I can't control myself
nadiamartinez785
Posts: 5 Member
This is very embarrassing for me... But I need help I know no one can truly help me except for myself but advice is truly appreciated I have no idea what I am doing I have no motivation no inspiration no hope I can't even look at myself in the mirror I have let myself go I have never been a skinny person but this time I have really done it I'm 5-6 22 years old and weigh 280 pounds I feel like nothing I will ever do will ever change it I feel disgusting I'm so ashamed to even go walking outside my anxiety is so severe it's crippling I can't get my eating in control I feel sick and disgusting and I know people feel the same when they look at me I don't even know what to say anymore maybe someone will read this and give me a shot
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Replies
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To lose weight, you don't really need anything other than a calorie deficit (eat less, move more) and time. All that worry and self-shaming and hope is just noise that makes it harder to eat less (and move more).13
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Now that the problem is out in the open, start by recording the food you eat. I have the same amount of weight to lose as you. You have to break the goals down into smaller goals. You can do this, if you want to make a change. Good luck.5
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That makes sense2
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007janculler wrote: »Now that the problem is out in the open, start by recording the food you eat. I have the same amount of weight to lose as you. You have to break the goals down into smaller goals. You can do this, if you want to make a change. Good luck.
Thank you it feels nice knowing I'm not the only one ..and that there is someone else out there in the world fighting the same battle what do you do to keep yourself going?1 -
You got this! Being on here and recognizing the issue is a great first step! Take everyday one day at a time and just know that you are NOT disgusting.
This community is here for you as we are all here for similar reasons.
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nadiamartinez785 wrote: »This is very embarrassing for me... But I need help I know no one can truly help me except for myself but advice is truly appreciated I have no idea what I am doing I have no motivation no inspiration no hope I can't even look at myself in the mirror I have let myself go I have never been a skinny person but this time I have really done it I'm 5-6 22 years old and weigh 280 pounds I feel like nothing I will ever do will ever change it I feel disgusting I'm so ashamed to even go walking outside my anxiety is so severe it's crippling I can't get my eating in control I feel sick and disgusting and I know people feel the same when they look at me I don't even know what to say anymore maybe someone will read this and give me a shot
are you getting help for the anxiety?
i can guarantee the 98% of people looking at you don't see you, and are not thinking a single thing about you.13 -
There are hundreds of us on here. A lot of us have been where you are. Feeling disgusted about ourselves.
BUT and it's a big BUT. Hating yourself will not help anything.
Look at yourself as a work in progress not disgusting, not hopeless, just at a point in your life where you are going to take charge and change.
Go to the success stories forum and take a look at all the people who have lost weight sucessfully. You can read their stories, find out how they did it and take that information and apply it to yourself.
Count your calories, weigh and measure your food and log it honestly and keep to your calorie goal.
You will lose weight, be patient, don't get disheartened if it isn't as fast as you would like. Trust the process it will come off if you stick with it.
It definitely wont come off if you give up the first time you have a bad day.
This is a great place to find friends, tips, recipes and sound advice about nutrition and fitness.
Welcome to MFP
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nadiamartinez785 wrote: »This is very embarrassing for me... But I need help I know no one can truly help me except for myself but advice is truly appreciated I have no idea what I am doing I have no motivation no inspiration no hope I can't even look at myself in the mirror I have let myself go I have never been a skinny person but this time I have really done it I'm 5-6 22 years old and weigh 280 pounds I feel like nothing I will ever do will ever change it I feel disgusting I'm so ashamed to even go walking outside my anxiety is so severe it's crippling I can't get my eating in control I feel sick and disgusting and I know people feel the same when they look at me I don't even know what to say anymore maybe someone will read this and give me a shot
So, if I might....and I am saying this with love (no, don't know you....but know the feeling)….stop saying those ugly things about yourself. Start being kind to yourself. It will change everything for you.
I know that we are our own worst critic. I am king of that club. Well, used to be.
The mind (here I go, people!) is a super powerful thing....if you keep on telling yourself that you are - using your words against you here - sick and disgusting then you will eventually truly believe that. Then it is game over. Don't do that to yourself.
And, props to your courage for admitting that there is a problem. Putting yourself out there is a very scary thing. No worries. You are in good company. Lots and lots of people who can read your post and think to themselves...."been there, done that! So glad that those days are behind me!". You will get there. I do not doubt that for a second.15 -
i was the same, 5 ft 3 235 pounds and i had insane anxiety about going outside. The best advice i can give is dont complicate it. Eat well, Nourish your body no need to make any drastic changes just start small. Think like if you have a burger with mayo and all the toppings just remove the mayo and use ketchup. Just an example. Small changes at the begining will get the ball rolling and be relatively painless. Start by getting a food scale and learnign about the foods you eat and the better food choices follow. No need to overwhelm yourself. I lost my first 100 pounds without even exercising, I did walk though. Walking is less scary and simpler. Especially once weight loss has begun and you feel a bit more in charge because of it. Start small. Hell even end small. Every baby step/good decision gets you closer to where you want to be. Baby steps.
Weight loss doesnt need to be a huge drastic terrifying change. You dont need to change everything you eat, Or cut anything out forever, or live off salad. The only thing that matters is calories.
That said if your anxious and it sounds like you feel helpless and depressed aswell, I will say focusin on getting in my fruits and veggies and minor activity even just a small walk to get some sunshine does wonders. Even just the small changes i decide to do FOR ME slowly adds confidence and every pound i lost added confidence and i felt empowered vs powerless. Just take baby steps you can do it. And remember your human, You will struggle and eat things above your calories, I binged alot. But i focused on the baby steps. Taking 2 steps forward and 1 back still put me further towards my goal then away from it.
You ARE worth it. You can do it. You will do it. The way you talk about/to yourself is everything. I know its hard but just keep repeating it to yourself. You WILL do it. You ARE worth it. You got this.
TLRD: Baby steps. Just make the small changes and over time everything follows.17 -
manderson27 wrote: »There are hundreds of us on here. A lot of us have been where you are. Feeling disgusted about ourselves.
BUT and it's a big BUT. Hating yourself will not help anything.
Look at yourself as a work in progress not disgusting, not hopeless, just at a point in your life where you are going to take charge and change.
Go to the success stories forum and take a look at all the people who have lost weight sucessfully. You can read their stories, find out how they did it and take that information and apply it to yourself.
Count your calories, weigh and measure your food and log it honestly and keep to your calorie goal.
You will lose weight, be patient, don't get disheartened if it isn't as fast as you would like. Trust the process it will come off if you stick with it.
It definitely wont come off if you give up the first time you have a bad day.
This is a great place to find friends, tips, recipes and sound advice about nutrition and fitness.
Welcome to MFP
I second this.2 -
I have about 70 lbs to lose. I'm a very upbeat person, very positve, bubbly, but hate how I look. I have no motivation to go to the gym when I need to. I just started the Ketogenic way of life and hoping I have the success as my co-workers did. It's hard. It's all a mental have. Put positive quotes up. Do exercises with cans of food or milk jugs full of water. You got this. You can do it.3
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Thank you💜0
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Wow thank you all ..for taking the time.. you truley made a difference 💘i will take all of your advice ..god bless2
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I started at 236 in January. Lost 25 pounds and then maintained for two months while walking 5 days 1 of those months and eating whatever. I started walking 10 minutes one way and 10 minutes back. 6 weeks later I can walk 40-50 minutes 5 days a week. It really motivated me to get my eating back on track. I am 210 now with a long way to go. Even did a cardio circuit class last week. So baby steps. 10 min one way 10 minutes back. Its about a mile. Also, I didn't shoot for 1200 calories a day in the beginning. I am still at 1400 and eating some exercise calories and losing now that both food and exercise are on target. I started at 1800 calories and just cut out alcohol in the beginning. Mechanics, consistency then intensity. Hit the bullseye by going for small changes. Good luck and best wishes.2
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See a professional about the anxiety. I suffer from anxiety as well and professional help was the solution. Next if you are struggling to control your eating, get all the junk food out of the house and commit to logging all your food.4
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Feel for you
The advice that everyone is giving here is amazing. And just something I'd like to add:
- Motivation doesn't make you lose weight
- Inspiration doesn't make you lose weight
- Hope doesn't make you lose weight
- Hating yourself doesn't make you lose weight
- A consistent calorie deficit makes you lose weight
As long as you consistently have a calorie deficit, then you will lose weight. You will have days when you hate yourself, days when you want to give up, days when you can't be bothered anymore.
It doesn't matter about all of that. As long as you have a calorie deficit, you will lose weight. No matter what, just keep logging. Feel like crap? Keep logging. Can't be bothered? Keep logging. Massively over ate and feel super guilty about it? Doesn't matter, log it!
The difference between people who try to diet and fail, and people who successfully lose weight and keep it off, is that when the initial motivation and initial feeling of happiness when the weight starts to go, wears off; they just keep going. Even if they don't want to, they just keep going.
Good luck, you can add me as a friend if you want
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sounds like me, at the beginning of the year i had 100 lbs to loose, iv lost 55 so far. I found out the calories my body should have by this site and try and eat with it. Iv cut sodas snacks and carbs. Instead i have bought a smaller plate to eat off, so my mind thinks its getting the same. I eat loads veg, no more meat a day than the palm of my hand. In the morning have porridge or eggs or something similar no more than 400 cals. No sugar, look out for sucrose, lactose cane sugar on items anything 'ose as its sugar disguised. I can't tell you how much i hated myself, hiding in long cardigans and tents. I was on meds as i was so low. Slowly you get you back. Don't worry if you have an eating frenzy one day, just start again the next day. We all do it. Basically never diet just eat properly. message if you want support i'll add you. We could support each other, two wanderers on our way to slimsville haha4
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Hugz.
Eating enough protein and sauteed or roasted veggies can help. Especially the protein.
You don't have to workout in public, you can workout in private. There's tons of workout videos you can buy on Amazon. There's TONS of fitness channels on YouTube. Jessica Smith, Lucy Wyndham-Read, FitnessBlender, HASfit, etc.1 -
Hi, great thread. I also suffer from social anxiety, just dread taking a walk, especially by myself. Just feel all the eyeballs, especially nosy neighbors watching and judging. I have found some relief in a website called 7cups, deals with mental health issues of all kinds. I get inspiration on MFP, when I see others liking my entry in log for the day, i guess I just don't want to disappoint them. Good luck, have a great day.4
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You are your biggest enemy and I am not saying that to be nasty. The average person on the outside world is so wrapped up in their own problems that when they see you, it is a momentary registering for them. Our mind and what we believe plays a big role, more than what others do. Anyone losing weight will have challenges and those vary from person to person. Start by setting a goal of losing 5 pounds; don't look at the big picture as it can get overwhelming. Want to walk? Do it inside the house until you reach a comfort level for going outside. Each day is a new day. Just tell yourself that today I will eat less and walk in house. You can do it for one day, Then that one day's success leads to another day...and it is just a day in itself. Don't look at the time it will take to lose the weight. Focus upon one day at a time, exercise any way you can, and log your food....one day at a time.0
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My best advice is to take a week to simply get used to logging everything you eat - completely and honestly. That week will give you time to get used to logging your food, finding the correct entries for what you're eating and will give you valuable data with which to start making changes.
After the first week, have a good look at everything you've eaten - and the calorie cost of each item - and then decide to start by making some small changes.
You have 3 sugars in your coffee, for example? Put two in instead, and maybe a packet of Stevia or Splenda. Do this for a week, then cut down to one sugar and two Stevia.
Obviously, this is just a single example (one which may not even relate directly to you) but the point is don't try to make drastic changes overnight. Small steps add up over time. You didn't gain the weight overnight, you won't lose it that quickly, either. The idea is to make a series of small sustainable changes, be it in the items you choose to consume, or the quantity in which you've been consuming them.
Many of us have been (or are) where you are. You need to be patient, educate yourself and above all, be kind to yourself. 5 -
Hugs hun. You can do this! I feel like I'm going to say a lot of cliches but they all are true.
Take it one day at a time and forgive yourself.
Also remember one set back doesn't ruin all the good you will do.
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Choose a small goal and be consistent for 10 days or so, then add another. Logging everything that goes into your mouth makes you more mindful of what you eat and how much you eat. That would be a great starting goal. Then use part of MFP that calculates how many calories a day you need to eat to achieve a goal. Start easy on yourself. Say a goal for one pound a week. That is a 500 calorie a day deficit. Continue the food logging (every bite that goes into your mouth) and see each day how you did it meeting your calorie goal. After 10 days of that set a goal to not go over your calorie limit for 3 days in a row, then longer. Then start weighing yourself once a week and entering that in MFP. After a month or six weeks of those habits you may be ready to up your goal to 1.5 lost per week. The important thing is to be consistent, and if you mess up, forgive yourself and start fresh the next day.1
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Everyone here has given amazing advice. I just wanted to add a couple of things from my own experience.
I totally understand what you’re going through. I used to get panic attacks and sob at the thought of going to the beach. I constantly felt like people were looking at me and judging me on how disgusting I looked. But guess what? It was all in my head. Changing your mindset about yourself can be very difficult so here is something that worked for me at the beginning. Whenever I thought a negative thought about myself, I counteracted it with a positive thought. So if I thought “You’re pathetic and disgusting”, I would force myself to think something like “but you’re kindhearted and people love that about you”. Soon, it gets easier to think positive things about yourself and then eventually you’ll eliminate that negative self talk.
A little tip for controlling your food intake. I’ve found that if I’m craving some kind of junk or feeling hungry, etc, I drink a glass of water and then go for a walk. Exercise can act as an appetite suppressant and changing locations can kind of reset your mind sometimes so you think of something else.
I agree with the people who said start small so you don’t feel overwhelmed. Setting small goals is important, as is finding non-food rewards for when you meet those goals; something I like is getting my hair done, getting a new outfit, etc. The more you hit those milestones, the more confidence you’ll have and the more you’ll realize you CAN do this! Until then, “fake it til you make it” and keep telling yourself you can do it. Remind yourself of your reason for wanting to lose weight and how important it is to you. You’ve got this!!6 -
Look into your own eyes in the mirror for a couple seconds, I mean really look, and see that you're young, smart, and strong. I know you are because you had the courage to post this to begin with. You've already taken a step all on your own without even realizing it. Take one little baby step at a time and by baby steps I mean baby steps, like putting your sneakers on and literally walking outside your house. The next day walk to the end of the driveway, the next a little further, etc. This will give you just a tiny bit more self-confidence every day and very quickly you'll start believing in yourself again. Once that happens the sky is the limit for you. You can do this. You already started.4
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One tip I want to share is to not sabotage yourself by bringing food you don't want to eat into the house - Foods that you know set you off on a binge or that you can't stop yourself from overeating. You can't eat it if it isn't there. Wishing you all the best. You can do this!2
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People have given amazing advice so far, but I want to emphasize one thing: WEIGH YOUR FOOD, and I mean all of it, if at all possible. It might seem intimidating the beginning, but you get used to it very quickly. Trust me, "you" really cannot guesstimate, how much 10 oz of a certain food item is, especially when you're just started out. Weighing my food religiously has been eye-opening and, I must admit, shocking at times! Without the scales, I would always, always get it wrong.
And one more thing, when logging your food, please be totally honest. If you're not, the only person you're cheating is yourself, and that doesn't help you. Yes, there will be days when you'll be disgusted about how much you've eaten, but guess what? It really doesn't matter. One day will NOT set you back, if you're within your limit otherwise. I've had such a day just yesterday. My friend had cooked, and she's an amazing cook. She made pub food (meat pies, mashed potatoes with cream, salad, ice cream). It was amazing, and I really couldn't help myself. I was totally full after one helping, but noooooooo, the glutton in me wanted a whole second helping - and I scarfed it down. Didn't exactly made me feel great about my resolve, but hey, such is life. Today I'm back on track, and all is good.
You are very brave for taking the first step in coming here. You've got this, you can and will do it!0 -
I'm sending you huge hugs ....
I understand what you are feeling, and you have received some very well thought out and helpful suggestions on this thread! I want to add one more ---- please see a doctor and get a physical including blood tests.
Sometimes there is more to the story that we don't understand because its medical and internal.
I have been overweight for most of my life, but have been well over 200 pounds for over ten years. I was 240 on January 1st this year. I would have my physical each year and have my blood tested, and two constants were my cholesterol levels were very bad, and my vitamin D levels were dangerously low. (Vitamin D should come in at 30 or higher, mine was never higher than 14, for the last ten years - i don't have test results older than that.)
On January 1st, I started a modified keto plan (lots of veggies, reducing carbs, lots of water), and I began to take a vitamin D supplement every day and calcium chews. By May 21st, I had reduced my weight to 205, my cholesterol was almost perfect (I need to increase my Omega 3's & eat more fish), and my Vitamin D level was up to 42!
Currently, I am 194 (46 pounds down in just over 6 months.) I feel better than I have in years. I don't feel as depressed or anxious, I have more energy, I am seeing results and want to keep seeing results. I'm wearing clothes I've had stored in the back of my closet for years! I no longer crave carbs and can walk by a table full of cookies & cake and not want to have any of it (actually the thought of frosting now makes me gag).
This is just part of my story -- yours may have different details. But I want you to know that you can do this. If you haven't had a physical in a while, it might be a good place to start. Make sure that your body is working as it should. Then take the rest one day at a time.
Focus on diet first. Track daily. Research recipes and try new vegetables (I found out this year that I LOVE brussel sprouts - I had no idea!!) Make the diet "second nature". THEN when you feel you have it mastered and have seen results, THEN you can start on the exercise. (Sometimes if you try to change diet & exercise at the same time, its overwhelming, especially to someone with anxiety. For me, tackling each part separately made a huge difference!!)
Feel free to "friend" me here on MFP. I promise you can do this ....0 -
I'm a classic overeater, supersize mcdo, half a pizza, you get the picture. On June 3rd I was 396 and I said enough! I came up with a meal plan that was simple, nutritious, filling and works for me and stuck with it. I slowly started working exercise into my daily routine. At first I could barely do 3 minutes of aerobic dancing before being jelly legged and out of breath but I stuck with it. Soon I started seeing results, the scale was going down but more importantly my clothes were gettimg loose. As of today I am 374, I still have 174lbs to lose but my motivation is I feel better. I can move more easily now that some weight is off. I can do 15 minutes aerobic dance without stopping and follow it up with 15 minutes strength training. The longest journey starts with a single step and you can take that first step because we belive in you.5
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nadiamartinez785 wrote: »This is very embarrassing for me... But I need help I know no one can truly help me except for myself but advice is truly appreciated I have no idea what I am doing I have no motivation no inspiration no hope I can't even look at myself in the mirror I have let myself go I have never been a skinny person but this time I have really done it I'm 5-6 22 years old and weigh 280 pounds I feel like nothing I will ever do will ever change it I feel disgusting I'm so ashamed to even go walking outside my anxiety is so severe it's crippling I can't get my eating in control I feel sick and disgusting and I know people feel the same when they look at me I don't even know what to say anymore maybe someone will read this and give me a shot
I would say it's very brave of you.
True no one can help you but you, but change is hard. Impossible if you don't know what change needs to be made, so you've made a powerful move by landing here and reaching out to a community knowing what it takes to succeed.
As other's have said no one thinks this of you...no one worth respect anyway. We are often much harder on ourselves than any other person.
We don't invest into things we hate. You love yourself now and will love yourself later. We invest valuable time and energy into things we love. An act of change and self improvement is an inherent act of love.
You simply need to develop multiple feedback loops, habits, and behaviors that support your goals of fitness. Move slowly and cautiously in this. Engage with those who have lived through this and succeeded. Discuss issues here but keep an open mind. The amount of misinformation/disinformation out there is overwhelming.
Welcome aboard!1
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