I Still Have Chronic Obesity (even a year into maintenance . . .)
CaladriaNapea
Posts: 140 Member
Hello, MFP!
So my one year anniversary for maintaining my 63 pound weight loss was back in August. I meant to post a "woohoo" post, but couldn't think of anything that I hadn't really said back when I originally hit maintenance. However, my husband is gone for work this month, and on Sunday night I went back to poor habits and pulled out my old friend, the tub of ice cream, for comfort. Half a carton of Blue Bell (don't believe the food logs, they only tell the story of my first go with the carton), a couple of days, and a couple of pounds of water weight (and not water weight . . . ) later, I began thinking about what happened.
"Chronic obesity" is a phrase I've heard a number of times, and it has become a critical mindset me in order to help me maintain my weight. When I lost weight back in college, I thought of the weight as gone. But it wasn't. It was lurking. Waiting for me to let my guard down (which I did almost immediately, FYI) and then it sprang back in full force. This time around, I repeatedly make sure to tell myself that the weight may be gone, but the obesity isn't.
I will always be obese.
I will always need to weigh myself daily in order to monitor the trends in my symptoms.
I will always need to count my calories in order to prevent my obesity from gradually building up like in the past.
I will always need to eat mostly fiber-rich, protein-rich foods (and tons of veggies) in order to keep full so that I won't have a relapse.
I will always need to watch for signs of flare-ups (such as the binge-session with the ice cream . . .) and respond accordingly by keeping an even closer eye on my symptoms.
I will always need to exercise in order to allow myself to eat more calories and make it easier to manage my obesity.
I will always need to plan my schedule in order to enable me to keep the routines that hold obesity at bay.
I will always need to count calories, watch what I eat, exercise, watch my weight, plan my schedule, and manage my obesity in the present moment, because I know exactly what will happen if I do not: First, the weight will come back. Then I will gain more weight on top of that. Next, I will develop comorbidities such as Type II obesity (like members of my family), I will have heart attacks far too young (like the same members of my family), and I will be unable to do the things that I love and spend time with the people I love because I will have allowed my disease to control me instead of me controlling it.
But I have an advantage: I know my disease. I know its patterns, its symptoms, its warning signs. I know how to fight it, treat it, and what I need to do every day in order to keep it from returning in full force. I will always be obese. I just strive to never be overweight again.
This mindset helps enormously when I fail (such as last Sunday). Instead of my binge eating reflecting on me failing as a human, I view it as a flare-up. Flare-ups are inevitable with any disease. My job is to prevent them when possible and mitigate the consequences as much as I can. On Sunday night, I did not manage my disease wisely in that moment, but it's okay because I caught myself and I am watching my symptoms (e.g. weight, cravings, unhealthy mindsets) and making sure to ground myself in the routines that I know work to help me manage my obesity. In other words--I am returning to normal. Not the normal that everyone who doesn't have obesity enjoys, but I am returning to my normal. A normal that allows me to live the life God has given me to its fullest. A life that allows me to enjoy life now and later. A normal that I will need to maintain probably until the day I die and begin the life beyond this one.
Thanks for reading!
Oh, and I hit one year of maintenance! Woohoo!
So my one year anniversary for maintaining my 63 pound weight loss was back in August. I meant to post a "woohoo" post, but couldn't think of anything that I hadn't really said back when I originally hit maintenance. However, my husband is gone for work this month, and on Sunday night I went back to poor habits and pulled out my old friend, the tub of ice cream, for comfort. Half a carton of Blue Bell (don't believe the food logs, they only tell the story of my first go with the carton), a couple of days, and a couple of pounds of water weight (and not water weight . . . ) later, I began thinking about what happened.
"Chronic obesity" is a phrase I've heard a number of times, and it has become a critical mindset me in order to help me maintain my weight. When I lost weight back in college, I thought of the weight as gone. But it wasn't. It was lurking. Waiting for me to let my guard down (which I did almost immediately, FYI) and then it sprang back in full force. This time around, I repeatedly make sure to tell myself that the weight may be gone, but the obesity isn't.
I will always be obese.
I will always need to weigh myself daily in order to monitor the trends in my symptoms.
I will always need to count my calories in order to prevent my obesity from gradually building up like in the past.
I will always need to eat mostly fiber-rich, protein-rich foods (and tons of veggies) in order to keep full so that I won't have a relapse.
I will always need to watch for signs of flare-ups (such as the binge-session with the ice cream . . .) and respond accordingly by keeping an even closer eye on my symptoms.
I will always need to exercise in order to allow myself to eat more calories and make it easier to manage my obesity.
I will always need to plan my schedule in order to enable me to keep the routines that hold obesity at bay.
I will always need to count calories, watch what I eat, exercise, watch my weight, plan my schedule, and manage my obesity in the present moment, because I know exactly what will happen if I do not: First, the weight will come back. Then I will gain more weight on top of that. Next, I will develop comorbidities such as Type II obesity (like members of my family), I will have heart attacks far too young (like the same members of my family), and I will be unable to do the things that I love and spend time with the people I love because I will have allowed my disease to control me instead of me controlling it.
But I have an advantage: I know my disease. I know its patterns, its symptoms, its warning signs. I know how to fight it, treat it, and what I need to do every day in order to keep it from returning in full force. I will always be obese. I just strive to never be overweight again.
This mindset helps enormously when I fail (such as last Sunday). Instead of my binge eating reflecting on me failing as a human, I view it as a flare-up. Flare-ups are inevitable with any disease. My job is to prevent them when possible and mitigate the consequences as much as I can. On Sunday night, I did not manage my disease wisely in that moment, but it's okay because I caught myself and I am watching my symptoms (e.g. weight, cravings, unhealthy mindsets) and making sure to ground myself in the routines that I know work to help me manage my obesity. In other words--I am returning to normal. Not the normal that everyone who doesn't have obesity enjoys, but I am returning to my normal. A normal that allows me to live the life God has given me to its fullest. A life that allows me to enjoy life now and later. A normal that I will need to maintain probably until the day I die and begin the life beyond this one.
Thanks for reading!
Oh, and I hit one year of maintenance! Woohoo!
120
Replies
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This rings so true for me! I lost 134 lbs 5 years ago. I NEVER maintained. I literally turned right around & gained it all back plus another 7 lbs. This time around I'm trying to remember exactly what you're saying. The weight is not gone, but lurking. I'm down 47 lbs since May 30th. I can't let this weight come back & have to continue to lose. When the weight was off I was active, happy, loved going & doing. As I put the weight back on things became HARD! I have arthritis in my knees. I have hip pain. I'm worried if I'll fit in a seat at the ballgame or my kids school activities. The older I get the harder it is to be fat. I can't do it again. Thank you for this inspiring story!20
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This is exactly what I needed today!2
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This is such a helpful way to think about it! Well written. Thank you! & Congrats3
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I just hit overweight after being obese for several years. I think it is accurate for me too. I’ve been stuck at home injured and I’ve been eating more calories because I’m feeling sorry for myself. Just a little over each day, here and there. My logging is getting lax. No! It’s right there. It’s so easy to relapse. 😐 thank you for the reminder8
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I think it is better to see it as a lifestyle change. I've never eaten half a tub of icecream so I can't empathise to that extent but I see it more as learning to eat healthy like the mainstream. Eating around the edges of the shopping centre and not processed food has helped me most over the years. I also think of the sugar eroding teeth, like what happened when I drank coke as a teenager... I'd rather not have another filling:)1
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LOL - I was surprised and very impressed that, after several days of relapse, OP still has half a carton of ice cream left!12Sarah2015 wrote: »I think it is better to see it as a lifestyle change. I've never eaten half a tub of icecream so I can't empathise to that extent but I see it more as learning to eat healthy like the mainstream. Eating around the edges of the shopping centre and not processed food has helped me most over the years. I also think of the sugar eroding teeth, like what happened when I drank coke as a teenager... I'd rather not have another filling:)
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Evelyn_Gorfram wrote: »LOL - I was surprised and very impressed that, after several days of relapse, OP still has half a carton of ice cream left!
Lol! Me too . . . I saw that conclusion coming a mile away, so after experiencing crippling shame and anger at myself, I threw out the rest of the ice cream and proceeded to take the trash out at 3:00 AM in the morning. :P Halo Top is the only thing that is left to me now . . . at least if I polish off a carton of that I'm only 360 calories down.
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Good for you! I hope all the opossums and raccoons around the garbage cans at 3:00 AM stood up and gave you a round of applause for your victory over the Frozen Dairy Menace.CaladriaNapea wrote: »Evelyn_Gorfram wrote: »LOL - I was surprised and very impressed that, after several days of relapse, OP still has half a carton of ice cream left!
Lol! Me too . . . I saw that conclusion coming a mile away, so after experiencing crippling shame and anger at myself, I threw out the rest of the ice cream and proceeded to take the trash out at 3:00 AM in the morning. :P Halo Top is the only thing that is left to me now . . . at least if I polish off a carton of that I'm only 360 calories down.
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I always lose weight when I am in a good place in my head and have stability in my life but I have changed jobs and cities where I live like every couple of years in my adult life and never achieved that stability head-wise and weight-wise. Oh I don't binge eat ice cream by the carton. I "just" overall stop exercising (+300 daily cals right there) and overreat a little more and maybe bad food choices. Takes time but weight creeps in.
Interesting post. I can definitely relate to the chronic obesity mindset3 -
Thank you for that really inspiring post and congratulations on your one year maintenance. I have lost 30 lbs in the past and regained those lbs time and time again. I now realise that I can never eat sugary treats ever again as they are my downfall. I have not eaten anything containing sugar for 10 days, and intend to do that ad infinitum, or I will become a little plump person again.4
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Before I start – this is not meant to be an attack on you and I would personally like to congratulate you for your weight loss and maintenance so far. It’s not easy.
However, unlike the previous people who have found your story inspiring, I actually found it quite sad.
Why are you resigning yourself to a life time of obesity? What was most upsetting was your reference to knowing that you will ‘always be obese.’
You’ve already proven to yourself that you can lose weight, don’t settle for the life you describe and live in fear of all the related illnesses you mention if you ‘slip up’.
Track calories, avoid processed & sugar based foods and exercise (30 min cardio 3 – 4 days a walk – any kind). You will reach a healthy weight.
For context, I speak from experience, I too at one point was classed as overweight (borderline obese based on BMI as mine peaked at 29 and only needs to be 30 to be classed as medically obese). I made a decision that this wasn’t a life I wanted and lost it. I have maintained a normal healthy weight for 5+ years by:
Tracking calories – I do this using MFP every single day, no excuses – only days off are holidays (max 2 weeks at a time), birthdays, Christmas and strategically planned cheat days.
Adjusting goals in MFP to achieve my goals accordingly – make sure you adjustment your weight as it drops and so your calorie goals set by the app are accurate.
Banking calories - in reference to ‘planned cheat days’ you seem to beat yourself up a lot for what you call ‘binging on ice cream’. I agree the binging on anything is dangerous both mentally and physically but rather than feel like you’ve massively failed, have day each week where you plan a meal or treat of your choice that you can look forward to. You can even ‘bank’ calories for this e.g. if you want to have a 2,500 calorie cheat day but to lose weight you need to eat 1,700 a day, just eat 1,500 instead for a couple of days. Then over a week, you’ve still achieved your calorie goal.
Buying a FitBit – helps motivate me to move and on days I am not doing cardio, I make sure I walk a minimum number of steps a day. Even around the house if you have to!
Factoring in 30 mins of cardio (minimum 3 – 4 times a week) – I have a stationary bike which sits in my spare room, I love it and means I don’t even have to leave the house.
I am currently 25 weeks pregnant with my first child and its more difficult than ever to eat healthily (especially as I have to eat more than I did before) and keep up exercise. But it is possible and I’m managing to gain weight at the recommended pace (more baby and body changes than extra body fat)… I’m exhausted most days and could easily sit eat ice cream every day, you know what? I ate a whole tub of Ben & jerry’s last week and that’s ok! You can still live your life and enjoy food, you just need a balance and once you’ve reached your goal weight, it is easier.
Friendly advice based on experience, I hope it helps.
Love yourself, aim high and good luck xx12 -
The OP is no longer in the obese BMI range but is saying that she will always identify as obese. It's the same idea as someone being an alcoholic even if they've been sober for years.Before I start – this is not meant to be an attack on you and I would personally like to congratulate you for your weight loss and maintenance so far. It’s not easy.
However, unlike the previous people who have found your story inspiring, I actually found it quite sad.
Why are you resigning yourself to a life time of obesity? What was most upsetting was your reference to knowing that you will ‘always be obese.’
I'm in the same boat. I've managed to maintain a weight in the healthy BMI range for over a year now but I'm an obese person in a currently normal-weight body. Staying at this weight requires constant vigilance on my part.27 -
Thank you for such an honest post. The fact that those of us who have been obese in the past and lost the weight-and are now back to losing weight again does mean that we do have to adopt a lifestyle and mindset that is different from people who have always been thin. SophNewts post only supports that (and she was "only" overweight). For us intuitive eating probably will never be our normal---never getting on a scale is not our normal. There is always "a lifestyle change" mantra--but the OP has pointed out that the lifestyle is one of always being careful--that is our new normal.5
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@SophNewts
Seska422 hit the nail on the head! I'm sorry that my original post was unclear in the phrasing. Please know that I take absolutely no offense to what you said, and I appreciate your offered help! My original victory post (which I link to in the beginning of my post above) goes into the details and strategies that I used to achieve my weight goal (and that I have used since then to maintain weight loss). I started out with a BMI of 32, and I currently have a BMI of 22. I typically run 4-6 times a week, bank calories for the weekends, reach 10,000-12,000 steps on my FitBit each day, try to eat overall more nutritionally-dense foods, weight myself daily, and I weigh and log all of my food (except for around 7 days a year that I plan to take off).
What my post above is doing is not saying that weight loss is impossible. Quite the opposite, actually--CICO is a scientific fact. For everyone. What I was trying to do, however, was to tease apart the ideas of being overweight and being an obese person. I know that no matter how long I have practiced the habits that I have spent a lot of time, energy, and will on making into routines, I will always be predisposed toward obesity. I will always have the mindset of a fat person. I will always be the fat person underneath. I take joy in my body, and my self-confidence has sky-rocketed since I hit maintenance, but I know that the underlying obese mindset is something I will always wrestle with.
And honestly, I am totally okay with this. I am by no means miserably resigned to my fate! I do not find my habits onerous. I love running, I look forward to walking my dog. Weighing my food makes me weirdly happy deep down inside. I specifically built up sustainable habits and routines that I genuinely enjoy. I had to, because I know that whatever tools I use to maintain my weight, I am going to have to use forever. I dang well better enjoy them!23 -
I like it! You have to keep doing the things that got you to goal.2
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Thank you for this inspiring post. I'm thinking I may read it every morning for my daily inspiration. Like you, I lost 60 pounds, unlike you I have relapsed 18-20 pounds after less than a year in maintenance. "Chronic obesity" is a unique way to identify my issues with weight gain and loss, repeatedly. As @seska422 said, it's comparable to a recovered alcoholic.3
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OP, I think you are on the right track to maintenance. I know what you're going through. I'm down 111lbs with still more to go. You hit on something about the binge. For me, if I get into some trigger foods, I can be fighting (and mostly losing) cravings all day. For me, those foods can be things like pasta, muffins, donuts, all very starchy or sugary. It looks like you might have a similar issue. Maybe its ice cream for you. I have found better success when I don't bring trigger foods into the house and focus on whole foods and, like you, lots of veggies for fiber and satiety. If you still want ice cream (or other cravings), try getting them away from home, like go to the ice cream shop for a treat. Take a friend/spouse and make it social, so its not JUST about the ice cream.
Good work, so far. I think your commitment to consistency is key, and will help you in the long term. Something that helps me is to remember that "nothing tastes so good, as feeling good."1 -
Why are you resigning yourself to a life time of obesity? What was most upsetting was your reference to knowing that you will ‘always be obese.’
I initially had the same reaction, but I realized that my issue was simply the use of the term "obesity". I define obesity as the actual state of being obese, where the OP used it as the name of the disease she struggles with. Similar to how a sober alcoholic is still an alcoholic, OP suffers from obesity despite being in maintenance. After looking past the word choice, I really liked what they had to say.
@CaladriaNapea, congratulations on a year of maintenance!!11 -
Thank you for writing such an eloquent and thoughtful post. It is almost as if you were in my head. I am not yet at maintenance but have binged and binged hard, showing me that it could be an easy slip back into my old habits which would take me right back to where i was before.
I have it in my head that CICO is my life now. I too love the challenge of eating to specific calorie amount and weighing my food/fuel. I take great pride in my daily successes in keeping to my goals. This lifestyle has made me focus more on daily routines which have improved my family life as well. More organization equals less chaos!
Much continued success.2 -
Perfectly worded, and I can totally relate. Thanks to years of yo-yo-ing and messing with my metabolism, I’ll never be a “thin person”, even though I am thin (enough 😂). A person who has never been overweight can eat a lot more than a formerly overweight thin person. It’s just a fact, and thankfully can be managed - just as OP described in this great post.2
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Before I start – this is not meant to be an attack on you and I would personally like to congratulate you for your weight loss and maintenance so far. It’s not easy.
However, unlike the previous people who have found your story inspiring, I actually found it quite sad.
Why are you resigning yourself to a life time of obesity? What was most upsetting was your reference to knowing that you will ‘always be obese.’
You’ve already proven to yourself that you can lose weight, don’t settle for the life you describe and live in fear of all the related illnesses you mention if you ‘slip up’.
Track calories, avoid processed & sugar based foods and exercise (30 min cardio 3 – 4 days a walk – any kind). You will reach a healthy weight.
For context, I speak from experience, I too at one point was classed as overweight (borderline obese based on BMI as mine peaked at 29 and only needs to be 30 to be classed as medically obese). I made a decision that this wasn’t a life I wanted and lost it. I have maintained a normal healthy weight for 5+ years by:
Tracking calories – I do this using MFP every single day, no excuses – only days off are holidays (max 2 weeks at a time), birthdays, Christmas and strategically planned cheat days.
Adjusting goals in MFP to achieve my goals accordingly – make sure you adjustment your weight as it drops and so your calorie goals set by the app are accurate.
Banking calories - in reference to ‘planned cheat days’ you seem to beat yourself up a lot for what you call ‘binging on ice cream’. I agree the binging on anything is dangerous both mentally and physically but rather than feel like you’ve massively failed, have day each week where you plan a meal or treat of your choice that you can look forward to. You can even ‘bank’ calories for this e.g. if you want to have a 2,500 calorie cheat day but to lose weight you need to eat 1,700 a day, just eat 1,500 instead for a couple of days. Then over a week, you’ve still achieved your calorie goal.
Buying a FitBit – helps motivate me to move and on days I am not doing cardio, I make sure I walk a minimum number of steps a day. Even around the house if you have to!
Factoring in 30 mins of cardio (minimum 3 – 4 times a week) – I have a stationary bike which sits in my spare room, I love it and means I don’t even have to leave the house.
I am currently 25 weeks pregnant with my first child and its more difficult than ever to eat healthily (especially as I have to eat more than I did before) and keep up exercise. But it is possible and I’m managing to gain weight at the recommended pace (more baby and body changes than extra body fat)… I’m exhausted most days and could easily sit eat ice cream every day, you know what? I ate a whole tub of Ben & jerry’s last week and that’s ok! You can still live your life and enjoy food, you just need a balance and once you’ve reached your goal weight, it is easier.
Friendly advice based on experience, I hope it helps.
Love yourself, aim high and good luck xx
I’m afraid you completely missed her point. However, your maintenance advice is useful. Good luck with your pregnancy!6 -
Thank you for writing this . I have been saying the same things to myself and I have struggled. I wish I could just wake up one day and not have to think about things but if I stop logging , stop weighing , stop exercising all the weight comes back . I lost 94 pounds and had a slip . Luckily I got back at it before it was disastrous but now I have come to the same conclusions as you posted . I will be mentally obese forever.6
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I too can relate totally to this post. I am still in the losing it phase, down 60 and that much more to go. I was never the thin child, was overweight, chunky, plump, fat. And yes obese for decades. So it really is an ingrained mindset in many ways. At this point in time, I cope by not allowing trigger foods in the house at all. Maybe some day but for now, I know I am better off with them not in the house. But yes, I feel the same that the pounds given a microdot chance will come hustling back. So I weigh everything, eat lots of veges for volume, and try to keep starchy food low. But this post I am giving a yellow star so I can find and review over and over as I totally get it.3
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@CaladriaNapea, what a fabulous and insightful post! Just wanted to say how impressive I find your maintenance and your self-knowledge. People seem to think fat-loss is the big challenge. Nope--it's maintenance.5
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Decades ago, an ex gave me some motivational tapes from Zig Ziglar. One of the most helpful things I remember from those tapes was his philosophy on reaching goals. He said: "Ask yourself, does that act take you closer to or further away from your goal?" I try to ask myself this with every tough decision -- spending, eating, family matters, etc. It is now a healthy habit for my thought process. I'm still "falling off the wagon", but I won't let myself fall too far. My best regards to all.9
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Excellent on maintaince! And great advice. Victory isn't a goal it is a daily decision.6
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This is the identical mindset many use to mitigate and manage behavior they know they have an issue with - very prominent in finance.
This is an evolutionary process. This is what you need now, but at some point you need to evolve this thought to one of more sustained management. In time you will likely view these perceived negatives as normal.
Well done!
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Very insightful and inspiring! I, too, will be bookmarking this post to come back when I need those words of hope, encouragement and understanding.2
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Excellent insight and it articulates well exactly how I feel too. Thank you. I have printed your post and included it my journal I keep. Resonates with alot of folks and for good reason. Keep on keeping on.2
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Decades ago, an ex gave me some motivational tapes from Zig Ziglar. One of the most helpful things I remember from those tapes was his philosophy on reaching goals. He said: "Ask yourself, does that act take you closer to or further away from your goal?" I try to ask myself this with every tough decision -- spending, eating, family matters, etc. It is now a healthy habit for my thought process. I'm still "falling off the wagon", but I won't let myself fall too far. My best regards to all.
Wow. Such a good quote to think about. Another one I think of is "There are plenty of difficult obstacles in your path. Don't make yourself one of them."3
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