My family says I shouldn't lose more weight
lavapixie
Posts: 26 Member
Hey there, I've lost 28 kg so far (about 61 pounds I think) and I get lots of compliments saying that I look great and when I tell everyone how much I have lost they always look so shocked and start asking me what I did.
Then I tell them, and I say "I still have 7 kg to lose, I'm almost done." (my target weight is 60 kg, which is ideal for my height I believe, I'm 170 cm tall or about 5'7) and pretty much everyone looks at me weird and says "You really should stop now. Don't lose more weight." and I don't understand why.
My aunt is especially adamant on this. She says "You are plenty thin now, and you shouldn't lose any more because you'll become too thin, you'll probably end up becoming anorexic." and so does almost everyone else in my family say. I don't really get it, I mean yeah I am thinner and people probably aren't used to seeing me smaller but it really is starting to annoy me when they get all preachy about my weight. I keep telling them that it is my body and they shouldn't worry so much but I always get this everytime my weight comes up for some reason.
I am planning to get a doctor's appointment (I keep forgetting though because I'm very scatterbrained) so I can get their opinion on it, and I think they'd say 60 kg is a decent weight for me, then maybe I can get my family to stop being so worried. Am I in the wrong and is 60 kg too light?
Does anyone else get this from their family? How do you deal with it? Thanks.
Then I tell them, and I say "I still have 7 kg to lose, I'm almost done." (my target weight is 60 kg, which is ideal for my height I believe, I'm 170 cm tall or about 5'7) and pretty much everyone looks at me weird and says "You really should stop now. Don't lose more weight." and I don't understand why.
My aunt is especially adamant on this. She says "You are plenty thin now, and you shouldn't lose any more because you'll become too thin, you'll probably end up becoming anorexic." and so does almost everyone else in my family say. I don't really get it, I mean yeah I am thinner and people probably aren't used to seeing me smaller but it really is starting to annoy me when they get all preachy about my weight. I keep telling them that it is my body and they shouldn't worry so much but I always get this everytime my weight comes up for some reason.
I am planning to get a doctor's appointment (I keep forgetting though because I'm very scatterbrained) so I can get their opinion on it, and I think they'd say 60 kg is a decent weight for me, then maybe I can get my family to stop being so worried. Am I in the wrong and is 60 kg too light?
Does anyone else get this from their family? How do you deal with it? Thanks.
4
Replies
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I think 60 kg for 170 cm is healthy, so go for it if you want. 67 kg is healthy as well.
But you lost a LOT of weight and people are used to seeing you heavier and now you seem very thin in comparison. They have trouble imagining you even thinner and are probably worried for you.
I would go on losing the weight slowly... without saying I am still trying to lose.
If you can get a doctor's opinion it would be great!5 -
That I believe would put you at the lowest end for your height, maybe under. Why 7 more? Have you considered recomp? I am 5’8” and back in school when I was around your size I was very much underweight and didn’t look healthy.
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My parents commented on that I shouldn't get too boney. Which when they said it I felt a bit huffy but it was true in some aspects. Because I am quite pear shaped, I can still have a bit of a belly and large rear end, yet be ribby on the top (the lack of boobs doesnt help at all). I was really focused on losing that last bit of stomach, but I realized it would be better to maintain and do recomp then to drop more a bit more weight to lose the stomach.
I am ~ 5'7 and sitting at 59kg so to me yeah 60 kg seems like a very reasonable goal. 67kg is also reasonable too, both are in a healthy bmi range.
My guess you family needs time to adjust to seeing the skinnier you and for example perhaps are focusing on how thin your arms look but you might be focusing on big your legs are and want to drop the last 7 kg.
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Hi Pixie.
This chart here: https://www.48fitness.in/weight-chart suggests that your ideal weight is somewhere between 55 and 67Kg - which I'm sure you already know. As you get close to your target weight you need to take into account the size of frame. Shoe size, hand size, wrist measurement etc.
I think there is the potential to argue either side of this. It may be that your family genuinely think you are now thin enough and should pause to re-evaluate. Or it may be that their mental picture of you is 30Kg larger and they are having such trouble adjusting to your weight loss that they are not seeing the current you accurately.
Honestly if I was going to bother to check with the doctor I would ask them to pen a line or two for you saying that for your best health you have X Kg still to lose and simply give them all a copy of it! It would also give you a chance to check for yourself (if your doctor is a sensible type and not overweight themselves
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Oh and a HUGE well done by the way!0
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"Ideal" is a bit of a specious descriptor, but 60 kg is within the bounds of healthy for a woman your height, as is 67 kg. In other words, there's a healthy range of weights for your height, not one specific ideal weight. If you prefer to be lighter, it is okay. You don't have to stop losing because your family disagrees. At the same time, be sure that you are aiming at something that is sustainable while leading an enjoyable life.6
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My new Granddaughter-in-law (and I love her dearly) just told me I'm suffering from malnutrition! Wish she just would have told me I looked good at my new weight, or said nothing at all. I try really hard not to let people rent space in my head when they say things like that, but I agree that's often difficult. Try to think of your family's comments as coming from a place of love, althought it's true it could also be from jealousy or ignorance. And ask them to stop discussing your weight. You'll knowif 60kg is a good weight for you when you get there. Good luck!4
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In general 60kg is in the healthy weight range for your height. Everyone carries their weight differently though, so the same weight with the same height can be great for one person and too light or too heavy for someone else.
It's really your personal preference, but I can understand being concerned that everyone says you should stop. You should be losing at a pretty slow rate now anyway, so if you're unsure just make that darn doctor's appointment, have a checkup, and then do what you feel is best. And then you can tell them your doctor is on board to allay their fears if they are genuinely concerned.
Sometimes the people in our lives are so used to seeing us at a certain size that we look "wrong" at a healthier weight and it can take a while for their perception to catch up, it might be as a simple as that.
Congrats on your success!1 -
I'm your height and my family would be doing an intervention if I got into the 140s, which I haven't seen since 6 weeks of under-eating and over-exercising in Boot Camp. But I have a large frame, so my weight does indeed belong on the upper end of the BMI scale. (In fact, my goal weight is in Low Overweight BMI.)
What’s your frame size? http://www.myfooddiary.com/Resources/frame_size_calculator.asp1 -
If your feeling strong and health go for it. It is no ones business but yours and your dr.1
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Hi Pixie.
This chart here: https://www.48fitness.in/weight-chart suggests that your ideal weight is somewhere between 55 and 67Kg - which I'm sure you already know. As you get close to your target weight you need to take into account the size of frame. Shoe size, hand size, wrist measurement etc.
I think there is the potential to argue either side of this. It may be that your family genuinely think you are now thin enough and should pause to re-evaluate. Or it may be that their mental picture of you is 30Kg larger and they are having such trouble adjusting to your weight loss that they are not seeing the current you accurately.
Honestly if I was going to bother to check with the doctor I would ask them to pen a line or two for you saying that for your best health you have X Kg still to lose and simply give them all a copy of it! It would also give you a chance to check for yourself (if your doctor is a sensible type and not overweight themselves
NOt sure about that size chart, it says for my height 5'4" I should weigh between 108 and 132 lbs...too low I think. I would rather go by the BMI chart and at the top end for myself it says 145 lbs. I think I would look not great at 132 or lower.2 -
Hi Pixie.
This chart here: https://www.48fitness.in/weight-chart suggests that your ideal weight is somewhere between 55 and 67Kg - which I'm sure you already know. As you get close to your target weight you need to take into account the size of frame. Shoe size, hand size, wrist measurement etc.
I think there is the potential to argue either side of this. It may be that your family genuinely think you are now thin enough and should pause to re-evaluate. Or it may be that their mental picture of you is 30Kg larger and they are having such trouble adjusting to your weight loss that they are not seeing the current you accurately.
Honestly if I was going to bother to check with the doctor I would ask them to pen a line or two for you saying that for your best health you have X Kg still to lose and simply give them all a copy of it! It would also give you a chance to check for yourself (if your doctor is a sensible type and not overweight themselves
I don't think this chart is a good one. At 5'2" it says I should weight between 99-121 lbs. Um, no. That is very much on the low side and certainly doesn't take in to account frame size. Most other charts I've looked at, including the BMI chart which puts me at a healthy weight at 135lbs. At my height, regardless of frame size, 99lbs would be considered underweight by most standards.
That to say, OP, 60kg is still within the normal range for your height, and really, all that matters is what you think, what is comfortable for you and what you are able to comfortably maintain. I'd probably just stop discussing weight loss with your family and just KOKO.1 -
Have you established a fitness regimen? I'm betting a firmer profile will take care of the "too skinny" comments and you will still be trimmed up.1
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It's probably time to adopt a new strategy with your family. "Thanks for your concern - I know you care about me and I appreciate that" and then move on to a different topic. If you do this consistently, you'll find that you have changed the equation. Takes two (or more) to argue, and it's exhausting 3
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Stop saying I have 7kg more to lose, there is no reason to tell anyone, then they won't even have a discussion to start.9
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mountainmare wrote: »Stop saying I have 7kg more to lose, there is no reason to tell anyone, then they won't even have a discussion to start.
Checking in with a doctor is always a good idea, but also, I agree with this. Your doctor can answer your question about what is a good weight for you, and can screen you for an eating disorder if you're concerned about that. After your doctor's appointment, you can simply tell your relatives, "My doctor thinks I'm doing great!" and leave it at that. You don't have to tell anyone your exact weight or how much more you want to lose. If they are genuinely concerned about you, then telling them you're under a doctor's care should be all they need to know.
I got comments from one relative who told me that my current size is "too small for anyone" and one who told me I would be ugly if I lost any more weight. Sometimes relatives mean well and are bad at communicating it. Sometimes they're jealous. Sometimes they don't know what a healthy weight looks like. But no matter what, the harassment you're getting is not acceptable.3 -
What I love about the BMI chart, is that it is objective collective top notch medical advice. If your goal weight is within your BMI, then you are fine. Loved ones often want to keep you as you were as much as possible. So, you can't really take their advice. Maybe stop talking about the fact you're still losing..they will get used to the new healthy you.4
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mountainmare wrote: »Stop saying I have 7kg more to lose, there is no reason to tell anyone, then they won't even have a discussion to start.
^^^This exactly. Just keep your own counsel. When you share that you're still losing weight (or wanting to) it gives your family and others permission to comment. Most of society is overweight so there are a lot of factors at play - true concern likely mixed with a bit of envy, misery loves company and all that.1 -
mountainmare wrote: »
I got comments from one relative who told me that my current size is "too small for anyone" and one who told me I would be ugly if I lost any more weight. Sometimes relatives mean well and are bad at communicating it. Sometimes they're jealous. Sometimes they don't know what a healthy weight looks like. But no matter what, the harassment you're getting is not acceptable.
When I was at my most fit (5'5" and 137ish) with a BF% of around 22% I got lots of negative comments from relatives. My sister-in-law actually called me skinny "b*tch to my face in front of a room full of people. I knew I looked good and was a healthy weight so I just let it go and walked away. Although not to the same level, I'm still working on my fitness and she is now morbidly obese with diabetes and high BP. Karma is a skinny "b*tch"!
ETA: I checked out that weight chart posted above and it's actually pretty scary low. At 5'5" it has me between 112-133 (converted from kg) which is WAY too little IMO. This is why the internet can be so misleading. Whoever came up with that chart is not a medical expert. :noway:2 -
OHFlamingo wrote: »My new Granddaughter-in-law (and I love her dearly) just told me I'm suffering from malnutrition! Wish she just would have told me I looked good at my new weight, or said nothing at all. I try really hard not to let people rent space in my head when they say things like that, but I agree that's often difficult. Try to think of your family's comments as coming from a place of love, althought it's true it could also be from jealousy or ignorance. And ask them to stop discussing your weight. You'll knowif 60kg is a good weight for you when you get there. Good luck!
Is she a doctor? I'd have had a hard time not being snarky and rude in retaliation to that.. "I'm sorry, did you get a copy of my last blood panel report? No? Then shut your mouth about things that you have no clue about. Love ya honey!"
That sort of thing.1 -
RaeBeeBaby wrote: »mountainmare wrote: »
I got comments from one relative who told me that my current size is "too small for anyone" and one who told me I would be ugly if I lost any more weight. Sometimes relatives mean well and are bad at communicating it. Sometimes they're jealous. Sometimes they don't know what a healthy weight looks like. But no matter what, the harassment you're getting is not acceptable.
When I was at my most fit (5'5" and 137ish) with a BF% of around 22% I got lots of negative comments from relatives. My sister-in-law actually called me skinny "b*tch to my face in front of a room full of people. I knew I looked good and was a healthy weight so I just let it go and walked away. Although not to the same level, I'm still working on my fitness and she is now morbidly obese with diabetes and high BP. Karma is a skinny "b*tch"!
ETA: I checked out that weight chart posted above and it's actually pretty scary low. At 5'5" it has me between 112-133 (converted from kg) which is WAY too little IMO. This is why the internet can be so misleading. Whoever came up with that chart is not a medical expert. :noway:
The chart for 5'7" gives a range of 121-154 lbs, which seems right on par with every other chart I have checked including aarp, NIH, cdc. I think if you are neither busty or pear shaped it is quite feasible to be at the low range.2 -
Take the discussion off of the table and never mention weight...weight lost or future weight desires.
Talk about your diet and how your tastes of different foods have changed because you want to live a long healthy life.
THAT will give them a glazed over look and then you can escape!2 -
Thanks for all the advice, and you're right, I shouldn't be mentioning I have 7 kg left, not sure why I do that to be honest haha.
And I have been thinking that maybe I should possibly try to gain some muscle after I have reached my goal weight. I have pretty small hips and butt compared to my shoulders and I absolutely hate it. I've been wondering if it is possible for me to build up my lower body a bit when I've lost all the weight and can eat more calories. I'd like to maybe put on 2-4 kg of muscle after most of my belly fat has gone down. I still have a bit of a belly, strangely my waist hasn't gone down much. 10 centimeters at most, so I'm mostly trying to slim down in that area.
Thanks for all the replies, I really appreciate them!1 -
mountainmare wrote: »Stop saying I have 7kg more to lose, there is no reason to tell anyone, then they won't even have a discussion to start.
This. If you receive any comments about your weight loss just smile - your quest for another 7kg is no-one else's business. If they say you shouldn't lose any more just say 'Oh, do you think so?' And move on.0 -
Thanks for all the advice, and you're right, I shouldn't be mentioning I have 7 kg left, not sure why I do that to be honest haha.
And I have been thinking that maybe I should possibly try to gain some muscle after I have reached my goal weight. I have pretty small hips and butt compared to my shoulders and I absolutely hate it. I've been wondering if it is possible for me to build up my lower body a bit when I've lost all the weight and can eat more calories. I'd like to maybe put on 2-4 kg of muscle after most of my belly fat has gone down. I still have a bit of a belly, strangely my waist hasn't gone down much. 10 centimeters at most, so I'm mostly trying to slim down in that area.
Thanks for all the replies, I really appreciate them!
FYI, you don't have to wait - start now! Putting on a little muscle can change your shape, sometimes even more than losing the last 10 lbs Start now to begin to build up your strength, then once you're ready to eat at maintenance (or even a small surplus) you can make more progress. 3 -
Thanks for all the advice, and you're right, I shouldn't be mentioning I have 7 kg left, not sure why I do that to be honest haha.
And I have been thinking that maybe I should possibly try to gain some muscle after I have reached my goal weight. I have pretty small hips and butt compared to my shoulders and I absolutely hate it. I've been wondering if it is possible for me to build up my lower body a bit when I've lost all the weight and can eat more calories. I'd like to maybe put on 2-4 kg of muscle after most of my belly fat has gone down. I still have a bit of a belly, strangely my waist hasn't gone down much. 10 centimeters at most, so I'm mostly trying to slim down in that area.
Thanks for all the replies, I really appreciate them!
You can start to put on muscle now by recomp.. so you stay the same weight but work on body composition. If you still wanted to lose that is fine too, but I would start lifting now while you lose that last bit of weight.. it will help retain what you have so you don't lose more muscle than necessary. At that point you can think about gaining weight/muscle if you desire.3 -
RaeBeeBaby wrote: »mountainmare wrote: »
I got comments from one relative who told me that my current size is "too small for anyone" and one who told me I would be ugly if I lost any more weight. Sometimes relatives mean well and are bad at communicating it. Sometimes they're jealous. Sometimes they don't know what a healthy weight looks like. But no matter what, the harassment you're getting is not acceptable.
When I was at my most fit (5'5" and 137ish) with a BF% of around 22% I got lots of negative comments from relatives. My sister-in-law actually called me skinny "b*tch to my face in front of a room full of people. I knew I looked good and was a healthy weight so I just let it go and walked away. Although not to the same level, I'm still working on my fitness and she is now morbidly obese with diabetes and high BP. Karma is a skinny "b*tch"!
ETA: I checked out that weight chart posted above and it's actually pretty scary low. At 5'5" it has me between 112-133 (converted from kg) which is WAY too little IMO. This is why the internet can be so misleading. Whoever came up with that chart is not a medical expert. :noway:
Yeah, the relative who made the "too small for anyone" comment was also very obese and had multiple health problems related to obesity. She had no idea what a healthy weight looked like. She ultimately died at a relatively young age of diabetes-related complications, which was especially sad because it probably could have been prevented. I don't want to have her mindset toward weight and health.2 -
RadishEater wrote: »RaeBeeBaby wrote: »mountainmare wrote: »
I got comments from one relative who told me that my current size is "too small for anyone" and one who told me I would be ugly if I lost any more weight. Sometimes relatives mean well and are bad at communicating it. Sometimes they're jealous. Sometimes they don't know what a healthy weight looks like. But no matter what, the harassment you're getting is not acceptable.
When I was at my most fit (5'5" and 137ish) with a BF% of around 22% I got lots of negative comments from relatives. My sister-in-law actually called me skinny "b*tch to my face in front of a room full of people. I knew I looked good and was a healthy weight so I just let it go and walked away. Although not to the same level, I'm still working on my fitness and she is now morbidly obese with diabetes and high BP. Karma is a skinny "b*tch"!
ETA: I checked out that weight chart posted above and it's actually pretty scary low. At 5'5" it has me between 112-133 (converted from kg) which is WAY too little IMO. This is why the internet can be so misleading. Whoever came up with that chart is not a medical expert. :noway:
The chart for 5'7" gives a range of 121-154 lbs, which seems right on par with every other chart I have checked including aarp, NIH, cdc. I think if you are neither busty or pear shaped it is quite feasible to be at the low range.
Seems pretty reasonable to me as well. I'm 5'3" and the range is 103-127. I am currently maintaining between 115 and 120 and it would not hurt me to lose a few more. When I was 130 and higher I was definitely chubby.0 -
I had a well meaning (and dear) friend tell me I have lost so much already they thought it was possible I could not loose any more, (I still have about 20 - 30 lbs to go). They though I might be setting myself up for failure.
A solo suggested to me by another friend was to refer to loosing the last bit, as 'toning up'.2 -
I agree that the posted weight/height chart has weight ranges that are considerably below other sources, and I wouldn't use that chart for anything.
I am just under 5 feet tall and weigh about 113 pounds on average. This is the only chart I've ever seen that categorizes me outside the "ideal" weight range for my height, which is usually about 95-120 pounds (give or take a couple). This chart claims that a 5 foot tall woman should weigh about 88-110 pounds.
Interestingly, the BMI calculator on the same page says I am an "ideal" weight and correctly reports my BMI around 22. It also tells me that if I did weigh 88 pounds, I would be underweight.
This chart is posted on a website for a gym, so they do have a business interest in convincing people to lose more weight.
For what it's worth, I am absolutely not interested in weighing 88 pounds.2
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