Swimming and avoiding large arms/back

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  • collectingblues
    collectingblues Posts: 2,541 Member
    edited August 2018
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    aggelikik wrote: »
    collectingblues wrote: »
    I swam at that age, and developed swimmers shoulders.

    I know you're her mom, and she won't listen to you, but keep reminding her that those shoulders mean she's *strong*. I hated my back in high school, but then I'd look at the young women on our team who I looked up to -- AKA, the seniors -- and saw how strong and awesome *they* were. And that helped.

    Now? I've still got broad shoulders (I read that average for a women is 14 across the back, and mine's 19), but I'm a 34DD, and generally wear tops/dresses that are a small or XS.

    I'd encourage her to look at role models who look like her. Look at the athletes -- Katie Ledecky is *built* and she is amazing. Ditto with Simone Manuel, Maya DiRado, and Missy Franklin.

    I think this is more or less what she feels. She has a best friend at the pool who is also one of the team's stars and they both whine about their back and shoulders. I think also being at this awkward stage where she is the height of an adult but has almost no breasts makes her feel worse than her friends, who are all a bit more traditionally "feminine". I will try showing her a few female athletes, had not thought of that.

    It's *really* rough at that age. I also was in show choir, so my peers there were your traditional petite slim-shouldered types... And unfortunately, with show choir being what it was, the director had absolutely no qualms about pointing out how I was broad compared to anyone else. (And sadly, neither did my father.)

    I wish I knew then what I know now -- that there's not just one ideal aesthetic, and that you can be built, and strong, and *still* attractive.
  • AliNouveau
    AliNouveau Posts: 36,287 Member
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    Being a kid is tough. I grew up figure skating a lot and always had bigger than average muscular thighs. I know the feeling, you can't fit into some of the cool clothing your friends are. Eventually she will embrace her shape and be happy about it but as someone who has been there it is hard to see.

    I'd just encourage her and tell her what she's doing is healthy and she's building a foundation right now for something she can benefit from her entire life. Lots have been there she is not alone
  • deputy_randolph
    deputy_randolph Posts: 940 Member
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    I'm not sure if anyone suggested this...but maybe she needs to get into an environment where she is exposed to athletic women.

    I do competitive powerlifting and am more built than the "average" woman. I hear nothing but positive and honest remarks about my body from other women at the gym.

    I'm sure your daughter's peers have a huge influence on what she views as a "normal" female body (having been a teen girl I know "normal" meant skinny at the time). She might not like the weight training at first, but if she had some female role models around, she might come around to it...and change her perspective on her on body.
  • jjpptt2
    jjpptt2 Posts: 5,650 Member
    edited August 2018
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    deputy_randolph wrote: »
    I'm not sure if anyone suggested this...but maybe she needs to get into an environment where she is exposed to athletic women.

    I do competitive powerlifting and am more built than the "average" woman. I hear nothing but positive and honest remarks about my body from other women at the gym.

    I'm sure your daughter's peers have a huge influence on what she views as a "normal" female body (having been a teen girl I know "normal" meant skinny at the time). She might not like the weight training at first, but if she had some female role models around, she might come around to it...and change her perspective on her on body.

    This is really good advice. Our environment can be a HUGE influence on what we perceive as normal or acceptable... changing her environment a bit could have a significant impact.

    I get that everyone is different and all that wonderful jazz, but if your daughter is trying to fit in with what she thinks is popular (or whatever) and is feeling insecure about it, "reassuring" her that everyone is beautiful and that all bodies are fantastic and all the other rainbows and unicorns that society tries to pump out these days probably isn't going to help, and might only isolate her further. Full disclosure - I'm speaking from my own experiences, so maybe I'm projecting a bit, but not everyone one is beautiful, and not every body shape is wonderful. Suggesting such could give your daughter the impression that you don't really understand (and what parent understands the world of a teenager, right???).

    Just something to think about.
  • lorrpb
    lorrpb Posts: 11,464 Member
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    Guide her properly to lose the kilos then help her appreciate her sexy neck and shoulders. Swimming will help define her upper body but won’t turn her into Arnold. Remind her that a good neck and shoulders makes the lower body appear slimmer. 🏊‍♂️ Tell her to keep swimming!
  • littlegreenparrot
    littlegreenparrot Posts: 13 Member
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    I appreciate time for the training might be difficult, but how about suggesting triathlons/aquathons for fun? The cross training involved might help even things out.
    Normalizing the look is a good point, is there a cross fit gym near you? Once or twice a week in that environment or similar might help.

    I used to teach teenagers and once had a passionate argument with a group of girls about Serena Williams, and whether she was fat. It was shocking and sad that her phenomenal abilities were irrelevant as far as they were concerned. Although by the end of the debate they had things to think about!
  • aokoye
    aokoye Posts: 3,495 Member
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    I agree with what everyone has said in terms of really trying to show her women who are strong swimmers. I also liked the idea of trying to get her into an environment where she's around strong women who are confident (at least outwardly) about having what could be seen as a muscular physique. I remember when I rock climbed competitively when I was your daughter's age and the numerous conversations my coach had with us about the importance of being healthy (and it was never in an awkward or imposing way).

    The only thing I have to add would be actually getting her in touch with women who are strong swimmers. I think her coach is really doing a disservice in not being willing to try to understand why she's feeling discouraged about her body and the potential of having muscular shoulders. Getting in contact with a local college's women's swimming team could be useful in terms of allowing her to hear the perspective of older swimmers.
  • k8eekins
    k8eekins Posts: 2,264 Member
    edited August 2018
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    aggelikik wrote: »
    This is a weird question for swimmers, serious ones. My daughter who is in her teens is swimming on and off since she was a baby and has got very serious about it this last year. She is borderline overweight, and definitely not all muscle, but certainly far more muscular than the average teen girl, especially upper body, like most swimmers. The problem is she has started complaining a lot about gains in the upper arms and back, which is a look she hates. Her coach is a guy and thinks she is crazy, so no tips from him.

    Does anyone know if there is a way for a swimmer to somehow balance the muscle gains? She is not aiming for a ballerina-type look, she hates being bulkier in the upper body and hoping for something more balanced. She is currently seriously in the process of eating healthier to lose a few kilos, but while it is good for her health and performance, I doubt it will help with the unbalanced look she dislikes so much.

    Usual training is 3 sessions per week: warm up, 30ish mins body weight strength training, short break followed by 90-120 min swimming, and she has no control over the program since it is a team. She could add an hour or two of something extra if it would help over the weekends, and her coach does encourage a couple of hours of cross training. He is into weight lifting and cycling, which are his go-to suggestions, but she hates both.

    Aggelikik, will you please share a back view photo of your teen daughter, if she isn't too young (ie < 18 years)? It is fairly difficult to give suggestions without actually seeing what the problem is, if it exists. There might not be an issue. If she's closer to 13, it could be a child's plumpiness. If she's 14 - 16, her body might be acclimating to the hormonal adjustments. Many aren't their ideal as teens. It's an awkward stage for some.

    ETA: If not a photo, measurements will be much appreciated.
    • Shoulder to shoulder
    • Back width
    • Back length to waist
    • Shoulder circumference
    • Bicep circumference
  • LKArgh
    LKArgh Posts: 5,179 Member
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    deputy_randolph wrote: »
    I'm not sure if anyone suggested this...but maybe she needs to get into an environment where she is exposed to athletic women.

    I do competitive powerlifting and am more built than the "average" woman. I hear nothing but positive and honest remarks about my body from other women at the gym.

    I'm sure your daughter's peers have a huge influence on what she views as a "normal" female body (having been a teen girl I know "normal" meant skinny at the time). She might not like the weight training at first, but if she had some female role models around, she might come around to it...and change her perspective on her on body.

    Good idea, I think this would help, so I will try encouraging her to join me at the gym even for one session per week. It is true, she is at that age where half the girls in high school are into all sorts of crazy diets to look very skinny or talking constantly about their imaginary fat rolls and so on. I check her friends social media activities and there is a ton of "wow look at how fat I am" posts, where I can only see really good looking slim girls complaining about not looking like models.
  • VictorSmashes
    VictorSmashes Posts: 173 Member
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    When I was a swimmer I saw this reflected too. Then again I was a butterflier. I suggest she even it out by bulking up her legs instead of worrying about slimming down her shoulders.

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