My family says I shouldn't lose more weight

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lavapixie
lavapixie Posts: 26 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Hey there, I've lost 28 kg so far (about 61 pounds I think) and I get lots of compliments saying that I look great and when I tell everyone how much I have lost they always look so shocked and start asking me what I did.

Then I tell them, and I say "I still have 7 kg to lose, I'm almost done." (my target weight is 60 kg, which is ideal for my height I believe, I'm 170 cm tall or about 5'7) and pretty much everyone looks at me weird and says "You really should stop now. Don't lose more weight." and I don't understand why.

My aunt is especially adamant on this. She says "You are plenty thin now, and you shouldn't lose any more because you'll become too thin, you'll probably end up becoming anorexic." and so does almost everyone else in my family say. I don't really get it, I mean yeah I am thinner and people probably aren't used to seeing me smaller but it really is starting to annoy me when they get all preachy about my weight. I keep telling them that it is my body and they shouldn't worry so much but I always get this everytime my weight comes up for some reason.

I am planning to get a doctor's appointment (I keep forgetting though because I'm very scatterbrained) so I can get their opinion on it, and I think they'd say 60 kg is a decent weight for me, then maybe I can get my family to stop being so worried. Am I in the wrong and is 60 kg too light?

Does anyone else get this from their family? How do you deal with it? Thanks.
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Replies

  • snemberton
    snemberton Posts: 175 Member
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    That I believe would put you at the lowest end for your height, maybe under. Why 7 more? Have you considered recomp? I am 5’8” and back in school when I was around your size I was very much underweight and didn’t look healthy.

  • RadishEater
    RadishEater Posts: 470 Member
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    My parents commented on that I shouldn't get too boney. Which when they said it I felt a bit huffy but it was true in some aspects. Because I am quite pear shaped, I can still have a bit of a belly and large rear end, yet be ribby on the top (the lack of boobs doesnt help at all). I was really focused on losing that last bit of stomach, but I realized it would be better to maintain and do recomp then to drop more a bit more weight to lose the stomach.

    I am ~ 5'7 and sitting at 59kg so to me yeah 60 kg seems like a very reasonable goal. 67kg is also reasonable too, both are in a healthy bmi range.

    My guess you family needs time to adjust to seeing the skinnier you and for example perhaps are focusing on how thin your arms look but you might be focusing on big your legs are and want to drop the last 7 kg.

  • LinziDay
    LinziDay Posts: 2 Member
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    Oh and a HUGE well done by the way!
  • OHFlamingo
    OHFlamingo Posts: 239 Member
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    My new Granddaughter-in-law (and I love her dearly) just told me I'm suffering from malnutrition! Wish she just would have told me I looked good at my new weight, or said nothing at all. I try really hard not to let people rent space in my head when they say things like that, but I agree that's often difficult. Try to think of your family's comments as coming from a place of love, althought it's true it could also be from jealousy or ignorance. And ask them to stop discussing your weight. You'll knowif 60kg is a good weight for you when you get there. Good luck!
  • kimny72
    kimny72 Posts: 16,013 Member
    edited July 2018
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    In general 60kg is in the healthy weight range for your height. Everyone carries their weight differently though, so the same weight with the same height can be great for one person and too light or too heavy for someone else.

    It's really your personal preference, but I can understand being concerned that everyone says you should stop. You should be losing at a pretty slow rate now anyway, so if you're unsure just make that darn doctor's appointment, have a checkup, and then do what you feel is best. And then you can tell them your doctor is on board to allay their fears if they are genuinely concerned.

    Sometimes the people in our lives are so used to seeing us at a certain size that we look "wrong" at a healthier weight and it can take a while for their perception to catch up, it might be as a simple as that.

    Congrats on your success!
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,900 Member
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    I'm your height and my family would be doing an intervention if I got into the 140s, which I haven't seen since 6 weeks of under-eating and over-exercising in Boot Camp. But I have a large frame, so my weight does indeed belong on the upper end of the BMI scale. (In fact, my goal weight is in Low Overweight BMI.)

    What’s your frame size? http://www.myfooddiary.com/Resources/frame_size_calculator.asp
  • mmebouchon
    mmebouchon Posts: 855 Member
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    If your feeling strong and health go for it. It is no ones business but yours and your dr.
  • kds10
    kds10 Posts: 452 Member
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    LinziDay wrote: »
    Hi Pixie.
    This chart here: https://www.48fitness.in/weight-chart suggests that your ideal weight is somewhere between 55 and 67Kg - which I'm sure you already know. As you get close to your target weight you need to take into account the size of frame. Shoe size, hand size, wrist measurement etc.

    I think there is the potential to argue either side of this. It may be that your family genuinely think you are now thin enough and should pause to re-evaluate. Or it may be that their mental picture of you is 30Kg larger and they are having such trouble adjusting to your weight loss that they are not seeing the current you accurately.

    Honestly if I was going to bother to check with the doctor I would ask them to pen a line or two for you saying that for your best health you have X Kg still to lose and simply give them all a copy of it! It would also give you a chance to check for yourself (if your doctor is a sensible type and not overweight themselves :)

    NOt sure about that size chart, it says for my height 5'4" I should weigh between 108 and 132 lbs...too low I think. I would rather go by the BMI chart and at the top end for myself it says 145 lbs. I think I would look not great at 132 or lower.
  • WholeFoods4Lyfe
    WholeFoods4Lyfe Posts: 1,518 Member
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    LinziDay wrote: »
    Hi Pixie.
    This chart here: https://www.48fitness.in/weight-chart suggests that your ideal weight is somewhere between 55 and 67Kg - which I'm sure you already know. As you get close to your target weight you need to take into account the size of frame. Shoe size, hand size, wrist measurement etc.

    I think there is the potential to argue either side of this. It may be that your family genuinely think you are now thin enough and should pause to re-evaluate. Or it may be that their mental picture of you is 30Kg larger and they are having such trouble adjusting to your weight loss that they are not seeing the current you accurately.

    Honestly if I was going to bother to check with the doctor I would ask them to pen a line or two for you saying that for your best health you have X Kg still to lose and simply give them all a copy of it! It would also give you a chance to check for yourself (if your doctor is a sensible type and not overweight themselves :)

    I don't think this chart is a good one. At 5'2" it says I should weight between 99-121 lbs. Um, no. That is very much on the low side and certainly doesn't take in to account frame size. Most other charts I've looked at, including the BMI chart which puts me at a healthy weight at 135lbs. At my height, regardless of frame size, 99lbs would be considered underweight by most standards.

    That to say, OP, 60kg is still within the normal range for your height, and really, all that matters is what you think, what is comfortable for you and what you are able to comfortably maintain. I'd probably just stop discussing weight loss with your family and just KOKO.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    Have you established a fitness regimen? I'm betting a firmer profile will take care of the "too skinny" comments and you will still be trimmed up.
  • Maxxitt
    Maxxitt Posts: 1,281 Member
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    It's probably time to adopt a new strategy with your family. "Thanks for your concern - I know you care about me and I appreciate that" and then move on to a different topic. If you do this consistently, you'll find that you have changed the equation. Takes two (or more) to argue, and it's exhausting :)
  • apullum
    apullum Posts: 4,838 Member
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    mountainmare wrote: »
    Stop saying I have 7kg more to lose, there is no reason to tell anyone, then they won't even have a discussion to start.

    Checking in with a doctor is always a good idea, but also, I agree with this. Your doctor can answer your question about what is a good weight for you, and can screen you for an eating disorder if you're concerned about that. After your doctor's appointment, you can simply tell your relatives, "My doctor thinks I'm doing great!" and leave it at that. You don't have to tell anyone your exact weight or how much more you want to lose. If they are genuinely concerned about you, then telling them you're under a doctor's care should be all they need to know.

    I got comments from one relative who told me that my current size is "too small for anyone" and one who told me I would be ugly if I lost any more weight. Sometimes relatives mean well and are bad at communicating it. Sometimes they're jealous. Sometimes they don't know what a healthy weight looks like. But no matter what, the harassment you're getting is not acceptable.
  • elisa123gal
    elisa123gal Posts: 4,287 Member
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    What I love about the BMI chart, is that it is objective collective top notch medical advice. If your goal weight is within your BMI, then you are fine. Loved ones often want to keep you as you were as much as possible. So, you can't really take their advice. Maybe stop talking about the fact you're still losing..they will get used to the new healthy you.
  • RaeBeeBaby
    RaeBeeBaby Posts: 4,245 Member
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    mountainmare wrote: »
    Stop saying I have 7kg more to lose, there is no reason to tell anyone, then they won't even have a discussion to start.

    ^^^This exactly. Just keep your own counsel. When you share that you're still losing weight (or wanting to) it gives your family and others permission to comment. Most of society is overweight so there are a lot of factors at play - true concern likely mixed with a bit of envy, misery loves company and all that.
  • RaeBeeBaby
    RaeBeeBaby Posts: 4,245 Member
    edited July 2018
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    mountainmare wrote: »

    I got comments from one relative who told me that my current size is "too small for anyone" and one who told me I would be ugly if I lost any more weight. Sometimes relatives mean well and are bad at communicating it. Sometimes they're jealous. Sometimes they don't know what a healthy weight looks like. But no matter what, the harassment you're getting is not acceptable.

    When I was at my most fit (5'5" and 137ish) with a BF% of around 22% I got lots of negative comments from relatives. My sister-in-law actually called me skinny "b*tch to my face in front of a room full of people. I knew I looked good and was a healthy weight so I just let it go and walked away. Although not to the same level, I'm still working on my fitness and she is now morbidly obese with diabetes and high BP. Karma is a skinny "b*tch"! :lol:

    ETA: I checked out that weight chart posted above and it's actually pretty scary low. At 5'5" it has me between 112-133 (converted from kg) which is WAY too little IMO. This is why the internet can be so misleading. Whoever came up with that chart is not a medical expert. :noway:
  • jasondjulian
    jasondjulian Posts: 182 Member
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    OHFlamingo wrote: »
    My new Granddaughter-in-law (and I love her dearly) just told me I'm suffering from malnutrition! Wish she just would have told me I looked good at my new weight, or said nothing at all. I try really hard not to let people rent space in my head when they say things like that, but I agree that's often difficult. Try to think of your family's comments as coming from a place of love, althought it's true it could also be from jealousy or ignorance. And ask them to stop discussing your weight. You'll knowif 60kg is a good weight for you when you get there. Good luck!

    Is she a doctor? I'd have had a hard time not being snarky and rude in retaliation to that.. "I'm sorry, did you get a copy of my last blood panel report? No? Then shut your mouth about things that you have no clue about. Love ya honey!"

    That sort of thing.

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