bummed out
CarrieAnnH14
Posts: 85 Member
Just a weight loss vent - so I have been literally working my booty off since January to lose weight. I have been feeling very confident for the first time in my life about the way that I look. My bubble was burst today when I was doing a lease with an elderly man (I manage apartments for elderly and disabled) Anyways, he asked me if I wanted a boy or a girl. I said well - while I am flattered that you think I am young enough to be pregnant , I am indeed not. And he said - "well, if your tummy wasn't so big people would not think you were having a baby. I mean seriously.....ouch. 😥
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Replies
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What a rude *kitten*10
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Don't let his rudeness get you down. You are not the only person here who has had an experience like that.
I had a similar thing happen to me one time. I was right at my highest weight, visiting a building I used to work in and one of the women I used to work with ran up to me all excited. I was happy to see her and then she threw her hands on my stomach and asked me when my baby was arriving. Ha - never?
Anyway, it really stings. But it doesn't cancel out what you've accomplished since January.8 -
What a ball sack18
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i don't think he made an innocent mistake. to me, i sounded like he did that on purpose. he's a POS and prolly picks out people's flaws and preys on them. i would have stabbed him in the hand with the pen he was using to sign the lease.13
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I will say that one of the early signs of dementia in my grandfather was his brain to mouth filter became very unreliable.21
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i don't think he made an innocent mistake. to me, i sounded like he did that on purpose. he's a POS and prolly picks out people's flaws and preys on them. i would have stabbed him in the hand with the pen he was using to sign the lease.
I agree with this, some people just go out of their way to be mean, and it seams to get worse the older they get..
Just ignore the a**holes and enjoy what you've accomplished.5 -
Who says something like that?!? I’m so sorry that happened to you. What a jerk.4
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We've all suffered the slings and arrows of bullies. Let it roll like water off a duck's back. Hold your head high with a lion tamer's confidence and get right back in there. It's time for Senior to pick up his marbles and go home to his new apartment. Brush it off your shoulders, literally. Wave big the next time you see him... with a wide grin.7
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He’s old and will die soon.25
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I think the appropriate comeback, if one likes that sort of thing, would be "if you didn't say rude things that indicate you've lost the filter between your brain and your mouth, people would not think you suffering from dementia."16
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"I am having a boy and you are the father!"5
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*kitten* gonna *kitten*.
I'm sorry he said that. I know how hurtful something like that can be.
Keep on working hard and feeling good. You are doing great
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Older people always think everyone's fat! I remember my gramma always on my mom's tail to lose weight and my mom wasn't even that big
blow it off,he was out of line 2 -
People are *kitten*. It still happens to me now even at a normal weight for my height. I have diastasis recti from having five children, so seeing a slim person with a slightly enlarged abdomen seems to be an automatic indicator of pregnancy to idiots. If I'm bloated or not careful about sucking it in, I can't go out in public without someone assuming I'm pregnant. Luckily I have wise-mouth children. Case in point:
IKEA saleswoman: Is your mom having a girl baby or a boy baby?
My 9 year old daughter: My dad had a vasectomy and my parents aren't having anymore children.
That saleswoman RAN like the devil was chasing her. People, unless you see a baby's head literally crowning, do not assume a woman is pregnant.25 -
What a turd. You look amazing.4
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Ugh, I’ve been there. I was at the airport getting a pat down and as the TSA agent was patting my stomach she asked me how far along I was. At first I didn’t even register what she was asking me. I quickly realized what she meant and said I wasn’t pregnant.
Isn’t there some kind of unspoken rule where you don’t ask a woman those kinds of questions?5 -
The elderly often have no filter.7
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I was once told you never ask a woman if she's pregnant unless you see the baby crowning
Anyways, I'd also assume he's losing his brain to mouth filter. Still, I can imagine how hurtful that must've been. But hey, you're doing your thing, so who really cares what some old *kitten* has to say? Don't let it get you down!4 -
As an older person I’m hurt that most of your responders are age shaming as inappropriately as you were fat shamed. I would never say anything like that and neither would any of my over 55 friends. You are beautiful. As a woman who’s been bullied most of my life for being overweight, my advise is this, use this as motivation. I’m 64 and 255 lbs. I’ve been working hard and have lost 35 lbs since January and struggle every day. Smile and know that there is karma for bullies of all types.
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LisaMelton1 wrote: »As an older person I’m hurt that most of your responders are age shaming as inappropriately as you were fat shamed. I would never say anything like that and neither would any of my over 55 friends. You are beautiful. As a woman who’s been bullied most of my life for being overweight, my advise is this, use this as motivation. I’m 64 and 255 lbs. I’ve been working hard and have lost 35 lbs since January and struggle every day. Smile and know that there is karma for bullies of all types.
People who are rude don't get a free pass on people pointing out to them that they are being rude. If you wouldn't say that to someone, there would be no reason for someone to suggest to you that need to put a filter between your mouth and every cruel thought that passes through your brain. And dementia is not limited to the elderly.
ETA: Sometimes karma shows up in the form of someone who points out to you that you're being a jerk.
ETA: You've been "bullied most of your life," you are still overweight after five or six decades of bullying, and somehow you've arrived at the conclusion that bullying is a great motivator. Your N=1 isn't good evidence for that. Yet apparently you believe the best response for the OP would have been to give the rude SOB a thank-you gift for his kind "motivation."12 -
that is just so sad- however do NOT let it get you down or stop you. Keep going- How would you have reacted if it had been a younger person to say something rude- then just do that and move on..0
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I'm sorry. While I might also attribute that to an elderly loss of filter, It doesn't really matter whether a comment is knowingly hurtful or not - it still hurts. You know how much you have accomplished and you should be proud of yourself! Do your best to forget about this guy. 0
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i just don't understand why people think that other people want their unsolicited comments about their appearance, life, eating habits etc.1
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Are you sure he wasn’t at all demented? I work with people who have dementia and they say things like this all the time0
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Yes, older folks, especially those with early (or late dementia) can say things like that - and probably don't even remember it. It doesn't lessen the hurt, but I wouldn't immediately jump to the conclusion that he was being mean or was a jerk. He may not even know. Maybe he does and maybe he is a jerk...
We have no way of knowing what's going on inside of someone we don't know. Maybe it's just an opportunity to grow and show some grace - despite our emotional (and valid) reaction to hurtful words.0 -
How rude !!!1
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This person has something wrong with them. They are either a miserable mean person or they have some other issue. You are just someone who got in their path.
You have been doing great. You know that. Don't let one comment from some random guy destroy your good feelings.
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I think up until about 10 years ago it was fine to ask women (when are you due) and for most of my life(I'm 52) people commented on other's weight/looks and it wasn't considered rude. Things have changed and especially when it comes to making comments about pregnancy I do not because there are many women today who look like they are but who are not. I put my foot in my mouth several years ago with a colleague. I managed to realize halfway through the sentence that she wasn't pregnant but from then on I just keep quiet unless someone declares straight out they are pregnant. I wouldn't get upset about it. These things happen as some people are rude and others don't mean to be but things have changed and not every one is aware. You look good in your photo! ETA: when he realized his mistake though, he should have apologized. The remark about your tummy was definitely rude and uncalled for.3
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i don't think he made an innocent mistake. to me, i sounded like he did that on purpose. he's a POS and prolly picks out people's flaws and preys on them. i would have stabbed him in the hand with the pen he was using to sign the lease.
I agree except for the stabbing part.
The "man" should have apologized. Instead he added an insult to the first insult.0 -
A few years back, I was in a parking lot and saw a woman with a car that had stalled in the row. I asked her if she wanted me to help her push it into a spot. She said, "But you're pregnant!" I said, "No, just fat." I tossed that shirt after getting home and looking at myself in the mirror.
I could understand her confusion and don't blame her at all. (She didn't make a rude follow up comment like in the OP.)0
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