realistic and fair with men,most of them are nice,enjoy the extra attention-it’s expanding your horizons

ready or not!

HeyJudii · June 2018

I understand where the OP is coming from and it is hard. I believe that my self-sabotage in the past may have been triggered in part, by that unwanted attention. On an intellectual level, I understand it is a positive thing to be thought attractive. My way of coping was exactly the same one you are using - due to past experiences, the attention made me cringe inside and perhaps subconsciously pack on the pounds to become "invisible" again.

As an older woman, I now get to be "invisible" in a culture that promotes "young hotties", so I no longer get the same type of overt attention I once did. I find this comforting. Since based on your avatar, you are still in the overt come-on age group, I don't know what to tell you other than remember that you are doing this for yourself.

Coping With Being Seen

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