Burnt out. Don’t care. Need to care...
looney9708
Posts: 174 Member
I am so tired of calorie counting. Macro counting. Weighing. Calculating. But the moment I don’t when I go in our weekend getaways, is a stressful week at work, or whatever, I gain exponentially. I do not go off the deep end and put every high cal thing or deep fried or sugar filled thing in my mouth. Yuck. I can’t even imagine. But seriously I’m tired of always being on high alert. How do you all who maintain weight for years do it? Does anyone else just say screw it?! Life is too short!
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Been there. Take a break and eat at maintenance. Everyone's different and it's okay to need a break, and lightly tracking without the pressure of weight loss made it easier for me anyway to make sure I at least didn't put weight back on. A lot of people meal prep which can be pretty helpful, you can do the weighing and portioning then and that way you don't have to do it every single day or meal. That might help you cut down on the stress also.7
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No, because that would be All or Nothing Thinking for me. Do things perfectly or go down the rabbit hole. There's no need to go full bore, pedal to the metal on high alert. I don't budget the weekends for thrill eating or Cheat Meals. I stopped thinking about short-term goals and started thinking about the rest of my life. Contemplating the big picture while giving oneself all of the permission to go Oooo soooo slowly takes the stress off. I don't think about life being short but going all the way into old age. Pain is the precursor to change. When one's health is knocking up against the rocks it's difficult to enjoy anything. Start now and plan waaay ahead for whatever is coming down the road. Take your health to the bank, make all of the deposits while you can.4
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But sincerely, and of course there will be those that don’t understand, but when I do this I gain weight I don’t take off. I swear, I do not overboard. My main thing is having too much too drink when on vacay. Have no idea how not to be all In or gain. Don’t know how to balance this4
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I completely understand. Giving a *kitten* is much easier than not giving a *kitten* when it comes to dieting. It's actually one of the hardest challenges for me personally, because when I don't care, I just don't. It's a complete mental switch.
At least you've identified your main thing. If it's the drinking, maybe drink lower calorie things, slower, with sips of water, or I don't know. Can't give much advice there because I only drink rarely and sparingly. I know I give myself permission to gain weight on holidays, a specific number. I also know I'm mostly in the "IDGAF" mode when I'm stressed, and I found having a certain routine helps. For example: no snacking between meals if I can make myself do it, prep to have lower calorie meals at least a few days a week (when I can get myself to care enough to do it), skip a meal a couple of times a week...etc. Basically, I try to do at least something, may not be everything I want, but it would help me gain less than doing nothing.
How much do you usually gain in what time frame, not counting water weight?4 -
looney9708 wrote: »But sincerely, and of course there will be those that don’t understand, but when I do this I gain weight I don’t take off. I swear, I do not overboard. My main thing is having too much too drink when on vacay. Have no idea how not to be all In or gain. Don’t know how to balance this
Maybe it's time to look at your alcohol consumption. This will no doubt spark many posts about how people have managed to consume as much alcohol as they wish and maintain, or lose weight. But you have identified yourself as not among them. Is the vacay drinking worth it? If it is, then work on acceptance. If it isn't, then work on change.8 -
So, it’s normal to gain a couple of pounds very quickly when you go from being in a deficit to being at maintenance. Lots of people lose to a few pounds below their goal weight for exactly that reason.looney9708 wrote: »But sincerely, and of course there will be those that don’t understand, but when I do this I gain weight I don’t take off. I swear, I do not overboard. My main thing is having too much too drink when on vacay. Have no idea how not to be all In or gain. Don’t know how to balance this
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looney9708 wrote: »Does anyone else just say screw it?! Life is too short!
Yes, I did this. I wasn't going crazy either...just going with the general idea of eating when hungry, stopping when full, having treats but not stuffing myself, etc. I maintained for awhile and was super proud of myself. Then the weight started creeping on, and then piling on. Three years later I ended up at 10 pounds above my original starting weight (a gain of about 45 pounds) and hadn't even realized it because I'd stopped weighing myself.
I find that I'm very motivated when I have a lot to lose. When I get down to what I consider a "more reasonable" weight- even though it's technically still overweight- I can wear like a size 8-10, do most fitness activities, find flattering clothes, weight doesn't stop me from doing anything, etc- I'm far less motivated.
My plan for this time is when I get down to that more reasonable weight, I'm going to switch to losing a half pound per week. Yes, I'll still have to track and weigh, but I'll have a lot of calories to play with. I also don't plan on amping up my exercise so much that it seems like a miserable chore, which is another mistake I made the first time. I'll up the intensity, but I don't plan on doing more than 30 minutes 5 days per week. If even the .5 pound per week deficit seems too difficult, I'll switch to maintenance until I'm ready to start again. Even maintaining at that weight is a heck of a lot better than where I'm at right now.12 -
You have to figure out how to incorporate this into your life in a way that feels natural. Remember, you're making changes that you want to sustain for the rest of your life. Think about what your goals are, and how you can meet them without being on "high alert."4
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Successful weight managment starts with balanced and neutral information, taking responsibility for your own actions, self trust, and trusting the process.
It sounds to me like you have a strained relationship with food.
Figure out if I gain exponentially is water weight or real fat gain. Weight gain usually happens through a small daily calorie surplus, not massive, periodic overeating.
Investigate if you eat what you like, and like what you eat. Demonizing foods only makes our desire for them soar. Restraint leads to disinhibition. Resentment makes you feel entitled. Thinking that you can't control yourself around food, makes you feel powerless, and feeling powerless is one of the negative emotions that feel so good to soothe with food.11 -
looney9708 wrote: »But sincerely, and of course there will be those that don’t understand, but when I do this I gain weight I don’t take off. I swear, I do not overboard. My main thing is having too much too drink when on vacay. Have no idea how not to be all In or gain. Don’t know how to balance this
Are you confusing water weight with fat gain when the scales go up?5 -
swimmchick87 wrote: »looney9708 wrote: »Does anyone else just say screw it?! Life is too short!
Yes, I did this. I wasn't going crazy either...just going with the general idea of eating when hungry, stopping when full, having treats but not stuffing myself, etc. I maintained for awhile and was super proud of myself. Then the weight started creeping on, and then piling on. Three years later I ended up at 10 pounds above my original starting weight (a gain of about 45 pounds) and hadn't even realized it because I'd stopped weighing myself.
I find that I'm very motivated when I have a lot to lose. When I get down to what I consider a "more reasonable" weight- even though it's technically still overweight- I can wear like a size 8-10, do most fitness activities, find flattering clothes, weight doesn't stop me from doing anything, etc- I'm far less motivated.
My plan for this time is when I get down to that more reasonable weight, I'm going to switch to losing a half pound per week. Yes, I'll still have to track and weigh, but I'll have a lot of calories to play with. I also don't plan on amping up my exercise so much that it seems like a miserable chore, which is another mistake I made the first time. I'll up the intensity, but I don't plan on doing more than 30 minutes 5 days per week. If even the .5 pound per week deficit seems too difficult, I'll switch to maintenance until I'm ready to start again. Even maintaining at that weight is a heck of a lot better than where I'm at right now.
This is exactly my story. Kept off so much of the weight for years and still fit into my clothes. However by thinking I was maintaining I’ve gained about 19 pounds over the 3 years. The very thought of weighing, increasing intensity of workouts, and even caring is an exhausting thought for me. But I am so relieved to see someone else doing what I need to do. I need to care because I don’t want to start over. I was so proud of myself and now just feel shame. So stupid, but truth
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TavistockToad wrote: »looney9708 wrote: »But sincerely, and of course there will be those that don’t understand, but when I do this I gain weight I don’t take off. I swear, I do not overboard. My main thing is having too much too drink when on vacay. Have no idea how not to be all In or gain. Don’t know how to balance this
Are you confusing water weight with fat gain when the scales go up?
No. It is real fat gain. Although there is some water weight in there. I told myself at first it was water gain but over time it has become real fat that needs to die.2 -
jennifer_417 wrote: »You have to figure out how to incorporate this into your life in a way that feels natural. Remember, you're making changes that you want to sustain for the rest of your life. Think about what your goals are, and how you can meet them without being on "high alert."amusedmonkey wrote: »I completely understand. Giving a *kitten* is much easier than not giving a *kitten* when it comes to dieting. It's actually one of the hardest challenges for me personally, because when I don't care, I just don't. It's a complete mental switch.
At least you've identified your main thing. If it's the drinking, maybe drink lower calorie things, slower, with sips of water, or I don't know. Can't give much advice there because I only drink rarely and sparingly. I know I give myself permission to gain weight on holidays, a specific number. I also know I'm mostly in the "IDGAF" mode when I'm stressed, and I found having a certain routine helps. For example: no snacking between meals if I can make myself do it, prep to have lower calorie meals at least a few days a week (when I can get myself to care enough to do it), skip a meal a couple of times a week...etc. Basically, I try to do at least something, may not be everything I want, but it would help me gain less than doing nothing.
How much do you usually gain in what time frame, not counting water weight?
Yes I can maintain with food. But it’s the celebrating of having a couple beers at a brewery at lunch and then happy hour and a after dinner night cap. But those are some of the funniest moments. But luckily/unfortunately in my life, I’m faced with a lot of friends and moments like this. I need to find a better balance. It could be 5# a weekend/month but 3 of those being water weight and 2 being real fat. But I need to cut to get rid of those extra 2. Over 3 years its become 10#s. Slow and steady gain. But if you are good 90% of the time then over budget 10%, you are still over budget and not in a deficit.0 -
I make sure to enjoy life within limits. I eat a certain way during the week to make room for indulgences during the weekend. This might not work for everyone, but it works for me and allows me to live the life I want, enjoy parties, functions, restaurants, family dinners while still reaching my goals. I don't like tracking my food so I also found a way to eat intuitively, however, that can be a slippery slope for some people, so you have to do what works for you. In the end, it's about consistency and progress, not perfection.6
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So I have a couple of things that may or may not help you out. I haven't maintained for years at a goal weight (yet), but I can definitely relate to your OP. I am on weight loss attempt # 6 or 7 or more I don't even know. I usually have a pattern where I count calories and exercise really well for about 3-4 months. And then life happens, things get stressful, and I throw in the towel & gain it all back. "Eh, screw it. I'll just be chubby, this is too much work" I have said to myself on many occasions. I would have the tendency to go full bore or not at all. On this attempt, I have come farther then I ever have, and am almost 8 months in. There are a few things I did differently this go round that have gotten me this far, as opposed to quitting in April like I normally would.
A) I started off slow. I didn't even begin counting calories. I just began cutting my portions and trying to listen to my body. I did this for a month I think. Then, I began counting what my current intake was, without setting a goal. I counted like this for a couple of weeks, and decided to get a scale. I then incorporated exercise.
B ) I set clear and concise goals for myself. "Get in shape. Be hot & skinny" was not enough to keep me going. And that was usually my first thought when I decide to get some of this weight off. I analyzed my life, and what I want accomplish with diet and exercise. I started with small easily attainable goals, like trying a new healthy recipe every week. I also had a longer-term goal of wanting to be able to hike this year and not feel like I'm dying. It then morphed into a goal of working out or doing something active for 52 weeks in a row. I have a minimum standard of just 30 minutes once a week. That's something I can usually fit in even if I'm busy. Having goals that matter to you, and that you can fit in to your current lifestyle I feel are key to staying motivated.
C) I am in no big hurry. The weight will come off when it comes off. Telling myself this has been very freeing for me. As I'm usually the type that wants fast and instant results, lol. I usually base my calories on a weekly average so that it's flexible. Over maintenance today? That's fine, I'll work it off the rest of the week, and/or eat a little less. Over or at maintenance for a week? No worries I'll work at it a little harder next week. If I am over goal more then not, I just have a refeed break for a set time (say 2 weeks) then I'm back to a deficit. As a matter of fact, the last two months have been insane for me. So I stopped counting calories for a while. Just too much for me to deal with. I did have some checks and balances in place though. I weigh myself frequently to make sure I'm staying the same + or - 3lbs of where I left off at, and I have still been calorie aware and monitoring my portions.
D) Keep in mind that these are changes you will need to keep for a lifetime. If you can not, find something that is worth doing to you. For me personally, I can't count calories every day for the rest of my life. I find it tedious, annoying & overwhelming sometimes. I can however count for a while, learn what correct portions look like, and stop for a while. I can always pick it back up if I feel like I'm getting off track. I can also look at packaging and calories to decide if I want to eat it or not. You need to decide what works best for you. There will be a lot of trial and error.
The biggest thing I tell myself to avoid burn out is that this isn't a race. If I need a break, I take one and pick it right back up. I also think of where will I be in a year if I don't quit now? You've got this! Best of luck!
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I make sure to enjoy life within limits. I eat a certain way during the week to make room for indulgences during the weekend. This might not work for everyone, but it works for me and allows me to live the life I want, enjoy parties, functions, restaurants, family dinners while still reaching my goals. I don't like tracking my food so I also found a way to eat intuitively, however, that can be a slippery slope for some people, so you have to do what works for you. In the end, it's about consistency and progress, not perfection.
Isn't there a saying that goes: "Perfection is the enemy of good" ? Good words to live by.3 -
looney9708 wrote: »But sincerely, and of course there will be those that don’t understand, but when I do this I gain weight I don’t take off. I swear, I do not overboard. My main thing is having too much too drink when on vacay. Have no idea how not to be all In or gain. Don’t know how to balance this
Maybe it's time to look at your alcohol consumption. This will no doubt spark many posts about how people have managed to consume as much alcohol as they wish and maintain, or lose weight. But you have identified yourself as not among them. Is the vacay drinking worth it? If it is, then work on acceptance. If it isn't, then work on change.
Yeah, I no longer drink regularly. It makes me hungry and not sleep well, so hungrier (and less active) the next day as well.
I'd probably drink on vacation though - I haven't had a proper vacation since I became an independent contractor in 2012.2 -
looney9708 wrote: »I am so tired of calorie counting. Macro counting. Weighing. Calculating. But the moment I don’t when I go in our weekend getaways, is a stressful week at work, or whatever, I gain exponentially. I do not go off the deep end and put every high cal thing or deep fried or sugar filled thing in my mouth. Yuck. I can’t even imagine. But seriously I’m tired of always being on high alert. How do you all who maintain weight for years do it? Does anyone else just say screw it?! Life is too short!
I probably said "screw it" 30 years ago. The result was gaining 5-10 lbs per year every year until I weighed 300 lbs. I won't even describe here how physically and mentally miserable I was, but my story has been shared many times here on MFP.
It took 2.5 years of being on high alert to lose the excess weight and get to a reasonable level of fitness.
For me, life is too short to live overweight and miserable again. I've been in maintenance almost two years and, yes, I have to be constantly vigilant. 100 calories per day = 10 lbs per year. It can sneak up you VERY easily and there are always LOTS of justifications available.
"Losing weight is hard.
Being overweight is hard.
Maintaining weight is hard.
Choose your hard."
Sorry, I know that's not what you wanted to hear, but it's the truth we have to come to grips with.11 -
You gotta look up "all or nothing thinking". It's worn out more than one dieter.
https://www.verywellmind.com/living-in-the-grey-40152862 -
OP, I totally feel you. I am NOT at or even that close to goal (15-25 pounds from it), but have been going through that "burnout, is it worth it" thing the past month+.
I realized I needed to find something that was sustainable. Something that works for me, my lifestyle, my days and weeks whether I am on the road 3 out of 7 days for weeks on end, racing that weekend, or just doing the home-gym-work routine like I do in the winter months.
Counting calories and meal prep works GREAT in the winter months - when my weeks are boringly routine, and I don't have much going on. Starting in late March through the end of October, however, that goes completely out the window as the race and track season kicks off.
The past couple months I managed to undo most of the work I had put in earlier in the year. Realistically, meal prep and calorie counting just didn't work when I was on the road most weekends! So I had to figure something out or accept being a tubby (which I won't accept either).
After some thought about my natural tendencies, how I tend to eat on race weekends (when proper fueling is most essential - literally life or death if you're not 100% "on"), and what can work with my social life, too.
I finally realized that IF was probably the best fit for me. I "made" my own plan - the whole point is CICO, and as long as that is happening, it's working. I still have my morning coffee and creamer, and at this point (still very early into doing this) I have a small (~200 calories or less) nut/veggie/protein based snack, then my dinner is whatever I want and I don't worry about it. Pretty hard for me to eat nearly an entire day's worth of calories in one sitting, even if it's eating out with a couple beers with my friends. Yes, I still try for healthier choices, and yes, I still like vegetables, and lean proteins, but a burger or pizza here and there isn't off the menu either.
Caveat is that I'm only just going into my second week of this, but the scale is dropping again, and I'm not freaking out about how I'm going to make it all happen. It's actually proving to remove a lot of stress from my life - from grocery shopping to cooking, it's just a lot easier for my busy life!! The first few days were tougher and I had to have more/bigger snacks, but already I'm adjusting and the afternoon shakes are gone, and the food in the office is no where near as tempting as it was a week ago.5 -
I have had some disordered eating in the past. Not significant, but enough that it was a problem. I now aim to workout 5-6 days per week and do Les Mills classes. I love love love these classes and miss it when I can't go. Nothing beats the feeling after a shower when you have really sweat. I strongly recommend finding an exercise that you enjoy because the best exercise is one that you will stick to (I know, cliché).
Because of my past tendencies I have chosen to not count calories. This does not mean that I am not cognizant of the calories in certain foods and that I don't try to make better choices. So I make better choices, but also still eat burgers, fries, hotdogs, etc. I just make sure that I only have 1 burger, not 2 and have a small amount of fries not a mountain of them. I am essentially learning portion control as I go along. I have been at this for about 18 weeks and have lost 16 pounds so it's working. I eat 3 square meals and then a snack at 9 pm. I will keep doing this as long as I keep losing. If I stop losing, I will re-evaluate and tweak some more. I have 35 more pounds to lose and really feel good about this. I am not starving and do get hungry before meals but that is normal hunger (it is okay to be hungry!!). I also do things like making sure I have a carb and a protein at each meal, with vegg at lunch and dinner.
The above is a marked change from how I used to approach dieting in the past. I had all or nothing thinking that led to methods that were not sustainable. I was also always impatient when dieting which fueled extreme restrictions and extreme excercise. I finally feel like I have a handle on this and believe 100% that I will reach my goal of 130lbs (I am currently 163, down from 195 at my highest).
Best of luck on your journey and I hope you find something that works for you.
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