Are you ever jealous of others successes?
mitzi2013
Posts: 47 Member
I feel like I am just crippling myself with jealousy. My sister got gastric bypass a few months ago. I'm truly happy for her because she really needed it. But for the first time in 40 years I'm the only fat one and that's a lot harder for me than I thought it would be. As I watch the weight fall off of her it just makes me more and more miserable with myself. I know the smartest answer to this is eat right and exercise and I can lose weight too!! Obviously it just isn't that easy for me. I'm a grown *kitten* woman and I still sneak food when my kids and husband aren't home. Just this morning I worked out for an hour and a half then came home and ate 2 donuts. What the hell is wrong with me?!! In a perfect world I would be happy for everyone who's doing well AND I'd be strong enough to do well myself. I'm so ashamed of my jealousy.
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Replies
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Yes but it's unrelated to weight loss. Jealousy is a normal emotion, we're all blessed with it in varying degrees. Even animals get jealous.
Anyway...
Try to not get too worked up worrying about your jealousy. It'll drain your mental energy resources. You need that for weight loss.4 -
There’s no need to be jealous. If you want to lose weight, you can, but it’s up to you to do the work, and that has absolutely nothing to do with your sister. All your sister has done is shown you what you want. Instead of seeing her as a source of jealousy, see her as your inspiration.3
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I get jealous all the time of everything. It's frustrating to watch yourself sabotage what you spent the last few hours/days/weeks working on and having you and brain just decide "Eh, screw it. What can it hurt?" when other people seem to stay consistently motivated and never give themselves a break. The way I avoided the doughnut problem (although I supposed this is harder living with a family) was literally purging my house of all crappy food and only allowing myself to eat it when I go out to eat with friends or family (which is once a week-ish).1
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There’s no need to be jealous. If you want to lose weight, you can, but it’s up to you to do the work, and that has absolutely nothing to do with your sister. All your sister has done is shown you what you want. Instead of seeing her as a source of jealousy, see her as your inspiration.
Agreeing with this.
I'm sorry you are having a difficult time with this right now mitzi, jealousy does indeed lurk within all of us, in varying degrees and strengths. Since we'll always be up against "comparison", we can only really start to change the way we react to the situation, that is something we ourselves do have power over.
If you're really wanting help in regards to your weight, stick around mfp, read all that you can and don't be afraid to ask questions here.
You can do it.3 -
Find an old picture of yourself preferably at your fattest and use this for comparison.
I'm an extremely jealous person and I totally relate. I know that forcing myself not to think about it is not working. Jealousy can be very petty, and sometimes only pettiness can help go though it. Remind yourself that by doing it right you won't get surgical scars or be at risk of surgical complications. That doing it slow and naturally gives you better chance of your skin getting its elasticity back, that it gives you lifetime good habits for you and whoever you will have influence upon, etc.
And eventually you'll grow out of it and you'll be happier with yourself and won't need to be jealous or anything.
Go to the "what's your petty reason to lose weight" thread as well it's a bit of comic relief but also you'll find other people with similar experiences and maybe you can friend them.
Good luck with the rest !2 -
I typically will become jealous of other people's successes when I don't have any of my own. When I have things I'm working on, am achieving my goals, and feel self fulfilled, then I can be happy for everyone !2
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Now is the time to put your rational mind to work!
Jealousy is a normal feeling, so in that sense, nothing is wrong with you. You are however experiencing that the jealousy is eating you from the inside, and that isn't fun, nor healthy.
Your feelings of envy, especially if it's paired with the idea that you are forced to do strenous and boring exercise, and eat boring food, leads to resentment, which creates feelings of entitlement, and need for comfort, which manifests itself in your "sabotaging" yourself with donuts, which probably are one of the items you have been taught it's crucial to stay away from.
You still have a healthy, functioning body, while your sister's is practically mutilated, she's on a forced starvation diet and has to be constantly aware and prepared and disciplined, to avoid harming herself. You, on the other hand, are free to make your own eating decisions every day, and small missteps will not pose immediate threats to your health.
Eating right and exercising is not what leads to weightloss. Your sister, and your feelings, can not prevent you from losing weight. Not consistently sticking to your calorie target is the reason why you're not losing weight.7 -
I am SO jealous.
But not of the people who work really hard to stay slim - because technically I could do the same. It seems we're in the same boat. Same chances and everything.
I am however super jealous of all the slender people who don't have to put in any effort to stay slim. Like, they "forget" to eat when stressed?? They "just don't care that much about chocolate?" They have "difficulties gaining weigt?"
How envieable is that!
Sometimes I try to imagine a life where all of my thoughts don't circle around food and weight constantly and wow ... it seems awesome. I really envy people who are free like that.
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Yup I get jealous, although I’m still happy for others success!
I was always tiny and friends were always telling me how jealous they were, I could eat and drink as much as I liked and the scale wouldn’t budge. After having my son almost 4yrs ago I have struggled really bad with my weight. Everyone told me I would get back to my tiny self after I had him but it never happened. I see mums that have 3 kids and are tiny and it makes me crazy jealous and insecure. That’s why I started using MFP. Time to get the old me back!1 -
I learned a long time ago jealousy is a futile emotion it does not lead to anything positive, replace it with focus on pride, in your own progress5
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chelseanoah8876 wrote: »Yup I get jealous, although I’m still happy for others success!
I was always tiny and friends were always telling me how jealous they were, I could eat and drink as much as I liked and the scale wouldn’t budge. After having my son almost 4yrs ago I have struggled really bad with my weight. Everyone told me I would get back to my tiny self after I had him but it never happened. I see mums that have 3 kids and are tiny and it makes me crazy jealous and insecure. That’s why I started using MFP. Time to get the old me back!
My sister had the same experience. I honestly had to check your profile to see if you were my sister because it was so familiar.
She was always thin and I was so jealous! We are only 9 months apart so had the same friends and went to the same classroom.
She ate whatever she wanted and never cared about weight. I always was the chubby one and it sucked. I was so envious.
My sister had her kids and suddenly she was no longer the thin one and now struggles to keep the weight off. I ,on the other hand, have managed to stay fit for many years now. The tables have turned.
I used to get so jealous of other women. It was crippling. Once I learned how to get and stay fit my world changed. ( I learned portion control and moderation Calories in calories out) I no longer get jealous of other women. Instead I focus on helping build other women up. I want all women to have success in being fit. It was a long road that took lots of work. Mentally and physically. The good news is that nearly everyone can achieve it to some degree, they just have to try.
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comparison is the thief of joy9
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Not necessarily jealous, but I look at other people’s photos and I get frustrated at myself. Then I work out like crazy and get so sore or hurt myself to the point of not being able to exercise for several days. Vicious cycle on myself.1
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Try to remember that her weight loss journey will be different from yours but that doesn't mean you both won't arrive. Many people after gastric bypass have challenges once they get the weight off. You may take a different road but once you get there you may have less health issues to content with. Take one step at a time. If you fail by eating something you hadn't intended try to balance it out with a lighter meal when you next eat. You will have to find a path that works for you. Each of us has to figure out WHY we overeat and how to control it. This takes time. Don't give up. There's lots of support for you here.4
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I feel like I am just crippling myself with jealousy. My sister got gastric bypass a few months ago. I'm truly happy for her because she really needed it. But for the first time in 40 years I'm the only fat one and that's a lot harder for me than I thought it would be. As I watch the weight fall off of her it just makes me more and more miserable with myself. I know the smartest answer to this is eat right and exercise and I can lose weight too!! Obviously it just isn't that easy for me. I'm a grown *kitten* woman and I still sneak food when my kids and husband aren't home. Just this morning I worked out for an hour and a half then came home and ate 2 donuts. What the hell is wrong with me?!! In a perfect world I would be happy for everyone who's doing well AND I'd be strong enough to do well myself. I'm so ashamed of my jealousy.
I wouldn’t say you’re ‘jealous’ of anyone, but more frustrated with yourself. Some people just have a bad relationship with food. Therapy is probably your best bet for figuring out the ‘why’ of your eating habits. It’s a form of disordered eating and a professional will be able to target the real reason you’re reaching for instant sugar; could be a mental reason like stress, or could be a physical reason like sleep deprivation.
I’m in the exact same boat as you. Ate good for 3 days, just devoured the contents of my fridge an hour ago.
Try looking for support groups near you.1 -
Use the jealousy to fuel your own fitness & health journey. I like to use others as my motivation, but only within means.1
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I was a fat child and when i was a teenager, my wish every night would be to wake up thin. Oh well, it never happened, but it made me realize that some people have to put more effort to achieve what they want. It might not seem like lots of effort to others, but only the person that goes through it knows..
Your sister went through surgery, which could have led to many complications, and cannot eat everything, or even drink, without getting sick. Grass is not greener on the other side. Everyone is struggling in one way or another. Jusy stay focused and you will be able to achieve what you want👍1 -
I get it. I get tremendously jealous, too. What helps me is to think of the wonderful things I have (comfortable home, sweet DH) and that some thin women would kill to have what I have. I don't mean this in a "Nyah, nyah, thin women" way, but that most of us have something which at least one person wants. I'm not happy with my weight, but someone who weighs 50 pounds more would love to be where I am.3
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I’m the same but it also
Motivates me ! Since I see someone lose weight I want it too ! But honestly I understand what you mean its hard not to feel that way .0 -
Looking at pictures of me at my biggest helps spur me on. I have a really shameful one on the fridge so I can't snack without seeing the eventual consequences.
Now I have treats but I plan them in to my day. I don't have any unplanned food 0 -
Maybe you can use this jealousy as extra motivation to reach your goals, and without the negative effects of surgery. Jealousy is a tough emotion. We all feel it. And I work very hard to try to remove the jealousy and only focus on my own life because it's what I can control.1
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I am SO jealous.
But not of the people who work really hard to stay slim - because technically I could do the same. It seems we're in the same boat. Same chances and everything.
I am however super jealous of all the slender people who don't have to put in any effort to stay slim. Like, they "forget" to eat when stressed?? They "just don't care that much about chocolate?" They have "difficulties gaining weigt?"
How envieable is that!
Sometimes I try to imagine a life where all of my thoughts don't circle around food and weight constantly and wow ... it seems awesome. I really envy people who are free like that.
This! My entire mom’s side of the family, who I grew up around, could eat anything and stay tiny. All of my cousins are size zeros or double zeros naturally, except one who is so tiny she had to shop in the kids section. I was like that until I hit puberty. Then I started getting bigger and bigger. I used to try to dress like my cousins but my mom wouldn’t let me, saying it only looked good on thin people like my cousins. I wanted to look like them more than anything! Lol.
Nowadays, my husband can eat a whole huge pizza, whatever desserts he wants, anything, and he’ll never gain weight unless he’s actively trying to gain muscle. He can also not work out for months and then just jump back into advanced fitness stuff. So jealous!1 -
Yes...But I will take it positively now to motivate me to work harder to achieve success like them!1
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Are you ever jealous of others successes?
No ... because I have my own life, my own work, my own educational accomplishments, my own cycling accomplishments and with regard to MFP, I am in control of my weight.
Others have their lives, accomplishments etc.3 -
Yeah i get jealous but i get real competitive so if i want it ill go get it even if that means having to feel jealous at some point.1
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I am SO jealous.
But not of the people who work really hard to stay slim - because technically I could do the same. It seems we're in the same boat. Same chances and everything.
I am however super jealous of all the slender people who don't have to put in any effort to stay slim. Like, they "forget" to eat when stressed?? They "just don't care that much about chocolate?" They have "difficulties gaining weigt?"
How envieable is that!
Sometimes I try to imagine a life where all of my thoughts don't circle around food and weight constantly and wow ... it seems awesome. I really envy people who are free like that.
This is how I feel as well. It seems very unfair that some people just don't have to work at it all! I work with someone who is a size 2 and eats more calories for breakfast and lunch at work than I eat in 2-3 days. Her breakfast is often 2 doughnuts and she eats a dessert with every meal. She just laughs and says, "Oh yeah, I always have to have something sweet!" Doesn't work out either. In fact, most really thin people I know don't exercise.
I'm also jealous of really tall people- it's so much easier for them because they get to eat a lot more calories, and maintaining a higher weight (that's a healthy BMI b/c they're tall) is much easier! My best friend I started calorie counting and working out together at one point. She's 5'10. Right off the bat she got 300 more calories per day than I did, to lose the same amount of weight. We both lost about 30 pounds, going from 190-160. Problem is, I'm 5'4 and 160 is still 15 pounds overweight for me. For her, 160 is healthy and she could stop there. Very unfair!2 -
Nope. I use others successes as motivation. I remind myself that I'm a good person and when I was thinner got a ton of compliments. I can fix the outside, but some people are not beautiful on the inside and being in shape will never change that. So my advice, hang in there and try your hardest.3
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I can totally relate. I wish I had advice.0
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Just gotta remind yourself that loosing weight is hard if they did it then they worked their tail off. Jealously is normal but you can twist it into a positive emotion like admiration for their hard work.0
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