10 BEST DIET SECRETS THE INDUSTRY DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW

1. Muscle is heavier than fat, so if you exercise too much you may even put on weight
2. Fruit contains fructose, a sugar which is good for your body - so eat as much as you like, it doesn't count for your cals intake
3. Cakes made with half the fat ingredients mean you can have double helpings, and as you're saving calories you can have cream with it
4. 30 minutes vigorous housework is equivalent to a large bar of chocolate, so work for that treat
5. Menstruating women temporarily put on weight when it's their time of the month. As this is a hormonal imbalance eat what the hell you want ladies (I'm not standing in front of the cupboard when you have that crazed look in your eyes)
6. Booze is calorie free - sure it's made with sugars, but they go through a chemical process which turns them into pure alcohol
7. Your metabolism is most effective in the morning - so a large cooked breakfast, or pizza, or dessert, or the remains of last night's take away can be processed by your body with less detriment, and is the tastiest way to start the day.
8. Men expend energy much faster than women, so they can eat larger meals and wash them down with Beer
9. The Hobbit meal plan, (eight smaller meals per day), is a better lifestyle decision, but can result in hairier feet in some cases
10. Toffee Apples, Strawberry Milkshakes, Terry's Chocolate Orange, Skittles and Banoffee PIe can all count towards your 5 fruit a day total

So in summary - if you eat a huge breakfast, menstruate, don't do too much exercise, drink excessively, and happen to be a man you should be in pretty good shape in no time

I almost just went apesh!t. Then my faulty sarcasm detector kicked back on. :laugh:

Chocolate is a vegetable

Chocolate, the 5th food group:

Chocolate is a vegetable: Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans.
Beans = vegetable.

Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.

To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food.

Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.

The problem: how to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: eat it in the parking lot.

Diet tip: eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite, and you'll eat less.

If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?

Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.

Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Now, isn't that handy?

If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can't let that happen, can you?

Gok:
Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger

I must smear some over my face - thx for the tip