How to handle the critics?
pelleld
Posts: 363 Member
OK, this is going to sound ridiculous....but how do you handle it when people start to tell you that you've lost too much weight? I feel great, stronger than I've ever felt. I love the way the exercise DVDs have changed my body, I have a nice muscle tone, even in my legs which have always been the hardest to shape up. I know its possible to be too thin but I am SURE that I am not there. I know what my face looks like when I get too thin and it doesn't look like that now. I feel fit and strong and happy about where I am. I am 48 years old, 5'3" tall and seem to have settled in between 118 and 120. How do I handle the critics? The people who tell me to stop the DVDs? The people who tell me to eat more? Truly, I am not looking to lose more, just looking for the right combo of eating and exercise to maintain my current weight and keep the great definition in my muscles that I've worked so hard for. Any words of wisdom?
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Replies
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Perhaps you could tell them they could do with losing a few pounds themselves...!0
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Wow, very good question and I know lots of us have dealt with this. My mother always thinks I'm too thin (my BMI is 22.3), my girlfriend always comments (she's very overweight). All I can suggest is to smile and thank them for their concern and tell them how good you feel. It seems the comments come from both geniune concern and envy/jealousy. I'd be interested to hear others responses. Congratulations on your health changes by the way.0
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I expect it's just jealousy, guilt etc on their part. Perhaps they just don't like the way it makes them feel about themselves to see you in such great shape, but that's their problem. You are a healthy weight for your height and you are feeling great. Keep doing what you are doing and don't worry about what other people say, just accept that some people can't handle it and brush aside their comments, smile and carry on with what you know is working for you.0
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I have already had people tell me this and I am still a ways from my goal. I am beginning to answer that I am eating very healthy and exercising and will let my body decide where it is most comfortable. It is more about maintaining the best health now, not about losing weight.0
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Hiya,
don't you just hate people who think its their business to tell you what to do with your body. I, personally would go one of two ways depending on who is giving the "advice" and how much you like them.
If its some sticky beak who's quite clearly envious of your success. I would go with something like "really? you think so? Well thank you but I don't tell you what you're doing wrong with your diet so please feel free to do the same"
If its someone you like who is showing genuine concern, reassure them that you know what you're doing and you know when to stop. Smile sweetly and tell them you appreciate their concern and thank them. Then change the subject. Don't even enter into a conversation about it. AND never EVER feel you have to justify yourself to anyone.
xx0 -
Perhaps you could tell them they could do with losing a few pounds themselves...!
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I don't handle them very well! lol.
It;s really upsetting when you put in so much hard work, and are so proud of yourself and a few people make you feel like you have done it all wrong.
My family are all up on me about being to thin now that I've gone from being so happy and proud, to trying to hide when I exercise etc! It's ridiculous!
I really need to learn to handle it better myself!0 -
Tell them " Oh you think so......I am just so happy with myself right now. I wish you could be happy for me too. My family and friends always tell me "your not fat, you dont need to exercise, your so tall, I wish I was tall like you, you carry it so well". I am disgusted with their opinions. Now I just dont say when I am exercising, or what I did if I ran or jogged for my workouts. My 30day shred program I am doing right now is top secret information actually. Only my MFP friends know I am doing it. Also, no one in my family knows about my life on MFP. They are too critical. So yes, I know what you mean. Jealousy is an ugly face....You keep on keeping on girl....You got this. You rock!0
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oh i get this every day. most people just dont understand, as bad as it is, the minority of people these days eat healthy and exercise so its seen as out of the norm and obsessive to refuse to eat bad foods and to count calories and exercise even if your not trying to lose weight. people are going to tell you they know better but in the end most of these people who are telling you this are unhealthy themselves, if they were healthy they would be happy for you. and another thing - jealousy!
everyone says im too skinny and im too obsessed and ask if im on a diet. i dont believe in diets im just a super health nut.0 -
Don't worry about it, as long as you feel good about yourself, it shouldn't matter what people think. You look good for your age, and I would kill to look like you!0
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I would just reply, "I'm Happy".
The comments will end pretty soon. People will get used to the way you currently look and move on to other things to comment on and other people to advise. Attentions spans are short.0 -
Just Ignore them. They are just telling you that to make themselves feel better. They are use to seeing you heavier and you look different to them. People at work tell me If I loose anymore weight they are going to call an intervention. I just ignore them and although I'm trying to lose body fat and not body weight I just continue to do what I do. So, just say thank you and Ignore them.0
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You say you feel strong and healthy and that should be the guide. You could have your bmi checked to see if it falls into a healthy range. I am 43 and in the best shape I have been in a long time. I am 5'4 1/2" (yes I am claiming my 1/2") and was targeting 125 lbs but last week I did a cardiofit test to dial in my heart rate zones to lose that last 10 lbs and the trainer pretty much told me I should recheck my bmi since I had gained quite a bit of muscle weight my old goal was too low. I guess it depends on what type of DVD's you are doing and how much muscle you have gained. In the past I always did one or the other, watched what I ate or exercised. This is the best I have ever been at hitting on all cylinders and now I want to be at that "perfect" weight and get that last bit of annoying thigh off that has bothered me for years. How long have you been at your current weight?0
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Perhaps you could tell them they could do with losing a few pounds themselves...!
:laugh: love this0 -
Damed if you do, damed if you don't! :ohwell:
If you're picture is current, you look fantastic and happy. Congrats! I guess your nearest and dearest might just be worried you're not overdoing it and it's only natural concern, not necessarily jealousy or wanting to be a kill-joy.
Just do a couple of back-flips and end with a flourish and that'll let them see how much happier and healthier you are
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Perhaps you could tell them they could do with losing a few pounds themselves...!
YEAH!!! Because subconscientiously they're sabotaging you!!!!!0 -
To answer some questions...........hit goal weight of 125 in May, lost more weight after going on maintenance. Been between 118 and 120 for a couple months. Looking to stay about where I am. My profile pisture is from July of this year.0
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If you feel great and look great then they should be proud of you, and I'm sure they are. It may be that they want to be in the position you are in but don't know how to or have the will to do it. If I am completely honest, I would have been that person months ago, I would never have been critical and I would feel happy for and proud of the person who had lost the weight but I might not have said it as often as I should. That is wrong, but its hard to admit to yourself that you need to change too and it may be defensiveness on their part. If you are over weight they won't feel so bad. I wouldn't see it as criticism as they know as do you, that you are happy and healthy. Keep going, you look amazing.0
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Say the following:
"I have done some detailed research and in fact I am the ideal weight for my age sex and height. I am happy with how I look and I love being fit and active. Please consider if you can say any of these things before expressing an opinion on my choices. I really don't appreciate you telling me how to live my life - especially when you opinion is not based on medical expertise on either physical or mental grounds. Let us never speak of this again."
"Let us never speak of this again" can be substituted for "Now off you f##k..." if you feel comfortable with this turn of phrase
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When people ask how much more weight I plan on losing I tell them about 25-30 depending on how my body feels/looks. I get the "oh you can lose that much-" I just tell them that it will be a healthy weight for me. 135ish at 5'4.
My usual responses to weight loss:
thankyou
I am getting healthy
I am where I should be- or getting to where I should be.
I know that when people say mean things it is because they are jealous that I am doing something that they only talk about!0 -
They might just be critical, judgemental, etc, or they might have a skewed perspective of what a healthy weight looks like. Look at the people around you every day. Statistics say 66% of Americans are overweight, and 6% are underweight. That doesn't leave many normal weight people around. Even they might skew to the higher side of the BMI scale, so what looks 'normal' isn't necc. a healthy weight anymore.
If you know you are a healthy weight, your body fat is in the normal range, I'd just say something like 'Thanks for your concern' and keep on with your life.0 -
Thank them for their concern, tell them what you told us: you're not looking to lose more weight, you're just settling into being healthy and feeling better than ever. It could be jealousy, it could be real concern: it doesn't matter which. Many times when a family member or friend makes a big change like weight/lifestyle other people are afraid that the change will affect the relationship, plus they're used to seeing you a certain way, it'll take time to adjust to the new you
You're happy and healthy, that's what matters, so flaunt it!0 -
I'd just tell them what you told us. That you're absolutely thrilled with where you are and aren't losing any more. That you're eating and exercising now to maintain, not to lose.
Too many people have the mindset that you "diet and exercise" to lose weight, then stop when you reach that weight. Then wonder why they gain it all back.
They don't realize that being conscious of what you're eating and regular exercise is what KEEPS you fit and healthy. You can see that mindset here, even, when people complain about the "skinny" girls at the gym, saying, "Why do THEY need to be there?" 0 -
If someone comments on how you are losing too much weight, I would just say "Oh I'm not losing anymore, just doing the toning dvd's to build muscle."
I wouldn't tell someone a number of how much weight you plan on losing or have lost if they are the type who is making negative comments. That's only your business. Vague replies go far.
You could even say when you build the muscle you will actually weigh more. Sometimes people just need to be educated on why you do dvd's. To someone who doesn't excercise or do weights probably doesn't really know about building muscle and toning and thinks you are excercising to get thinner.
In my opinion if you use smart remarks back to them it lets them know you are being defensive and it bothers you. That you may in fact have an eating problem. I would just smile and say you aren't losing anymore weight and actually will weigh more after you get toned.
Good for you are getting fit! 0 -
I wonder if they subconciously think being overweight is normal for you, and that they need time to adjust to your 'new normal'. Be kind to them, and by the way, we all think you look TOTALLY AWESOME!0
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Actually it used to really pee me off, but now i put it down to jealousy, i feel i have acheieved somthing things people cant or wont! im very proud of myself and my partner is too, i take it with a pinch of salt and dont even argue any more, i am 5.2" and 112lbs, my BMI is perfect and im within my healthy weight for my height. Your always going to get soemone who feels its there business to tell you otherwise, but sod them its about my happiness and i know ive been sensible i know i look good (excuse the big head haha) and i know im making a healthier choice for my families future 0
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"Thanks for the opinion". Period. End of sentence.
Maybe I am extra sensitive, but I really REALLY hate it when people make comments about my body. Hate.0 -
When I lost weight, people were asking if I was sick. I realized it was because my clothes were so big, I did look sick.
I went shopping and now they tell me I look great. Go figure.0 -
When I lost weight, people were asking if I was sick. I realized it was because my clothes were so big, I did look sick.
I went shopping and now they tell me I look great. Go figure.
LOL!!! I had the exact same thing happen to me. If people are saying you're obsessed with it, just realize that it's a lazy person's way of saying you're dedicated. When my co-workers were telling me I was looking sick, people walking in said, "you kidding, he looks great!" Water off my back. Can't let people dictate how you feel about yourself because of their opinions. Last time my boss said I look sick, I said "Thanks! Then whatever I'm doing is working!" Have a great day!0 -
Well said!I'd just tell them what you told us. That you're absolutely thrilled with where you are and aren't losing any more. That you're eating and exercising now to maintain, not to lose.
Too many people have the mindset that you "diet and exercise" to lose weight, then stop when you reach that weight. Then wonder why they gain it all back. They don't realize that being conscious of what you're eating and regular exercise is what KEEPS you fit and healthy. You can see that mindset here, even, when people complain about the "skinny" girls at the gym, saying, "Why do THEY need to be there?"0
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