Things people say when you're dieting.
BABetter1
Posts: 618 Member
Just thinking about some of the stuff that people say when you're dieting. For example: having a bit of a cheat meal (it was only a tiny cheat) at work the other day, and I say to a co-worker "I haven't been drinking carbonated drinks lately, but I think I'm going to splurge and have a diet soda with this." His response after I returned with said diet soda was "Ya' know, they say it's better to have a small amount of a real sugar soda than to have that diet stuff." I was nice. I didn't say much in response, maybe "Oh, yeah I've heard that too," as I continued to sip on my diet soda. I was nice because I used to be that guy. And, I knew as soon as he said those famous last words, "they say", that I was going to get a dose of my own medicine.
Or awhile back when I was having quite a bit of success losing weight (before too much of what "they say" sunk in and I tried to take a break from it), and someone asked me what I was doing to lose the weight. Diet and exercise of course. But which diet, he wanted to know. Well, I was doing low carb, high fat. And, as soon as I said it, the lecture began about how that is not good for your heart, and he knows because his dad was in the medical field, yada, yada, yada. Ok, listen, I eat more veggies and less meat when I eat LCHF than when I eat the SAD. So, please just stop. Some people may eat nothing but eggs, cheese, and meat like an old school Atkins diet. But, I don't eat like that, and not everyone who does LCHF and Keto do.
The point is, people are full of advice and information about what YOU need to do. But, clearly I have issues with food, moderation, portion control, etc. So no, it isn't better for me to drink full sugar sodas all day long every day rather than have a single diet soda once or twice a month. No, it isn't better for me to eat more carbs from fruit and whole grains. Sugar and starch spike and then crash my blood sugar and send my hunger and cravings off the chart. So, I'm gonna' do me, and you do you and ignore MOST of what THEY SAY. Because, you know what is worse for my heart than having too much fat in my diet? Weighing 250 pounds and rising is worse for my heart. THEY SAY it's really bad for your heart when you have a lot of fat around your core. And, the way I was feeling, I think THEY were right about that one.
Or awhile back when I was having quite a bit of success losing weight (before too much of what "they say" sunk in and I tried to take a break from it), and someone asked me what I was doing to lose the weight. Diet and exercise of course. But which diet, he wanted to know. Well, I was doing low carb, high fat. And, as soon as I said it, the lecture began about how that is not good for your heart, and he knows because his dad was in the medical field, yada, yada, yada. Ok, listen, I eat more veggies and less meat when I eat LCHF than when I eat the SAD. So, please just stop. Some people may eat nothing but eggs, cheese, and meat like an old school Atkins diet. But, I don't eat like that, and not everyone who does LCHF and Keto do.
The point is, people are full of advice and information about what YOU need to do. But, clearly I have issues with food, moderation, portion control, etc. So no, it isn't better for me to drink full sugar sodas all day long every day rather than have a single diet soda once or twice a month. No, it isn't better for me to eat more carbs from fruit and whole grains. Sugar and starch spike and then crash my blood sugar and send my hunger and cravings off the chart. So, I'm gonna' do me, and you do you and ignore MOST of what THEY SAY. Because, you know what is worse for my heart than having too much fat in my diet? Weighing 250 pounds and rising is worse for my heart. THEY SAY it's really bad for your heart when you have a lot of fat around your core. And, the way I was feeling, I think THEY were right about that one.
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People can be real *kitten*s. When they give unsolicited "gee, that seems to be working really well for you, so this is how you should fix it," advice like that to me, I sometimes think they are either trying to sabotage my weight loss success, or else hitch a vicarious ride on it.
My mom said something that really ticked me off last night. Although in her case, I think it was just because people sometimes just say dumb things.
I have fibromyalgia, which means (among many other things) that my body doesn't repair its muscles and tissues very well after exercise. That means that exercise is frequently "punished" by sore muscles, pain and exhaustion. That's discouraging as *kitten*, and I have dealt with it mostly by just not exercising. (Which, of course, makes it worse. Fibromyalgia is a game where you often really "just can't win for losin.'")
The only way around the exercise-punishment thing is to find a level of exercise so low that the body can handle the amount of repair involved, and then "titrate" the exercise level very slowly up from there. I've tried to do this more than once, but kept pulling down massive "punishments" for gentle little neighborhood strolls.
I tried again the other day with the most gentle "workout" I could think of: 0.3 miles, 30 foot elevation gain/loss, 9 minutes of walking at just above comfortable pace for me. (That's not a workout, that's just getting to your car in mall parking lot!)
But it thoroughly kicked my butt. Not much soreness this time, but I've been totally *kitten*ed out and needing to sleep nearly round the clock for the last three days.
So, I was telling Mom about this, partly to explain why I hadn't called when I'd said I would, and she said many supportive and encouraging things. And then she said: "Well, maybe you should take a walk like that more often than every few years."
Gosh, Ma, why didn't I think of that? I'll just jump in my time machine and go back and rectify my previous behavior - was the first thing I didn't say to her. I also didn't ask her if, all the times that she's needed my help during the years in question, I should have been unavailable because I was recovering from a titration walk. I didn't - well, there's a lot that I didn't say to her.
Next titration walk tomorrow. I'm aiming for about half the distance over the same course, and I'll see how that works out. And I probably won't mention it to Mom if I don't have to.18 -
I will always remember when I first started trying to lose weight on this app, I was counting cals and had figured choccie treats into my daily allotment - I was at my mums one day and had my treat of the day at her house, she exclaimed 'I thought you were on a diet'!! that's the mentality of people, they have this misguided notion that to lose weight you have to eat 'rabbit food' and exercise like a demon. It took my mum a while to see that I could still eat the things I liked AND lose weight.11
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I just figure we all need to shut our mouths if the sentence we are about to say has the word, "You," in it and the person hasn't specifically asked for our advice.
Just don't.15 -
Early on I remember hearing that I was wasting my time walking and I should do more intense workouts.
But I really enjoyed walking. It was actually something I looked forward to and I was seeing results, so I stuck with it. I'm glad I did.
Fitness walking helped me to lose so much weight, helps me maintain my weight nicely and it's great for me mentally.
Also I remember hearing that I had to cut regular pizza out to lose weight. "Maybe try making cauliflower pizza or crustless pizza" someone in my old fitness class said.
Since I know the approximate amount of calories I consume each day I'm able to work in pizza every Friday evening and was able to still lose weight and keep it off.
Sometimes you have to let things go in one ear and out the other!24 -
“You can’t eat that you’re on a diet!”
I’m not on a “diet “, I’ve changed the food in my diet and made lifestyle changes, anyway I’m an adult who the fk are you to try to tell me what to do? 😂9 -
I don’t recall goofy things people said to me because I worked hard to ignore the noise. I do recall being struck by how much misinformation I had internalized from advertising.
Head down and mouth shut was how I went about weight loss. When I attracted attention- Hey, you’ve lost a lot of weight. How ya do it? Me: Old fashioned diet and exercise. And keep moving.
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I recall once that I went out to eat with my family (wife, brother and his wife, sister and her boyfriend, niece, nephews, and our Mom). We went to a steak place and I ordered a steak, salad (with ranch dressing), and some broccoli. My brother looked at me and said "you can't lose weight on a see food diet, that's too much". Really? Too much? I was down about 80 lbs then so I just smiled and enjoyed my dinner. Several months later, I am down about 130 now. I guess my "see food" diet is working somewhat.13
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I don’t recall goofy things people said to me because I worked hard to ignore the noise. I do recall being struck by how much misinformation I had internalized from advertising.
Head down and mouth shut was how I went about weight loss. When I attracted attention- Hey, you’ve lost a lot of weight. How ya do it? Me: Old fashioned diet and exercise. And keep moving.
Best way I think or don’t tell people you are at all 👍4 -
@mojo4717 I too agree with you...Don't tell people about your diet or goals to reduce weight/to be fit.
Out of 10 people around us, only 1-2 will be supportive and all others will have lot of doubts which needs to be clarified, lots of discouraging words/actions which will loose our motivation etc etc..
Better to be silent....3 -
I started my lifestyle change 4 months ago. First of all, I remember the looks (they were doubting me, thinking that I'll quit halfway through again). Then I started to be noticed. Then it was really obvious and people were asking me how I do it. "I eat healthy food, keeping a calorie deficit and exercise daily, always keeping an eye on the macro nutrients proportions. " And they'd pretty much shut up, because I wasn't mentioning any kind of diet. They were and they still are eye-balling me for using the scale for every meal (at work). And I get tons of compliments and admiration for my efforts and it feels amazing. AMAZING. Hahaha
I was such a lazy *kitten* and hated sports so much, that many around me are simply shocked of the change. Some are being appreciative of my accomplishments and some hate. Haters gonna hate. And I don't give a fu k.
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What really kills me about the "You can't eat that, you're on a diet!" line is... a 'diet' is what you eat. Everyone is on a diet. But not everyone is paying attention and caring about their diet.
The diet I am choosing is a good one and it's restrictive due to a medical condition. The only time I struggle is when I'm in social situations (parties and such). People get mad when I don't eat anything. "What, is my food not good enough for you?" Your food smells amazing and I wish I could eat it but it will literally make me sick. "You can just call today your cheat day." That's not how this works...7 -
I had a classic at the women's book group. There was someone there who is not from my church and knew a few people. I came in and someone said, "Oh talk to him about diets! He has been on one." I spoke and asked her about her diet. She said she was working with a dietitian and a trainer. She had been on the program for two weeks. I said, "Great! I bet you will be successful." She asked what I was doing and I said I had been following a low carb diet and watching calories. She replied, "You will never lose weight with that." I told her I seemed to be doing ok with it really, and she said, "If you see any change on the scales, it is just water weight, and you will gain it all back." I told her that at that point I had lost 85 pounds or so at the rate of a pound a week, and it seemed unlikely it was all water weight.
I understand she wanted to brag about her dietitian and trainer and needed some validation. Why tell someone that something won't work, when it obviously has been?
FWIW, I am 135 pounds down now and am in maintenance. It seems to be going well for me. If I see her again, I will hear how things are going for her in all likelihood, but I probably won't ask.15 -
Everyone just needs to stop telling people their personal business!
When its hard for others and you to avoid the questions.....simple."Mindful Eating"
Plain and simple.1 -
This has been so refreshing to read, thank you all for sharing your experiences! Now I can laugh about the people who want to tell me what I'm doing wrong, even if what I'm doing seems to work for me.
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Are you eating enough?? How are you not hungry?? Are you sick??
Seriously, the list is never ending!5 -
I have been told that "eating in front of the open fridge doesn't count. But you have to stand, if you sit down - only then do the calories count."3
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I've found that everybody always wants to know what you're doing to lose weight, but not because they might actually take what you're doing into consideration or are generally interested in hearing about your success. It's because they either want to point out how that could never work for them, or it's to shoot down whatever you're doing based on their own self-doubt or envy. Humans can be miserable, self-loathing creatures and they like to take it out on the closest person experiencing any sort of positivity in their life. It all comes down to an outward manifestation of their own negative feelings about themselves. It doesn't have anything to do with you. You just have to keep doing what works for you and avoid over-sharing if you don't want to deal with confrontation.11
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I work really hard to get fit and be healthy. But just as much as wanting that, I want to be liked. A sure way NOT to be liked is to give anyone unsolicited advice. Why oh why do we do it! As I mature I realize ..no matter the topic; I don't offer suggestions or advice; unless it's my daughter...then okay yeah. But, with even her I don't touch the weight issue.... again.. I want to be liked and loved by her more than anyone!
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Somebody really flagged MY personal life experience as Woo? Wow. Just Wow.
You all reminded me of another one. I should start getting this one when I get about halfway to goal. You look fantastic, but you need to stop losing now or it's going to be too much.
I don't know if people think they are flattering me when they say that or what. But yeah, I do still need to lose the other 50 lbs I am dragging around.5 -
Evelyn_Gorfram wrote: »People can be real *kitten*s. When they give unsolicited "gee, that seems to be working really well for you, so this is how you should fix it," advice like that to me, I sometimes think they are either trying to sabotage my weight loss success, or else hitch a vicarious ride on it.
My mom said something that really ticked me off last night. Although in her case, I think it was just because people sometimes just say dumb things.
I have fibromyalgia, which means (among many other things) that my body doesn't repair its muscles and tissues very well after exercise. That means that exercise is frequently "punished" by sore muscles, pain and exhaustion. That's discouraging as *kitten*, and I have dealt with it mostly by just not exercising. (Which, of course, makes it worse. Fibromyalgia is a game where you often really "just can't win for losin.'")
The only way around the exercise-punishment thing is to find a level of exercise so low that the body can handle the amount of repair involved, and then "titrate" the exercise level very slowly up from there. I've tried to do this more than once, but kept pulling down massive "punishments" for gentle little neighborhood strolls.
I tried again the other day with the most gentle "workout" I could think of: 0.3 miles, 30 foot elevation gain/loss, 9 minutes of walking at just above comfortable pace for me. (That's not a workout, that's just getting to your car in mall parking lot!)
But it thoroughly kicked my butt. Not much soreness this time, but I've been totally *kitten*ed out and needing to sleep nearly round the clock for the last three days.
So, I was telling Mom about this, partly to explain why I hadn't called when I'd said I would, and she said many supportive and encouraging things. And then she said: "Well, maybe you should take a walk like that more often than every few years."
Gosh, Ma, why didn't I think of that? I'll just jump in my time machine and go back and rectify my previous behavior - was the first thing I didn't say to her. I also didn't ask her if, all the times that she's needed my help during the years in question, I should have been unavailable because I was recovering from a titration walk. I didn't - well, there's a lot that I didn't say to her.
Next titration walk tomorrow. I'm aiming for about half the distance over the same course, and I'll see how that works out. And I probably won't mention it to Mom if I don't have to.
I'm very sorry this happened. Exercise is the only thing that controls my fibro pain and moods. Keeping my weight down helps fatigue too (meds gave me hallucinations). So one of my in laws who knows about my fibro will do the whole "you've lost enough weight, why are you still on this" nonsense, then in the next sentence tell me fibromyalgia isn't a big deal, I'm just being dramatic, attention seeking, or even making it up. When she asks about it now I just say "I'm still alive" and change the subject. The passive aggressive minimizing nonsense just ticks me off and I feel worse.
I hope your plan works for you.3 -
Wow, I can't believe some of the things people have been saying to all of you. So cruel. At any point, you just have to do what is right for you. And yes, I agree, these aren't diets we are on, these are life changes. We are choosing to exercise and eat better for a healthier you. We all know "diets" don't work, but life changes do 2
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Somebody really flagged MY personal life experience as Woo? Wow. Just Wow.
You all reminded me of another one. I should start getting this one when I get about halfway to goal. You look fantastic, but you need to stop losing now or it's going to be too much.
I don't know if people think they are flattering me when they say that or what. But yeah, I do still need to lose the other 50 lbs I am dragging around.
Could be the woo in this case was a woohoo... they really need to ditch that button...
I think there a 2 reasons that people say this. One is to be snarky - you are either making them look bad (if they are overweight) or if they are the skinny friend, they don't want to lose their position as the skinny friend. The other reason would be because as a whole, we have become accustomed to so much of the population being heavy that our point of view on reasonable weights is skewed and most folks don;t really understand what a healthy weight looks like.
To add to the things that people say, I was at the office a couple of weeks ago (normally I work from home) and one of my co-workers started on a rant about the evils of diet soda and how it is making us all fat and destroying our health. Another co-worker chimed in and declared that aspartame is the worst thing that man has ever created and the FDA should just out-right ban the substance. I so so wanted to jump into the conversation, but I decided that it would not be worth the hassle and just walked away...7 -
New_Heavens_Earth wrote: »Evelyn_Gorfram wrote: »People can be real *kitten*s. When they give unsolicited "gee, that seems to be working really well for you, so this is how you should fix it," advice like that to me, I sometimes think they are either trying to sabotage my weight loss success, or else hitch a vicarious ride on it.
My mom said something that really ticked me off last night. Although in her case, I think it was just because people sometimes just say dumb things.
I have fibromyalgia, which means (among many other things) that my body doesn't repair its muscles and tissues very well after exercise. That means that exercise is frequently "punished" by sore muscles, pain and exhaustion. That's discouraging as *kitten*, and I have dealt with it mostly by just not exercising. (Which, of course, makes it worse. Fibromyalgia is a game where you often really "just can't win for losin.'")
The only way around the exercise-punishment thing is to find a level of exercise so low that the body can handle the amount of repair involved, and then "titrate" the exercise level very slowly up from there. I've tried to do this more than once, but kept pulling down massive "punishments" for gentle little neighborhood strolls.
I tried again the other day with the most gentle "workout" I could think of: 0.3 miles, 30 foot elevation gain/loss, 9 minutes of walking at just above comfortable pace for me. (That's not a workout, that's just getting to your car in mall parking lot!)
But it thoroughly kicked my butt. Not much soreness this time, but I've been totally *kitten*ed out and needing to sleep nearly round the clock for the last three days.
So, I was telling Mom about this, partly to explain why I hadn't called when I'd said I would, and she said many supportive and encouraging things. And then she said: "Well, maybe you should take a walk like that more often than every few years."
Gosh, Ma, why didn't I think of that? I'll just jump in my time machine and go back and rectify my previous behavior - was the first thing I didn't say to her. I also didn't ask her if, all the times that she's needed my help during the years in question, I should have been unavailable because I was recovering from a titration walk. I didn't - well, there's a lot that I didn't say to her.
Next titration walk tomorrow. I'm aiming for about half the distance over the same course, and I'll see how that works out. And I probably won't mention it to Mom if I don't have to.
I'm very sorry this happened. Exercise is the only thing that controls my fibro pain and moods. Keeping my weight down helps fatigue too (meds gave me hallucinations). So one of my in laws who knows about my fibro will do the whole "you've lost enough weight, why are you still on this" nonsense, then in the next sentence tell me fibromyalgia isn't a big deal, I'm just being dramatic, attention seeking, or even making it up. When she asks about it now I just say "I'm still alive" and change the subject. The passive aggressive minimizing nonsense just ticks me off and I feel worse.
I hope your plan works for you.
My mother has MS and she got all of this and more back when they were trying to diagnose it as a child. She was told that her debilitating chest pains were her imagination and sent her to a psychiatrist. Diseases where there is no visible ailment or handicap are the hardest for people to be sympathetic to. I once had a man chase me down into a grocery store (I was maybe 14) to berate me for my mother parking in the handicap spot. (It was a good day; she didn't need her cane). I was mortified and terrified. He was large, angry, and self-righteous.
Watching my mother live through this time and time again, I am always mindful of the things that people struggle with that are unseen. Good luck to both of you ladies for sticking with it. There ARE those out there who understand. Either through personal experience or through being close to someone who struggles with the unseen diseases.
As far as strange things told to me about weight loss... I've been lucky. Other than the "you'll be come anorexic!" comments every so often when I say I still have quite a bit to lose, most people smile and nod when I mention counting calories. Sometimes, I'll get the odd, "Oh I could never count calories! <insert fad diet/quick option> works best for me!" But in general, I surround myself with awesome folks and I've had a hefty dallop of luck too!
Also, #longhairdon'tcare when it comes to randos and their opinions. XD
They are merely the trash mobs on my way to the dragon. Easiy slain in lieu of the boss I know will come 'round the corner!6 -
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Somebody really flagged MY personal life experience as Woo? Wow. Just Wow.
You all reminded me of another one. I should start getting this one when I get about halfway to goal. You look fantastic, but you need to stop losing now or it's going to be too much.
I don't know if people think they are flattering me when they say that or what. But yeah, I do still need to lose the other 50 lbs I am dragging around.
Ha ha. Some people on this site are in love with their own theories and can't wrap their heads around someone else having a different experience than they have. The flock of woo birds following me is almost flattering at this point.
For example, I lost a bunch of fat and gained muscle during the same time period. I was told that's impossible, because fat happens at a caloric deficit and muscle gain happens during caloric surplus. But, that was MY experience. I was told I just "revealed" muscles that were already there. Uh, no. You don't "reveal" pecs. There are muscles that really have to be developed in order to show.
We all know fat people who lost weight and are skinny fat. People don't just diet and suddenly get muscles. Plus, I lifted weights so heavy, I'm in the category of "elite" - or competitive level in most of my lifts, and advanced in my weaker lifts. You don't "reveal" a round butt that was flat. You don't get a quad sweep from losing fat. But instead of using their eyes (because I posted pics), they just decided it was woo. Because apparently they know better what happened to my body than I do. So many posts, telling me "that didn't happen!" But, but....I LIVED IT.
This is why I don't talk about my fitness IRL outside of the gym. If you get drama about your fitness/diet on a fitness/diet website, then imagine the drama among people who aren't living a lifestyle that includes fitness/healthy eating.
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Things people say (besides woo). Is the people who were giving you unwanted advice when you were bigger give you the opposite advice once you are smaller. One person was like, "you need to exercise every day." "I already exercise every day." "No, really, I mean you need to exercise every day." "I do exercise every day." "Well, you need to exercise some more."
Now, the same person is like "you should stop going to the gym every day." And, "you were late to XYZ because you were at THE GYM!!!" "You exercise too much." "Uh, weren't you the one who said I needed to exercise every day?" "But it's different now!" "You can see..."
Another one - the clothes I wore was like, "please make sure when you arrive, you don't wear anything too tight, because it makes you look really fat," now it's like, "your clothes, I just think you need to, I mean, the men are staring at you as you walk past you need to, I mean, these new clothes you're wearing..."
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This time around, I have really kept quiet and said very little to anyone who asks what and how. I just have said I am eating much less than I was before and walking lots more. That is the total of what I tell anyone who asks me outside of MFP. Because it is interesting to me how many are quick to say, well whatever you are doing, you cannot keep up the pace of losing like you have been. Or you will get bored and just gain it all back, so why are you even trying? That was said about two months ago. I admit I have been a yoyo person for many years. But this go around has been so different, coming to MFP, logging daily, commenting, learning, seeing tons of great posts, fantastic ideas which in turn have helped me do better.3
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Yeah, it's funny. I lost over 100 pounds and have maintained for about a year and people are still trying to tell me how I should change to "their" program. I just shake my head and let them talk. No point in arguing. If I learned anything in this journey it's that you have to do what works for you.3
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cheryldumais wrote: »Yeah, it's funny. I lost over 100 pounds and have maintained for about a year and people are still trying to tell me how I should change to "their" program. I just shake my head and let them talk. No point in arguing. If I learned anything in this journey it's that you have to do what works for you.
Makes no sense. "Oh, what you're doing is working exceptionally well for you? Let me tell you want you need to be doing instead."
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This whole thread is so validating. Thank you.2
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